Dad University Podcast https://www.daduniversity.com Advice For Fathers on Parenting, Relationships, and Family Life Tue, 21 Jan 2020 23:22:59 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.3.2 Getting married and having kids is quite different than being a single dude. Not only does your available free time change, but your stress level increases, the pressure escalates, and we often don't have an outlet for help. The average woman has a circle of friends, family, or online communities where she shares aspects of her life and gets advice, feedback, or at a minimum, the feeling that there are other people going through the same thing. Men don't talk as much, don't want to share as much, and therefore don't really experience the transition the way women do. Our personal struggles and frustrations often go untouched, simply learning how to cope with them ourselves. We think we need to "man up" and deal with it on our own. Whether it is parenting issues, dealing with our relationships, or anything in-between, Dad University is a place where men can know that other guys are going through the same thing. We can help each other and be better fathers and husbands. The Podcast helps dads through the journey of fatherhood as well as provides advice and assistance in relationships. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush podcast@daduniversity.com podcast@daduniversity.com (Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush) 2019 Advice For Fathers on Parenting, Relationships, and Family Life Dad University Podcast https://www.daduniversity.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/dad-university-podcast-logo.jpg https://www.daduniversity.com TV-G Encinitas, California Weekly 10 Things New Dads Don’t Need To Worry About | Dad University Podcast Ep. 254 https://www.daduniversity.com/10-things-new-dads-dont-need-to-worry-about-dad-university-podcast-ep-254/ Tue, 21 Jan 2020 20:31:18 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=5660 https://www.daduniversity.com/10-things-new-dads-dont-need-to-worry-about-dad-university-podcast-ep-254/#respond https://www.daduniversity.com/10-things-new-dads-dont-need-to-worry-about-dad-university-podcast-ep-254/feed/ 0 Having already been through the newborn phase years ago, it’s much easier now to look back and realize how much I worried about specific things related to the baby that I didn’t really need to worry about. At the time so many of these things seemed really important or like they are a big deal when you are dealing with them.  But as I look back I can now say I wish I would have worried less and not really cared so much about these things.  So in this podcast, I’m going over 10 Things New Dads Don’t Need to worry about. Having a baby is like nothing else we have ever experienced.  So I understand the worry.  I’m just trying to help you guys understand that you may not need to spend so much time and effort worrying.   Let’s get to it  1) Messing up - you are going to mess up.    2) Saying No – This doesn’t mean saying no to your child, it means saying no to everyone else.  While there are times you wish life just stopped or at least slowed down for you, everything else is still happening around you.  The difference is that you are dealing with a baby which adds a little   3) Getting Everything - From 3 different strollers depending on the situation, too many toys, monitors, numerous swings and seats....it’s enough. If you have a baby registry, try to focus on things that matter: diapers, food, clothes.   4) What other people think - Your family and friends will have opinions, great, let them have one but don’t let it get to you.  You may have parents or in-laws who may tell you how something should be done.  A great response is “I’ll take that into consideration”.    5) Not getting enough sleep - You will be sleep deprived for a bit and probably be tired but it doesn't last forever.  The baby eventually learns how to sleep.  6) No more ME time –  Whether you want to hang with the guys, exercise, or you have some other hobby, you still can do it.  You just may need to manage your time a little differently.  Maybe cut out some of the TV or screen time.  You would be surprised how much free time frees up.  7) Not Having enough experience – Do you know how many millions of men have become fathers before you.  I don’t know the exact number but it’s a lot.    8) Achieving Milestones – The evaluation of your baby starts right at birth when they tell you how much it weighs and the length.  Then the pediatrician visit will tell you your baby’s head is 95 percentile and the weight is 65.    It’s here we start to worry about when the baby is going to roll over, crawl, then walk. Don’t worry about it.    9) Spoiling the baby – you aren’t going to give the baby too much affection.  There isn’t such thing as holding the baby too much or picking it up when it cries.  Really for the first year,  your attention is all good.  The baby will feel loved, safe, and secure.  There is nothing wrong with that.   10) Bonding with the baby - It can take some time.   I would love to hear from you.  Leave your feedback below!

Having already been through the newborn phase years ago, it’s much easier now to look back and realize how much I worried about specific things related to the baby that I didn’t really need to worry about. At the time so many of these things seemed really important or like they are a big deal when you are dealing with them.  But as I look back I can now say I wish I would have worried less and not really cared so much about these things.  So in this podcast, I’m going over 10 Things New Dads Don’t Need to worry about. Having a baby is like nothing else we have ever experienced.  So I understand the worry.  I’m just trying to help you guys understand that you may not need to spend so much time and effort worrying.  

Let’s get to it 

1) Messing up – you are going to mess up.   

2) Saying No – This doesn’t mean saying no to your child, it means saying no to everyone else.  While there are times you wish life just stopped or at least slowed down for you, everything else is still happening around you.  The difference is that you are dealing with a baby which adds a little  

3) Getting EverythingFrom 3 different strollers depending on the situation, too many toys, monitors, numerous swings and seats….it’s enough. If you have a baby registry, try to focus on things that matter: diapers, food, clothes.  

4) What other people thinkYour family and friends will have opinions, great, let them have one but don’t let it get to you.  You may have parents or in-laws who may tell you how something should be done.  A great response is “I’ll take that into consideration”.   

5) Not getting enough sleep – You will be sleep deprived for a bit and probably be tired but it doesn’t last forever.  The baby eventually learns how to sleep. 

6) No more ME time   Whether you want to hang with the guys, exercise, or you have some other hobby, you still can do it.  You just may need to manage your time a little differently.  Maybe cut out some of the TV or screen time.  You would be surprised how much free time frees up. 

7) Not Having enough experience – Do you know how many millions of men have become fathers before you.  I don’t know the exact number but it’s a lot.   

8) Achieving Milestones – The evaluation of your baby starts right at birth when they tell you how much it weighs and the length.  Then the pediatrician visit will tell you your baby’s head is 95 percentile and the weight is 65.   

It’s here we start to worry about when the baby is going to roll over, crawl, then walk. Don’t worry about it.   

9) Spoiling the baby you aren’t going to give the baby too much affection.  There isn’t such thing as holding the baby too much or picking it up when it cries.  Really for the first year,  your attention is all good.  The baby will feel loved, safe, and secure.  There is nothing wrong with that.  

10) Bonding with the baby It can take some time.  

I would love to hear from you.  Leave your feedback below!

]]>
Having already been through the newborn phase years ago, it’s much easier now to look back and realize how much I worried about specific things related to the baby that I didn’t really need to worry about. At the time so many of these things seemed rea... Having already been through the newborn phase years ago, it’s much easier now to look back and realize how much I worried about specific things related to the baby that I didn’t really need to worry about. At the time so many of these things seemed really important or like they are a big deal when you are dealing with them.  But as I look back I can now say I wish I would have worried less and not really cared so much about these things.  So in this podcast, I’m going over 10 Things New Dads Don’t Need to worry about. Having a baby is like nothing else we have ever experienced.  So I understand the worry.  I’m just trying to help you guys understand that you may not need to spend so much time and effort worrying.  <br /> <br /> Let’s get to it <br /> <br /> 1) Messing up - you are going to mess up.   <br /> <br /> 2) Saying No – This doesn’t mean saying no to your child, it means saying no to everyone else.  While there are times you wish life just stopped or at least slowed down for you, everything else is still happening around you.  The difference is that you are dealing with a baby which adds a little  <br /> <br /> 3) Getting Everything - From 3 different strollers depending on the situation, too many toys, monitors, numerous swings and seats....it’s enough. If you have a baby registry, try to focus on things that matter: diapers, food, clothes.  <br /> <br /> 4) What other people think - Your family and friends will have opinions, great, let them have one but don’t let it get to you.  You may have parents or in-laws who may tell you how something should be done.  A great response is “I’ll take that into consideration”.   <br /> <br /> 5) Not getting enough sleep - You will be sleep deprived for a bit and probably be tired but it doesn't last forever.  The baby eventually learns how to sleep. <br /> <br /> 6) No more ME time –  Whether you want to hang with the guys, exercise, or you have some other hobby, you still can do it.  You just may need to manage your time a little differently.  Maybe cut out some of the TV or screen time.  You would be surprised how much free time frees up. <br /> <br /> 7) Not Having enough experience – Do you know how many millions of men have become fathers before you.  I don’t know the exact number but it’s a lot.   <br /> <br /> 8) Achieving Milestones – The evaluation of your baby starts right at birth when they tell you how much it weighs and the length.  Then the pediatrician visit will tell you your baby’s head is 95 percentile and the weight is 65.   <br /> <br /> It’s here we start to worry about when the baby is going to roll over, crawl, then walk. Don’t worry about it.   <br /> <br /> 9) Spoiling the baby – you aren’t going to give the baby too much affection.  There isn’t such thing as holding the baby too much or picking it up when it cries.  Really for the first year,  your attention is all good.  The baby will feel loved, safe, and secure.  There is nothing wrong with that.  <br /> <br /> 10) Bonding with the baby - It can take some time.  <br /> <br /> I would love to hear from you.  Leave your feedback below! Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 16:43
What To Do When Your Child Annoys You | Dad University Podcast Ep. 253 https://www.daduniversity.com/what-to-do-when-your-child-annoys-you-dad-university-podcast-ep-253/ Tue, 14 Jan 2020 20:30:12 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=5658 https://www.daduniversity.com/what-to-do-when-your-child-annoys-you-dad-university-podcast-ep-253/#respond https://www.daduniversity.com/what-to-do-when-your-child-annoys-you-dad-university-podcast-ep-253/feed/ 0 It doesn’t matter if you have a newborn, toddler, small child, teen, or adult child, you will get annoyed at something they do.  We’ll, newborns aren’t really that annoying...they are cute and don’t know what is going on, so nevermind them. But the rest of these kids?  You better believe that they can get on our nerves, a  lot.  In this episode, we are going to share with you what to do when your child annoys you. Let me describe a scenario that absolutely annoys me.  See if you can relate.  I have a pretty eventful date at work, calls, meetings, customers...I’m tired.  I get home from work and walk toward my front door.  I haven’t even gotten inside and at my front door is there is a bicycle that is supposed to go in the garage, muffin wrappers, and a pair of really muddy shoes. Now if I was a positive thinker I would look at that situation and say to myself,  “wow look how good my kids are.” They came outside to eat instead of getting crumbs all over our entryway. They took their shoes off so they wouldn’t get mud in the house. They left the bike outside and didn’t bring it through the house.    But instead, I’m annoyed.  I’m annoyed at my kids because they left a mess at the front door.  I haven’t even gotten inside yet and I’m annoyed. We don’t need to go into detail about how this same mess is happening in other rooms.  The important detail is that the house was cleaned yesterday.  In less than 24 hours, these children have managed to cause havoc...and to annoy me.  So what do we do?  Well, we YELL of course.  “Get this bike out here.  Clean up these wrappers, and hose off your shoes NOW!”   That will teach them.  This will never happen again....until tomorrow. Let’s get to the reason you are watching this video.  You are saying to yourself “yep, my child is annoying” what can I do?  Here it goes, listen carefully:  If your child annoys you, it is your problem. Let me repeat it because I that may not have been crystal clear:  If your child annoys you, you are the one with the issue.   This doesn’t mean your child doesn’t need to be taught what to do, what to say, or how to behave.  It means we are responsible for our own feelings and how we react.   We actually get to decide how we feel.  Two different people can walk up to that scenario I explained and have 2 completely different feelings.  One can be totally annoyed, and the other can handle it calmly. How we react can also be determined by other unrelated interactions.  Maybe you dealt with a difficult situation at work that day, maybe you received bad news about a friend.  There are so many inputs that happen throughout the day.  we have to be aware of how those inputs affect how we interact with our kids and could determine whether they annoy you or not. I’m making light of a very profound concept.  It is easier than it sounds but I’m telling you if you can practice this and even just make a little progress, your life and how you interact with drastically improve.  How do we begin to make the choice?  The choice that our child doesn’t annoy us.  Here are some things to keep in mind:   Pause – Stop and notice that you are feeling or getting annoyed.  Is your heart rate increasing, maybe you begin to breathe faster...notice the actual physical changes in your body  Breathe – Take an extra-long, deep breath.  You just realized you are feeling annoyed so take a second with your pause and breathe.  Ask yourself; Why am I feeling this way?  you may not have the exact answer right away but the answer can’t include your child.  Meaning you can’t answer it with “Because my child made a mess”.  In the example I gave about coming home to the stuff at the front door.  I get annoyed because I like a clean house.  I clean my things up and feel like others should too.  I also have discussed this issue numerous times so there is a feeling of not being listened to.  Take responsibility for your feelings – Recognize it is your choice for feeling anno...

It doesn’t matter if you have a newborn, toddler, small child, teen, or adult child, you will get annoyed at something they do.  We’ll, newborns aren’t really that annoying…they are cute and don’t know what is going on, so nevermind them. But the rest of these kids?  You better believe that they can get on our nerves, a  lot.  In this episode, we are going to share with you what to do when your child annoys you.

Let me describe a scenario that absolutely annoys me.  See if you can relate.  I have a pretty eventful date at work, calls, meetings, customers…I’m tired.  I get home from work and walk toward my front door.  I haven’t even gotten inside and at my front door is there is a bicycle that is supposed to go in the garage, muffin wrappers, and a pair of really muddy shoes. Now if I was a positive thinker I would look at that situation and say to myself,  “wow look how good my kids are.” They came outside to eat instead of getting crumbs all over our entryway. They took their shoes off so they wouldn’t get mud in the house. They left the bike outside and didn’t bring it through the house.   

But instead, I’m annoyed.  I’m annoyed at my kids because they left a mess at the front door.  I haven’t even gotten inside yet and I’m annoyed. We don’t need to go into detail about how this same mess is happening in other rooms.  The important detail is that the house was cleaned yesterday.  In less than 24 hours, these children have managed to cause havoc…and to annoy me. 

So what do we do?  Well, we YELL of course.  “Get this bike out here.  Clean up these wrappers, and hose off your shoes NOW!”   That will teach them.  This will never happen again….until tomorrow. Let’s get to the reason you are watching this video.  You are saying to yourself “yep, my child is annoying” what can I do? 

Here it goes, listen carefully:  If your child annoys you, it is your problem. Let me repeat it because I that may not have been crystal clear:  If your child annoys you, you are the one with the issue.   This doesn’t mean your child doesn’t need to be taught what to do, what to say, or how to behave.  It means we are responsible for our own feelings and how we react.  

We actually get to decide how we feel.  Two different people can walk up to that scenario I explained and have 2 completely different feelings.  One can be totally annoyed, and the other can handle it calmly. How we react can also be determined by other unrelated interactions.  Maybe you dealt with a difficult situation at work that day, maybe you received bad news about a friend.  There are so many inputs that happen throughout the day.  we have to be aware of how those inputs affect how we interact with our kids and could determine whether they annoy you or not. I’m making light of a very profound concept.  It is easier than it sounds but I’m telling you if you can practice this and even just make a little progress, your life and how you interact with drastically improve. 

How do we begin to make the choice?  The choice that our child doesn’t annoy us.  Here are some things to keep in mind:  

Pause – Stop and notice that you are feeling or getting annoyed.  Is your heart rate increasing, maybe you begin to breathe faster…notice the actual physical changes in your body 

Breathe – Take an extra-long, deep breath.  You just realized you are feeling annoyed so take a second with your pause and breathe. 

Ask yourself; Why am I feeling this way?  you may not have the exact answer right away but the answer can’t include your child.  Meaning you can’t answer it with “Because my child made a mess”.  In the example I gave about coming home to the stuff at the front door.  I get annoyed because I like a clean house.  I clean my things up and feel like others should too.  I also have discussed this issue numerous times so there is a feeling of not being listened to. 

Take responsibility for your feelings – Recognize it is your choice for feeling annoyed.  Sure the house being a mess can be annoying but I don’t have to feel that way and let it ruin my evening.  When you take responsibility for your feelings and just acknowledge them, you will be surprised at how often that negative feeling will just go away. I can’t tell you enough how powerful this concept is. You have complete control of how you feel and whether something annoys you or not. As I said, even if you can just do this some of the time, your life will improve.  Being annoyed is not fun and people don’t want to be around you when you are annoyed.  When you aren’t annoyed, you are better positioned to be a parent.  You will be more effective in your parenting and ultimately be more loving toward your annoying little kids. 🙂 

I would love to hear from you.  What annoys you the most about your kids?  Alan, if they have any comments or feedback, what should they do? 

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It doesn’t matter if you have a newborn, toddler, small child, teen, or adult child, you will get annoyed at something they do.  We’ll, newborns aren’t really that annoying...they are cute and don’t know what is going on, so nevermind them. It doesn’t matter if you have a newborn, toddler, small child, teen, or adult child, you will get annoyed at something they do.  We’ll, newborns aren’t really that annoying...they are cute and don’t know what is going on, so nevermind them. But the rest of these kids?  You better believe that they can get on our nerves, a  lot.  In this episode, we are going to share with you what to do when your child annoys you. <br /> <br /> Let me describe a scenario that absolutely annoys me.  See if you can relate.  I have a pretty eventful date at work, calls, meetings, customers...I’m tired.  I get home from work and walk toward my front door.  I haven’t even gotten inside and at my front door is there is a bicycle that is supposed to go in the garage, muffin wrappers, and a pair of really muddy shoes. Now if I was a positive thinker I would look at that situation and say to myself,  “wow look how good my kids are.” They came outside to eat instead of getting crumbs all over our entryway. They took their shoes off so they wouldn’t get mud in the house. They left the bike outside and didn’t bring it through the house.   <br /> <br /> But instead, I’m annoyed.  I’m annoyed at my kids because they left a mess at the front door.  I haven’t even gotten inside yet and I’m annoyed. We don’t need to go into detail about how this same mess is happening in other rooms.  The important detail is that the house was cleaned yesterday.  In less than 24 hours, these children have managed to cause havoc...and to annoy me. <br /> <br /> So what do we do?  Well, we YELL of course.  “Get this bike out here.  Clean up these wrappers, and hose off your shoes NOW!”   That will teach them.  This will never happen again....until tomorrow. Let’s get to the reason you are watching this video.  You are saying to yourself “yep, my child is annoying” what can I do? <br /> <br /> Here it goes, listen carefully:  If your child annoys you, it is your problem. Let me repeat it because I that may not have been crystal clear:  If your child annoys you, you are the one with the issue.   This doesn’t mean your child doesn’t need to be taught what to do, what to say, or how to behave.  It means we are responsible for our own feelings and how we react.   <br /> <br /> We actually get to decide how we feel.  Two different people can walk up to that scenario I explained and have 2 completely different feelings.  One can be totally annoyed, and the other can handle it calmly. How we react can also be determined by other unrelated interactions.  Maybe you dealt with a difficult situation at work that day, maybe you received bad news about a friend.  There are so many inputs that happen throughout the day.  we have to be aware of how those inputs affect how we interact with our kids and could determine whether they annoy you or not. I’m making light of a very profound concept.  It is easier than it sounds but I’m telling you if you can practice this and even just make a little progress, your life and how you interact with drastically improve. <br /> <br /> How do we begin to make the choice?  The choice that our child doesn’t annoy us.  Here are some things to keep in mind:  <br /> <br /> Pause – Stop and notice that you are feeling or getting annoyed.  Is your heart rate increasing, maybe you begin to breathe faster...notice the actual physical changes in your body <br /> <br /> Breathe – Take an extra-long, deep breath.  You just realized you are feeling annoyed so take a second with your pause and breathe. <br /> <br /> Ask yourself; Why am I feeling this way?  you may not have the exact answer right away but the answer can’t include your child.  Meaning you can’t answer it with “Because my child made a mess”.  In the example I gave about coming home to the stuff at the front door.  I get annoyed because I like a clean house.  I clean my things up and feel like others should too.  I also have discussed this issue numerous times so there is a feeling of not... Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 17:40
How To Be A Good Father | Dad University Podcast Ep. 252 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-be-a-good-father-dad-university-podcast-ep-252/ Tue, 07 Jan 2020 20:16:35 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=5654 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-be-a-good-father-dad-university-podcast-ep-252/#respond https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-be-a-good-father-dad-university-podcast-ep-252/feed/ 0 In this episode, we are talking about how to be a good father.  I’ll at least tell you want I think it takes.  But you are going to have to put in the work. Being a good father can mean different things to different people.  For some, it might mean that when your child is an adult, they will actually call you to go to lunch.  For others, being a good father means your child moves out of the house on their own a contributing member of society. I set out to really define what I thought is needed to be a good father.  So I created what I call the Fatherhood Formula.  The Fatherhood formula is 7 principles of dad success.  We have talked about the 7 principles here on the podcast.  I have also made a YouTube series of it. Whether you are a soon to be father, new father,  or experienced father just looking to improve your skills, the Fatherhood Formula covers some serious ground in explaining what it takes to be a good father.   Let’s jump into it.   #1 Commitment - Is your role as a  father a priority to you?  You have to be committed.  It’s like anything that you want to go well, you have to commit to it and make it a priority.  You are watching this video so I’m hoping you are already committed.  But it’s crucial to remember this for the future. You are going to be challenged. You are going to have other things pull at your time and energy.  Being a good father requires that commitment from you.  Don’t take it lightly.    #2 Contact - You may have had a father who you felt was a good dad, but they weren’t very affectionate.  Well, they could have been even better if they were affectionate.  Touch is crucial.  The affection of a father is powerful and meaningful.  Give your child hugs and kisses. It doesn’t matter what age and you aren’t going to spoil them with too much affection. Hold their hand (while they still will with you).  Put your arm around them. Sit close to each other while watching TV.  Just remember that contact will help make you a good father.    #3 Connection – All humans thrive on and need connection.  The negative part is that if you don’t connect with them in a good way, they are more likely to connect to others in a bad way.  Fathers can connect with their kids through play, the contact I just discussed, reading with them, etc. But Connection takes a lot of effort.  And for some fathers, even the idea of connection is foreign or uncomfortable.   We also have a tendency to try to connect in a way that feels good for us.  You have to connect in a way that feels good for your child.  What do they like to do? To talk about? You can’t think about yourself, you need to think about it from their point of view.  You are waiting for them to feel connected.    #4 Communication – We often think that communication is us talking.  But for kids communication is us listening to them.  Us men aren’t always good at listening.  We sometimes have a tendency to want to provide advice even when it’s not asked of us. Also, what you say is only 7% Communicating with your child 3% is how you say it and your non-verbal communication.  If you don’t believe this, think about when you were a kid and knew exactly what your dad was thinking just by him giving you a look.  He didn’t even need to say anything.    #5 - Character – You want to know how to be a good father? Lead by example.  Your character and how you handle yourself is crucial.  They are watching you, listening to you, and will do what you do. How do you treat mom?  The people around you? Are you expecting things from your child that you are not doing yourself?  Whether it's positive or negative, you are showing them the way through your character.  The #6 principle on how to be a good father - Coaching – Switch your thinking from a parent to a coach.  When your child messes up, you don’t yell at them.  You show them the proper way to do whatever it is they messed up on. Like a coach preparing a player for a game,

In this episode, we are talking about how to be a good father.  I’ll at least tell you want I think it takes.  But you are going to have to put in the work. Being a good father can mean different things to different people.  For some, it might mean that when your child is an adult, they will actually call you to go to lunch.  For others, being a good father means your child moves out of the house on their own a contributing member of society. I set out to really define what I thought is needed to be a good father.  So I created what I call the Fatherhood Formula.  The Fatherhood formula is 7 principles of dad success.  We have talked about the 7 principles here on the podcast.  I have also made a YouTube series of it. Whether you are a soon to be father, new father,  or experienced father just looking to improve your skills, the Fatherhood Formula covers some serious ground in explaining what it takes to be a good father.  

Let’s jump into it.  

#1 Commitment – Is your role as a  father a priority to you?  You have to be committed.  It’s like anything that you want to go well, you have to commit to it and make it a priority.  You are watching this video so I’m hoping you are already committed.  But it’s crucial to remember this for the future. You are going to be challenged. You are going to have other things pull at your time and energy.  Being a good father requires that commitment from you.  Don’t take it lightly.   

#2 Contact – You may have had a father who you felt was a good dad, but they weren’t very affectionate.  Well, they could have been even better if they were affectionate.  Touch is crucial.  The affection of a father is powerful and meaningful.  Give your child hugs and kisses. It doesn’t matter what age and you aren’t going to spoil them with too much affection. Hold their hand (while they still will with you).  Put your arm around them. Sit close to each other while watching TV.  Just remember that contact will help make you a good father.   

#3 Connection – All humans thrive on and need connection.  The negative part is that if you don’t connect with them in a good way, they are more likely to connect to others in a bad way.  Fathers can connect with their kids through play, the contact I just discussed, reading with them, etc. But Connection takes a lot of effort.  And for some fathers, even the idea of connection is foreign or uncomfortable.   We also have a tendency to try to connect in a way that feels good for us.  You have to connect in a way that feels good for your child.  What do they like to do? To talk about? You can’t think about yourself, you need to think about it from their point of view.  You are waiting for them to feel connected.   

#4 Communication – We often think that communication is us talking.  But for kids communication is us listening to them.  Us men aren’t always good at listening.  We sometimes have a tendency to want to provide advice even when it’s not asked of us. Also, what you say is only 7% Communicating with your child 3% is how you say it and your non-verbal communication.  If you don’t believe this, think about when you were a kid and knew exactly what your dad was thinking just by him giving you a look.  He didn’t even need to say anything.   

#5 – Character – You want to know how to be a good father? Lead by example.  Your character and how you handle yourself is crucial.  They are watching you, listening to you, and will do what you do. How do you treat mom?  The people around you? Are you expecting things from your child that you are not doing yourself?  Whether it’s positive or negative, you are showing them the way through your character. 

The #6 principle on how to be a good father – Coaching – Switch your thinking from a parent to a coach.  When your child messes up, you don’t yell at them.  You show them the proper way to do whatever it is they messed up on. Like a coach preparing a player for a game, we as parents are preparing our kids for life.  They need to be able to do things for themselves.  The need to learn the ways of the world.  It’s our job to teach them and then let them do things on their own.  It’s even ok to let them fail.  They will get up and try again.     

And #7 – Consistency – If you want to get in shape, does going to the gym for a week accomplish that?  If you want to lose weight, does eating healthy for a few days just melt off the weight?  No, when you want something to be effective, you have to do it over and over again. If you want to be a good father, you have to be consistent.  This means doing the same things over and over and over again.  Think about the principles in this video: contact, communication, coaching, you have to do them over and over again consistently.  

Being a father is a marathon, not a sprint.  We get lazy, we get tired, and honestly, it just easier to NOT be consistent.   But you have to be if you want to be a good father.  and you are watching this video for a reason.  I know you are going to be a good father! 

We would love to hear from you.  What do you think it takes to be a good father?  Alan, if they have questions or comments, what should they do? 

