This video is in partnership with Fatherly. They are a great resource for dads so be sure to check them out. Fatherly.com
#1 – Telling them you are proud – Save your comments on this one. I won’t agree with you. Stop saying “I’m so proud of you”. Instead say to them “You should be proud of yourself.” It is 1000X more important that your child thinks positively of themselves versus you thinking positively of them. You do not want them relying on you or others for praise or acceptance. They should feel good about whatever they did and be reminded of that. “You should be proud of yourself. You did that!”
#3: Do as I say, not as I do: In other words, you are telling your child not to yell at you, but you yell at them. Or you get upset at them using their electronic devices too much but you can’t put yours down. Monkey see, monkey do. Have you ever heard that? We are all guilty of not practicing what we preach. Don’t eat that candy, it’s horrible for you (as we sneak and eat the candy after the kids go to bed). Your children are watching your every move and listening to everything you say (even if you don’t think they ever listen to you).
#4: You are their friend instead of a parent: Our job as parents is to teach them and be their coach on the journey of life. We are not here to be their friend. I see parents that are afraid to say no. They don’t put boundaries or rules in place. My kid might get upset. Listen, you can have an amazing relationship with your child and still be the parent. Kids needs structure and guidance. You don’t have to be a jail warden but striving to be their friend is not our role.
#6: You solve their problems – It doesn’t matter if it’s two siblings arguing, or a child has an issue they are facing at school. Stop solving all of their problems. I know… you are trying to help them. but the way you can help them is by allowing them to figure out solutions. For example, two siblings arguing over a game. Instead of solving the argument, you may ask the question, “It looks like you aren’t agreeing here. What do you think you could do to solve this problem?” Or your 8 year old forgot to do their homework. Don’t call the school and talk with the teacher to see if they can make it up. You ask your 8 year old what they can do? If they want to talk to the teacher that will be up to them. It’s not your problem to solve. Sure, their could be some more serious situations in which you may step in. But we should always be mindful of allowing them to try and solve their problems on their own first. We can be there to guide them. I think you will be surprised at what they are capable of…and it builds their confidence as well.