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In this episode, we are talking about how to be a good father.  I’ll at least tell you want I think it takes.  But you are going to have to put in the work. Being a good father can mean different things to different people.  For some, In this episode, we are talking about how to be a good father.  I’ll at least tell you want I think it takes.  But you are going to have to put in the work. Being a good father can mean different things to different people.  For some, it might mean that when your child is an adult, they will actually call you to go to lunch.  For others, being a good father means your child moves out of the house on their own a contributing member of society. I set out to really define what I thought is needed to be a good father.  So I created what I call the Fatherhood Formula.  The Fatherhood formula is 7 principles of dad success.  We have talked about the 7 principles here on the podcast.  I have also made a YouTube series of it. Whether you are a soon to be father, new father,  or experienced father just looking to improve your skills, the Fatherhood Formula covers some serious ground in explaining what it takes to be a good father.  <br /> <br /> Let’s jump into it.  <br /> <br /> #1 Commitment - Is your role as a  father a priority to you?  You have to be committed.  It’s like anything that you want to go well, you have to commit to it and make it a priority.  You are watching this video so I’m hoping you are already committed.  But it’s crucial to remember this for the future. You are going to be challenged. You are going to have other things pull at your time and energy.  Being a good father requires that commitment from you.  Don’t take it lightly.   <br /> <br /> #2 Contact - You may have had a father who you felt was a good dad, but they weren’t very affectionate.  Well, they could have been even better if they were affectionate.  Touch is crucial.  The affection of a father is powerful and meaningful.  Give your child hugs and kisses. It doesn’t matter what age and you aren’t going to spoil them with too much affection. Hold their hand (while they still will with you).  Put your arm around them. Sit close to each other while watching TV.  Just remember that contact will help make you a good father.   <br /> <br /> #3 Connection – All humans thrive on and need connection.  The negative part is that if you don’t connect with them in a good way, they are more likely to connect to others in a bad way.  Fathers can connect with their kids through play, the contact I just discussed, reading with them, etc. But Connection takes a lot of effort.  And for some fathers, even the idea of connection is foreign or uncomfortable.   We also have a tendency to try to connect in a way that feels good for us.  You have to connect in a way that feels good for your child.  What do they like to do? To talk about? You can’t think about yourself, you need to think about it from their point of view.  You are waiting for them to feel connected.   <br /> <br /> #4 Communication – We often think that communication is us talking.  But for kids communication is us listening to them.  Us men aren’t always good at listening.  We sometimes have a tendency to want to provide advice even when it’s not asked of us. Also, what you say is only 7% Communicating with your child 3% is how you say it and your non-verbal communication.  If you don’t believe this, think about when you were a kid and knew exactly what your dad was thinking just by him giving you a look.  He didn’t even need to say anything.   <br /> <br /> #5 - Character – You want to know how to be a good father? Lead by example.  Your character and how you handle yourself is crucial.  They are watching you, listening to you, and will do what you do. How do you treat mom?  The people around you? Are you expecting things from your child that you are not doing yourself?  Whether it's positive or negative, you are showing them the way through your character. <br /> <br /> The #6 principle on how to be a good father - Coaching – Switch your thinking from a parent to a coach.  When your child messes up, you don’t yell at them.  You show them the proper way to do whatever it is they messed up o... Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 20:43
12 Things New Dads Should NEVER Say to New Moms  https://www.daduniversity.com/10-things-new-dads-should-never-say-to-new-moms/ Tue, 07 Jan 2020 17:00:59 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4254 https://www.daduniversity.com/10-things-new-dads-should-never-say-to-new-moms/#respond https://www.daduniversity.com/10-things-new-dads-should-never-say-to-new-moms/feed/ 0 Do you own a comfortable sofa?  You’d better make sure you do.  For many new dads, a comfortable sofa is as essential as the crib in your new baby’s nursery—especially for those dads who don’t have the good sense to learn quickly what to never say to your wife.  Navigating your way through the uncharted waters of new fatherhood can be treacherous.  You’ve left the bliss of being the center of your wife’s world, and you’ve entered a new dimension where you are a distant second—at least for a while.  If you can understand one thing, above all else, you should be able to keep nights on the sofa to a minimum.  That one thing is...as confusing as new fatherhood is, a new mom is just as confused, just as scared, and just as insecure as you are.  GO EASY ON HER!  Let’s talk about some of the things you, as a new dad, are going to be tempted to say to the mother of your new baby.  Notice I didn’t say you might be tempted to utter these brainless comments.  These thoughts will enter your mind.  Every new dad has felt the urge to say them.  However, the key to your spinal health will depend on your ability to bite your tongue, to swallow your words, to count to 10 before you speak.  Your back and your sofa will thank you.  Here we go:  Babe, you look tired.  Why don’t you take a nap, and I’ll babysit?  While this does demonstrate that you are trying to be there for your wife, let’s get one thing straight:  Dads don’t babysit!  A dad is every bit as much a parent as a mom is.  Don’t act like you’re doing your wife some huge favor by simply fulfilling your fatherly role.  That’s not how my mother used to do that.  OK.  Do we even need to talk about this one?  In most cases, the last thing your wife wants is to be compared to your mother.  Just don’t do it.  Can you please stop that #$@&%* baby from crying?  A better question is, can you?  Why would you assume it’s your wife’s job to make the baby happy?  You’re both in this together, and chances are, she has heard the crying enough that she has become immune to its effect.  Give her a break.  Have you seen Jennifer lately?  Wow!  She looks like she was never even pregnant.  If you’re dumb enough to make comments about another woman’s post-pregnancy body, you deserve the sofa.  When is your mom going to go back home?  This is a quick way to incur the wrath of both your wife, AND her mother.  Trust me, when your wife is tired of her mother hanging around, she will let her know.  Until that happens, you need to understand that more than likely, she is desperately relying on her mother to help her learn the ropes of new motherhood.  Allow her all the time with that help as she needs.  What do you do all day?  It’s a common misconception among many new dads that a new mom’s day at home with the new baby is all fun, relaxation, and naps.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  A baby is a full-time job.  When the baby is awake, he/she requires her constant attention.  And during those blessed moments when she can get the baby to take a short nap, her time is often spent trying to catch up on all the other tasks you might feel tempted to complain about later.  The reality is, your day at work is likely much more relaxing than your wife’s day at home with the bab Should you be eating all that?  No new dad is this clueless, right?  Enough said.  Honey, can you get up with the baby?  You have all day to sleep tomorrow, and I have to go to work.  See #6…and then don’t ever think this again!  When did the doctor say you could start exercising again?  Listen, genius.  No one is more aware of the toll her pregnancy took on her body than a new mom is.  If she wanted your opinion, she’d ask for it.  A woman’s body goes through some amazing changes during pregnancy.  Your job is to embrace the changes, to make sure she feels beautiful and sexy, and to be supportive of her efforts to maintain her fitness—when she decides its time.  Besides,

Do you own a comfortable sofa?  You’d better make sure you do.  For many new dads, a comfortable sofa is as essential as the crib in your new baby’s nursery—especially for those dads who don’t have the good sense to learn quickly what to never say to your wife. 

Navigating your way through the uncharted waters of new fatherhood can be treacherous.  You’ve left the bliss of being the center of your wife’s world, and you’ve entered a new dimension where you are a distant second—at least for a while. 

If you can understand one thing, above all else, you should be able to keep nights on the sofa to a minimum.  That one thing is…as confusing as new fatherhood is, a new mom is just as confused, just as scared, and just as insecure as you are.  GO EASY ON HER! 

Let’s talk about some of the things you, as a new dad, are going to be tempted to say to the mother of your new baby.  Notice I didn’t say you might be tempted to utter these brainless comments.  These thoughts will enter your mind.  Every new dad has felt the urge to say them.  However, the key to your spinal health will depend on your ability to bite your tongue, to swallow your words, to count to 10 before you speak.  Your back and your sofa will thank you.  Here we go: 

Babe, you look tired.  Why don’t you take a nap, and I’ll babysit?  While this does demonstrate that you are trying to be there for your wife, let’s get one thing straight:  Dads don’t babysit!  A dad is every bit as much a parent as a mom is.  Don’t act like you’re doing your wife some huge favor by simply fulfilling your fatherly role. 

That’s not how my mother used to do that.  OK.  Do we even need to talk about this one?  In most cases, the last thing your wife wants is to be compared to your mother.  Just don’t do it. 

Can you please stop that #$@&%* baby from crying?  A better question is, can you?  Why would you assume its your wife’s job to make the baby happy?  You’re both in this together, and chances are, she has heard the crying enough that she has become immune to its effect.  Give her a break. 

Have you seen Jennifer lately?  Wow!  She looks like she was never even pregnant.  If you’re dumb enough to make comments about another woman’s post-pregnancy body, you deserve the sofa. 

When is your mom going to go back home?  This is a quick way to incur the wrath of both your wife, AND her mother.  Trust me, when your wife is tired of her mother hanging around, she will let her know.  Until that happens, you need to understand that more than likely, she is desperately relying on her mother to help her learn the ropes of new motherhood.  Allow her all the time with that help as she needs. 

What do you do all day?  It’s a common misconception among many new dads that a new mom’s day at home with the new baby is all fun, relaxation, and naps.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  A baby is a full-time job.  When the baby is awake, he/she requires her constant attention.  And during those blessed moments when she can get the baby to take a short nap, her time is often spent trying to catch up on all the other tasks you might feel tempted to complain about later.  The reality is, your day at work is likely much more relaxing than your wife’s day at home with the bab

Should you be eating all that?  No new dad is this clueless, right?  Enough said. 

Honey, can you get up with the baby?  You have all day to sleep tomorrow, and I have to go to work.  See #6…and then don’t ever think this again! 

When did the doctor say you could start exercising again?  Listen, genius.  No one is more aware of the toll her pregnancy took on her body than a new mom is.  If she wanted your opinion, she’d ask for it.  A woman’s body goes through some amazing changes during pregnancy.  Your job is to embrace the changes, to make sure she feels beautiful and sexy, and to be supportive of her efforts to maintain her fitness—when she decides its time.  Besides, unless you have the physique of Adonis, you should probably be worrying a little more about your fitness. 

So when can we start having sex again?  OK.  Sex is important.  But new dads need to understand that there may be a period when sex is not very high on a new mom’s list of priorities.  She may be exhausted.  She may be experiencing some hormonal issues that you could never understand.  And she may be insecure about changes to her body and feel like you won’t find her sexy.  The best thing you can do is be supportive of her, tell her how beautiful she is, and be patient.  Don’t let your needs take priority over hers.  That’s never a good move for a dad. 

Wow, I sure wish I got three months off from work.  Any new dad who would utter such ridiculousness deserves the sofa.  My guess is, your wife would trade places with you in a heartbeat.  There’s a very good chance she is working much harder than you during your hours at work.  The quicker you recognize this, the better off you’ll be. 

Casserole again???  Are you kidding me?  If your wife has gone to the effort to make you a meal while she has been parenting your baby all day, you should not only be thankful, you should let her know it is the most delicious cuisine you’ve ever dined upon.  If you can’t learn to appreciate her efforts to feed you, feel free to give her a break and offer to cook for her, or bring her something home.   

Let’s get one more thing straight.  This is NOT a comprehensive list of things a new dad should never say to a new mom.  There are dozens of other things you could say to offend the beautiful mother of your new baby.  So just use your brain.  Think before you speak.  Love your wife and be empathetic of the incredible things she is going through.  Remember, you are in this thing called “parenthood” together.  It can be a beautiful thing.  Don’t screw it up. 

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Do you own a comfortable sofa?  You’d better make sure you do.  For many new dads, a comfortable sofa is as essential as the crib in your new baby’s nursery—especially for those dads who don’t have the good sense to learn quickly what to never say to y... Do you own a comfortable sofa?  You’d better make sure you do.  For many new dads, a comfortable sofa is as essential as the crib in your new baby’s nursery—especially for those dads who don’t have the good sense to learn quickly what to never say to your wife. <br /> <br /> Navigating your way through the uncharted waters of new fatherhood can be treacherous.  You’ve left the bliss of being the center of your wife’s world, and you’ve entered a new dimension where you are a distant second—at least for a while. <br /> <br /> If you can understand one thing, above all else, you should be able to keep nights on the sofa to a minimum.  That one thing is...as confusing as new fatherhood is, a new mom is just as confused, just as scared, and just as insecure as you are.  GO EASY ON HER! <br /> <br /> Let’s talk about some of the things you, as a new dad, are going to be tempted to say to the mother of your new baby.  Notice I didn’t say you might be tempted to utter these brainless comments.  These thoughts will enter your mind.  Every new dad has felt the urge to say them.  However, the key to your spinal health will depend on your ability to bite your tongue, to swallow your words, to count to 10 before you speak.  Your back and your sofa will thank you.  Here we go: <br /> <br /> Babe, you look tired.  Why don’t you take a nap, and I’ll babysit?  While this does demonstrate that you are trying to be there for your wife, let’s get one thing straight:  Dads don’t babysit!  A dad is every bit as much a parent as a mom is.  Don’t act like you’re doing your wife some huge favor by simply fulfilling your fatherly role. <br /> <br /> That’s not how my mother used to do that.  OK.  Do we even need to talk about this one?  In most cases, the last thing your wife wants is to be compared to your mother.  Just don’t do it. <br /> <br /> Can you please stop that #$@&%* baby from crying?  A better question is, can you?  Why would you assume it’s your wife’s job to make the baby happy?  You’re both in this together, and chances are, she has heard the crying enough that she has become immune to its effect.  Give her a break. <br /> <br /> Have you seen Jennifer lately?  Wow!  She looks like she was never even pregnant.  If you’re dumb enough to make comments about another woman’s post-pregnancy body, you deserve the sofa. <br /> <br /> When is your mom going to go back home?  This is a quick way to incur the wrath of both your wife, AND her mother.  Trust me, when your wife is tired of her mother hanging around, she will let her know.  Until that happens, you need to understand that more than likely, she is desperately relying on her mother to help her learn the ropes of new motherhood.  Allow her all the time with that help as she needs. <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> What do you do all day?  It’s a common misconception among many new dads that a new mom’s day at home with the new baby is all fun, relaxation, and naps.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  A baby is a full-time job.  When the baby is awake, he/she requires her constant attention.  And during those blessed moments when she can get the baby to take a short nap, her time is often spent trying to catch up on all the other tasks you might feel tempted to complain about later.  The reality is, your day at work is likely much more relaxing than your wife’s day at home with the bab<br /> <br /> Should you be eating all that?  No new dad is this clueless, right?  Enough said. <br /> <br /> Honey, can you get up with the baby?  You have all day to sleep tomorrow, and I have to go to work.  See #6…and then don’t ever think this again! <br /> <br /> When did the doctor say you could start exercising again?  Listen, genius.  No one is more aware of the toll her pregnancy took on her body than a new mom is.  If she wanted your opinion, she’d ask for it.  A woman’s body goes through some amazing changes during pregnancy.  Your job is to embrace the changes, Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 42:31
7 Critical Work Life Balance Tips for Dads – Can We Have It All? https://www.daduniversity.com/7-critical-work-life-balance-tips-for-dads-can-we-have-it-all/ Mon, 06 Jan 2020 17:00:55 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4264 https://www.daduniversity.com/7-critical-work-life-balance-tips-for-dads-can-we-have-it-all/#respond https://www.daduniversity.com/7-critical-work-life-balance-tips-for-dads-can-we-have-it-all/feed/ 0 Life Balance Harmony Meter Shows Lifestyle And Jobs Desire  Nobody on their death bed ever said, “I should have spent more time at the office.”  So why do so many of us struggle with balancing work, family, friends, hobbies, and everything else we want to do?  Men value our worth and existence by what we do for work and how we provide for our families, believing that more work equals more happiness. However, most men on their death beds will tell you they wished they hadn’t worked so hard.  Do you believe the man who is experiencing things right now or the man who’s had a lifetime of experience? I’d believe the man who’s been there and done that, but how are we supposed to value working less when we are told so much to work harder all the time? It’s similar to what you have been told about the importance of work-life balance, but I like to call it to work-life harmony because it’s not a balancing act we are trying to perform and more of harmony of work life and personal life working together as one.  Balance is different for everyone, but here are a few tips to get you into better work-life harmony.  #1 - Establish Your Goals  Think about what it is you want to accomplish in your life. Establishing clear goals for what it is you want to accomplish in your lifetime is a critical step and also one of the most important work-life balance tips. If you value both your work time and your family time, figure out the more specific goals you want to achieve. You might find that working all day every day might be leading you down the wrong path and a long one at that.  #2 - Get Organized  Some greater work-life balance advice is about getting organized, and this doesn’t mean organizing your house or your office. If you want to have it all, you need to start tracking your time and figuring out what it is you are spending your time on. Many of us find that we can add extra hours to each day just by tracking exactly how we’re spending our current time and editing our daily time spent to look like more of how we want it to be.  #3 - Schedule Your Personal Life Time  Work-life balance for men might seem difficult, but it doesn’t have to be. You might find it a strange task to add, “Playing with the kids,” or, “Spending time with my wife,” or even, “Having family dinner,” to your daily to-do list, but why is work so much more important that you need to add it to your calendar on not your family? Did you know that the average father spends roughly 7 hours per week with their children? That’s just 1 hour a day! To find out how to achieve work-life balance is to make an effort to include everything and everyone in your calendar. Think of these additions to your calendar or planner less like “tasks” and more like “things I want to do.”  #4 - Drop Time-Wasting Activities  How much time do you spend watching shows or scrolling through social media? Even if you think you don’t spend “that much time” on these things, you might be very surprised. I time to track the time you spend on these time-wasting activities. Each time you open up your social media, start the timer. Each time you turn on the television, start the timer again. At the end of the week, you might be very disappointed in yourself, but the important thing is that you change your bad habits. If you find that you are spending an extra 14 hours of your weekly time on activities that don’t bring you much or any value to your life, think about how that time could be better spent.  #5 - Be Honest With Yourself  Out of all the tips to achieve work-life balance for dads, this one will hit home for you. Think about all the times you said, “I don’t have time to…” The next time you are about to say these words, replace them with, “It’s not a priority for me to…” The point is, it’s easy to say you don’t have time to play with your kids or have dinner with your family or go on a date with your wife, but it’s infinitely more difficult to tell yours...
Life Balance Harmony Meter Shows Lifestyle And Jobs Desire

 Nobody on their death bed ever said, “I should have spent more time at the office.” 

So why do so many of us struggle with balancing work, family, friends, hobbies, and everything else we want to do? 

Men value our worth and existence by what we do for work and how we provide for our families, believing that more work equals more happiness. However, most men on their death beds will tell you they wished they hadn’t worked so hard. 

Do you believe the man who is experiencing things right now or the man who’s had a lifetime of experience? I’d believe the man who’s been there and done that, but how are we supposed to value working less when we are told so much to work harder all the time? It’s similar to what you have been told about the importance of work-life balance, but I like to call it to work-life harmony because it’s not a balancing act we are trying to perform and more of harmony of work life and personal life working together as one. 

Balance is different for everyone, but here are a few tips to get you into better work-life harmony. 

#1 – Establish Your Goals 

Think about what it is you want to accomplish in your life. Establishing clear goals for what it is you want to accomplish in your lifetime is a critical step and also one of the most important work-life balance tips. If you value both your work time and your family time, figure out the more specific goals you want to achieve. You might find that working all day every day might be leading you down the wrong path and a long one at that. 

#2 – Get Organized 

Some greater work-life balance advice is about getting organized, and this doesn’t mean organizing your house or your office. If you want to have it all, you need to start tracking your time and figuring out what it is you are spending your time on. Many of us find that we can add extra hours to each day just by tracking exactly how we’re spending our current time and editing our daily time spent to look like more of how we want it to be. 

#3 – Schedule Your Personal Life Time 

Work-life balance for men might seem difficult, but it doesn’t have to be. You might find it a strange task to add, “Playing with the kids,” or, “Spending time with my wife,” or even, “Having family dinner,” to your daily to-do list, but why is work so much more important that you need to add it to your calendar on not your family? Did you know that the average father spends roughly 7 hours per week with their children? That’s just 1 hour a day! To find out how to achieve work-life balance is to make an effort to include everything and everyone in your calendar. Think of these additions to your calendar or planner less like “tasks” and more like “things I want to do.” 

#4 – Drop Time-Wasting Activities 

How much time do you spend watching shows or scrolling through social media? Even if you think you don’t spend “that much time” on these things, you might be very surprised. I time to track the time you spend on these time-wasting activities. Each time you open up your social media, start the timer. Each time you turn on the television, start the timer again. At the end of the week, you might be very disappointed in yourself, but the important thing is that you change your bad habits. If you find that you are spending an extra 14 hours of your weekly time on activities that don’t bring you much or any value to your life, think about how that time could be better spent. 

#5 – Be Honest With Yourself 

Out of all the tips to achieve work-life balance for dads, this one will hit home for you. Think about all the times you said, “I don’t have time to…” The next time you are about to say these words, replace them with, “It’s not a priority for me to…” The point is, it’s easy to say you don’t have time to play with your kids or have dinner with your family or go on a date with your wife, but it’s infinitely more difficult to tell yourself they aren’t a priority for you. 

#6 – Be Present 

When you’re at work, work HARD. When you’re with your kids, dad HARD. And when you’re with your wife, husband HARD. It’s not about the quantity of time you spend with each of your life’s priorities, and so much more about the quality of time spent with them. Being present might be a difficult concept to grasp at first, but it is extremely important you are completely there in every present moment. Stop thinking about work when you’re with your family. Stop thinking about wanting to spend time with your family when you’re at work. Be present in each present moment. 

#7 – Realize You Won’t Always Be Perfect 

Some days are great dad days, other great husband days, and some other great workdays. You can’t achieve a perfectly balanced life where you spend an equal amount of time on everything you want to do in your life, but you can achieve an almost perfect work-life harmony when you do your best in every present moment and have your goals and future accomplishments set in your mind at all times. 

What You’ve Learned 

No one is perfect, and creating a balancing act between work and life is tough. It’s not about work-life balance, and so much more about work-life harmony. Everything must work together, and when you have your goals and aspirations set in your mind, you can achieve anything you want by being present in each moment. Appreciate all the different facets of your life, and you will be appreciated by the ones you love. 

Being a dad isn’t easy, but it is awesome. 

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Life Balance Harmony Meter Shows Lifestyle And Jobs Desire -  Nobody on their death bed ever said, “I should have spent more time at the office.”  - So why do so many of us struggle with balancing work, family, friends, hobbies, Life Balance Harmony Meter Shows Lifestyle And Jobs Desire<br /> <br />  Nobody on their death bed ever said, “I should have spent more time at the office.” <br /> <br /> So why do so many of us struggle with balancing work, family, friends, hobbies, and everything else we want to do? <br /> <br /> Men value our worth and existence by what we do for work and how we provide for our families, believing that more work equals more happiness. However, most men on their death beds will tell you they wished they hadn’t worked so hard. <br /> <br /> Do you believe the man who is experiencing things right now or the man who’s had a lifetime of experience? I’d believe the man who’s been there and done that, but how are we supposed to value working less when we are told so much to work harder all the time? It’s similar to what you have been told about the importance of work-life balance, but I like to call it to work-life harmony because it’s not a balancing act we are trying to perform and more of harmony of work life and personal life working together as one. <br /> <br /> Balance is different for everyone, but here are a few tips to get you into better work-life harmony. <br /> <br /> #1 - Establish Your Goals <br /> <br /> Think about what it is you want to accomplish in your life. Establishing clear goals for what it is you want to accomplish in your lifetime is a critical step and also one of the most important work-life balance tips. If you value both your work time and your family time, figure out the more specific goals you want to achieve. You might find that working all day every day might be leading you down the wrong path and a long one at that. <br /> <br /> #2 - Get Organized <br /> <br /> Some greater work-life balance advice is about getting organized, and this doesn’t mean organizing your house or your office. If you want to have it all, you need to start tracking your time and figuring out what it is you are spending your time on. Many of us find that we can add extra hours to each day just by tracking exactly how we’re spending our current time and editing our daily time spent to look like more of how we want it to be. <br /> <br /> #3 - Schedule Your Personal Life Time <br /> <br /> Work-life balance for men might seem difficult, but it doesn’t have to be. You might find it a strange task to add, “Playing with the kids,” or, “Spending time with my wife,” or even, “Having family dinner,” to your daily to-do list, but why is work so much more important that you need to add it to your calendar on not your family? Did you know that the average father spends roughly 7 hours per week with their children? That’s just 1 hour a day! To find out how to achieve work-life balance is to make an effort to include everything and everyone in your calendar. Think of these additions to your calendar or planner less like “tasks” and more like “things I want to do.” <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> #4 - Drop Time-Wasting Activities <br /> <br /> How much time do you spend watching shows or scrolling through social media? Even if you think you don’t spend “that much time” on these things, you might be very surprised. I time to track the time you spend on these time-wasting activities. Each time you open up your social media, start the timer. Each time you turn on the television, start the timer again. At the end of the week, you might be very disappointed in yourself, but the important thing is that you change your bad habits. If you find that you are spending an extra 14 hours of your weekly time on activities that don’t bring you much or any value to your life, think about how that time could be better spent. <br /> <br /> #5 - Be Honest With Yourself <br /> <br /> Out of all the tips to achieve work-life balance for dads, this one will hit home for you. Think about all the times you said, “I don’t have time to…” The next time you are about to say these words, replace them with, Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 37:55
Creating Childhood Memories  https://www.daduniversity.com/creating-childhood-memories/ Sun, 05 Jan 2020 17:00:08 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4272 https://www.daduniversity.com/creating-childhood-memories/#respond https://www.daduniversity.com/creating-childhood-memories/feed/ 0 As an adult, one of the first things you do when reflecting on your past is to look back on your childhood memories and family memories to recall all of the amazing experiences you had growing up. You may also look at these memories, realize how amazing and enriching they were and have a sudden inclination to create the same if not similar memory for your children. Very rarely do you look back and reflect on the items that someone purchased for you, and if you do, you probably realize that most likely that item(s) is no longer in your possession or has since become broken or less interesting than it once was. It certainly does not spark that same sense of nostalgia and love that your cherished childhood memories do. In essence, one of the greatest and yet rewarding experiences of being a father is creating memories with your children.    Creating memories with your children does not have to be a daunting task or one that should make you stressed. Furthermore, the best memories are ones that often don’t cost a single cent! So if you think you can win your kid's love by spending money, STOP SPENDING MONEY! Your kids more than likely will remember what you spent your money on them nor how much you spent on them. What they will remember is the lasting family memories you create with them and spending money instead of creating lasting memories could even possibly create resentment amongst your children.   The number of opportunities to create memories that last a lifetime is countless, but if you are like many and creativity is hard to come by here are some suggestions to make those childhood memories that will stick with your kids forever:  Take an interest in their interests: Maybe dolls or cars are not your things, but for your child, it is a huge deal! If not the biggest thing in their life. Take some time to embrace their interests. Have a conversation about why a specific toy is their favorite toy. Just having a conversation about their interests is enough for them to know to look back and think, “yeah my dad was a great dad, he took time to know me and what I was into.” Furthermore, partake in one of those interests. If they like dolls, play dolls (kids get a kick of it when you make their dolls act like a total goof and create havoc in the dollhouse) if it’s cars make the best race track ever. You may even find opportunities to cross your interests with their interests and that is one of the greatest experiences of all!  Set some one-on-one time aside regularly: Probably the most important vessel in creating memories for your child is setting aside some special one-on-one time for them regularly. Try to do this at least weekly. One-on-one time doesn’t mean awkward silence at a table staring at each other over a plate of cookies and trying to divulge your innermost secrets with each other. It simply means just spending some time together. Perhaps it means playing catch, going for a bike ride, or taking a walk on the beach or around the neighborhood. Doing this often will not only create memories of you being there for your child but oftentimes these opportunities allow for your child to open up and share their innermost secrets with you.  Teach them a new skill: With anything major you have learned in your life you most likely can look back and recall who taught it to you and you are more than thankful for that person doing so. Taking the time to teach your child a skill like riding a bike or swimming will undoubtedly help in creating memories with you but it also equips them with major life skills. If you aren’t the greatest swimmer, cyclist, or athlete that’s okay. Maybe you can teach them how to paint, fix a car, cook, or do carpentry. With any skill you try to teach, DO NOT play the gender role car. Girls and boys are both capable of doing the same great things. That’s why they both have opposable thumbs.  Share a hobby: Try to find something you are both into and immerse yourself in it!

As an adult, one of the first things you do when reflecting on your past is to look back on your childhood memories and family memories to recall all of the amazing experiences you had growing up. You may also look at these memories, realize how amazing and enriching they were and have a sudden inclination to create the same if not similar memory for your children. Very rarely do you look back and reflect on the items that someone purchased for you, and if you do, you probably realize that most likely that item(s) is no longer in your possession or has since become broken or less interesting than it once was. It certainly does not spark that same sense of nostalgia and love that your cherished childhood memories do. In essence, one of the greatest and yet rewarding experiences of being a father is creating memories with your children.   

Creating memories with your children does not have to be a daunting task or one that should make you stressed. Furthermore, the best memories are ones that often don’t cost a single cent! So if you think you can win your kid’s love by spending money, STOP SPENDING MONEY! Your kids more than likely will remember what you spent your money on them nor how much you spent on them. What they will remember is the lasting family memories you create with them and spending money instead of creating lasting memories could even possibly create resentment amongst your children.  

The number of opportunities to create memories that last a lifetime is countless, but if you are like many and creativity is hard to come by here are some suggestions to make those childhood memories that will stick with your kids forever: 

  • Take an interest in their interests: Maybe dolls or cars are not your things, but for your child, it is a huge deal! If not the biggest thing in their life. Take some time to embrace their interests. Have a conversation about why a specific toy is their favorite toy. Just having a conversation about their interests is enough for them to know to look back and think, “yeah my dad was a great dad, he took time to know me and what I was into.” Furthermore, partake in one of those interests. If they like dolls, play dolls (kids get a kick of it when you make their dolls act like total goof and create havoc in the dollhouse) if it’s cars make the best race track ever. You may even find opportunities to cross your interests with their interests and that is one of the greatest experiences of all! 
  • Set some one-on-one time aside regularly: Probably the most important vessel in creating memories for your child is setting aside some special one-on-one time for them regularly. Try to do this at least weekly. One-on-one time doesn’t mean awkward silence at a table staring at each other over a plate of cookies and trying to divulge your innermost secrets with each other. Isimply means just spending some time together. Perhaps it means playing catch, going for a bike ride, or taking a walk on the beach or around the neighborhood. Doing this often will not only create memories of you being there for your child but oftentimes these opportunities allow for your child to open up and share their innermost secrets with you. 
  • Teach them a new skill: With anything major you have learned in your life you most likely can look back and recall who taught it to you and you are more than thankful for that person doing so. Taking the time to teach your child a skill like riding a bike or swimming will undoubtedly help in creating memories with you but it also equips them with major life skills. If you aren’t the greatest swimmer, cyclist, or athlete that’s okay. Maybe you can teach them how to paint, fix a car, cook, or do carpentry. With any skill you try to teach, DO NOT play the gender role car. Girls and boys are both capable of doing the same great things. That’s why they both have opposable thumbs. 
  • Share a hobby: Try to find something you are both into and immerse yourself in it! Having a shared hobby creates a common middle ground that you both can share in. If you have multiple kids this could become a family hobby. A common hobby is great for creating family memories! Looking back on your childhood you could probably recall family camping trips, fishing trips, and holiday traditions; all of these things stem from a shared hobby or interest! 
  • Document, Document, Document: A picture is worth a thousand words some may say but its price tag in creating family memories is priceless. With the amount of data available on digital cameras and mobile devices, it’s easy to document those memories. But unlike the old days of film where you were allotted a handful of pictures some people become interested in over documenting an experience and miss out on the experience altogether! And when you are out creating memories with your kids, save the social media posts for later. Documenting is great for recalling old memories and jogging the memory but don’t let it ruin your experience with your child by overdoing it! Remember you want to be remembered for being that dad who created awesome memories, not the one that was glued to their phone the whole time! 

Creating memories whether it be childhood memories or family memories is one of the greatest gifts a father can receive. Memories should be lasting experiences and play a major role in forging a lasting bond between a father and his children. Lastly, as my father used to say in terms of memories, “it doesn’t matter how much it costs or how much it’s worth as long as you enjoy them.” 

 

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As an adult, one of the first things you do when reflecting on your past is to look back on your childhood memories and family memories to recall all of the amazing experiences you had growing up. You may also look at these memories, As an adult, one of the first things you do when reflecting on your past is to look back on your childhood memories and family memories to recall all of the amazing experiences you had growing up. You may also look at these memories, realize how amazing and enriching they were and have a sudden inclination to create the same if not similar memory for your children. Very rarely do you look back and reflect on the items that someone purchased for you, and if you do, you probably realize that most likely that item(s) is no longer in your possession or has since become broken or less interesting than it once was. It certainly does not spark that same sense of nostalgia and love that your cherished childhood memories do. In essence, one of the greatest and yet rewarding experiences of being a father is creating memories with your children.   <br /> <br /> Creating memories with your children does not have to be a daunting task or one that should make you stressed. Furthermore, the best memories are ones that often don’t cost a single cent! So if you think you can win your kid's love by spending money, STOP SPENDING MONEY! Your kids more than likely will remember what you spent your money on them nor how much you spent on them. What they will remember is the lasting family memories you create with them and spending money instead of creating lasting memories could even possibly create resentment amongst your children.  <br /> <br /> The number of opportunities to create memories that last a lifetime is countless, but if you are like many and creativity is hard to come by here are some suggestions to make those childhood memories that will stick with your kids forever: <br /> <br /> Take an interest in their interests: Maybe dolls or cars are not your things, but for your child, it is a huge deal! If not the biggest thing in their life. Take some time to embrace their interests. Have a conversation about why a specific toy is their favorite toy. Just having a conversation about their interests is enough for them to know to look back and think, “yeah my dad was a great dad, he took time to know me and what I was into.” Furthermore, partake in one of those interests. If they like dolls, play dolls (kids get a kick of it when you make their dolls act like a total goof and create havoc in the dollhouse) if it’s cars make the best race track ever. You may even find opportunities to cross your interests with their interests and that is one of the greatest experiences of all! <br /> Set some one-on-one time aside regularly: Probably the most important vessel in creating memories for your child is setting aside some special one-on-one time for them regularly. Try to do this at least weekly. One-on-one time doesn’t mean awkward silence at a table staring at each other over a plate of cookies and trying to divulge your innermost secrets with each other. It simply means just spending some time together. Perhaps it means playing catch, going for a bike ride, or taking a walk on the beach or around the neighborhood. Doing this often will not only create memories of you being there for your child but oftentimes these opportunities allow for your child to open up and share their innermost secrets with you. <br /> Teach them a new skill: With anything major you have learned in your life you most likely can look back and recall who taught it to you and you are more than thankful for that person doing so. Taking the time to teach your child a skill like riding a bike or swimming will undoubtedly help in creating memories with you but it also equips them with major life skills. If you aren’t the greatest swimmer, cyclist, or athlete that’s okay. Maybe you can teach them how to paint, fix a car, cook, or do carpentry. With any skill you try to teach, DO NOT play the gender role car. Girls and boys are both capable of doing the same great things. That’s why they both have opposable thumbs. <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 31:57
How Do I Stop My Child’s Whining Without Yelling?  https://www.daduniversity.com/how-do-i-stop-my-childs-whining-without-yelling/ Sat, 04 Jan 2020 17:00:37 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4274 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-do-i-stop-my-childs-whining-without-yelling/#respond https://www.daduniversity.com/how-do-i-stop-my-childs-whining-without-yelling/feed/ 0 I hate vegetables! I'm not eating this!  Virtually every parent will experience that awful period where their child expresses excessive whining. This typically presents itself somewhere between the ages of 2 and 5 and can be one of the hardest and most frustrating periods of parenthood.   Conventional wisdom indicates that one cannot stop their toddler from whining and must in turn “deal with it as this is just a phase”. The hard truth is that there is no way that you can completely stop whining altogether. Diving deeper into the roots of the reasons such behavior occurs does present some greater lessons about parenting and dealing with others in general   Human beings are reactive by nature. Think about this for a moment: Do you have periods whereas an adult you feel lost, misunderstood, and even unloved? Are there moments when you feel as though you just want to scream? If you are honest with yourself, the answer is invariable YES.  Also, take into account the fact that you have had years of growing, maturing, and most importantly learning how to communicate. Now take a step back and look at your child. During the ages that the whining is at its peak, they have not yet learned how to express themselves in mature ways.   The answer to dealing with whining does lie in stopping the behavior but instead learning more constructive ways to react to it.  When a child is whining about a toy or wanting a cookie there is invariably something deeper happening. They are likely feeling one or more of the following:  Powerless – simply put, they cannot obtain the toy or cookie on their own.  Alone or disconnected – they feel they are not being given the attention they need.  Frustrated.  As these feelings build (even over a short time), “they want” becomes the vehicle for expressing deeper issues. Think about it. If you were feeling frustrated and had no way of communicating it, how could you rationally express yourself?  The funny part is that when a child reacts in frustration our natural tendency is to in turn react within impatience and frustration. We are then essentially entering into some sort of negative feedback loop (which is like some grand cosmic joke).  Now that we understand the root causes of why a child is whining, how do we deal with it?  The key is to take a step back and understand what your child is trying to communicate and why. They are typically not trying to manipulate you. Sometimes the stored-up frustration simply needs to be expressed. In truth, a tantrum is a natural and healthy way for a toddler to relieve pent-up energy.   The following are some actions we have found useful in alleviating the behavior over time:  When the whining starts, try fulfilling the request once.  Ask them what they need from you. This is seeking to understand the deeper issue.  Offer closeness, and a “no” accompanied by affection. If these fail and the tantrum escalates, let them vent.  If you can’t be helpful, make eye contact with them, and give a touch or pat.  Allow for the emotional expression if you have the patience and time (i.e., not 3 minutes before you need to leave for an engagement).   It is sometimes said that we learn from our children as much as they learn from us. As such, there are a few larger truths we can learn from this period of parenting. First and foremost, when we react with impatience to live’s inevitable issues, might this simply be because we feel helpless? Secondarily, when we are frustrated with another adult, if we take a step back and try to understand the real root of what they are feeling, won’t we have a better chance at resolving conflict more productively?  Lastly, as hard as it is to deal with a whining toddler, reacting with more patience and understanding can have longer-term positive effects on parenting. The more we teach our children to communicate in positive ways, the more likely we are to build lines of honest di...
I hate vegetables! I’m not eating this!

 Virtually every parent will experience that awful period where their child expresses excessive whining. This typically presents itself somewhere between the ages of 2 and 5 and can be one of the hardest and most frustrating periods of parenthood.  

Conventional wisdom indicates that one cannot stop their toddler from whining and must in turn deal with it athis is just a phase. The hard truth is that there is no way that you can completely stop whining altogether. Diving deeper into the roots of the reasons such behavior occurs does present some greater lessons about parenting and dealing with others in general  

Human beings are reactive by nature. Think about this for a moment: Do you have periods whereas an adult you feel lost, misunderstood, and even unloved? Are there moments when you feel as though you just want to scream? If you are honest with yourself, the answer is invariable YES. 

Also, take into account the fact that you have had years of growing, maturing, and most importantly learning how to communicate. Now take a step back and look at your child. During the ages that the whining is at its peak, they have not yet learned how to express themselves in mature ways 

The answer to dealing with whining does lie in stopping the behavior but instead learning more constructive ways to react to it. 

When a child is whining about a toy or wanting a cookie there is invariably something deeper happening. They are likely feeling one or more of the following: 

  • Powerless – simply put, they cannot obtain the toy or cookie on their own. 
  • Alone or disconnected – they feel they are not being given the attention they need. 
  • Frustrated. 

As these feelings build (even over a short time), “they want becomes the vehicle for expressing deeper issues. Think about it. If you were feeling frustrated and had no way of communicating it, how could you rationally express yourself? 

The funny part is that when a child reacts in frustration our natural tendency is to in turn react within impatience and frustration. We are then essentially entering into some sort of negative feedback loop (which is like some grand cosmic joke). 

Now that we understand the root causes of why a child is whining, how do we deal with it? 

The key is to take a step back and understand what your child is trying to communicate and why. They are typically not trying to manipulate you. Sometimes the stored-up frustration simply needs to be expressed. In truth, a tantrum is a natural and healthy way for a toddler to relieve pent-up energy.  

The following are some actions we have found useful in alleviating the behavior over time: 

  1. When the whining starts, try fulfilling the request once. 
  2. Ask them what they need from you. This is seeking to understand the deeper issue. 
  3. Offer closeness, and a “no” accompanied by affection.
  4. If these fail and the tantrum escalates, let them vent. 
  5. If you can’t be helpful, make eye contact with them, and give a touch or pat. 
  6. Allow for the emotional expression if you have the patience and time (i.e., not 3 minutes before you need to leave for an engagement).  

It is sometimes said that we learn from our children as much as they learn from usAs such, there are a few larger truths we can learn from this period of parenting. First and foremost, when we react with impatience to live’s inevitable issues, might this simply be because we feel helpless? Secondarily, when we are frustrated with another adult, if we take a step back and try to understand the real root of what they are feeling, wont we have a better chance at resolving conflict more productively? 

Lastly, as hard as it is to deal with a whining toddler, reacting with more patience and understanding can have longer-term positive effects on parenting. The more we teach our children to communicate in positive ways, the more likely we are to build lines of honest dialogue with them that can grow into adolescence and beyond. 

 

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I hate vegetables! I'm not eating this! -  Virtually every parent will experience that awful period where their child expresses excessive whining. This typically presents itself somewhere between the ages of 2 and 5 and can be one of the hardest and m... I hate vegetables! I'm not eating this!<br /> <br />  Virtually every parent will experience that awful period where their child expresses excessive whining. This typically presents itself somewhere between the ages of 2 and 5 and can be one of the hardest and most frustrating periods of parenthood.  <br /> <br /> Conventional wisdom indicates that one cannot stop their toddler from whining and must in turn “deal with it as this is just a phase”. The hard truth is that there is no way that you can completely stop whining altogether. Diving deeper into the roots of the reasons such behavior occurs does present some greater lessons about parenting and dealing with others in general  <br /> <br /> Human beings are reactive by nature. Think about this for a moment: Do you have periods whereas an adult you feel lost, misunderstood, and even unloved? Are there moments when you feel as though you just want to scream? If you are honest with yourself, the answer is invariable YES. <br /> <br /> Also, take into account the fact that you have had years of growing, maturing, and most importantly learning how to communicate. Now take a step back and look at your child. During the ages that the whining is at its peak, they have not yet learned how to express themselves in mature ways.  <br /> <br /> The answer to dealing with whining does lie in stopping the behavior but instead learning more constructive ways to react to it. <br /> <br /> When a child is whining about a toy or wanting a cookie there is invariably something deeper happening. They are likely feeling one or more of the following: <br /> <br /> Powerless – simply put, they cannot obtain the toy or cookie on their own. <br /> Alone or disconnected – they feel they are not being given the attention they need. <br /> Frustrated. <br /> <br /> As these feelings build (even over a short time), “they want” becomes the vehicle for expressing deeper issues. Think about it. If you were feeling frustrated and had no way of communicating it, how could you rationally express yourself? <br /> <br /> The funny part is that when a child reacts in frustration our natural tendency is to in turn react within impatience and frustration. We are then essentially entering into some sort of negative feedback loop (which is like some grand cosmic joke). <br /> <br /> Now that we understand the root causes of why a child is whining, how do we deal with it? <br /> <br /> The key is to take a step back and understand what your child is trying to communicate and why. They are typically not trying to manipulate you. Sometimes the stored-up frustration simply needs to be expressed. In truth, a tantrum is a natural and healthy way for a toddler to relieve pent-up energy.  <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> The following are some actions we have found useful in alleviating the behavior over time: <br /> <br /> When the whining starts, try fulfilling the request once. <br /> Ask them what they need from you. This is seeking to understand the deeper issue. <br /> Offer closeness, and a “no” accompanied by affection.<br /> If these fail and the tantrum escalates, let them vent. <br /> If you can’t be helpful, make eye contact with them, and give a touch or pat. <br /> Allow for the emotional expression if you have the patience and time (i.e., not 3 minutes before you need to leave for an engagement).  <br /> <br /> It is sometimes said that we learn from our children as much as they learn from us. As such, there are a few larger truths we can learn from this period of parenting. First and foremost, when we react with impatience to live’s inevitable issues, might this simply be because we feel helpless? Secondarily, when we are frustrated with another adult, if we take a step back and try to understand the real root of what they are feeling, won’t we have a better chance at resolving conflict more productively? <br /> <br /> Lastly, Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 26:14
Overcoming the Challenges of Being a Father https://www.daduniversity.com/overcoming-the-challenges-of-being-a-father/ Fri, 03 Jan 2020 17:00:10 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4309 https://www.daduniversity.com/overcoming-the-challenges-of-being-a-father/#respond https://www.daduniversity.com/overcoming-the-challenges-of-being-a-father/feed/ 0 What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. There's no truer saying for a father. Whether it is the firstborn, second or even fourth child, being a father comes with tremendous stress and anxiety.   Welcoming a child into your life as a father is one of the most significant shifts in life. It reorders your priorities, thought patterns, and ultimately, behavior for better or worse. Because there exists no textbook on how to raise a child - challenges are often random and sporadic. There are some known challenges all fathers will face, such as:    Shifting priorities - the most important priority in your life is your child. That's a fundamental shift to what may have previously been your career, sports, friends, building a business, etc.   Emotional responsibility - the feelings of being a caregiver to your child and a husband/partner to your spouse (or you may be a single father) is different than before. There's an immediate need for more resilience and positive thinking. Patience, empathy, and intimacy with your child and partner become very important during this time.   Financial wellbeing - you're likely contributing significantly to your child financially. Your job may have seen you living paycheck to paycheck, or you may have been in debt already. On top of that, comes the immediate and future financial needs of your child, which can be stressful.   Career transition - the progress you have made in your career may be indifferent to where you want to be. You may find yourself in a "mid-life" crisis or in a space where you can't leave your job to pursue your passion. Consequently, the stress you experience on the job spills over into the home environment   As a Dad, I can assure there are a thousand more challenges that have not been listed. They are not something anyone can adequately prepare for, but there are tools which you can use to make the journey easier:   Developing resilience   The ability to recover from tough situations is the greatest asset any father can have. That is all fatherhood is - a series of challenging situations thrown at you daily. How you react to them will determine your happiness and success. You need to be deliberate about building resilience!   Express yourself - Being honest and open about your difficulties is the first step. Find an external mentor, talk to yourself on video, or engage in expressive writing. These tools will allow you to take a deep breath from life's challenges.   Meditation - Mindfulness, and meditation takes your thoughts away from the hustle and bustle of life and gives you a time to reflect. Consequently, you're able to review things that are working and things that are not. Take the time to give yourself credit by reflecting how far you have come in life compared to where you were three years ago.   Sleep - your sleeping patterns will be disturbed with a child. However, when you do get a chance to rest, you MUST enter a state of deep sleep. Switch off your mobile phone, remove the television and laptop from your room to help with this.   Make financial literacy a priority  Having a finance degree does not make you financially literate. You need to empower yourself with the knowledge to make sound financial decisions.   Some of your best resources to do so are:   Podcasts/radio - research good podcasts which speak about how to deal with money - particularly those that focus on raising a child   Read - pick out a few financial magazines and newspapers. Stay informed with the economic situation in your country   Enroll for a class - not your traditional accounting/finance type class - rather at an institute or with a seasoned expert that focuses on how to deal with money (i.e., understanding the nature of money).   Be open and communicate  Studies show that when a father communicates well and shows affection, it significantly contributes to the social and cognitive development of a child.  

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. There’s no truer saying for a father. Whether it is the firstborn, second or even fourth child, being a father comes with tremendous stress and anxiety.  

Welcoming a child into your life as a father is one of the most significant shifts in life. It reorders your priorities, thought patterns, and ultimately, behavior for better or worse. Because there exists no textbook on how to raise a child – challenges are often random and sporadic. There are some known challenges all fathers will face, such as:   

  • Shifting priorities – the most important priority in your life is your child. That’s a fundamental shift to what may have previously been your career, sports, friends, building a business, etc.  
  • Emotional responsibility – the feelings of being a caregiver to your child and a husband/partner to your spouse (or you may be a single father) is different than before. There’s an immediate need for more resilience and positive thinking. Patience, empathy, and intimacy with your child and partner become very important during this time.  
  • Financial wellbeing – you’re likely contributing significantly to your child financially. Your job may have seen you living paycheck to paycheck, or you may have been in debt already. On top of that, comes the immediate and future financial needs of your child, which can be stressful.  
  • Career transition – the progress you have made in your career may be indifferent to where you want to be. You may find yourself in a “mid-life” crisis or in a space where you can’t leave your job to pursue your passion. Consequently, the stress you experience on the job spills over into the home environment  

As a Dad, I can assure there are a thousand more challenges that have not been listed. They are not something anyone can adequately prepare for, but there are tools which you can use to make the journey easier:  

Developing resilience  

The ability to recover from tough situations is the greatest asset any father can have. That is all fatherhood is – a series of challenging situations thrown at you daily. How you react to them will determine your happiness and success. You need to be deliberate about building resilience!  

  • Express yourself – Being honest and open about your difficulties is the first step. Find an external mentor, talk to yourself on video, or engage in expressive writing. These tools will allow you to take a deep breath from life’s challenges.  
  • Meditation – Mindfulness, and meditation takes your thoughts away from the hustle and bustle of life and gives you a time to reflect. Consequently, you’re able to review things that are working and things that are not. Take the time to give yourself credit by reflecting how far you have come in life compared to where you were three years ago.  
  • Sleep – your sleeping patterns will be disturbed with a child. However, when you do get a chance to rest, you MUST enter a state of deep sleep. Switch off your mobile phone, remove the television and laptop from your room to help with this.  

Make financial literacy a priority 

Having a finance degree does not make you financially literate. You need to empower yourself with the knowledge to make sound financial decisions.  

Some of your best resources to do so are:  

  • Podcasts/radio – research good podcasts which speak about how to deal with money – particularly those that focus on raising a child  
  • Read – pick out a few financial magazines and newspapers. Stay informed with the economic situation in your country  
  • Enroll for a class – not your traditional accounting/finance type class – rather at an institute or with a seasoned expert that focuses on how to deal with money (i.e., understanding the nature of money).  

Be open and communicate 

Studies show that when a father communicates well and shows affection, it significantly contributes to the social and cognitive development of a child.  

Listen – don’t rush when you’re speaking to your child or partner. This is the time of life when you have to be at your most patient. Put your mobile devices away when talking to your child and listen to their jokes, concerns. Be an active listener and practice this every day 

Be open and honest – if you’re struggling with certain aspects of being a father, then communicate this with whomever you are raising the child with. This is the first step to a fulfilled relationship.  

Chase your passion, not your money 

Finally, it’s important to put life into perspective: the majority of your adult life will be spent at work or running your own business. You have to fill this time with work that energizes you – or you will have no energy for anything else in your life, including raising a child.  

Therefore, you need to listen to your gut and not chase the money. It’s a counter-intuitive principle, but there is a rule called Parkinson’s law: Irrespective of how much money you earn, you will spend the maximum amount – and a bit more. Having this understanding makes you realize that money provides temporary happiness. Pursuing your dreams and passions gives you joy, which then spills over to your relationship with your child.  

Don’t try and be perfect or compare yourself to anyone else. That will kill your self-esteem. Take one step at a time and start and end each day with positive reflections and learnings.  

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. There's no truer saying for a father. Whether it is the firstborn, second or even fourth child, being a father comes with tremendous stress and anxiety.   - Welcoming a child into your life as a father is one ... What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. There's no truer saying for a father. Whether it is the firstborn, second or even fourth child, being a father comes with tremendous stress and anxiety.  <br /> <br /> Welcoming a child into your life as a father is one of the most significant shifts in life. It reorders your priorities, thought patterns, and ultimately, behavior for better or worse. Because there exists no textbook on how to raise a child - challenges are often random and sporadic. There are some known challenges all fathers will face, such as:   <br /> <br /> Shifting priorities - the most important priority in your life is your child. That's a fundamental shift to what may have previously been your career, sports, friends, building a business, etc.  <br /> Emotional responsibility - the feelings of being a caregiver to your child and a husband/partner to your spouse (or you may be a single father) is different than before. There's an immediate need for more resilience and positive thinking. Patience, empathy, and intimacy with your child and partner become very important during this time.  <br /> Financial wellbeing - you're likely contributing significantly to your child financially. Your job may have seen you living paycheck to paycheck, or you may have been in debt already. On top of that, comes the immediate and future financial needs of your child, which can be stressful.  <br /> <br /> <br /> Career transition - the progress you have made in your career may be indifferent to where you want to be. You may find yourself in a "mid-life" crisis or in a space where you can't leave your job to pursue your passion. Consequently, the stress you experience on the job spills over into the home environment  <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> As a Dad, I can assure there are a thousand more challenges that have not been listed. They are not something anyone can adequately prepare for, but there are tools which you can use to make the journey easier:  <br /> <br /> Developing resilience  <br /> <br /> The ability to recover from tough situations is the greatest asset any father can have. That is all fatherhood is - a series of challenging situations thrown at you daily. How you react to them will determine your happiness and success. You need to be deliberate about building resilience!  <br /> <br /> Express yourself - Being honest and open about your difficulties is the first step. Find an external mentor, talk to yourself on video, or engage in expressive writing. These tools will allow you to take a deep breath from life's challenges.  <br /> Meditation - Mindfulness, and meditation takes your thoughts away from the hustle and bustle of life and gives you a time to reflect. Consequently, you're able to review things that are working and things that are not. Take the time to give yourself credit by reflecting how far you have come in life compared to where you were three years ago.  <br /> Sleep - your sleeping patterns will be disturbed with a child. However, when you do get a chance to rest, you MUST enter a state of deep sleep. Switch off your mobile phone, remove the television and laptop from your room to help with this.  <br /> <br /> Make financial literacy a priority <br /> <br /> Having a finance degree does not make you financially literate. You need to empower yourself with the knowledge to make sound financial decisions.  <br /> <br /> Some of your best resources to do so are:  <br /> <br /> Podcasts/radio - research good podcasts which speak about how to deal with money - particularly those that focus on raising a child  <br /> Read - pick out a few financial magazines and newspapers. Stay informed with the economic situation in your country  <br /> Enroll for a class - not your traditional accounting/finance type class - rather at an institute or with a seasoned expert that focuses on how to deal with money (i.e., understanding the nature of money).  <br /> Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 40:36
Top Fears of Becoming a New Dad https://www.daduniversity.com/top-fears-of-becoming-a-new-dad/ Thu, 02 Jan 2020 17:00:54 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4302 https://www.daduniversity.com/top-fears-of-becoming-a-new-dad/#respond https://www.daduniversity.com/top-fears-of-becoming-a-new-dad/feed/ 0 Becoming a new dad is a moment that’s full of incredible joy and excitement coupled with numerous fatherhood fears and worries. Let’s face it: Fatherhood is scary. Dads everywhere have these same fears and we are here to help answer your questions and support your efforts to be worthy of the greatest trophy of all, a “world’s greatest dad” mug to decorate your desk at work.   1. What is the process of labor and delivery like?  Labor and Delivery will be like nothing you’ve ever been through, and you’re not even the one giving birth to a child! Be ready to support the mother of your child through this monumental effort and be the rock that she needs should anything not go as planned. There are numerous resources available to you to help prepare for this. 81% of fathers have shared that it was rewarding for them to be present during the labor and delivery process. WebMD provides an excellent checklist for fathers to go through as they prepare for this moment in their family’s life.   2. Fear of health issues for the baby before and after pregnancy  Every dad out there has their worries and fears for the health of their child. There is a wealth of reputable resources out there, but most importantly, express your concerns to your wife and her doctor. They will be your best resources for knowing how to take care of your child during and after pregnancy  3. Will I ever be able to provide financially?  Many new and soon-to-be dads ask this and similar questions. “Will I be able to even afford to have a baby?”. The answer is “Yes!” Make providing for your new baby and wife a priority in your life and you will find ways to make things work. There are even federal, state, and county government programs in place to help new families that are struggling financially.  4. Will I ever get to sleep again?  Sleep will be hard to come by shortly. But that period comes to an end! Just remember that you and your wife are on the same team. If she is breastfeeding you will need to help where possible to allow her as much rest as she can get, knowing that she will be doing all the feeding. If your baby is drinking formula, this is your time to shine. Take some of the night shifts so she can get some rest.  5. The effects of pregnancy and your new baby on your sex life  You will need to defer decisions on this subject to your baby’s mother and her doctors here. Some couples continue to have sex safely through much of pregnancy, but some women may not be interested in the slightest. They are tired, uncomfortable, and often sex will be the last thing on their mind.  After your baby is born, the doctor typically recommends 6 weeks before resuming any sexual activity. However, defer to your wife and her doctor again here. She will be tired from late nights, breastfeeding, and recovering from childbirth. Open communication is key to a healthy continuation of your sexual relationship with her.   6. How can I keep my child safe?  In a 2015 survey on dad's fears, keeping their child safe made up 20% of all responses. Worries range from fear of holding your baby without dropping them to fear of not being able to provide adequate supervision to keep them safe. Work with your wife to find a balance between allowing the baby to explore the world and being safe. Babies require care but are often more resilient than you think. If you’re ever worried, bring it up at the baby’s next doctor’s appointment and ask what you can do to help keep baby safe.  7. How will I be able to maintain a work-life balance?  This will look different for every family. In the case of some new dads, they find that having a new baby forces them to find a better work-life balance than they had previously. Communicate with your wife to figure out what your goals are for spending time together as a family.  8. Will everything we do center around the kids?  For a time, yes. As the baby grows, they will become more independent.

Becoming a new dad is a moment that’s full of incredible joy and excitement coupled with numerous fatherhood fears and worries. Let’s face it: Fatherhood is scary. Dads everywhere have these same fears and we are here to help answer your questions and support your efforts to be worthy of the greatest trophy of all, a “world’s greatest dad” mug to decorate your desk at work.  

1. What is the process of labor and delivery like? 

Labor and Delivery will be like nothing you’ve ever been through, and you’re not even the one giving birth to a child! Be ready to support the mother of your child through this monumental effort and be the rock that she needs should anything not go as planned. There are numerous resources available to you to help prepare for this. 81% of fathers have shared that it was rewarding for them to be present during the labor and delivery process. WebMD provides an excellent checklist for fathers to go through as they prepare for this moment in their family’s life.  

2. Fear of health issues for the baby before and after pregnancy 

Every dad out there has their worries and fears for the health of their child. There is a wealth of reputable resources out there, but most importantly, express your concerns to your wife and her doctor. They will be your best resources for knowing how to take care of your child during and after pregnancy 

3. Will I ever be able to provide financially? 

Many new and soon-to-be dads ask this and similar questions. “Will I be able to even afford to have a baby?”. The answer is “Yes!” Make providing for your new baby and wife a priority in your life and you will find ways to make things work. There are even federal, state, and county government programs in place to help new families that are struggling financially. 

4. Will I ever get to sleep again? 

Sleep will be hard to come by shortly. But that period comes to an end! Just remember that you and your wife are on the same team. If she is breastfeeding you will need to help where possible to allow her as much rest as she can get, knowing that she will be doing all the feeding. If your baby is drinking formula, this is your time to shine. Take some of the night shifts so she can get some rest. 

5. The effects of pregnancy and your new baby on your sex life 

You will need to defer decisions on this subject to your baby’s mother and her doctors here. Some couples continue to have sex safely through much of pregnancy, but some women may not be interested in the slightest. They are tired, uncomfortable, and often sex will be the last thing on their mind. 

After your baby is born, the doctor typically recommends 6 weeks before resuming any sexual activity. However, defer to your wife and her doctor again here. She will be tired from late nights, breastfeeding, and recovering from childbirth. Open communication is key to a healthy continuation of your sexual relationship with her.  

6. How can I keep my child safe? 

In a 2015 survey on dad’s fears, keeping their child safe made up 20% of all responses. Worries range from fear of holding your baby without dropping them to fear of not being able to provide adequate supervision to keep them safe. Work with your wife to find a balance between allowing the baby to explore the world and being safe. Babies require care but are often more resilient than you think. If you’re ever worried, bring it up at the baby’s next doctor’s appointment and ask what you can do to help keep baby safe. 

7. How will I be able to maintain a work-life balance? 

This will look different for every family. In the case of some new dads, they find that having a new baby forces them to find a better work-life balance than they had previously. Communicate with your wife to figure out what your goals are for spending time together as a family. 

8. Will everything we do center around the kids? 

For a time, yes. As the baby grows, they will become more independent. This is often difficult for those who are not parents to understand, so you will need to communicate that you haven’t become a recluse, you just have a tiny human that needs your constant care and devotion right now. You’ll get back out there having fun with friends and family and you will find ways to bring baby along for the ride once they are ready to go out. 

9. Will I lose my coolness? 

When you become a dad, you will embody a new kind of cool. You will want to share who you are with your kids and teach them to do the things you love. Most of us dads need to do some growing up, but you don’t have to change who you are. Share that with your kids and let them learn how cool their dad was and still is. 

Becoming a new dad doesn’t have to be scary. Work to overcome those fatherhood fears that you have. Give it your all and your efforts to be the best dad you can be will make all the difference for your wife and new baby. 

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Becoming a new dad is a moment that’s full of incredible joy and excitement coupled with numerous fatherhood fears and worries. Let’s face it: Fatherhood is scary. Dads everywhere have these same fears and we are here to help answer your questions and ... Becoming a new dad is a moment that’s full of incredible joy and excitement coupled with numerous fatherhood fears and worries. Let’s face it: Fatherhood is scary. Dads everywhere have these same fears and we are here to help answer your questions and support your efforts to be worthy of the greatest trophy of all, a “world’s greatest dad” mug to decorate your desk at work.  <br /> <br /> 1. What is the process of labor and delivery like? <br /> <br /> Labor and Delivery will be like nothing you’ve ever been through, and you’re not even the one giving birth to a child! Be ready to support the mother of your child through this monumental effort and be the rock that she needs should anything not go as planned. There are numerous resources available to you to help prepare for this. 81% of fathers have shared that it was rewarding for them to be present during the labor and delivery process. WebMD provides an excellent checklist for fathers to go through as they prepare for this moment in their family’s life.  <br /> <br /> 2. Fear of health issues for the baby before and after pregnancy <br /> <br /> Every dad out there has their worries and fears for the health of their child. There is a wealth of reputable resources out there, but most importantly, express your concerns to your wife and her doctor. They will be your best resources for knowing how to take care of your child during and after pregnancy <br /> <br /> 3. Will I ever be able to provide financially? <br /> <br /> Many new and soon-to-be dads ask this and similar questions. “Will I be able to even afford to have a baby?”. The answer is “Yes!” Make providing for your new baby and wife a priority in your life and you will find ways to make things work. There are even federal, state, and county government programs in place to help new families that are struggling financially. <br /> <br /> 4. Will I ever get to sleep again? <br /> <br /> Sleep will be hard to come by shortly. But that period comes to an end! Just remember that you and your wife are on the same team. If she is breastfeeding you will need to help where possible to allow her as much rest as she can get, knowing that she will be doing all the feeding. If your baby is drinking formula, this is your time to shine. Take some of the night shifts so she can get some rest. <br /> <br /> 5. The effects of pregnancy and your new baby on your sex life <br /> <br /> You will need to defer decisions on this subject to your baby’s mother and her doctors here. Some couples continue to have sex safely through much of pregnancy, but some women may not be interested in the slightest. They are tired, uncomfortable, and often sex will be the last thing on their mind. <br /> <br /> After your baby is born, the doctor typically recommends 6 weeks before resuming any sexual activity. However, defer to your wife and her doctor again here. She will be tired from late nights, breastfeeding, and recovering from childbirth. Open communication is key to a healthy continuation of your sexual relationship with her.  <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> 6. How can I keep my child safe? <br /> <br /> In a 2015 survey on dad's fears, keeping their child safe made up 20% of all responses. Worries range from fear of holding your baby without dropping them to fear of not being able to provide adequate supervision to keep them safe. Work with your wife to find a balance between allowing the baby to explore the world and being safe. Babies require care but are often more resilient than you think. If you’re ever worried, bring it up at the baby’s next doctor’s appointment and ask what you can do to help keep baby safe. <br /> <br /> 7. How will I be able to maintain a work-life balance? <br /> <br /> This will look different for every family. In the case of some new dads, they find that having a new baby forces them to find a better work-life balance than they had previously. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 31:57
How To Get Your Baby To Sleep Through The Night | Dad University Podcast Ep. 251 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-dad-university-podcast-ep-251/ Tue, 31 Dec 2019 16:35:16 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4917 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-dad-university-podcast-ep-251/#respond https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-dad-university-podcast-ep-251/feed/ 0 We are talking about how to get your baby to sleep through the night.  But before we do, I want to introduce our sponsor of today’s podcast:  PUREBOOST Pureboost is a healthy alternative to energy drinks and way cheaper. It doesn’t have any sugar in it and is packed with a bunch of vitamins and minerals and it tastes really good. They are little packets you simply mix with water.  There are 3 flavor options.  I just get the combo pack because I can’t decide and like a different one each day.  They taste great, it 100mg of natural green tea caffeine and is clean, antioxidant energy. The owners of PureBoost are parents as well and they really support what we are doing.  They are offering Dad University listeners 50% off your first order.  Go to gopureboost.com/daduniversity/ Alright, let’s get back to getting our babies to sleep. Sleeping through the night is one of the primary goals when your child is firstborn.  Everyone is asking:  did he sleep through the night?  How is her sleeping doing?  Are you making it through the night with that little one?  Seriously. There are a couple of popular sleep training methods to mention.  Most experts and pediatricians suggest waiting until about 3-4 months old to start any kind of sleep training for a baby.  So if you have a newborn you might want to wait a bit before you do something like this. Here are a couple of popular methods: 1) Ferber method – This was a technique created by Dr. Richard Ferber in which you allow the baby to cry for a certain amount of time before comforting them.  The time gets longer and longer as you go on but the idea is that the baby learns to self-soothe so that if they do wake up in the night, they can go back to sleep. 2) Cry It Out – Do you know why baby’s cry?  Because it works.  A baby quickly learns that if it cries, someone will provide it attention.  With the cry it out method, you basically are allowing the baby to cry itself to sleep.  The idea is that eventually, the baby learns that crying doesn’t work for getting the attention. The cry it out method is often tougher on the parents than it is for the baby.  I remember trying this with our first child and after 45 minutes straight we couldn’t take it anymore..  He was supposed to fall asleep already according to this method, but he didn’t. #3) The No cry method – This is also sometimes known as the no tears method.  When your baby cries, you pick them up for reassurance and then put them back down.  You do this as much as needed. The main idea here is creating a comfortable sleep routine and sticking with it.  A lot of different approaches may fall under the no cry method but ultimately you are comforting the child. Every child is different and like with most things, you need to see what sleep training method works best for you and your child.  Keep in mind too, none of these sleep training methods work after one day.  It can take a week, two, or even more. Now there are some tips that I found really helpful in getting our baby to sleep through the night and I think they apply no matter which method you use. 1) Stick to a schedule - Put them down to sleep at the same time every night.  For some, this may be hard because of your own schedule but you need to figure out a way to keep the baby on a schedule for sleeping. 2) Put them down earlier – Contrary to logic, putting them down earlier helped them sleep longer...at least for both of my kids.  Ideal bedtime is earlier than you probably think.  Try 6:00-6:30 to put them down. 3) Establish a bedtime routine – In addition to the schedule, establish a routine.  You do the bath then pajamas, then a book, then feeding, then sleep.  Kids thrive on routine and knowing what comes next.  Keep everything in the same order.   Routines worked really well with our children in helping them sleep through the night.  The key is that as a parent, you have to stick to the routine. 4) Remove Distractions – Get all of the mobiles,

We are talking about how to get your baby to sleep through the night.  But before we do, I want to introduce our sponsor of today’s podcast:  PUREBOOST

Pureboost is a healthy alternative to energy drinks and way cheaper. It doesn’t have any sugar in it and is packed with a bunch of vitamins and minerals and it tastes really good. They are little packets you simply mix with water.  There are 3 flavor options.  I just get the combo pack because I can’t decide and like a different one each day.  They taste great, it 100mg of natural green tea caffeine and is clean, antioxidant energy. The owners of PureBoost are parents as well and they really support what we are doing.  They are offering Dad University listeners 50% off your first order.  Go to gopureboost.com/daduniversity/

Alright, let’s get back to getting our babies to sleep. Sleeping through the night is one of the primary goals when your child is firstborn.  Everyone is asking:  did he sleep through the night?  How is her sleeping doing?  Are you making it through the night with that little one?  Seriously.

There are a couple of popular sleep training methods to mention.  Most experts and pediatricians suggest waiting until about 3-4 months old to start any kind of sleep training for a baby.  So if you have a newborn you might want to wait a bit before you do something like this. Here are a couple of popular methods:

1) Ferber method – This was a technique created by Dr. Richard Ferber in which you allow the baby to cry for a certain amount of time before comforting them.  The time gets longer and longer as you go on but the idea is that the baby learns to self-soothe so that if they do wake up in the night, they can go back to sleep.

2) Cry It Out – Do you know why baby’s cry?  Because it works.  A baby quickly learns that if it cries, someone will provide it attention.  With the cry it out method, you basically are allowing the baby to cry itself to sleep.  The idea is that eventually, the baby learns that crying doesn’t work for getting the attention. The cry it out method is often tougher on the parents than it is for the baby.  I remember trying this with our first child and after 45 minutes straight we couldn’t take it anymore..  He was supposed to fall asleep already according to this method, but he didn’t.

#3) The No cry method – This is also sometimes known as the no tears method.  When your baby cries, you pick them up for reassurance and then put them back down.  You do this as much as needed.
The main idea here is creating a comfortable sleep routine and sticking with it.  A lot of different approaches may fall under the no cry method but ultimately you are comforting the child. Every child is different and like with most things, you need to see what sleep training method works best for you and your child.  Keep in mind too, none of these sleep training methods work after one day.  It can take a week, two, or even more.

Now there are some tips that I found really helpful in getting our baby to sleep through the night and I think they apply no matter which method you use.

1) Stick to a schedule – Put them down to sleep at the same time every night.  For some, this may be hard because of your own schedule but you need to figure out a way to keep the baby on a schedule for sleeping.

2) Put them down earlier – Contrary to logic, putting them down earlier helped them sleep longer…at least for both of my kids.  Ideal bedtime is earlier than you probably think.  Try 6:00-6:30 to put them down.

3) Establish a bedtime routine – In addition to the schedule, establish a routine.  You do the bath then pajamas, then a book, then feeding, then sleep.  Kids thrive on routine and knowing what comes next.  Keep everything in the same order.   Routines worked really well with our children in helping them sleep through the night.  The key is that as a parent, you have to stick to the routine.

4) Remove Distractions – Get all of the mobiles, toys, lights, or anything that can distract them out of the crib.  Also, no need for blankets or pillows as those can be dangerous when they are really young.

5) Put them down before they fall asleep – If they are drowsy in your arms, put them down to then fall sleep where they will be.  Falling asleep in dad’s arms is great but not when you then wake up in the crib in a different place.  Also, the transfer can be a slippery slope.  Try to place them while they are sleepy so they get used to falling asleep in their bed and it should help teach themselves to soothe in order to sleep through the night.

6) Feed right before bed – Get them nice and full so they are less likely to wake up hungry.  Adjust your feeding schedule to coincide with the bedtime.  This helps the baby wake less often.  One of the main reasons babies get up in the middle of the night is they are hungry.

Understanding how to get your baby to sleep through the night can be a little frustrating for new parents.  Remember that it doesn’t last forever.  Most babies sleep through the night by the time they are 6-9 months old. If you are continuing to have problems with your baby sleeping, seek outside resources…maybe your pediatrician or pick up a book as there are a lot on the subject. As I said, every child is different but it does require commitment from you to stick with the routine.

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We are talking about how to get your baby to sleep through the night.  But before we do, I want to introduce our sponsor of today’s podcast:  PUREBOOST - Pureboost is a healthy alternative to energy drinks and way cheaper. We are talking about how to get your baby to sleep through the night.  But before we do, I want to introduce our sponsor of today’s podcast:  PUREBOOST<br /> <br /> Pureboost is a healthy alternative to energy drinks and way cheaper. It doesn’t have any sugar in it and is packed with a bunch of vitamins and minerals and it tastes really good. They are little packets you simply mix with water.  There are 3 flavor options.  I just get the combo pack because I can’t decide and like a different one each day.  They taste great, it 100mg of natural green tea caffeine and is clean, antioxidant energy. The owners of PureBoost are parents as well and they really support what we are doing.  They are offering Dad University listeners 50% off your first order.  Go to gopureboost.com/daduniversity/<br /> <br /> Alright, let’s get back to getting our babies to sleep. Sleeping through the night is one of the primary goals when your child is firstborn.  Everyone is asking:  did he sleep through the night?  How is her sleeping doing?  Are you making it through the night with that little one?  Seriously.<br /> <br /> There are a couple of popular sleep training methods to mention.  Most experts and pediatricians suggest waiting until about 3-4 months old to start any kind of sleep training for a baby.  So if you have a newborn you might want to wait a bit before you do something like this. Here are a couple of popular methods:<br /> <br /> 1) Ferber method – This was a technique created by Dr. Richard Ferber in which you allow the baby to cry for a certain amount of time before comforting them.  The time gets longer and longer as you go on but the idea is that the baby learns to self-soothe so that if they do wake up in the night, they can go back to sleep.<br /> <br /> 2) Cry It Out – Do you know why baby’s cry?  Because it works.  A baby quickly learns that if it cries, someone will provide it attention.  With the cry it out method, you basically are allowing the baby to cry itself to sleep.  The idea is that eventually, the baby learns that crying doesn’t work for getting the attention. The cry it out method is often tougher on the parents than it is for the baby.  I remember trying this with our first child and after 45 minutes straight we couldn’t take it anymore..  He was supposed to fall asleep already according to this method, but he didn’t.<br /> <br /> #3) The No cry method – This is also sometimes known as the no tears method.  When your baby cries, you pick them up for reassurance and then put them back down.  You do this as much as needed.<br /> The main idea here is creating a comfortable sleep routine and sticking with it.  A lot of different approaches may fall under the no cry method but ultimately you are comforting the child. Every child is different and like with most things, you need to see what sleep training method works best for you and your child.  Keep in mind too, none of these sleep training methods work after one day.  It can take a week, two, or even more.<br /> <br /> Now there are some tips that I found really helpful in getting our baby to sleep through the night and I think they apply no matter which method you use.<br /> <br /> 1) Stick to a schedule - Put them down to sleep at the same time every night.  For some, this may be hard because of your own schedule but you need to figure out a way to keep the baby on a schedule for sleeping.<br /> <br /> 2) Put them down earlier – Contrary to logic, putting them down earlier helped them sleep longer...at least for both of my kids.  Ideal bedtime is earlier than you probably think.  Try 6:00-6:30 to put them down.<br /> <br /> 3) Establish a bedtime routine – In addition to the schedule, establish a routine.  You do the bath then pajamas, then a book, then feeding, then sleep.  Kids thrive on routine and knowing what comes next.  Keep everything in the same order.   Routines worked really well with our children in helping them sleep through t... Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 20:32
Tips For New Dads In The Delivery Room | Dad University Podcast Ep. 250 https://www.daduniversity.com/tips-for-new-dads-in-the-delivery-room-dad-university-podcast-ep-250/ Tue, 24 Dec 2019 16:27:19 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4913 Congratulations, you are going to be a new dad and you have a baby on the way.  Hopefully, you have already watched some of our pregnancy-related videos.  If you haven’t, be sure to check them out after you are done with this one. We have listeners from all over the world, but in the US, the majority of births are done in hospitals, delivery a baby outside a hospital is becoming more popular.  We recognize that are other types of delivery room scenarios in addition to labor and delivery rooms in a hospital.  There are birthing centers, you may be delivering at home, or other scenarios.  These tips will hopefully be helpful regardless of where the birth may be taking place. I was pretty lucky.  My wife was a labor and delivery nurse for many years before we had our first child.  While she said it was a lot different going through it herself, she was very familiar with everything. You have already made the decision that you are going to be in the room when your child is born.  If you only get one thing from this video, understand that your main purpose as a new dad and being in the delivery room is to support her. Yes, it is your child, you want to experience the birth of your child, and you want to share that experience with your wife.  But’s let’s be honest, she carried the baby for 9 months inside her and is the one going through the physical process of labor.   You got the easy job on this one. Tip #1: Find Out What She Expects From You – You don’t want to find out afterward that she really wanted you to be holding her hand during labor and you were an excited new dad busy taking videos.  Have a conversation beforehand and listen to her.  What would she like you to do or what expectations does she have?  You’ll get some points just for asking those questions. #2 - Know Your Limits – Birth, in general, is a pretty messy process.  If you are squeamish by the sight of blood, then know you don’t want to see that.  That’s ok.  You shouldn’t feel obligated to do anything you are not comfortable with. Various birthing situations usually provide options.  You may be able to stay near her head and not see all of the details. Keep in mind you may have to balance this is she has any expectations about this.  Which is why you have to have the discussion beforehand. #3- Be Her Advocate – Does she need something from the doctor?  Is she uncomfortable?  Is the staff not providing the level of attention that she may need?  You need to step up and be her advocate when you are in the delivery room.  Be her voice so she doesn’t have to deal with that and can focus on the birth. #4 - Stay Calm – This is sometimes a tough one for new dads in the delivery room. In addition to her, you possibly have a family to deal with.  There is stress, excitement, and labor can often take a long time.  The important thing is to remain calm the best you can.  You remaining calm will hopefully help her remain a little calmer. #5 Expect the Unexpected – Be flexible.  You can have the most detailed birth plan in the world and think everything is going to happen a certain way, but there are no guarantees.  There are so many variables when it comes to birth, you have to be ready to expect the unexpected.  Roll with it.  Something comes up, you adjust. As a new dad in the delivery room, you do have a big responsibility.  Supporting your wife is a big deal and it’s important.  This is an experience you get to share together.  Work as a team and be there for her. Congratulations, you are going to be a new dad and you have a baby on the way.  Hopefully, you have already watched some of our pregnancy-related videos.  If you haven’t, be sure to check them out after you are done with this one. Congratulations, you are going to be a new dad and you have a baby on the way.  Hopefully, you have already watched some of our pregnancy-related videos.  If you haven’t, be sure to check them out after you are done with this one. We have listeners from all over the world, but in the US, the majority of births are done in hospitals, delivery a baby outside a hospital is becoming more popular.  We recognize that are other types of delivery room scenarios in addition to labor and delivery rooms in a hospital.  There are birthing centers, you may be delivering at home, or other scenarios.  These tips will hopefully be helpful regardless of where the birth may be taking place.<br /> <br /> I was pretty lucky.  My wife was a labor and delivery nurse for many years before we had our first child.  While she said it was a lot different going through it herself, she was very familiar with everything. You have already made the decision that you are going to be in the room when your child is born.  If you only get one thing from this video, understand that your main purpose as a new dad and being in the delivery room is to support her. Yes, it is your child, you want to experience the birth of your child, and you want to share that experience with your wife.  But’s let’s be honest, she carried the baby for 9 months inside her and is the one going through the physical process of labor.   You got the easy job on this one.<br /> <br /> Tip #1: Find Out What She Expects From You – You don’t want to find out afterward that she really wanted you to be holding her hand during labor and you were an excited new dad busy taking videos.  Have a conversation beforehand and listen to her.  What would she like you to do or what expectations does she have?  You’ll get some points just for asking those questions.<br /> <br /> #2 - Know Your Limits – Birth, in general, is a pretty messy process.  If you are squeamish by the sight of blood, then know you don’t want to see that.  That’s ok.  You shouldn’t feel obligated to do anything you are not comfortable with. Various birthing situations usually provide options.  You may be able to stay near her head and not see all of the details. Keep in mind you may have to balance this is she has any expectations about this.  Which is why you have to have the discussion beforehand.<br /> <br /> #3- Be Her Advocate – Does she need something from the doctor?  Is she uncomfortable?  Is the staff not providing the level of attention that she may need?  You need to step up and be her advocate when you are in the delivery room.  Be her voice so she doesn’t have to deal with that and can focus on the birth.<br /> <br /> #4 - Stay Calm – This is sometimes a tough one for new dads in the delivery room. In addition to her, you possibly have a family to deal with.  There is stress, excitement, and labor can often take a long time.  The important thing is to remain calm the best you can.  You remaining calm will hopefully help her remain a little calmer.<br /> <br /> #5 Expect the Unexpected – Be flexible.  You can have the most detailed birth plan in the world and think everything is going to happen a certain way, but there are no guarantees.  There are so many variables when it comes to birth, you have to be ready to expect the unexpected.  Roll with it.  Something comes up, you adjust.<br /> <br /> As a new dad in the delivery room, you do have a big responsibility.  Supporting your wife is a big deal and it’s important.  This is an experience you get to share together.  Work as a team and be there for her. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 13:44 How To Talk To Your Kids About Death | Dad University Podcast Ep. 246 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-death-dad-university-podcast-ep-246/ Tue, 17 Dec 2019 16:21:58 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4910 This is a topic that most parents prefer to avoid talking about – death.  It’s uncomfortable and can bring up emotions and feelings that you just don’t want to deal with. When we have kids, we want to protect them from harm and anything unpleasant and death is very unpleasant...it sucks. But the truth is that death is a reality.  We all die eventually and nearly everyone experiences the unfortunate death of someone that they love. So how do we talk about death to our children? These are some things to help you discuss death with your child. Whether it’s a parent, friend, relative, child, or even someone in the public eye, a death can really affect us.  Most of us are not taught how to deal with death.  Of course, this can vary culture to culture as some cultures treat death differently than others. I wanted to share with you some of my own personal experience with this process.  My mother had passed away years ago after a long battle with cancer.  It was devastating for my entire extended family.  My son was 3 years old at the time and my daughter was 1. For my 1-year-old daughter, there wasn’t much to deal with.  But for my 3-year-old son, he knew grandma well and had questions.  But forget about knowing how I should communicate the death of their grandma to my kids, I didn't know to deal with it for myself. I ended up going to grief counseling which was a game-changer.  My therapist Jim, was absolutely instrumental in helping me through an extremely difficult time.  I interviewed Jim on my podcast a few years ago.  Today, I wanted to share with you what I learned about talking to my kids about death and hopefully, it can help you through the process: #1) Be honest – Don't hide it.  Don’t sweep it under the rug.  Don’t pretend it didn’t happen.  Of course with all of these tips, there are going to be differences in how you deal with it based on the child’s age. We said that grandma died of cancer and is now in heaven.  My son didn’t quite grasp it all but he did understand that he wasn’t going to see grandma anymore.  She was now up in the sky.  It was cute...one time a helium balloon accidentally left our hands and went into the sky, my son said: “don’t worry, grandma will catch it”.   Be honest with your kids. There is a lot of value in the truth #2) Be empathetic - Try to put yourself in your child’s shoes.  Look at the death from their perspective. Their age is going to make a difference.  Maybe it was a parent, a sibling, or a friend.  Your child may have a completely different relationship to the person who died than you did.  Try to look at it from their perspective. #3) Use the word death – Sometimes we use different words thinking that it will make the situation easier to handle.  We may use terms like passing away and as adults, we understand this.  But for kids, “passing away” or  “gone to sleep forever” can be confusing and even scary to kids thinking they could go to sleep and not wake up.  Use the word death and it makes it very clear what you are talking about. #4) Allow yourself to grieve – This was the single most important thing I learned.  Giving myself permission to cry, be angry, and feel all of the emotions that I went through.  Don’t judge yourself because you are crying.  Don’t judge yourself on how you are dealing with it.  Giving yourself permission to feel whatever you do.  Everyone deals with it differently so allow yourself to grieve. #5) Let your kids see your emotions – This was hard for me in the beginning because I felt I had to be strong around my kids and that meant I didn’t want them to see me cry.  I didn’t want them to see me sad as I felt it would make them sad.  But I learned that I needed to grieve...and if it happened to be around my children then ok. They saw that dad was sad and would sometimes ask questions.  I would then say, yes, I am really sad about grandma's death.  We will all be ok but yes I am sad.”  This actually made me human to my kids. This is a topic that most parents prefer to avoid talking about – death.  It’s uncomfortable and can bring up emotions and feelings that you just don’t want to deal with. When we have kids, we want to protect them from harm and anything unpleasant and ... This is a topic that most parents prefer to avoid talking about – death.  It’s uncomfortable and can bring up emotions and feelings that you just don’t want to deal with. When we have kids, we want to protect them from harm and anything unpleasant and death is very unpleasant...it sucks. But the truth is that death is a reality.  We all die eventually and nearly everyone experiences the unfortunate death of someone that they love.<br /> <br /> <br /> So how do we talk about death to our children? These are some things to help you discuss death with your child.<br /> <br /> Whether it’s a parent, friend, relative, child, or even someone in the public eye, a death can really affect us.  Most of us are not taught how to deal with death.  Of course, this can vary culture to culture as some cultures treat death differently than others. I wanted to share with you some of my own personal experience with this process.  My mother had passed away years ago after a long battle with cancer.  It was devastating for my entire extended family.  My son was 3 years old at the time and my daughter was 1.<br /> <br /> For my 1-year-old daughter, there wasn’t much to deal with.  But for my 3-year-old son, he knew grandma well and had questions.  But forget about knowing how I should communicate the death of their grandma to my kids, I didn't know to deal with it for myself. I ended up going to grief counseling which was a game-changer.  My therapist Jim, was absolutely instrumental in helping me through an extremely difficult time.  I interviewed Jim on my podcast a few years ago.  Today, I wanted to share with you what I learned about talking to my kids about death and hopefully, it can help you through the process:<br /> <br /> #1) Be honest – Don't hide it.  Don’t sweep it under the rug.  Don’t pretend it didn’t happen.  Of course with all of these tips, there are going to be differences in how you deal with it based on the child’s age. We said that grandma died of cancer and is now in heaven.  My son didn’t quite grasp it all but he did understand that he wasn’t going to see grandma anymore.  She was now up in the sky.  It was cute...one time a helium balloon accidentally left our hands and went into the sky, my son said: “don’t worry, grandma will catch it”.   Be honest with your kids. There is a lot of value in the truth<br /> <br /> #2) Be empathetic - Try to put yourself in your child’s shoes.  Look at the death from their perspective. Their age is going to make a difference.  Maybe it was a parent, a sibling, or a friend.  Your child may have a completely different relationship to the person who died than you did.  Try to look at it from their perspective.<br /> <br /> #3) Use the word death – Sometimes we use different words thinking that it will make the situation easier to handle.  We may use terms like passing away and as adults, we understand this.  But for kids, “passing away” or  “gone to sleep forever” can be confusing and even scary to kids thinking they could go to sleep and not wake up.  Use the word death and it makes it very clear what you are talking about.<br /> <br /> #4) Allow yourself to grieve – This was the single most important thing I learned.  Giving myself permission to cry, be angry, and feel all of the emotions that I went through.  Don’t judge yourself because you are crying.  Don’t judge yourself on how you are dealing with it.  Giving yourself permission to feel whatever you do.  Everyone deals with it differently so allow yourself to grieve.<br /> <br /> <br /> #5) Let your kids see your emotions – This was hard for me in the beginning because I felt I had to be strong around my kids and that meant I didn’t want them to see me cry.  I didn’t want them to see me sad as I felt it would make them sad.  But I learned that I needed to grieve...and if it happened to be around my children then ok. They saw that dad was sad and would sometimes ask questions.  I would then say, yes, Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 21:57 Tips For New Dads With Daughters | Dad University Podcast Ep. 248 https://www.daduniversity.com/tips-for-new-dads-with-daughters-dad-university-podcast-ep-248/ Tue, 10 Dec 2019 16:21:48 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4907 You can take the toughest, meanest man in the world, and the one thing that can turn him into a softy is a baby daughter.  Daughters have this power over a new dad much more than sons do.  But we also often treat our daughters differently than our sons. Is that a good thing?  In this episode, we are going to discuss some ways we may treat our daughters differently and go over some tips for new dads with daughters. If you have a new baby girl or have a daughter on the way these are some things you can do (or at least think about) right now. Be Physical – A study, published in the American Psychological Association's journal Behavioral Neuroscience, confirms that dad play more physical (like rough and tumble) with their sons than they do with their daughters. Dads with daughters focused more on emotional responses, like making facial expressions, singing, etc.  So this means we are reinforcing gender stereotypes from the time they are born. Children benefit from all kinds of stimulation.  Your daughter will benefit from you being physical with her.  Play rough and tumble with her, wrestle.  Do the same physical things you would do if you had a boy. Being physical is good for her. Compliment Her But Not on Her Appearance – Your daughter doesn’t have control or has a choice of how she looks.....and we are all guilty of focusing on external things. Instead of telling your daughter “You are so pretty” or “You have such a beautiful smile” say something like “I’m really lucky to be your dad” or if she does something great, you can say “You did that by yourself”.  It’s great to use encouraging words that allow her to feel good inside.....and please Don’t call your daughter princess. If she feels good about the inside, she will feel good about the outside.  It doesn’t usually work in reverse. Avoid Pinkification - Don't succumb to the pinkification of girlhood.  Her toys don’t have to be pink, they don’t have to be what people would consider girl’s toys.   Let her decide what she likes.  Does she like to play with cars, tools, or action figures?  Great, let her make her own choices. The same goes for clothes.  Not every piece of clothing has to be a pink frilly dress nor does it need to always be gender-neutral, but be mindful of what you are choosing to purchase.  As she gets older, she will begin to choose what she likes.  Allow her to be an individual and make her own choices. The next one may apply a little more as she gets a little older but I want you to start getting this engrained in your head NOW, while your daughter is still young... Don’t Limit What She Can do – Other than the direction of wiping when changing a diaper...and BTW always go front to back with your daughter, there really should not be much difference on what little girls do versus boys.  She should be able to get dirty, play any sport she chooses, be rough, or do anything else you or others might think is “for boys”. Being a dad with a daughter is a special gift.  It is up to us fathers to make sure we love them unconditionally and support them to thrive.  How they view this world is highly impacted by our interactions with them.  Go hug and kiss your daughter and let her know how lucky you are to be her dad. You can take the toughest, meanest man in the world, and the one thing that can turn him into a softy is a baby daughter.  Daughters have this power over a new dad much more than sons do.  But we also often treat our daughters differently than our sons... You can take the toughest, meanest man in the world, and the one thing that can turn him into a softy is a baby daughter.  Daughters have this power over a new dad much more than sons do.  But we also often treat our daughters differently than our sons. Is that a good thing?  In this episode, we are going to discuss some ways we may treat our daughters differently and go over some tips for new dads with daughters.<br /> <br /> If you have a new baby girl or have a daughter on the way these are some things you can do (or at least think about) right now.<br /> <br /> Be Physical – A study, published in the American Psychological Association's journal Behavioral Neuroscience, confirms that dad play more physical (like rough and tumble) with their sons than they do with their daughters. Dads with daughters focused more on emotional responses, like making facial expressions, singing, etc.  So this means we are reinforcing gender stereotypes from the time they are born. Children benefit from all kinds of stimulation.  Your daughter will benefit from you being physical with her.  Play rough and tumble with her, wrestle.  Do the same physical things you would do if you had a boy. Being physical is good for her.<br /> <br /> Compliment Her But Not on Her Appearance – Your daughter doesn’t have control or has a choice of how she looks.....and we are all guilty of focusing on external things. Instead of telling your daughter “You are so pretty” or “You have such a beautiful smile” say something like “I’m really lucky to be your dad” or if she does something great, you can say “You did that by yourself”.  It’s great to use encouraging words that allow her to feel good inside.....and please Don’t call your daughter princess. If she feels good about the inside, she will feel good about the outside.  It doesn’t usually work in reverse.<br /> <br /> Avoid Pinkification - Don't succumb to the pinkification of girlhood.  Her toys don’t have to be pink, they don’t have to be what people would consider girl’s toys.   Let her decide what she likes.  Does she like to play with cars, tools, or action figures?  Great, let her make her own choices. The same goes for clothes.  Not every piece of clothing has to be a pink frilly dress nor does it need to always be gender-neutral, but be mindful of what you are choosing to purchase.  As she gets older, she will begin to choose what she likes.  Allow her to be an individual and make her own choices. <br /> <br /> The next one may apply a little more as she gets a little older but I want you to start getting this engrained in your head NOW, while your daughter is still young...<br /> <br /> Don’t Limit What She Can do – Other than the direction of wiping when changing a diaper...and BTW always go front to back with your daughter, there really should not be much difference on what little girls do versus boys.  She should be able to get dirty, play any sport she chooses, be rough, or do anything else you or others might think is “for boys”.<br /> <br /> Being a dad with a daughter is a special gift.  It is up to us fathers to make sure we love them unconditionally and support them to thrive.  How they view this world is highly impacted by our interactions with them.  Go hug and kiss your daughter and let her know how lucky you are to be her dad. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 16:30 Gratitude Isn’t Just For Thanksgiving | Dad University Podcast Ep. 247 https://www.daduniversity.com/gratitude-isnt-just-for-thanksgiving-dad-university-podcast-ep-247/ Tue, 03 Dec 2019 16:06:14 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4904 For many people in North America, being thankful and expressing gratitude is something that only happens once a year.  Having a holiday like Thanksgiving shines a light on being thankful and forces everyone to stop and think about gratitude for a second.  The thing we are missing out on is that practicing gratitude is so powerful, that it can literally change your life.  Do you get depressed often?  Do you find yourself wanting more all the time?  A better car? A nicer house?  Is your relationship rocky?  Do you find yourself arguing all the time?  Do your kids drive you crazy? What if I told you that all of these things can improve with gratitude? While thanksgiving is primarily a North American holiday, there are other countries that have similar holidays in which giving thanks and being grateful is part of the celebration.  For many years, one of the traditions of my family was going around the room at Thanksgiving dinner and saying something that you were thankful for. Certainly, it’s a great exercise, especially for young kids to be thinking about gratitude and what they are thankful for. I can’t emphasize enough how impactful gratitude can be. One of the areas I just mentioned was depression. Gratitude is the antidote to depression.  Let me say that again because it’s really important: gratitude is the antidote to depression.  It is nearly impossible to be depressed if you are grateful. So if you are someone that feels down a lot.  You need to start practicing gratitude.  Here’s a disclaimer first.  If you have severe depression, thought of suicide, or have tried many things with no luck, please seek professional help in your area. But for many people who feel down, if there was an easy and FREE way to get you out of your ruts, to bounce back from those times when you are feeling down, would you do it?  I’m not promising this happens overnight, although there have been times where this will change my thought immediately. Here are a couple of things you can do to practice gratitude: 1) Write down what you are grateful for.  Put a notepad next to your bed and right when you wake up or right before you go to sleep, write down 3 things you are grateful for.  I am thankful for the roof over my head, that I have food to eat..  Or maybe you are thankful that your children are healthy.  Writing it down is very important as it solidifies it. While there might be some huge weights keeping you down right now, you are trying to train your brain to think about the positive things instead of the bad. And it works. 2) Gratitude Meditation – Use YouTube or a meditation app and find a 5 minute guided gratitude meditation. You close your eyes and someone will talk you through the meditation.  It’s easy, only takes a few minutes, and it can leave you feeling great afterward. 3) Replace Negative Thoughts With Gratitude – Catch yourself when you say something negative or are thinking about something negative and replace it with a positive, gratitude statement.  For example, this traffic is horrible.  Replace the thought with “I can’t do anything about this traffic, I’m going to listen to some music and enjoy the time I have in the car.”  This one is not easy.  We all have constant negative thoughts throughout the day.  You have to catch yourself when you do this and turn it around.  There are so many ways in which gratitude and being thankful can positively impact our lives: Are you wanting more things all the time?  Car? House? We need to be grateful for what we already have.  More things will come into our lives when we appreciate what we already have. Are you critical of your spouse and always pointing out what they are doing wrong?  Turn it around and focus on what they are doing right.  Did your wife take care of the baby this morning?  Be grateful you have a partner you trust to watch your child.   Did clean underwear just magically appear in your drawer?  Be grateful someone else did your laundry. For many people in North America, being thankful and expressing gratitude is something that only happens once a year.  Having a holiday like Thanksgiving shines a light on being thankful and forces everyone to stop and think about gratitude for a secon... For many people in North America, being thankful and expressing gratitude is something that only happens once a year.  Having a holiday like Thanksgiving shines a light on being thankful and forces everyone to stop and think about gratitude for a second.  The thing we are missing out on is that practicing gratitude is so powerful, that it can literally change your life.  Do you get depressed often?  Do you find yourself wanting more all the time?  A better car? A nicer house?  Is your relationship rocky?  Do you find yourself arguing all the time?  Do your kids drive you crazy? What if I told you that all of these things can improve with gratitude?<br /> <br /> While thanksgiving is primarily a North American holiday, there are other countries that have similar holidays in which giving thanks and being grateful is part of the celebration.  For many years, one of the traditions of my family was going around the room at Thanksgiving dinner and saying something that you were thankful for. Certainly, it’s a great exercise, especially for young kids to be thinking about gratitude and what they are thankful for. I can’t emphasize enough how impactful gratitude can be. One of the areas I just mentioned was depression.<br /> <br /> <br /> Gratitude is the antidote to depression.  Let me say that again because it’s really important: gratitude is the antidote to depression.  It is nearly impossible to be depressed if you are grateful.<br /> <br /> So if you are someone that feels down a lot.  You need to start practicing gratitude.  Here’s a disclaimer first.  If you have severe depression, thought of suicide, or have tried many things with no luck, please seek professional help in your area. But for many people who feel down, if there was an easy and FREE way to get you out of your ruts, to bounce back from those times when you are feeling down, would you do it?  I’m not promising this happens overnight, although there have been times where this will change my thought immediately.<br /> <br /> Here are a couple of things you can do to practice gratitude:<br /> <br /> 1) Write down what you are grateful for.  Put a notepad next to your bed and right when you wake up or right before you go to sleep, write down 3 things you are grateful for.  I am thankful for the roof over my head, that I have food to eat..  Or maybe you are thankful that your children are healthy.  Writing it down is very important as it solidifies it. While there might be some huge weights keeping you down right now, you are trying to train your brain to think about the positive things instead of the bad. And it works.<br /> <br /> 2) Gratitude Meditation – Use YouTube or a meditation app and find a 5 minute guided gratitude meditation. You close your eyes and someone will talk you through the meditation.  It’s easy, only takes a few minutes, and it can leave you feeling great afterward.<br /> <br /> 3) Replace Negative Thoughts With Gratitude – Catch yourself when you say something negative or are thinking about something negative and replace it with a positive, gratitude statement.  For example, this traffic is horrible.  Replace the thought with “I can’t do anything about this traffic, I’m going to listen to some music and enjoy the time I have in the car.”  This one is not easy.  We all have constant negative thoughts throughout the day.  You have to catch yourself when you do this and turn it around.  There are so many ways in which gratitude and being thankful can positively impact our lives: Are you wanting more things all the time?  Car? House? We need to be grateful for what we already have.  More things will come into our lives when we appreciate what we already have. Are you critical of your spouse and always pointing out what they are doing wrong?  Turn it around and focus on what they are doing right.  Did your wife take care of the baby this morning?  Be grateful you have a partner you trust to watch your child. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 20:29 Are You Phubbing Your Family & Friends | Dad University Podcast Ep. 246 https://www.daduniversity.com/are-you-phubbing-your-family-friends-dad-university-podcast-ep-246/ Tue, 26 Nov 2019 22:07:13 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4745 Sitting there waiting for someone to finish being on their phone is not very enjoyable. You are being ignored and not paid attention to. This is phubbing, the combination of being on your phone and snubbing someone. It's happening all over but especially within families.  In today's podcast, we are going to go over what you can do if someone is phubbing you and if you are the one guilty of phubbing, we will give a few tips so you can stop it. There is an overarching category to when technology devices interrupt or intrude our lives, this is defined as technoference.  It's the mix of technology and interference.  This is happening in our families and only getting worse as rings, notifications beeps and vibrations happen more frequently. You are playing with your child and your phone in your pocket beeps or vibrates.  You got a message!  You have to check it and that is a technoference. Taking it a step further, If you are paying attention to your mobile phone instead of the person you are with, you are a phubber.  Phubbing effects our families (including our children and spouses) as well as our friends and people in the workplace. The word phubbing was created by the McCann advertising agency in 2012 as part of a marketing campaign for the Macquarie Dictionary.  It means the combination of phone and snubbing. When someone phubs you, you may feel less important, rejected , or excluded and this can have a negative impact on you.  It's not a good feeling. Now, the most common phubbing that happens is between partners or spouses.  If it is your spouse who is phubbing you, here are a few things you can do to try to reduce it:  1)   Have a direct conversation - Your spouse may not even realize that they are phubbing you. Have a phubbing intervention. You may say, "Sometimes when we are together, and even when I'm talking to you. your head is in your phone.  I'm being phubbed and I feel like you are ignoring me.  Let them know it's not welcomed. 2) Be more entertaining or interesting - You might not like this one but take a hard look at yourself and see if maybe you are really boring.  Is the phubbing possibly justified because you are not making any effort to engage your spouse.  Ask them to go on a walk, play a game, do something rather than just sitting and wishing they would pay attention to you.  3) Create rules - In our house, we have a rule that there are no electronics at the dinner table.  Maybe when you are on a date together, phones are put away and only used to be available for an emergency.  Come up with the rules regarding phone usage when together that are realistic and that you both can live by. These tips can help you reduce your spouse's phubbing.  But what if you are the phubber?  What if you are phubbing your children?  If you are, then you are communicating to them that the phone is more important than them. Whether you are phubbing your spouse or your child, there are some things you can do to try to end your phubbing. 1) Reduce notifications -  Turning them off is best but I understand this may be too revolutionary of a concept.  But is there anything that important that can't wait?  You have to know that someone sent you a Facebook or Instagram message?  Turning off or reducing notifications can help reduce the temptation to even be on your phone.  This can pre-empt the phubbing.  You get a message and before you know it, you are down a deep rabbit hole of pictures of classic cars. 2) Ask yourself: Can this wait? - When you pull out your phone, is it really that important?  Or are you simply on autopilot, bored, or not even realizing you are doing it? Before you grab your phone, ask yourself if it can wait. 3) Be present - If your spouse or child is in the room and you happen to be on your phone, maybe consider putting the phone down or away.  Show them that they are more important than the phone.  When you are alone, go for it.  But when others are present, Sitting there waiting for someone to finish being on their phone is not very enjoyable. You are being ignored and not paid attention to. This is phubbing, the combination of being on your phone and snubbing someone. Sitting there waiting for someone to finish being on their phone is not very enjoyable. You are being ignored and not paid attention to. This is phubbing, the combination of being on your phone and snubbing someone.<br /> It's happening all over but especially within families.  In today's podcast, we are going to go over what you can do if someone is phubbing you and if you are the one guilty of phubbing, we will give a few tips so you can stop it.<br /> There is an overarching category to when technology devices interrupt or intrude our lives, this is defined as technoference.  It's the mix of technology and interference.  This is happening in our families and only getting worse as rings, notifications beeps and vibrations happen more frequently.<br /> <br /> You are playing with your child and your phone in your pocket beeps or vibrates.  You got a message!  You have to check it and that is a technoference.<br /> <br /> Taking it a step further, If you are paying attention to your mobile phone instead of the person you are with, you are a phubber.  Phubbing effects our families (including our children and spouses) as well as our friends and people in the workplace.<br /> <br /> The word phubbing was created by the McCann advertising agency in 2012 as part of a marketing campaign for the Macquarie Dictionary.  It means the combination of phone and snubbing. When someone phubs you, you may feel less important, rejected , or excluded and this can have a negative impact on you.  It's not a good feeling.<br /> <br /> Now, the most common phubbing that happens is between partners or spouses.  If it is your spouse who is phubbing you, here are a few things you can do to try to reduce it:<br /> <br />  1)   Have a direct conversation - Your spouse may not even realize that they are phubbing you. Have a phubbing intervention. You may say, "Sometimes when we are together, and even when I'm talking to you. your head is in your phone.  I'm being phubbed and I feel like you are ignoring me.  Let them know it's not welcomed.<br /> <br /> 2) Be more entertaining or interesting - You might not like this one but take a hard look at yourself and see if maybe you are really boring.  Is the phubbing possibly justified because you are not making any effort to engage your spouse.  Ask them to go on a walk, play a game, do something rather than just sitting and wishing they would pay attention to you.<br /> <br />  3) Create rules - In our house, we have a rule that there are no electronics at the dinner table.  Maybe when you are on a date together, phones are put away and only used to be available for an emergency.  Come up with the rules regarding phone usage when together that are realistic and that you both can live by.<br /> <br /> These tips can help you reduce your spouse's phubbing.  But what if you are the phubber?  What if you are phubbing your children?  If you are, then you are communicating to them that the phone is more important than them.<br /> <br /> Whether you are phubbing your spouse or your child, there are some things you can do to try to end your phubbing.<br /> <br /> 1) Reduce notifications -  Turning them off is best but I understand this may be too revolutionary of a concept.  But is there anything that important that can't wait?  You have to know that someone sent you a Facebook or Instagram message?  Turning off or reducing notifications can help reduce the temptation to even be on your phone.  This can pre-empt the phubbing.  You get a message and before you know it, you are down a deep rabbit hole of pictures of classic cars.<br /> <br /> 2) Ask yourself: Can this wait? - When you pull out your phone, is it really that important?  Or are you simply on autopilot, bored, or not even realizing you are doing it? Before you grab your phone, ask yourself if it can wait.<br /> 3) Be present - If your spouse or child is in the room and you happen to be on your phone, Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 19:28 The Effects of Cyberbullying | Dad University Podcast Ep. 245 https://www.daduniversity.com/the-effects-of-cyberbullying-dad-university-podcast-ep-245/ Tue, 19 Nov 2019 22:04:55 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4740 Well although it’s past already, October was national bullying prevention month. Unlike the playground and school bullying of yesterday, today's bullying doesn't allow you to feel safe at home and the ease to be anonymous can make the threats and fear much worse. Welcome to Cyberbullying.  Through the use of social media, text messages, and email....cyberbullying is the nightmare that too many kids are having to deal with. According to the Pew Research Center, 59% of U.S. teens have experienced cyberbullying.  That's a big number!   On this podcast, we are going to discuss some of the effects of cyberbullying and how we as parents can help stop it. Before we dive into Cyberbullyingg I want to introduce you to our sponsor of this podcast, the app Bark. Bark is an app that monitors texts, YouTube, email, and 24 social media platforms and apps.  It looks for interactions that are perceived as harmful and detects them. Cyberbullying is one of the things bark looks for, but also drugs/alcohol, sex, mental health, suicide, etc.  Once something is detected it notifies you the parent via text and email. This avoids you having to go through all of your child's messages and posts which can be extremely time-consuming but also can feel like an invasion of privacy.  Bark monitors everything and simply notifies you when there is something of concern. Bark is offering Dad University listeners a special 1 free month and if you like it there is a small monthly fee...it is so worth it.  Bark also works with schools for free which is awesome. You can visit bark.us/daduniversity and get your 1 month free.  I’ll also link it in the show notes. https://www.bark.us/?ref=daduniversity#signup When I was growing up, kids would spread false rumors, name call, or receive physical threats.  And if you were bullied like this it felt horrible. So you take that bully behavior and you amplify it, add the ability to do it 24/7, add anonymity, and then you have cyberbullying. Cyberbullying brings harassment to another level, outing people by sharing private information, excluding someone from online discussions and then talking about them, to even setting up fake profiles just to harass someone. The effects of cyberbullying are pretty troublesome.  Similar to traditional bullying, some of the effects include depression anxiety poor grades lower self-esteem health-related issues alcohol or drug use Kids who are cyberbullied often feel that they can't escape it.  The bullying is etched in history online and it seems it will last forever.  They feel lonely, powerless, and they will often lose sleep because of it. So how can we prevent or stop cyberbullying?  As a parent, we need to make sure our children are aware of how wrong any type of bullying is.  So, of course, we absolutely want to make sure our child is not doing the bullying. Another important part is that children understand that being a witness of cyberbullying and doing nothing about it, is also bad.  Kids need to feel confident enough to intervene and let their peers know that it is not ok to cyberbully someone else. While there are currently no federal laws on cyberbullying, state laws are taking shape and schools are becoming more involved as they realize the escalating problem.  But we can't always leave it up to the law. Here are some additional ways to stop cyberbullying: 1) Know what your child is doing online - You need to be aware of the apps they are using and how they interact with those apps.  Make it easy on yourself and use a service like our sponsor Bark.  Monitor what they are doing online. 2) Take it seriously - Be sure to investigate if something is going on.  Don't minimize what your child could be experiencing.  Catching these situations early is going to make it easier to stop. 3) Look for warning signs -  Stopbullying.gov says to look out for changes in device usage patterns, watch for emotional responses to their device, Well although it’s past already, October was national bullying prevention month. Unlike the playground and school bullying of yesterday, today's bullying doesn't allow you to feel safe at home and the ease to be anonymous can make the threats and fear ... Well although it’s past already, October was national bullying prevention month. Unlike the playground and school bullying of yesterday, today's bullying doesn't allow you to feel safe at home and the ease to be anonymous can make the threats and fear much worse.<br /> Welcome to Cyberbullying.  Through the use of social media, text messages, and email....cyberbullying is the nightmare that too many kids are having to deal with.<br /> <br /> According to the Pew Research Center, 59% of U.S. teens have experienced cyberbullying.  That's a big number!   On this podcast, we are going to discuss some of the effects of cyberbullying and how we as parents can help stop it.<br /> <br /> Before we dive into Cyberbullyingg I want to introduce you to our sponsor of this podcast, the app Bark.<br /> <br /> Bark is an app that monitors texts, YouTube, email, and 24 social media platforms and apps.  It looks for interactions that are perceived as harmful and detects them. Cyberbullying is one of the things bark looks for, but also drugs/alcohol, sex, mental health, suicide, etc.  Once something is detected it notifies you the parent via text and email. This avoids you having to go through all of your child's messages and posts which can be extremely time-consuming but also can feel like an invasion of privacy.  Bark monitors everything and simply notifies you when there is something of concern.<br /> <br /> Bark is offering Dad University listeners a special 1 free month and if you like it there is a small monthly fee...it is so worth it.  Bark also works with schools for free which is awesome. You can visit bark.us/daduniversity and get your 1 month free.  I’ll also link it in the show notes.<br /> https://www.bark.us/?ref=daduniversity#signup<br /> <br /> When I was growing up, kids would spread false rumors, name call, or receive physical threats.  And if you were bullied like this it felt horrible. So you take that bully behavior and you amplify it, add the ability to do it 24/7, add anonymity, and then you have cyberbullying.<br /> <br /> Cyberbullying brings harassment to another level, outing people by sharing private information, excluding someone from online discussions and then talking about them, to even setting up fake profiles just to harass someone.<br /> The effects of cyberbullying are pretty troublesome.  Similar to traditional bullying, some of the effects include<br /> <br /> depression<br /> anxiety<br /> poor grades<br /> lower self-esteem<br /> health-related issues<br /> alcohol or drug use<br /> <br /> Kids who are cyberbullied often feel that they can't escape it.  The bullying is etched in history online and it seems it will last forever.  They feel lonely, powerless, and they will often lose sleep because of it.<br /> <br /> So how can we prevent or stop cyberbullying?  As a parent, we need to make sure our children are aware of how wrong any type of bullying is.  So, of course, we absolutely want to make sure our child is not doing the bullying.<br /> Another important part is that children understand that being a witness of cyberbullying and doing nothing about it, is also bad.  Kids need to feel confident enough to intervene and let their peers know that it is not ok to cyberbully someone else.<br /> <br /> While there are currently no federal laws on cyberbullying, state laws are taking shape and schools are becoming more involved as they realize the escalating problem.  But we can't always leave it up to the law.<br /> <br /> Here are some additional ways to stop cyberbullying:<br /> <br /> 1) Know what your child is doing online - You need to be aware of the apps they are using and how they interact with those apps.  Make it easy on yourself and use a service like our sponsor Bark.  Monitor what they are doing online.<br /> <br /> 2) Take it seriously - Be sure to investigate if something is going on.  Don't minimize what your child could be experiencing. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 22:32 Why Are Family Traditions Important | Dad University Podcast Ep. 244 https://www.daduniversity.com/why-are-family-traditions-important-dad-university-podcast-ep-244/ Tue, 12 Nov 2019 22:03:09 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4737 Traditions & rituals are practices or beliefs which are passed down from generation to generation. There are a couple of types of traditions. Religious traditions, Holiday traditions, Cultural traditions, and Family Traditions. For this podcast I want to focus on family traditions.  We will cover why family traditions are important and go over some family tradition examples you can implement. For me, some of my favorite memories as a kid were around family traditions.  Having dinner nearly every night together, my mom and I going through the drive-through of a fast-food restaurant every week, or my sisters and I traveling for this big swim meet every year and we got to stay in a hotel. Now as a parent I look back at those family traditions I had and I want to create some with my own kids. Here are 9 reasons why family traditions are important to me. 1) They create positive memories - and the memories last a lifetime.  Some of mine go back 35-40 years to when I was a young child. 2) Family traditions provide consistency or continuity - Children thrive on routine.  We see that from when they are a baby, into toddlers, and beyond.  Consistency is a positive thing for kids. 3) It promotes bonding - Whether you are spending time doing a family tradition or the family tradition involved beliefs, it offers that cohesiveness that promotes bonding. 4) Family traditions help create a sense of identity - This is our family thing, this is what we do.  That sense of identity can be very valuable to children as they get older.  The lack of identity can sometimes lead them down an unwanted path. 5) Shows commitment - It's not easy to commit to something on a regular basis.  Commitment is an important trait. 6) It Increases family values - Family traditions reinforce the importance of family.  Sure there are other factors but I think my family's traditions growing up did contribute to me realizing how important family was.  7) Offers belonging - Like the sense of identity, feeling like you belong to something is really crucial to nearly all humans.  If it's not in a positive way, we will seek it out in a negative way. 8) Family traditions are something to look forward to - Through research, it has been found that one of the keys to happiness is having something to look forward to. Family traditions can help with that. 9) Most of the time they are fun and enjoyable - They typically have an overall positive impact on your mood. So now you understand why family traditions are so important.  They can have a huge impact on our lives.  There are tons of examples of family traditions, but if you are looking for some inspiration, here are some family tradition ideas: 1) Secret Handshake - Maybe when you are holding your child's hand, you squeeze it 3 times to say "I love you".  My wife and I do this along with our kids. 2) Bedtime Stories - Whether you read out of a book or make them up, bedtime stories never get old.  Well, your teen might think differently. 3) Family Game night - Bust out those old fashioned board games or cards and play some games to create a family tradition. 4) Movie night - Make some popcorn and rotate who gets to choose the movie. You can be really adventurous and even set up a movie screen outside. 5) Saturday/Sunday morning breakfast - make a special meal or go out on the weekends where you get to take your time and enjoy each other's company. 6) Have a Weekly family meeting - We talk about this in our video about family rules, but a weekly family meeting can be a great tradition for everyone to know what is going on. 7) Family Service Day - Volunteer as a family.  This could be for your local community, religious organization, or even just your neighborhood.  Teaching the kids about volunteering is an extra bonus. 8) Family Vacations - Whether you go to the same place every year or switch it up, either way, those family vacations will be memorable and you will ... Traditions & rituals are practices or beliefs which are passed down from generation to generation. There are a couple of types of traditions. Religious traditions, Holiday traditions, Cultural traditions, and Family Traditions. Traditions & rituals are practices or beliefs which are passed down from generation to generation. There are a couple of types of traditions. Religious traditions, Holiday traditions, Cultural traditions, and Family Traditions.<br /> For this podcast I want to focus on family traditions.  We will cover why family traditions are important and go over some family tradition examples you can implement.<br /> <br /> For me, some of my favorite memories as a kid were around family traditions.  Having dinner nearly every night together, my mom and I going through the drive-through of a fast-food restaurant every week, or my sisters and I traveling for this big swim meet every year and we got to stay in a hotel.<br /> <br /> Now as a parent I look back at those family traditions I had and I want to create some with my own kids. Here are 9 reasons why family traditions are important to me.<br /> <br /> 1) They create positive memories - and the memories last a lifetime.  Some of mine go back 35-40 years to when I was a young child.<br /> <br /> 2) Family traditions provide consistency or continuity - Children thrive on routine.  We see that from when they are a baby, into toddlers, and beyond.  Consistency is a positive thing for kids.<br /> <br /> 3) It promotes bonding - Whether you are spending time doing a family tradition or the family tradition involved beliefs, it offers that cohesiveness that promotes bonding.<br /> <br /> 4) Family traditions help create a sense of identity - This is our family thing, this is what we do.  That sense of identity can be very valuable to children as they get older.  The lack of identity can sometimes lead them down an unwanted path.<br /> <br /> 5) Shows commitment - It's not easy to commit to something on a regular basis.  Commitment is an important trait.<br /> <br /> 6) It Increases family values - Family traditions reinforce the importance of family.  Sure there are other factors but I think my family's traditions growing up did contribute to me realizing how important family was.<br /> <br />  7) Offers belonging - Like the sense of identity, feeling like you belong to something is really crucial to nearly all humans.  If it's not in a positive way, we will seek it out in a negative way.<br /> <br /> 8) Family traditions are something to look forward to - Through research, it has been found that one of the keys to happiness is having something to look forward to. Family traditions can help with that.<br /> <br /> 9) Most of the time they are fun and enjoyable - They typically have an overall positive impact on your mood.<br /> <br /> So now you understand why family traditions are so important.  They can have a huge impact on our lives.  There are tons of examples of family traditions, but if you are looking for some inspiration, here are some family tradition ideas:<br /> <br /> 1) Secret Handshake - Maybe when you are holding your child's hand, you squeeze it 3 times to say "I love you".  My wife and I do this along with our kids.<br /> <br /> 2) Bedtime Stories - Whether you read out of a book or make them up, bedtime stories never get old.  Well, your teen might think differently.<br /> <br /> 3) Family Game night - Bust out those old fashioned board games or cards and play some games to create a family tradition.<br /> <br /> 4) Movie night - Make some popcorn and rotate who gets to choose the movie. You can be really adventurous and even set up a movie screen outside.<br /> <br /> 5) Saturday/Sunday morning breakfast - make a special meal or go out on the weekends where you get to take your time and enjoy each other's company.<br /> <br /> 6) Have a Weekly family meeting - We talk about this in our video about family rules, but a weekly family meeting can be a great tradition for everyone to know what is going on.<br /> <br /> 7) Family Service Day - Volunteer as a family.  This could be for your local community, religious organization, Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 20:57 How New Dads Can Bond With Their Baby | Dad University Podcast Ep. 243 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-new-dads-can-bond-with-their-baby-dad-university-podcast-ep-243/ Tue, 05 Nov 2019 21:27:45 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4733 If you are about to have a baby or you just had one, you are probably feeling a lot of different emotions. You may be excited, scared, happy, or even anxious. The combination of all of those emotions is pretty common. To set expectations and be very clear, everyone is different. I also want to say right off the bat, it's ok if you don't feel the bond with the baby right away. I remember my wife and I brought our first child (our son) home from the hospital and we set him on the bed, we looked at each other, and I said "ok, now what do we do". She was a labor and delivery nurse so she was a lot more comfortable with a baby than I was. She also seemed to have a bond with our son right away. Granted she carried him for 9 months, was breastfeeding, and spent more time with him. It actually took me a few months after he was born to really start feeling that connected to him. If your baby is still in the womb (it hasn't been born yet), here are a few things you can try to increase the bonding with your baby. First, feel the baby move - Put your hands on your wife's stomach and feel the baby kick or move. It gets real when you feel the baby kick or a turn. Experiencing the movement of your child in the womb can help with the bonding. Your wife feels this a lot so it's nice to be able to also feel the movement. Another, talk, sing, or read to the baby - You can foster the bonding process by being verbal. Your baby gets to hear your voice but also you get to feel like you are communicating with it. Many experts recommend this, and some people love doing it. For me, talking into my wife's belly just didn't come naturally. I forced myself to do it a little bit, but it wasn't my thing. It is worth a try. Next, Get a Sonogram - Get a printout or digital copy of the ultrasound - it makes it tangible. When I saw the actual form of our child it was crazy. It was fascinating. I couldn't believe that it was our baby. For many, this makes it real and can assist with the bonding. The last thing prior to the baby being born...and I'm putting it in this section because it requires planning prior to the baby being born is taking Paternity Leave. I understand not everyone has the ability to take off the time, but if you can, I would highly suggest it. Paternity leave gives you the ability to spend that early time with your child. Once the baby is born, there are definitely some things you can do to try to increase bonding. Again, keep in mind it's ok if you don't feel a really strong bond right away. This is common. 1) Skin to skin contact - It's a pretty cool feeling for both of you. You could lie down or recline in a chair and put the baby on your chest. Another way would be to give your baby a massage. Allow their skin to touch your skin. Both the lying on your chest and a massage are great ways to improve bonding. 2) Feeding - If your wife is breastfeeding, she may pump some milk which would give you the opportunity to do feedings. If she is not breastfeeding and you are using formula, use that feeding time to bond with your newborn. 3) Changing diapers - The time you are changing a diaper can really be used as a bonding time with your child. Make diaper changing a positive experience where you get to interact instead of it being a chore you have to do. 4) Bathing - Most babies seem to really enjoy warm baths so you can bond with your baby by giving them a bath. Bath time was an awesome bonding time in our house. You can even get in the bath with your baby if you want. 5) Wear your baby - You can use a baby carrier to be close to your baby and still be able to do other things. Babywearing (especially for dads) has become more popular over the years. The closeness as well as being able to share activities can assist with bonding. 6) Eye contact - Look at your baby, smile, make faces. You can communicate with them just with facial expressions. Your newborn may eventually try to imitate your expressions ... If you are about to have a baby or you just had one, you are probably feeling a lot of different emotions. You may be excited, scared, happy, or even anxious. The combination of all of those emotions is pretty common. If you are about to have a baby or you just had one, you are probably feeling a lot of different emotions. You may be excited, scared, happy, or even anxious. The combination of all of those emotions is pretty common. To set expectations and be very clear, everyone is different. I also want to say right off the bat, it's ok if you don't feel the bond with the baby right away.<br /> <br /> I remember my wife and I brought our first child (our son) home from the hospital and we set him on the bed, we looked at each other, and I said "ok, now what do we do".<br /> <br /> She was a labor and delivery nurse so she was a lot more comfortable with a baby than I was. She also seemed to have a bond with our son right away. Granted she carried him for 9 months, was breastfeeding, and spent more time with him. It actually took me a few months after he was born to really start feeling that connected to him. If your baby is still in the womb (it hasn't been born yet), here are a few things you can try to increase the bonding with your baby.<br /> <br /> First, feel the baby move - Put your hands on your wife's stomach and feel the baby kick or move. It gets real when you feel the baby kick or a turn.<br /> Experiencing the movement of your child in the womb can help with the bonding. Your wife feels this a lot so it's nice to be able to also feel the movement.<br /> <br /> Another, talk, sing, or read to the baby - You can foster the bonding process by being verbal. Your baby gets to hear your voice but also you get to feel like you are communicating with it. Many experts recommend this, and some people love doing it. For me, talking into my wife's belly just didn't come naturally. I forced myself to do it a little bit, but it wasn't my thing. It is worth a try.<br /> <br /> Next, Get a Sonogram - Get a printout or digital copy of the ultrasound - it makes it tangible. When I saw the actual form of our child it was crazy. It was fascinating. I couldn't believe that it was our baby. For many, this makes it real and can assist with the bonding.<br /> <br /> The last thing prior to the baby being born...and I'm putting it in this section because it requires planning prior to the baby being born is taking Paternity Leave.<br /> <br /> I understand not everyone has the ability to take off the time, but if you can, I would highly suggest it. Paternity leave gives you the ability to spend that early time with your child.<br /> <br /> Once the baby is born, there are definitely some things you can do to try to increase bonding. Again, keep in mind it's ok if you don't feel a really strong bond right away. This is common.<br /> <br /> 1) Skin to skin contact - It's a pretty cool feeling for both of you. You could lie down or recline in a chair and put the baby on your chest. Another way would be to give your baby a massage. Allow their skin to touch your skin. Both the lying on your chest and a massage are great ways to improve bonding.<br /> <br /> 2) Feeding - If your wife is breastfeeding, she may pump some milk which would give you the opportunity to do feedings. If she is not breastfeeding and you are using formula, use that feeding time to bond with your newborn.<br /> <br /> 3) Changing diapers - The time you are changing a diaper can really be used as a bonding time with your child. Make diaper changing a positive experience where you get to interact instead of it being a chore you have to do.<br /> <br /> 4) Bathing - Most babies seem to really enjoy warm baths so you can bond with your baby by giving them a bath. Bath time was an awesome bonding time in our house. You can even get in the bath with your baby if you want.<br /> <br /> 5) Wear your baby - You can use a baby carrier to be close to your baby and still be able to do other things. Babywearing (especially for dads) has become more popular over the years. The closeness as well as being able to share activities can assist with bonding.<br /> <br /> Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 18:21 Co-Host Alan is Now a Father! | Dad University Podcast Ep. 242 https://www.daduniversity.com/co-host-alan-is-now-a-father-dad-university-podcast-ep-242/ Tue, 29 Oct 2019 20:23:35 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4730 Our Co-Host Alan Bush is now a father! In this episode we give him a huge congratulations and discuss some surprises, struggles, favorites and more! Our Co-Host Alan Bush is now a father! In this episode we give him a huge congratulations and discuss some surprises, struggles, favorites and more! Our Co-Host Alan Bush is now a father! In this episode we give him a huge congratulations and discuss some surprises, struggles, favorites and more! Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 26:24 Top 10 Things Couples Fight About | Dad University Podcast Ep. 241 https://www.daduniversity.com/top-10-things-couples-fight-about-dad-university-podcast-ep-241/ Tue, 22 Oct 2019 20:20:23 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4725 Money - how it's being spent, that there isn't enough.  Feeling financially stressed can cause all sorts of issues Sex/Intimacy - Frequency of it, type Kids - behavior, how to discipline, how the other ones handle a situation. Chores / Responsibilities - Are you pulling your weight? One spouse often feels like they are doing much more than the other. Work - Staying late, the complaints that come with it.  The obligations and stress it causes.  We can sometimes be pulled in two different directions. Spouses can build up resentment blaming everything on the job. Habits - Leaving the toilet seat up, to dirty clothes being on the floor, to toothpaste cap not being on.  I'd say in my house we actually don't argue a lot about habits but the one could be music.  My wife will play music really loud, especially in the morning.  My kids and her love it and I can't stand it. I need quiet in the morning. Relatives / Extended Family - From the mother in law to the crazy uncle, the extended family doesn't get unconditional love from the spouse.  This can be a big source of friction.  The rule iI was always taught is to stay out of your spouse's family's issues.  Let each handle their own side. Jealousy - Whether because they are spending time with someone else or they give their attention to someone else, jealousy can be a big source of arguments. Free Time - what you do in your free time and how much free time you get.  There often seems to be a discrepancy in how much free time each gets Friends - One doesn't like who the other hangs out with.  The bad influence, taking time away from theirs Money - how it's being spent, that there isn't enough.  Feeling financially stressed can cause all sorts of issues - Sex/Intimacy - Frequency of it, type - Kids - behavior, how to discipline, how the other ones handle a situation. - Money - how it's being spent, that there isn't enough.  Feeling financially stressed can cause all sorts of issues<br /> <br /> Sex/Intimacy - Frequency of it, type<br /> <br /> Kids - behavior, how to discipline, how the other ones handle a situation.<br /> <br /> Chores / Responsibilities - Are you pulling your weight? One spouse often feels like they are doing much more than the other.<br /> <br /> Work - Staying late, the complaints that come with it.  The obligations and stress it causes.  We can sometimes be pulled in two different directions. Spouses can build up resentment blaming everything on the job.<br /> <br /> Habits - Leaving the toilet seat up, to dirty clothes being on the floor, to toothpaste cap not being on.  I'd say in my house we actually don't argue a lot about habits but the one could be music.  My wife will play music really loud, especially in the morning.  My kids and her love it and I can't stand it. I need quiet in the morning.<br /> <br /> Relatives / Extended Family - From the mother in law to the crazy uncle, the extended family doesn't get unconditional love from the spouse.  This can be a big source of friction.  The rule iI was always taught is to stay out of your spouse's family's issues.  Let each handle their own side.<br /> <br /> Jealousy - Whether because they are spending time with someone else or they give their attention to someone else, jealousy can be a big source of arguments.<br /> <br /> Free Time - what you do in your free time and how much free time you get.  There often seems to be a discrepancy in how much free time each gets<br /> <br /> Friends - One doesn't like who the other hangs out with.  The bad influence, taking time away from theirs Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 17:30 5 Love Languages of Children | Dad University Podcast Ep. 240 https://www.daduniversity.com/5-love-languages-of-children-dad-university-podcast-ep-240/ Tue, 15 Oct 2019 20:17:30 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4719 The way we give love and receive love is called our love language.  The concept of love languages was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman with his 1992 book The Five Love Languages that has sold over 12 million copies. In 1997 he got together with Dr. Ross Campbell and authored the book The 5 Love Languages of Children.  The ideas in this book are really powerful in that every child is different.  If you don't speak your child's love language, they may not feel loved. In this episode, we are going to go over the 5 love languages for children so you can identify your child's primary love language so you can build a stronger relationship with them.  With a 5 star rating on amazon and over 1100 reviews, this book and it's concepts have proven why it is so popular.  The 5 Love Languages of Children helps us discover how to best show our children that we love them. Of course it's good to show them love in multiple ways and most children are receptive to all of them, but usually, a child (just like adults) has a primary love language. Let's go over these 5 love languages for children: #1. Words of Affirmation - A child whose primary love language is words of affirmation feels loved when we use encouraging words and phrases to them.  They enjoy compliments like "you did that so well" or "thank you for helping me with cleaning." Both written and verbal expressions are powerful so you can say "I love you" or write a note for them expressing how special they are.  It's the words that make them feel loved. #2 Gifts - Children with this love language like tangible tokens of love.  Often these gifts can become symbols of love. Some examples of gifts may be getting them a book that you can read together or putting a favorite photo in a frame so they can put it in their room.  It feels like all kids like gifts but for these children, the gifts are often seen as an extension of your love. #3. Acts of Service - Maybe your child really feels loved when you fix their favorite toy or you make their favorite meal for them.   When children are younger, acts of service are often doing things for them that they may not be able to do themselves. As they get older, the acts of service are activities that cause them to feel loved and appreciated.   You may sit down and do their homework with them.  Figure out what acts of service you can do for them that they would really appreciate. #4 Quality Time - Quality time is doing something together and your child receiving focused attention.  If you have multiple children, be sure to spend one-on-one time with your quality time child. This could be coloring or reading with them...or sitting down and playing a game.  Spending time together makes them feel loved. It's not necessarily the activity but the time spent together. #5 Physical Touch - A child that is always snuggling up to you, or wants to constantly sit on your lap, this is a child who's primary love language is probably physical touch. They get fulfilled by your hugs and kisses, your backrubs or running your fingers through their hair.  Physical touch is so important to them and it's how they feel close and loved. With any of these love languages, there can be some pitfalls.  Think of the child that you have to always buy presents for in order for them to feel loved or the child requires a lot of your extra time to get their love cup filled. As with anything, you want to mindful that balance is important.  If you are constantly doing everything for your child because their love language is acts of service, this can negative. In that case, your act of service can be teaching them to be able to do things for themselves. All of these love languages for children are about us as dads being able to create a strong bond with our child.  When you understand your child's love language, your efforts are much more effective. The way we give love and receive love is called our love language.  The concept of love languages was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman with his 1992 book The Five Love Languages that has sold over 12 million copies. In 1997 he got together with Dr. The way we give love and receive love is called our love language.  The concept of love languages was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman with his 1992 book The Five Love Languages that has sold over 12 million copies. In 1997 he got together with Dr. Ross Campbell and authored the book The 5 Love Languages of Children.  The ideas in this book are really powerful in that every child is different.  If you don't speak your child's love language, they may not feel loved.<br /> <br /> In this episode, we are going to go over the 5 love languages for children so you can identify your child's primary love language so you can build a stronger relationship with them.  With a 5 star rating on amazon and over 1100 reviews, this book and it's concepts have proven why it is so popular.  The 5 Love Languages of Children helps us discover how to best show our children that we love them. Of course it's good to show them love in multiple ways and most children are receptive to all of them, but usually, a child (just like adults) has a primary love language.<br /> Let's go over these 5 love languages for children:<br /> <br /> #1. Words of Affirmation - A child whose primary love language is words of affirmation feels loved when we use encouraging words and phrases to them.  They enjoy compliments like "you did that so well" or "thank you for helping me with cleaning." Both written and verbal expressions are powerful so you can say "I love you" or write a note for them expressing how special they are.  It's the words that make them feel loved.<br /> <br /> #2 Gifts - Children with this love language like tangible tokens of love.  Often these gifts can become symbols of love.<br /> Some examples of gifts may be getting them a book that you can read together or putting a favorite photo in a frame so they can put it in their room.  It feels like all kids like gifts but for these children, the gifts are often seen as an extension of your love.<br /> <br /> #3. Acts of Service - Maybe your child really feels loved when you fix their favorite toy or you make their favorite meal for them.   When children are younger, acts of service are often doing things for them that they may not be able to do themselves. As they get older, the acts of service are activities that cause them to feel loved and appreciated.   You may sit down and do their homework with them.  Figure out what acts of service you can do for them that they would really appreciate.<br /> <br /> #4 Quality Time - Quality time is doing something together and your child receiving focused attention.  If you have multiple children, be sure to spend one-on-one time with your quality time child. This could be coloring or reading with them...or sitting down and playing a game.  Spending time together makes them feel loved. It's not necessarily the activity but the time spent together.<br /> <br /> #5 Physical Touch - A child that is always snuggling up to you, or wants to constantly sit on your lap, this is a child who's primary love language is probably physical touch. They get fulfilled by your hugs and kisses, your backrubs or running your fingers through their hair.  Physical touch is so important to them and it's how they feel close and loved. With any of these love languages, there can be some pitfalls.  Think of the child that you have to always buy presents for in order for them to feel loved or the child requires a lot of your extra time to get their love cup filled.<br /> <br /> As with anything, you want to mindful that balance is important.  If you are constantly doing everything for your child because their love language is acts of service, this can negative. In that case, your act of service can be teaching them to be able to do things for themselves.<br /> <br /> All of these love languages for children are about us as dads being able to create a strong bond with our child.  When you understand your child's love language, your efforts are much more effective. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 14:38 Fatherly Advice I Wish I Knew Then | Dad University Podcast Ep. 239 https://www.daduniversity.com/fatherly-advice-i-wish-i-knew-then-dad-university-podcast-ep-239/ Tue, 08 Oct 2019 20:01:23 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4713 Have you ever heard the phrase hindsight is 20/20?  It basically means it's easy to know the right thing to do AFTER it happens.  This happens when being a father. We look back and wish we had that fatherly advice that would have helped us to do something differently or change our perspective on something.  Oh, that's only me? In this episode, I wanted to go over some of the best fatherly advice I wish I knew earlier in fatherhood. It probably would have saved me from a lot of frustration.   If you knew then what you know now, would you do anything differently?  I would have.  Here is some fatherly advice that I wish I would have known then: Patience Is a Virtue -  This means to be able to wait for something without becoming frustrated is a valuable character trait. Patience in being a father is extremely valuable.  By nature, I'm not that patient.  But the fatherly advice here is that the more patient you can be as a father, the better.  Being a father is a marathon, not a sprint.  and your child will test your patience all the time. When they are a baby it's going to be the crying, feeding, or the changing of diapers.  When they are a toddler it's going to be the tantrums, defiance, and whining.  When they get older it's going to be them not listening or moving much slower than you desire. Again, your child will test your patience so it's best you learn it, practice, and become Mr patience. Your Child Should Respect You, Not Fear You -  If you are ruling your kids by fear, either by yelling, being aggressive, or anything that creates fear in them, there are better ways to be a father. The combination of being kind and firm is the best IMO. Kindness shows respect for the child and firmness shows respect for ourselves and the needs of the situation. Being fatherly isn't creating fear in your child, it's creating mutual respect which will create a powerful bond and relationship. Next...Mistakes Are the Best Teachers - You are going to have some awesome days as a father, but understand you will also have some bad days.  You are going to make mistakes.  From diaper changes to discipline, we just can't get it right every time.  The fatherly advice is to give yourself a break and don't be so hard on yourself when you make a mistake.  Just try not to repeat mistakes.   Learning from our mistakes is the key. Your Child Isn't Out To Get You - This fatherly advice is hard to remember in the heat of the moment, but you will find yourself arguing with your young child thinking they are trying to make you angry, irritate you, or test you. They are not. Young children, are just trying to figure out what is going on in this big world.  Don't take it personally.  They are not trying to make your life miserable, they are just learning the ways of the world. The Days Are Long But The Years Are Short - Remember I said at the beginning of this video that being a father is a marathon, not a sprint.  When you are dealing with newborns, toddlers, and in quite frankly...the first few years, it is just not easy. The days are long.  Many people said, "the time goes by so fast".  I didn't believe them as I was going through it.  Now my children are 9 and 11 and it has gone by fast. The years are short. The fatherly advice is to enjoy the present.  You get to decide how those long days effect you.  If you can put your role as a father into proper perspective and understand how important you being a father is, you will be just fine. We would love to hear from you. Have you ever heard the phrase hindsight is 20/20?  It basically means it's easy to know the right thing to do AFTER it happens.  This happens when being a father. We look back and wish we had that fatherly advice that would have helped us to do someth... Have you ever heard the phrase hindsight is 20/20?  It basically means it's easy to know the right thing to do AFTER it happens.  This happens when being a father. We look back and wish we had that fatherly advice that would have helped us to do something differently or change our perspective on something.  Oh, that's only me?<br /> <br /> In this episode, I wanted to go over some of the best fatherly advice I wish I knew earlier in fatherhood. It probably would have saved me from a lot of frustration.   If you knew then what you know now, would you do anything differently?  I would have.  Here is some fatherly advice that I wish I would have known then:<br /> <br /> Patience Is a Virtue -  This means to be able to wait for something without becoming frustrated is a valuable character trait. Patience in being a father is extremely valuable.  By nature, I'm not that patient.  But the fatherly advice here is that the more patient you can be as a father, the better.  Being a father is a marathon, not a sprint.  and your child will test your patience all the time.<br /> <br /> When they are a baby it's going to be the crying, feeding, or the changing of diapers.  When they are a toddler it's going to be the tantrums, defiance, and whining.  When they get older it's going to be them not listening or moving much slower than you desire. Again, your child will test your patience so it's best you learn it, practice, and become Mr patience.<br /> <br /> Your Child Should Respect You, Not Fear You -  If you are ruling your kids by fear, either by yelling, being aggressive, or anything that creates fear in them, there are better ways to be a father. The combination of being kind and firm is the best IMO. Kindness shows respect for the child and firmness shows respect for ourselves and the needs of the situation. Being fatherly isn't creating fear in your child, it's creating mutual respect which will create a powerful bond and relationship.<br /> <br /> Next...Mistakes Are the Best Teachers - You are going to have some awesome days as a father, but understand you will also have some bad days.  You are going to make mistakes.  From diaper changes to discipline, we just can't get it right every time.  The fatherly advice is to give yourself a break and don't be so hard on yourself when you make a mistake.  Just try not to repeat mistakes.   Learning from our mistakes is the key.<br /> <br /> Your Child Isn't Out To Get You - This fatherly advice is hard to remember in the heat of the moment, but you will find yourself arguing with your young child thinking they are trying to make you angry, irritate you, or test you. They are not. Young children, are just trying to figure out what is going on in this big world.  Don't take it personally.  They are not trying to make your life miserable, they are just learning the ways of the world.<br /> <br /> The Days Are Long But The Years Are Short - Remember I said at the beginning of this video that being a father is a marathon, not a sprint.  When you are dealing with newborns, toddlers, and in quite frankly...the first few years, it is just not easy. The days are long.  Many people said, "the time goes by so fast".  I didn't believe them as I was going through it.  Now my children are 9 and 11 and it has gone by fast. The years are short.<br /> The fatherly advice is to enjoy the present.  You get to decide how those long days effect you.  If you can put your role as a father into proper perspective and understand how important you being a father is, you will be just fine.<br /> We would love to hear from you. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 17:10 Types of Discipline – Managing Kids Behavior | Dad University Podcast Ep. 238 https://www.daduniversity.com/types-of-discipline-managing-kids-behavior-dad-university-podcast-ep-238/ Tue, 01 Oct 2019 19:41:02 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4680 There are many types of discipline strategies when it comes to dealing with children's behavior.  But which ones work?  Which ones don't.  Well, you ultimately get to decide for yourself. I'm going to give you my opinion based on my experience with my own two children.  Alan will provide you his opinion on the matter. For the purpose of this episode, we are using the term discipline as it relates to modifying and teaching the behavior we want to see from our kids.  As you listen to our discussion, think about the various types of discipline and how they would impact you as a child if someone was using it on you.  Would it change your behavior?  Would you learn a lesson? This is really important to keep in mind because something we talk a lot about on this podcast is empathy.  Putting yourself in someone else's place and seeing things from their perspective. It's really hard to put yourself in a child's shoes and to think about what they are thinking, but it's crucial. Try to be empathetic toward your child. What type of child discipline is really going to impact them in a positive way and teach them the ways of the world? Let's take a look at some of the various types of discipline that you as a parent have as options: Physical Punishment - Let me just get this one out of the way quickly.  There is never a reason to hit a child.  Spanking, smacking, any physical touch for punishment. This was a more popular type of punishment in previous generations. I know "Jason, when I was a kid I got spanked and it worked on me. " No, it didn't.  You can argue this one all you want.  You got upset at your parents and figured out how to not get caught the next time so your butt wouldn't be red again. Physical punishment has been proven over and over to not only be ineffective but ultimately harmful to children. Taking Away Privileges -  This covers a pretty wide spectrum of discipline but it includes grounding, taking away their phone or electronics.  Parents really seem to like to take away privileges because it's a type of discipline that FEELS like we are making an impact. The impact you are really making is the child focusing on what you did to them instead of really thinking about what they may have done wrong and learning from it.  Sure we say "you better think about what you did" but they really don't. The child is really thinking, my dad is a jerk.  He took my phone away. or the child is trying to figure out how not to get caught next time or how to be a better liar. We start this one when they are young...."go to your room"...it just sometimes feels good to say it because we don't have anything else to say.  Loss of privileges isn't typically a good way to teach and modify behavior long term. Feel free to comment below on how taking away your child's phone really got their grades to improve.  Or that keeping your child from playing his games totally made him nicer to his sister.  I'd love to hear those results :) Time Out -  Still today time out is thought to be an effective type of discipline, especially for younger children.  This is where the child sits alone in a specific spot and is supposed to think about what they did.  Time out can sometimes teach a child to calm down but the child doesn't really learn new behavior from time out. So if you are using this method, just change it up to "hey lets take a break to calm down" and then once they are calm let them know that what they did isn't allowed and have a talk with them. Rewards - This type of discipline sets you up for some difficulties. If you are providing rewards to your child, they are then inclined to only then do the behavior when rewarded.  You are then stuck with always needing to reward the child in order to have them do something. This creates an environment where their motivation is external.  They are always thinking "what am I going to get out of it".  This is not the type of behavior we want to re-enforce.  Eventually, There are many types of discipline strategies when it comes to dealing with children's behavior.  But which ones work?  Which ones don't.  Well, you ultimately get to decide for yourself. - I'm going to give you my opinion based on my experience with ... There are many types of discipline strategies when it comes to dealing with children's behavior.  But which ones work?  Which ones don't.  Well, you ultimately get to decide for yourself.<br /> <br /> I'm going to give you my opinion based on my experience with my own two children.  Alan will provide you his opinion on the matter. For the purpose of this episode, we are using the term discipline as it relates to modifying and teaching the behavior we want to see from our kids.  As you listen to our discussion, think about the various types of discipline and how they would impact you as a child if someone was using it on you.  Would it change your behavior?  Would you learn a lesson?<br /> <br /> This is really important to keep in mind because something we talk a lot about on this podcast is empathy.  Putting yourself in someone else's place and seeing things from their perspective. It's really hard to put yourself in a child's shoes and to think about what they are thinking, but it's crucial. Try to be empathetic toward your child.<br /> <br /> What type of child discipline is really going to impact them in a positive way and teach them the ways of the world? Let's take a look at some of the various types of discipline that you as a parent have as options:<br /> <br /> Physical Punishment - Let me just get this one out of the way quickly.  There is never a reason to hit a child.  Spanking, smacking, any physical touch for punishment. This was a more popular type of punishment in previous generations.<br /> <br /> I know "Jason, when I was a kid I got spanked and it worked on me. " No, it didn't.  You can argue this one all you want.  You got upset at your parents and figured out how to not get caught the next time so your butt wouldn't be red again. Physical punishment has been proven over and over to not only be ineffective but ultimately harmful to children.<br /> <br /> Taking Away Privileges -  This covers a pretty wide spectrum of discipline but it includes grounding, taking away their phone or electronics.  Parents really seem to like to take away privileges because it's a type of discipline that FEELS like we are making an impact. The impact you are really making is the child focusing on what you did to them instead of really thinking about what they may have done wrong and learning from it.  Sure we say "you better think about what you did" but they really don't. The child is really thinking, my dad is a jerk.  He took my phone away. or the child is trying to figure out how not to get caught next time or how to be a better liar. We start this one when they are young...."go to your room"...it just sometimes feels good to say it because we don't have anything else to say.  Loss of privileges isn't typically a good way to teach and modify behavior long term. Feel free to comment below on how taking away your child's phone really got their grades to improve.  Or that keeping your child from playing his games totally made him nicer to his sister.  I'd love to hear those results :)<br /> <br /> Time Out -  Still today time out is thought to be an effective type of discipline, especially for younger children.  This is where the child sits alone in a specific spot and is supposed to think about what they did.  Time out can sometimes teach a child to calm down but the child doesn't really learn new behavior from time out. So if you are using this method, just change it up to "hey lets take a break to calm down" and then once they are calm let them know that what they did isn't allowed and have a talk with them.<br /> <br /> Rewards - This type of discipline sets you up for some difficulties. If you are providing rewards to your child, they are then inclined to only then do the behavior when rewarded.  You are then stuck with always needing to reward the child in order to have them do something. This creates an environment where their motivation is external.  They are always thinking "what am I going to get o... Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 25:30 Your Child Isn’t Sleeping Enough | Dad University Podcast Ep. 237 https://www.daduniversity.com/your-child-isnt-sleeping-enough-dad-university-podcast-ep-237/ Tue, 24 Sep 2019 18:49:13 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4652 According to the National Sleep Foundation here is the average amount of time your children should be sleeping. Infants (up to 3 months)  - 14 to 17 hours per 24 hour day may only sleep 2-4 hours at a time because of feedings 4 months - 11 months - 12-15 hours per 24 hours Toddlers 1-2 years 11-14 hours per 24 hours 3-5 years - 10-13 hours per night 6-13 years - 10.5 - 11 hours each night 14-17 years - 8-10 hours 18-25: 7-9 hours As parents are we creating an environment where our kids can get enough sleep?  Are we enforcing a proper bedtime routine so they can get down on time? Tips to get better sleep for children 1) Create a nighttime routine - Figure out what time they need to get up and work backward to make sure they are getting enough sleep.  Do bath, pajamas, brush teeth, storytime, etc.  As they get older, they should still have a routine. 2) Stick to the routine and keep a regular schedule - even weekends you should try to keep it consistent 3) Create a sleep-friendly environment - This means remove distractions from the bed and room.  Mobile, lights, noise, etc. and when they get older, clocks, televisions, any electronics Also, keeping the room cool can help.  Not cold, but cooler is better than warm Make sure they feel safe - monster spray or a night light can help 4) No electronics or television right before bed.  It's said that we should NOT look at screens for about 2 hours before bed.  It affects our melatonin levels which can affect our quality of sleep. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21552190 5) Nutrition & exercise - Try to make a snack at least 45 minutes to 1 hour before bed.  Some good snacks are whole-grain toast, a slice of cheese, bananas, a warm glass of milk.   Just don't be having lots of sugar before bed or anything that will provide energy. On the exercise side, activity during the day is going to help them sleep.  We all see this when our young kids have a really active day....they are out.  When we go camping, the young ones on Saturday nights are usually passing out pretty early....unless they are hopped up on candy and sports drinks. 6) Focus on relaxations and winding down rather than sleep - Many people try so hard to seep that they can't.  The key is to learn to relax.  I like this because it teaches us that rest is important, even if we are not sleeping, learning how to calm your body is important. Everyone has what works for them. Please give us some stories on what has and hasn't worked for you and share with 3 friends! According to the National Sleep Foundation here is the average amount of time your children should be sleeping. - Infants (up to 3 months)  - 14 to 17 hours per 24 hour day may only sleep 2-4 hours at a time because of feedings According to the National Sleep Foundation here is the average amount of time your children should be sleeping.<br /> <br /> Infants (up to 3 months)  - 14 to 17 hours per 24 hour day<br /> may only sleep 2-4 hours at a time because of feedings<br /> 4 months - 11 months - 12-15 hours per 24 hours<br /> Toddlers 1-2 years 11-14 hours per 24 hours<br /> 3-5 years - 10-13 hours per night<br /> 6-13 years - 10.5 - 11 hours each night<br /> 14-17 years - 8-10 hours<br /> 18-25: 7-9 hours<br /> <br /> As parents are we creating an environment where our kids can get enough sleep?  Are we enforcing a proper bedtime routine so they can get down on time?<br /> <br /> Tips to get better sleep for children<br /> <br /> 1) Create a nighttime routine - Figure out what time they need to get up and work backward to make sure they are getting enough sleep.  Do bath, pajamas, brush teeth, storytime, etc.  As they get older, they should still have a routine.<br /> <br /> 2) Stick to the routine and keep a regular schedule - even weekends you should try to keep it consistent<br /> <br /> 3) Create a sleep-friendly environment - This means remove distractions from the bed and room.  Mobile, lights, noise, etc. and when they get older, clocks, televisions, any electronics<br /> <br /> Also, keeping the room cool can help.  Not cold, but cooler is better than warm<br /> <br /> Make sure they feel safe - monster spray or a night light can help<br /> <br /> 4) No electronics or television right before bed.  It's said that we should NOT look at screens for about 2 hours before bed.  It affects our melatonin levels which can affect our quality of sleep.<br /> https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21552190<br /> <br /> 5) Nutrition & exercise - Try to make a snack at least 45 minutes to 1 hour before bed.  Some good snacks are whole-grain toast, a slice of cheese, bananas, a warm glass of milk.   Just don't be having lots of sugar before bed or anything that will provide energy.<br /> <br /> On the exercise side, activity during the day is going to help them sleep.  We all see this when our young kids have a really active day....they are out.  When we go camping, the young ones on Saturday nights are usually passing out pretty early....unless they are hopped up on candy and sports drinks.<br /> <br /> 6) Focus on relaxations and winding down rather than sleep - Many people try so hard to seep that they can't.  The key is to learn to relax.  I like this because it teaches us that rest is important, even if we are not sleeping, learning how to calm your body is important.<br /> <br /> Everyone has what works for them. Please give us some stories on what has and hasn't worked for you and share with 3 friends! Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 23:02 Tips to Avoid Toddler Power Struggle Chaos | Dad University Podcast Ep. 236 https://www.daduniversity.com/tips-to-avoid-toddler-power-struggle-chaos-dad-university-podcast-ep-236/ Tue, 17 Sep 2019 18:47:51 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4647 If you are the parent of a toddler, you are all too familiar with power struggles.  Your two-year-old daughter doesn't want to leave the park and she throws her body onto the floor in protest.  or your 3-year-old son refuses to put on the shirt you just picked out for him.  The struggle is real.  and in this case, it's a power struggle. In this episode, we are going to go over why we experience power struggles with toddlers and I'll offer some tips on how you can avoid them. Let's first understand some common reasons why we have power struggles with toddlers.  Just keep in mind, power struggles will most likely continue even as your child gets older, there are just different ways of dealing with it based on the child's age. Power struggles are common in our personal relationships too.  Anytime we or the other person is trying to assert control or authority over someone else, you can be faced with a power struggle. So for a toddler power struggle, this is usually the case.  Your toddler doesn't like that she is being told what to do, so as a result, she may whine, get angry, throw a tantrum.  She's experiencing emotions but doesn't understand how to communicate what she is experiencing or how she feels. Think about this for a second.  Your child is 2 years old.  They have no clue how to handle their emotions.  You want to leave the park and they don't want to leave.  They don't know how to say that.  They just know that the last time you wanted to leave, they cried really loud and you let them stay 10 more minutes. Or the shirt you picked out for your 3-year-old isn't what they want to wear.  The last time this happened he threw a fit so you let him wear the same blue shirt he wants to wear every day. Him throwing a fit worked.  He got to wear his favorite shirt.  You were in a hurry to leave and didn't want to deal with it. But this time, no way on the blue shirt.  You are getting family pictures done and he has to wear a white shirt. The truth is that most adults don't even know how to handle their emotions.  But for toddlers, this comes out as defiance and the power struggle with your toddler begins.  Good times. A toddler is also beginning to understand their limits.  Pushing boundaries is part of your child's growth process.  This is totally normal behavior.  It sucks, but it's totally normal. So how can we avoid the toddler power struggles?  Here are a few tips to keep in mind: 1) Don't take it personally - Your 3-year-old is not out to ruin your life.  They aren't really even trying to battle you in most cases.  They just want something different than you are offering or don't want to be told what to do. Stay calm and don't take it personally. 2) Do not reward bad behavior - when your child engages in the power struggle, you getting upset and grabbing them, or yelling, is giving them attention.  That is actually rewarding them for their behavior.  It's negative attention, but it is still a reward. Do not reward bad behavior.  Let them know that you will be happy to talk with them when they are calm or you will wait until they are done.  If that doesn't work, ignore the behavior.  Do not reward them. 3) Pick your battles - Was it so horrible letting him wear his favorite blue shirt again?  As parents, we are overtired, overworked.  There are bigger things to worry about than his blue shirt. Avoid the power struggle and let it go.  In fact, you should be letting him choose his clothes (maybe not for the family photoshoot) but that can be for another video. Sometimes you will need to battle and it will be important to you.  Just try to reduce the battles and struggles to the important ones. Pick your battles. 4) Give them choices - Give them 2 choices. This allows them to assert some independence and feel like they have a say.  You will be ok with either choice you offer. Example:  Do you want to walk to the car or have me to carry you.  Either way, If you are the parent of a toddler, you are all too familiar with power struggles.  Your two-year-old daughter doesn't want to leave the park and she throws her body onto the floor in protest.  or your 3-year-old son refuses to put on the shirt you jus... If you are the parent of a toddler, you are all too familiar with power struggles.  Your two-year-old daughter doesn't want to leave the park and she throws her body onto the floor in protest.  or your 3-year-old son refuses to put on the shirt you just picked out for him.  The struggle is real.  and in this case, it's a power struggle.<br /> <br /> In this episode, we are going to go over why we experience power struggles with toddlers and I'll offer some tips on how you can avoid them.<br /> <br /> Let's first understand some common reasons why we have power struggles with toddlers.  Just keep in mind, power struggles will most likely continue even as your child gets older, there are just different ways of dealing with it based on the child's age.<br /> <br /> Power struggles are common in our personal relationships too.  Anytime we or the other person is trying to assert control or authority over someone else, you can be faced with a power struggle.<br /> <br /> So for a toddler power struggle, this is usually the case.  Your toddler doesn't like that she is being told what to do, so as a result, she may whine, get angry, throw a tantrum.  She's experiencing emotions but doesn't understand how to communicate what she is experiencing or how she feels.<br /> <br /> Think about this for a second.  Your child is 2 years old.  They have no clue how to handle their emotions.  You want to leave the park and they don't want to leave.  They don't know how to say that.  They just know that the last time you wanted to leave, they cried really loud and you let them stay 10 more minutes.<br /> <br /> Or the shirt you picked out for your 3-year-old isn't what they want to wear.  The last time this happened he threw a fit so you let him wear the same blue shirt he wants to wear every day.<br /> <br /> Him throwing a fit worked.  He got to wear his favorite shirt.  You were in a hurry to leave and didn't want to deal with it. But this time, no way on the blue shirt.  You are getting family pictures done and he has to wear a white shirt.<br /> <br /> The truth is that most adults don't even know how to handle their emotions.  But for toddlers, this comes out as defiance and the power struggle with your toddler begins.  Good times.<br /> <br /> A toddler is also beginning to understand their limits.  Pushing boundaries is part of your child's growth process.  This is totally normal behavior.  It sucks, but it's totally normal.<br /> <br /> So how can we avoid the toddler power struggles?  Here are a few tips to keep in mind:<br /> <br /> 1) Don't take it personally - Your 3-year-old is not out to ruin your life.  They aren't really even trying to battle you in most cases.  They just want something different than you are offering or don't want to be told what to do. Stay calm and don't take it personally.<br /> <br /> 2) Do not reward bad behavior - when your child engages in the power struggle, you getting upset and grabbing them, or yelling, is giving them attention.  That is actually rewarding them for their behavior.  It's negative attention, but it is still a reward.<br /> <br /> Do not reward bad behavior.  Let them know that you will be happy to talk with them when they are calm or you will wait until they are done.  If that doesn't work, ignore the behavior.  Do not reward them.<br /> <br /> 3) Pick your battles - Was it so horrible letting him wear his favorite blue shirt again?  As parents, we are overtired, overworked.  There are bigger things to worry about than his blue shirt. Avoid the power struggle and let it go.  In fact, you should be letting him choose his clothes (maybe not for the family photoshoot) but that can be for another video.<br /> <br /> Sometimes you will need to battle and it will be important to you.  Just try to reduce the battles and struggles to the important ones. Pick your battles.<br /> <br /> 4) Give them choices - Give them 2 choices. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 25:41 Why am I Not Enjoying Fatherhood as a New Father? | Dad University Podcast Ep. 234 https://www.daduniversity.com/why-am-i-not-enjoying-fatherhood-as-a-new-father-dad-university-podcast-ep-234/ Tue, 03 Sep 2019 18:38:09 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4641 I was talking with a friend the other day who is a new father.  They just had their baby boy.  He says Jason, I'm not really enjoying this.  Fatherhood is not what I expected.  I'm not bonding with him, my wife is breastfeeding so I can't help there, and he doesn't really react when I hold him or I am near him. I assured him....these are common issues. Many new fathers experience struggles right after the birth of their child. In this episode, we are going to talk about some of the common struggles so that you can start feeling good and begin enjoying fatherhood. If I'm honest...When I had my first child, I didn't bond with him right away. I didn't feel that connection with him that was clear my wife did have.  and I recall feeling a little lost about it.  I was a little upset. As a new father, you are excited about fatherhood but then when reality hits and the baby is born....and this little thing isn't reacting to you yet, you can't feed it...there isn't much feedback that you get.  It may not be very rewarding. Not to mention you are getting less sleep, you are spending a lot more money, and you are less intimate with your wife. You might think these were the things I wanted to sign up for or really knew what I was getting myself into. So understand that feelings of frustration that you may be having are totally normal.  You may have expectations that just aren't being met, this is totally normal too. First, you might have to change your expectations, but take a deep breath and know that what you are experiencing is very common. What I can tell you is that this doesn't last very long. Your baby begins to smile and eventually laughs...and this will touch your heart. Your baby will react to you and know that you are his or her dad. Fatherhood isn't easy. There are tons of challenges.  But as you stick with it, providing affection, baths, helping your wife, etc.  it will all come together.  You might still have less sleep but you will be ok. You begin to understand how important your fatherhood role is.  You begin to make a connection with your baby.  you begin to appreciate that as a new father, you are going to be learning new things every day. We have some crazy stuff going on in this world right now. Kids need their fathers, and they need them badly.  It's so important for us to step up and be there. I was talking with a friend the other day who is a new father.  They just had their baby boy.  He says Jason, I'm not really enjoying this.  Fatherhood is not what I expected.  I'm not bonding with him, my wife is breastfeeding so I can't help there, I was talking with a friend the other day who is a new father.  They just had their baby boy.  He says Jason, I'm not really enjoying this.  Fatherhood is not what I expected.  I'm not bonding with him, my wife is breastfeeding so I can't help there, and he doesn't really react when I hold him or I am near him. I assured him....these are common issues. Many new fathers experience struggles right after the birth of their child. In this episode, we are going to talk about some of the common struggles so that you can start feeling good and begin enjoying fatherhood.<br /> <br /> If I'm honest...When I had my first child, I didn't bond with him right away. I didn't feel that connection with him that was clear my wife did have.  and I recall feeling a little lost about it.  I was a little upset. As a new father, you are excited about fatherhood but then when reality hits and the baby is born....and this little thing isn't reacting to you yet, you can't feed it...there isn't much feedback that you get.  It may not be very rewarding. Not to mention you are getting less sleep, you are spending a lot more money, and you are less intimate with your wife. You might think these were the things I wanted to sign up for or really knew what I was getting myself into. So understand that feelings of frustration that you may be having are totally normal.  You may have expectations that just aren't being met, this is totally normal too.<br /> <br /> First, you might have to change your expectations, but take a deep breath and know that what you are experiencing is very common. What I can tell you is that this doesn't last very long. Your baby begins to smile and eventually laughs...and this will touch your heart. Your baby will react to you and know that you are his or her dad. Fatherhood isn't easy. There are tons of challenges.  But as you stick with it, providing affection, baths, helping your wife, etc.  it will all come together.  You might still have less sleep but you will be ok. You begin to understand how important your fatherhood role is.  You begin to make a connection with your baby.  you begin to appreciate that as a new father, you are going to be learning new things every day. We have some crazy stuff going on in this world right now. Kids need their fathers, and they need them badly.  It's so important for us to step up and be there. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 15:17 Interview with Evie and Sarah: Sharenting | Dad University Podcast Ep. 233 https://www.daduniversity.com/interview-with-evie-and-sarah-sharenting-dad-university-podcast-ep-233/ Tue, 27 Aug 2019 18:35:40 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4636 I was recently interviewed by 2 awesome women Evie and Sarah of the Modern Manners for Moms and Dads Podcast: https://www.evieandsarah.com/podcast51/ They gave us permission to rebroadcast the interview on our podcast.  We talk about Sharenting...parents posting too much on Social Media. Here is that interview: This week on our podcast, Modern Manners for Moms & Dads, we have a special guest: Jason Kreidman of Dad University. Dad University provides dads advice and fatherly education, supporting dads through their journey through fatherhood. Jason joins us to discuss his unique perspective on social media and your kids: “Sharenting!” When the average child has over 1,500 images of them posted online by their fifth birthday, what does it mean to overshare?? In this episode, we talk about the etiquette behind raising kids in this generation of ubiquitous social media. Plus, we learn what Jason NEVER does on social media and his view on those of us who do. Here’s a two-word hint…Digital Narcissism. What do you think about Digital Narcissism? Please start a convo below and share it with 3 friends! I was recently interviewed by 2 awesome women Evie and Sarah of the Modern Manners for Moms and Dads Podcast: https://www.evieandsarah.com/podcast51/ - They gave us permission to rebroadcast the interview on our podcast.  We talk about Sharenting... I was recently interviewed by 2 awesome women Evie and Sarah of the Modern Manners for Moms and Dads Podcast: https://www.evieandsarah.com/podcast51/<br /> <br /> They gave us permission to rebroadcast the interview on our podcast.  We talk about Sharenting...parents posting too much on Social Media. Here is that interview:<br /> <br /> This week on our podcast, Modern Manners for Moms & Dads, we have a special guest: Jason Kreidman of Dad University. Dad University provides dads advice and fatherly education, supporting dads through their journey through fatherhood. Jason joins us to discuss his unique perspective on social media and your kids: “Sharenting!”<br /> <br /> When the average child has over 1,500 images of them posted online by their fifth birthday, what does it mean to overshare?? In this episode, we talk about the etiquette behind raising kids in this generation of ubiquitous social media. Plus, we learn what Jason NEVER does on social media and his view on those of us who do. Here’s a two-word hint…Digital Narcissism.<br /> <br /> What do you think about Digital Narcissism? Please start a convo below and share it with 3 friends! Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 28:20 How to Be a Good Father No Matter What Your Circumstances Are | Dad University Podcast Ep. 232 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-be-a-good-father-no-matter-what-your-circumstances-are-dad-university-podcast-ep-232/ Tue, 20 Aug 2019 10:00:57 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4629 I don't care whether you are happily married, a single dad, divorced dad, separated, or live far away from your child in a different country.  You are a father.  and if you want to learn how to be a good dad, there are some things you have to do. If I had to narrow down the most important things needed to be a good dad, these would be it.  In this episode, I'm giving you 3 specific things you need to start doing now.  It doesn't matter whether you have a newborn or a grown adult child. #1) Presence - Not gifts, your physical and mental presence.  You can't be a good dad if you are not there. Both physically and mentally. Now, if you only see your child once in a while, then make it count when you do see them.  I would suggest you do whatever you can to see them more often but I understand everyone has their own circumstances they need to deal with. When we spend time with our kids, make it quality time. I talked with a man who told me a story about only seeing his dad a few weeks every summer when he was growing up.  Yet those weeks were some of the best of his life. His dad would take off from work and they would spend quality time together.  They went camping, had amazing conversations, and his dad was present. 30 years later, he has an amazing relationship with his father and looks back at his early childhood years with his dad as very positive...yet he only saw him a few weeks a year. If you are with your kids all the time, I understand not every minute can be high quality.  But be mindful about putting your phone away, reducing your distractions, and spending that quality time with your child to be present.  It goes by fast. #2) The second thing for how to be a good dad is providing your child Affection - For many men, being affectionate towards your child may not come naturally.  I don't care.  You need to practice and make it natural.  No excuses. Give your child hugs, kisses, and as much affection as you can.  When they are young, they will hold your hand.  They may get to an age where they don't want to do that.  Then put your arm around them, give them hugs.  The physical touch and coming from their father is so powerful! Touch provides connection, it provides safety.  It's like communicating but you don't have to talk.  As they grow older they may back off with their affection, but you try not to.  Stick with it. Being affectionate with your child is so valuable both for them and for you. The 3rd thing is Empathy - I can't tell you enough how important empathy is in learning how to be a good dad.  From your newborn baby to your grown child, being empathetic is the key to a great relationship. Empathy is looking at a situation from the other person's perspective and understanding it from their point of view. Here's an example: Let's say your child comes to you crying and says: "I just fell off my bike and my knee hurts."  The normal dad's response might be, "you're ok, I don't see any blood.  Shake it off.  you'll be fine." Well no, the child is not fine.  The child is upset and his knee hurts.  So why you don't want to coddle the child, an empathetic response is: "It looks like you are really upset.  Falling down and hitting your knee can hurt. Is there something I can do to help you? Do you want to get an icepack?" This has nothing to do with teaching your child to be tough or to get back up when you fall.  You can value those things if you want to and still be empathetic.  It about your child feeling like you understand them.  you are hearing them. Do this hundreds of times with multiple aspects of their lives and you better believe your child will be close to you., will feel comfortable communicating with you and will want to be around you.  This is how to be a good dad. I created a series of 7 videos called the Fatherhood Formula.  It goes into much more detail about how to be a good dad to your child. We would love to hear from you. I don't care whether you are happily married, a single dad, divorced dad, separated, or live far away from your child in a different country.  You are a father.  and if you want to learn how to be a good dad, there are some things you have to do. - I don't care whether you are happily married, a single dad, divorced dad, separated, or live far away from your child in a different country.  You are a father.  and if you want to learn how to be a good dad, there are some things you have to do.<br /> <br /> If I had to narrow down the most important things needed to be a good dad, these would be it.  In this episode, I'm giving you 3 specific things you need to start doing now.  It doesn't matter whether you have a newborn or a grown adult child.<br /> <br /> #1) Presence - Not gifts, your physical and mental presence.  You can't be a good dad if you are not there. Both physically and mentally.<br /> <br /> Now, if you only see your child once in a while, then make it count when you do see them.  I would suggest you do whatever you can to see them more often but I understand everyone has their own circumstances they need to deal with.<br /> <br /> When we spend time with our kids, make it quality time. I talked with a man who told me a story about only seeing his dad a few weeks every summer when he was growing up.  Yet those weeks were some of the best of his life.<br /> <br /> His dad would take off from work and they would spend quality time together.  They went camping, had amazing conversations, and his dad was present.<br /> <br /> 30 years later, he has an amazing relationship with his father and looks back at his early childhood years with his dad as very positive...yet he only saw him a few weeks a year.<br /> <br /> If you are with your kids all the time, I understand not every minute can be high quality.  But be mindful about putting your phone away, reducing your distractions, and spending that quality time with your child to be present.  It goes by fast.<br /> <br /> #2) The second thing for how to be a good dad is providing your child Affection -<br /> <br /> For many men, being affectionate towards your child may not come naturally.  I don't care.  You need to practice and make it natural.  No excuses.<br /> <br /> Give your child hugs, kisses, and as much affection as you can.  When they are young, they will hold your hand.  They may get to an age where they don't want to do that.  Then put your arm around them, give them hugs.  The physical touch and coming from their father is so powerful!<br /> <br /> Touch provides connection, it provides safety.  It's like communicating but you don't have to talk.  As they grow older they may back off with their affection, but you try not to.  Stick with it. Being affectionate with your child is so valuable both for them and for you.<br /> <br /> The 3rd thing is Empathy - I can't tell you enough how important empathy is in learning how to be a good dad.  From your newborn baby to your grown child, being empathetic is the key to a great relationship.<br /> <br /> Empathy is looking at a situation from the other person's perspective and understanding it from their point of view.<br /> <br /> Here's an example: Let's say your child comes to you crying and says: "I just fell off my bike and my knee hurts."  The normal dad's response might be, "you're ok, I don't see any blood.  Shake it off.  you'll be fine."<br /> <br /> Well no, the child is not fine.  The child is upset and his knee hurts.  So why you don't want to coddle the child, an empathetic response is: "It looks like you are really upset.  Falling down and hitting your knee can hurt. Is there something I can do to help you? Do you want to get an icepack?"<br /> <br /> This has nothing to do with teaching your child to be tough or to get back up when you fall.  You can value those things if you want to and still be empathetic.  It about your child feeling like you understand them.  you are hearing them.<br /> <br /> Do this hundreds of times with multiple aspects of their lives and you better believe your child will be close to you., will feel comfortable communicating with you and will want to be around you. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 21:32 Having the First Day of Kindergarten Go Smoothly | Dad University Podcast Ep. 231 https://www.daduniversity.com/having-the-first-day-of-kindergarten-go-smoothly-dad-university-podcast-ep-231/ Tue, 13 Aug 2019 10:00:14 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4621 It's back to school time soon.  Some kids are so excited about the first day of kindergarten. They get to have a backpack, maybe a new outfit and smile on their faces when you talk about it. But others, not so much.  The idea of going to school for that many hours or leaving their parents is just simply scary.  They may be anxious about it. Whether your child is excited or anxious, this video will provide some first day of kindergarten tips to get you and your child ready to make a smooth transition into school. There is something I want you to keep in mind throughout this entire episode Being empathetic.  The first day of kindergarten for parents can seem a little trivial or like it's just not that big of a deal to go to kindergarten. But keep in mind that's us looking at this situation through our own eyes and not our child's.  I made this mistake.  It wasn't until I realized how much of a transition this can be for them that I was able to be empathetic.  It can be a really big deal for them to go to kindergarten. So we got that out of the way, let's go over some tips for the first day of kindergarten: 1) Create a morning schedule – A schedule that is posted can really help everyone. We actually have another video in which we talk about creating a morning schedule.  You list everything from waking up, eating, getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc. all with specific times. You post that so everyone can see it. Then that brings us to #2 which is Practice - Tell your child we are going to practice for the first day of kindergarten. You wake up, follow the schedule and actually visit the school.  Show them where they will be dropped off, and then where you will be picking them up. #3 - Talk About The Teacher – Usually you find out who the teacher is in advance.  We talked about how positive the first day of kindergarten will be and how amazing the teacher is. "You got Mrs. Stanley as your teacher.  She is so nice.  you are going to really like her."  This allows your child to begin getting familiar with at least the teacher's name.  So when they do meet the teacher, there is a little more comfort. #4) Get everything ready the night before - You can do this for the practice days too but you are going to want to minimize any difficulties in the morning of the first day of kindergarten. Debating over clothes or arguing about what is for lunch are just things you want to avoid.  Let your child pick out their clothes the night before, you make their lunch, etc.  Involve them in the process the night before so they can feel a part of it and get excited. #5) Get plenty of sleep - a few days prior to the first day, I would suggest being pretty strict about their sleep schedule.  Make sure they are getting plenty of sleep a few days prior. It's a big transition to school and they will most likely be very tired in the evenings after the first week or so of starting kindergarten We would love to hear from you.  Is your child headed to kindergarten?  Are they excited about it or a little scared?  Leave your feedback in the comments section below. It's back to school time soon.  Some kids are so excited about the first day of kindergarten. They get to have a backpack, maybe a new outfit and smile on their faces when you talk about it. - But others, not so much. It's back to school time soon.  Some kids are so excited about the first day of kindergarten. They get to have a backpack, maybe a new outfit and smile on their faces when you talk about it.<br /> <br /> But others, not so much.  The idea of going to school for that many hours or leaving their parents is just simply scary.  They may be anxious about it.<br /> <br /> Whether your child is excited or anxious, this video will provide some first day of kindergarten tips to get you and your child ready to make a smooth transition into school.<br /> <br /> There is something I want you to keep in mind throughout this entire episode Being empathetic.  The first day of kindergarten for parents can seem a little trivial or like it's just not that big of a deal to go to kindergarten.<br /> <br /> But keep in mind that's us looking at this situation through our own eyes and not our child's.  I made this mistake.  It wasn't until I realized how much of a transition this can be for them that I was able to be empathetic.  It can be a really big deal for them to go to kindergarten.<br /> <br /> So we got that out of the way, let's go over some tips for the first day of kindergarten:<br /> <br /> 1) Create a morning schedule – A schedule that is posted can really help everyone. We actually have another video in which we talk about creating a morning schedule.  You list everything from waking up, eating, getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc. all with specific times.<br /> <br /> You post that so everyone can see it. Then that brings us to #2 which is Practice - Tell your child we are going to practice for the first day of kindergarten. You wake up, follow the schedule and actually visit the school.  Show them where they will be dropped off, and then where you will be picking them up.<br /> <br /> #3 - Talk About The Teacher – Usually you find out who the teacher is in advance.  We talked about how positive the first day of kindergarten will be and how amazing the teacher is.<br /> <br /> "You got Mrs. Stanley as your teacher.  She is so nice.  you are going to really like her."  This allows your child to begin getting familiar with at least the teacher's name.  So when they do meet the teacher, there is a little more comfort.<br /> <br /> #4) Get everything ready the night before - You can do this for the practice days too but you are going to want to minimize any difficulties in the morning of the first day of kindergarten.<br /> <br /> Debating over clothes or arguing about what is for lunch are just things you want to avoid.  Let your child pick out their clothes the night before, you make their lunch, etc.  Involve them in the process the night before so they can feel a part of it and get excited.<br /> <br /> #5) Get plenty of sleep - a few days prior to the first day, I would suggest being pretty strict about their sleep schedule.  Make sure they are getting plenty of sleep a few days prior.<br /> <br /> It's a big transition to school and they will most likely be very tired in the evenings after the first week or so of starting kindergarten<br /> <br /> We would love to hear from you.  Is your child headed to kindergarten?  Are they excited about it or a little scared?  Leave your feedback in the comments section below. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 15:50 First Time Dad Tips to Avoid Sympathy Weight Gain | Dad University Podcast Ep. 230 https://www.daduniversity.com/first-time-dad-tips-to-avoid-sympathy-weight-gain-dad-university-podcast-ep-230/ Tue, 06 Aug 2019 10:00:26 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4611 You are a first-time dad and boy are you excited. You are right there with your wife.  Your being as supportive as you can, you are going to Dr's appointments, your helping out extra around the house, and you are gaining weight just like she is. The difference is that she has a baby growing inside of her.  You don't.  In this episode, we are covering a few first-time dad tips to avoid that dad bod and not gain sympathy weight. There is a term called Couvade syndrome which refers to expecting fathers experiencing both psychological and physical changes throughout pregnancy. It's a real thing.  I'm not trying to scare you it doesn't mean you are going to get it.  Not everyone experiences this.  But there are men who can experience changes in hormones, or they experience some pains and even some depression.  Sometimes it can also be referred to as pregnant dad. For the purpose of this episode, we are going to focus on the weight gain and your health.  Here is some first-time dad tips to avoid sympathy weight gain: First, Get plenty of sleep - The body needs rest.  People will say "well you better sleep now because you won't once the baby arrives. Sometimes that is true but sleep is simply important before or after a baby is born. Just get plenty of sleep.  Instead of watching TV at night, go to sleep. It will also help you eat less if you are a late-night eater. Next, Avoid Sugar - Honestly sugar is evil.  If messes with your brain, your energy level, and is addictive.  I know foods with sugar taste good but you can find alternatives. Reduce or remove your sugar intake and you will see positive effects on your body.  You will start looking better and feeling better. another first-time dad tip:  Get moving - If your wife is willing and able to walk while she is pregnant, walking together can be great.  You get outside and it can be a great time to talk.  If you like playing sports, join a team and do that. You don't have to run marathons or do intense cardio workouts (although that's fine), but just movement, in general, is a great way to burn calories and avoid dad bod. next, Lift weights - Personally, this is my favorite.  Lifting weights can help you reduce anxiety and stress, and boost hormones which can improve your mood. ...and you feel strong. For me, my favorite time of the day is after a weight workout.  It's a great feeling. I know not everyone loves to go to a gym, but there are plenty of home workouts you can do to increase your strength. another tip .....Drink water If you are drinking soda, try water instead.  If you feel you need to have carbonation, then drink of the non-sugar sodas that are now really popular.  Also, try to reduce your alcohol intake as most alcoholic drinks have a lot of extra calories. Setting these healthy habits now before the baby is born will help you stick with it after the baby is born.  Staying healthy for your child is going to be important for them and for you. We would love to hear from you.  What is something you are doing to stay healthy during pregnancy? You are a first-time dad and boy are you excited. You are right there with your wife.  Your being as supportive as you can, you are going to Dr's appointments, your helping out extra around the house, and you are gaining weight just like she is. - You are a first-time dad and boy are you excited. You are right there with your wife.  Your being as supportive as you can, you are going to Dr's appointments, your helping out extra around the house, and you are gaining weight just like she is.<br /> <br /> The difference is that she has a baby growing inside of her.  You don't.  In this episode, we are covering a few first-time dad tips to avoid that dad bod and not gain sympathy weight.<br /> <br /> There is a term called Couvade syndrome which refers to expecting fathers experiencing both psychological and physical changes throughout pregnancy.<br /> <br /> It's a real thing.  I'm not trying to scare you it doesn't mean you are going to get it.  Not everyone experiences this.  But there are men who can experience changes in hormones, or they experience some pains and even some depression.  Sometimes it can also be referred to as pregnant dad.<br /> <br /> For the purpose of this episode, we are going to focus on the weight gain and your health.  Here is some first-time dad tips to avoid sympathy weight gain:<br /> <br /> First, Get plenty of sleep - The body needs rest.  People will say "well you better sleep now because you won't once the baby arrives. Sometimes that is true but sleep is simply important before or after a baby is born.<br /> <br /> Just get plenty of sleep.  Instead of watching TV at night, go to sleep. It will also help you eat less if you are a late-night eater.<br /> <br /> Next, Avoid Sugar - Honestly sugar is evil.  If messes with your brain, your energy level, and is addictive.  I know foods with sugar taste good but you can find alternatives.<br /> <br /> Reduce or remove your sugar intake and you will see positive effects on your body.  You will start looking better and feeling better.<br /> <br /> another first-time dad tip:  Get moving - If your wife is willing and able to walk while she is pregnant, walking together can be great.  You get outside and it can be a great time to talk.  If you like playing sports, join a team and do that.<br /> <br /> You don't have to run marathons or do intense cardio workouts (although that's fine), but just movement, in general, is a great way to burn calories and avoid dad bod.<br /> <br /> next, Lift weights - Personally, this is my favorite.  Lifting weights can help you reduce anxiety and stress, and boost hormones which can improve your mood. ...and you feel strong.<br /> <br /> For me, my favorite time of the day is after a weight workout.  It's a great feeling. I know not everyone loves to go to a gym, but there are plenty of home workouts you can do to increase your strength.<br /> <br /> another tip .....Drink water If you are drinking soda, try water instead.  If you feel you need to have carbonation, then drink of the non-sugar sodas that are now really popular.  Also, try to reduce your alcohol intake as most alcoholic drinks have a lot of extra calories.<br /> <br /> Setting these healthy habits now before the baby is born will help you stick with it after the baby is born.  Staying healthy for your child is going to be important for them and for you.<br /> <br /> We would love to hear from you.  What is something you are doing to stay healthy during pregnancy? Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 22:43 Tips For New Dads During Pregnancy | Dad University Podcast Ep. 229 https://www.daduniversity.com/tips-for-new-dads-during-pregnancy-dad-university-podcast-ep-229/ Tue, 30 Jul 2019 16:00:47 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4181 #1 Be Empathetic - Out of all of the tips for new dads during pregnancy, being empathetic is the most important.  If you don't get anything else out of this video, remember this one. Put yourself in her place.  Look at the pregnancy from her point of you. Imagine being her. If you can learn to be empathetic during the pregnancy, you are well on your way to the husband hall of fame #2 - Don't Comment on Her Appearance -  She may call herself names or comment on how she looks.  Say nothing.  If you have a problem with keeping your mouth shut and just don't have that ability, then say something nice. I'm repeating this, don't ever, ever say anything negative about how she looks.  I'm warning you now, you will regret it. #3 - Listen to Her - Us men have a tendency not to be very good listeners.  But an important tip for new dads during pregnancy is to listen to her.  She may be scared, have doubts, or are concerned about one thing or another.  Be there for her and listen.  Remember the 1st tip of being empathetic. #4 - Help Her - She may be capable of handling things on her own, but that doesn't mean you can't help.  It's a great way to be supportive.  Some women are perfectly fine asking for help but then some find it difficult. If you are not sure how you can help her, then ask her.  Make sure she knows and is clear that her asking for your help is welcomed. That could mean going to the doctor's visits so you understand what is going on, washing her car as a surprise, or doing extra cleaning around the house.  It doesn't matter, figure out what would make her feel good.  This is a very important tip for new dads. #5 - No Complaining - You simply don't have the right, and nobody wants to hear it.  She's the one carrying the child, dealing with morning sickness and feeling the effects of the physical and mental changes that pregnancy can bring. The main tip for new dads here is just to keep quiet, don't complain.  You may think something, just don't say it. You are in a no-win situation. You are going to want to follow these tips for new dads during pregnancy to reduce stress on her and to let her know you are there for her.  This is crucial during pregnancy as it sets the tone for when the child arrives. #1 Be Empathetic - Out of all of the tips for new dads during pregnancy, being empathetic is the most important.  If you don't get anything else out of this video, remember this one. - Put yourself in her place. #1 Be Empathetic - Out of all of the tips for new dads during pregnancy, being empathetic is the most important.  If you don't get anything else out of this video, remember this one.<br /> <br /> Put yourself in her place.  Look at the pregnancy from her point of you. Imagine being her. If you can learn to be empathetic during the pregnancy, you are well on your way to the husband hall of fame<br /> <br /> #2 - Don't Comment on Her Appearance -  She may call herself names or comment on how she looks.  Say nothing.  If you have a problem with keeping your mouth shut and just don't have that ability, then say something nice.<br /> <br /> I'm repeating this, don't ever, ever say anything negative about how she looks.  I'm warning you now, you will regret it.<br /> <br /> #3 - Listen to Her - Us men have a tendency not to be very good listeners.  But an important tip for new dads during pregnancy is to listen to her.  She may be scared, have doubts, or are concerned about one thing or another.  Be there for her and listen.  Remember the 1st tip of being empathetic.<br /> <br /> #4 - Help Her - She may be capable of handling things on her own, but that doesn't mean you can't help.  It's a great way to be supportive.  Some women are perfectly fine asking for help but then some find it difficult.<br /> <br /> If you are not sure how you can help her, then ask her.  Make sure she knows and is clear that her asking for your help is welcomed.<br /> <br /> That could mean going to the doctor's visits so you understand what is going on, washing her car as a surprise, or doing extra cleaning around the house.  It doesn't matter, figure out what would make her feel good.  This is a very important tip for new dads.<br /> <br /> #5 - No Complaining - You simply don't have the right, and nobody wants to hear it.  She's the one carrying the child, dealing with morning sickness and feeling the effects of the physical and mental changes that pregnancy can bring.<br /> <br /> The main tip for new dads here is just to keep quiet, don't complain.  You may think something, just don't say it. You are in a no-win situation.<br /> <br /> You are going to want to follow these tips for new dads during pregnancy to reduce stress on her and to let her know you are there for her.  This is crucial during pregnancy as it sets the tone for when the child arrives. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 11:16 First Time Parent Relationship Advice | Dad University Podcast Ep. 228 https://www.daduniversity.com/first-time-parent-relationship-advice-dad-university-podcast-ep-228/ Sun, 28 Jul 2019 16:00:12 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4177 Being a first-time parent is awesome.  I was both excited and nervous.  I wasn't around kids very much before I had my first child.  But you learn quick.  Here are some first time parent tips that helped us: 1) Agree on Responsibilities - actually, write it down.  Make a daily chart of what you are responsible for.  I do the laundry on Tuesday, you get dinner.  On Thursday I do the bath, you feed him and put him to bed. My wife and I sat down and had this discussion and understanding what is expected of each other can reduce a lot of arguments. 2) Communicate What You Want - This was one of the best pieces of first-time parent advice that was given to me.  Nobody knows what you want or need unless you tell them. If you are wanting a break, tell your spouse.  If you are wanting to connect, talk about it.  It's ok to communicate what you want. Be prepared that your spouse may not feel the same way you do at the moment.  As an example, you may want more intimacy....but your spouse isn't concerned about that.  You might have to be a little more patient.  As first time parents, romance may slow down a bit.  Find other ways to connect and help each other. 3) Give Your Spouse Positive Re-enforcement - Whatever you do, do not be critical of how your spouse is doing something.  "You changed the baby wrong".  Well, you can't seem to load the dishwasher correctly. Complaining doesn't change behavior.  Positive re-enforcement does.  Thank you so much for changing the baby's diaper.  I saw you did the dishwasher.  That was helpful. As a first-time parent, there are going to be a lot of opportunities to be trying new things.  Encourage each other instead of tearing each other down. 4) Take Time For Yourself - While you certainly will have less time than you did before, carve out time to do things that you enjoy.  Discuss this with your spouse. When my wife and I were first-time parents, we made sure that each of us still got to exercise.  It was really important to both of us.  We couldn't do it at the same time, so I went to the gym early in the morning and then went I got back, my wife did her workout. It's important that you don't lose yourself.  Your life does change, but you want to still be able to have some time for yourself.  Also, the one on one time with the baby is really good for bonding. 5) It's OK Not to be Perfect Parents - Making mistakes is part of parenting.  There are so many opportunities to make mistakes and you will.  Know that it is ok to make mistakes, just try not to repeat them very much. Being a first-time parent is a learning experience.  You and your spouse are embarking on a long journey.  Understand there are going to be a lot of ups and downs.  Realize that these ups and downs are normal and you will make it through. Being a first-time parent is awesome.  I was both excited and nervous.  I wasn't around kids very much before I had my first child.  But you learn quick.  Here are some first time parent tips that helped us: - 1) Agree on Responsibilities - actually, Being a first-time parent is awesome.  I was both excited and nervous.  I wasn't around kids very much before I had my first child.  But you learn quick.  Here are some first time parent tips that helped us:<br /> <br /> 1) Agree on Responsibilities - actually, write it down.  Make a daily chart of what you are responsible for.  I do the laundry on Tuesday, you get dinner.  On Thursday I do the bath, you feed him and put him to bed.<br /> <br /> My wife and I sat down and had this discussion and understanding what is expected of each other can reduce a lot of arguments.<br /> <br /> 2) Communicate What You Want - This was one of the best pieces of first-time parent advice that was given to me.  Nobody knows what you want or need unless you tell them.<br /> <br /> If you are wanting a break, tell your spouse.  If you are wanting to connect, talk about it.  It's ok to communicate what you want.<br /> <br /> Be prepared that your spouse may not feel the same way you do at the moment.  As an example, you may want more intimacy....but your spouse isn't concerned about that.  You might have to be a little more patient.  As first time parents, romance may slow down a bit.  Find other ways to connect and help each other.<br /> <br /> 3) Give Your Spouse Positive Re-enforcement - Whatever you do, do not be critical of how your spouse is doing something.  "You changed the baby wrong".  Well, you can't seem to load the dishwasher correctly.<br /> <br /> Complaining doesn't change behavior.  Positive re-enforcement does.  Thank you so much for changing the baby's diaper.  I saw you did the dishwasher.  That was helpful.<br /> <br /> As a first-time parent, there are going to be a lot of opportunities to be trying new things.  Encourage each other instead of tearing each other down.<br /> <br /> 4) Take Time For Yourself - While you certainly will have less time than you did before, carve out time to do things that you enjoy.  Discuss this with your spouse.<br /> <br /> When my wife and I were first-time parents, we made sure that each of us still got to exercise.  It was really important to both of us.  We couldn't do it at the same time, so I went to the gym early in the morning and then went I got back, my wife did her workout.<br /> <br /> It's important that you don't lose yourself.  Your life does change, but you want to still be able to have some time for yourself.  Also, the one on one time with the baby is really good for bonding.<br /> <br /> 5) It's OK Not to be Perfect Parents - Making mistakes is part of parenting.  There are so many opportunities to make mistakes and you will.  Know that it is ok to make mistakes, just try not to repeat them very much.<br /> <br /> Being a first-time parent is a learning experience.  You and your spouse are embarking on a long journey.  Understand there are going to be a lot of ups and downs.  Realize that these ups and downs are normal and you will make it through. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 11:04 How to Be a Dad To A Daughter | Dad University Podcast Ep. 227 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-be-a-dad-to-a-daughter-dad-university-podcast-ep-227/ Tue, 16 Jul 2019 16:00:19 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4173 We had our son first and then our daughter about 2 years after.  And it was different.  I couldn't exactly explain it, but the connection a dad has with his daughter is just different than he has with his son. What I'm about to share with you is what I feel is important.  This is how to be a dad to a daughter First, Focus on her internal value - When you praise or complement your daughter, try to make it about what is inside.  Compliment her on how nice she treats other people, how helpful she is, her abilities or how your daughter shows strength. If you are going comment on something external, then do it on something she has a choice of.  I like those shoes.  That shirt is very colorful. Try to avoid complimenting her on things she doesn't have a choice of her smile, her eyes or her how she looks.  This is important in learning how to be a dad to a daughter. Now listen, I can see the comments now: why is it so wrong to compliment her on how she looks?  Ask yourself a simple question:  what do you want her to value?  Her outward appearance or who she is as a person? If you make it about who she is as a person, she will be fine with her outward appearance. It doesn't work in reverse. Next, Be Mindful of Your Limiting Beliefs - understanding how to be a dad to a daughter is understanding how often we are guilty of putting limitations on them without realizing it: Sure, there are differences in genetics and hormones at an early age which we can often see.  Boys may have stronger visual-spatial abilities so they may push cars around or climb more often. Whereas girls are better at verbal tasks or understanding emotions.  But what we do as parents is we then emphasize those differences by re-enforcing the behavior. We wrestle with our sons and give our daughters dolls. You want to know how to be a dad to a daughter, don't limit what she can do. Next, Teach her that She is in Control - She is in charge of herself.  She is in control of her body, she is in control of her emotions. Let's start with the control of her body - she gets to choose who she gives affection to.  She gets to choose what she does with her body.  She is in control. Nobody else gets to control it. For her emotions - she gets to control what things mean and how things affect her.  I have a video called "Everyone else is responsible for my happiness) which goes over this concept in detail.  Teach her that she is in control.  Other people do not get to control her. The most important thing about How to be a dad to a daughter is to Be the example - how you treat her and her mother effects who she becomes and her views on men.  You want to provide her a positive male role model. We had our son first and then our daughter about 2 years after.  And it was different.  I couldn't exactly explain it, but the connection a dad has with his daughter is just different than he has with his son. - We had our son first and then our daughter about 2 years after.  And it was different.  I couldn't exactly explain it, but the connection a dad has with his daughter is just different than he has with his son.<br /> <br /> What I'm about to share with you is what I feel is important.  This is how to be a dad to a daughter<br /> <br /> First, Focus on her internal value - When you praise or complement your daughter, try to make it about what is inside.  Compliment her on how nice she treats other people, how helpful she is, her abilities or how your daughter shows strength.<br /> <br /> If you are going comment on something external, then do it on something she has a choice of.  I like those shoes.  That shirt is very colorful.<br /> <br /> Try to avoid complimenting her on things she doesn't have a choice of her smile, her eyes or her how she looks.  This is important in learning how to be a dad to a daughter.<br /> <br /> Now listen, I can see the comments now: why is it so wrong to compliment her on how she looks?  Ask yourself a simple question:  what do you want her to value?  Her outward appearance or who she is as a person?<br /> <br /> If you make it about who she is as a person, she will be fine with her outward appearance. It doesn't work in reverse.<br /> <br /> Next, Be Mindful of Your Limiting Beliefs - understanding how to be a dad to a daughter is understanding how often we are guilty of putting limitations on them without realizing it:<br /> <br /> Sure, there are differences in genetics and hormones at an early age which we can often see.  Boys may have stronger visual-spatial abilities so they may push cars around or climb more often.<br /> <br /> Whereas girls are better at verbal tasks or understanding emotions.  But what we do as parents is we then emphasize those differences by re-enforcing the behavior.<br /> <br /> We wrestle with our sons and give our daughters dolls. You want to know how to be a dad to a daughter, don't limit what she can do.<br /> <br /> Next, Teach her that She is in Control - She is in charge of herself.  She is in control of her body, she is in control of her emotions.<br /> <br /> Let's start with the control of her body - she gets to choose who she gives affection to.  She gets to choose what she does with her body.  She is in control. Nobody else gets to control it.<br /> <br /> For her emotions - she gets to control what things mean and how things affect her.  I have a video called "Everyone else is responsible for my happiness) which goes over this concept in detail.  Teach her that she is in control.  Other people do not get to control her.<br /> <br /> The most important thing about How to be a dad to a daughter is to Be the example - how you treat her and her mother effects who she becomes and her views on men.  You want to provide her a positive male role model. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 14:06 The Benefits of Family Vacations | Dad University Podcast Ep. 226 https://www.daduniversity.com/the-benefits-of-family-vacations-dad-university-podcast-ep-226/ Tue, 09 Jul 2019 16:00:24 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=4168 When I think back on my childhood, some of the great memories are the family vacations we took. We went to the mountains, to the beach, on cruises.  My parents loved to travel so they would allow us to tag along every once in a while.  Do you remember going on family vacations when you were younger? Maybe we took more pictures during vacations so that is why I remember them.  I understand not everyone has the financial means to do something extravagant, but getting away with the family can be an awesome adventure. I have seen a  few notes in which experts say that parents spending money on vacations is better than toys.  Spending money on experiences makes us happier than things. Here are some benefits: 1) Making Memories - No question that these trips can create memories.  While there certainly can be the chance of negative memories if something goes wrong, we prefer to focus on the positive memories that come from it. 2) Improve bonding - when you experience things together, that in itself can bring you closer together. 3) Expands the kids' comfort zone - Vacations exposed us to different things - new people, new places, cultures, food.  Getting kids out of their comfort zone is a good thing.  It's a break in routine.  It can even improve their social skills as they interact with people they normally don't. 4) Benefit brain development - all of the sensations we experience through touch, sight, smell, etc.  Then you also have the brain expanding when you go and seek adventure. 5) Reduces stress - Most vacations are designed to help you relax and unwind.  they are supposed to reduce your stress.  If this isn't happening then you are probably choosing the wrong vacations. Some people reduce their stress by participating in activities while others prefer to read a good book in a quiet place. You do what works for you and your family. 6) Promotes happiness - not only is it proven that having something to look forward to can improve our happiness, but while you are on vacation you release happiness hormones during your experiences.  There is also a thing called "happiness anchor" which children can use The truth is for most people with young kids, they go where they want to go and the kids come along.  I think this is fine.  When kids are young, they will probably not remember the vacation.  So you are going to want to guarantee a place where you will have fun. When I think back on my childhood, some of the great memories are the family vacations we took. We went to the mountains, to the beach, on cruises.  My parents loved to travel so they would allow us to tag along every once in a while. When I think back on my childhood, some of the great memories are the family vacations we took. We went to the mountains, to the beach, on cruises.  My parents loved to travel so they would allow us to tag along every once in a while.  Do you remember going on family vacations when you were younger?<br /> <br /> Maybe we took more pictures during vacations so that is why I remember them.  I understand not everyone has the financial means to do something extravagant, but getting away with the family can be an awesome adventure.<br /> <br /> I have seen a  few notes in which experts say that parents spending money on vacations is better than toys.  Spending money on experiences makes us happier than things.<br /> <br /> Here are some benefits:<br /> <br /> 1) Making Memories - No question that these trips can create memories.  While there certainly can be the chance of negative memories if something goes wrong, we prefer to focus on the positive memories that come from it.<br /> <br /> 2) Improve bonding - when you experience things together, that in itself can bring you closer together.<br /> <br /> 3) Expands the kids' comfort zone - Vacations exposed us to different things - new people, new places, cultures, food.  Getting kids out of their comfort zone is a good thing.  It's a break in routine.  It can even improve their social skills as they interact with people they normally don't.<br /> <br /> 4) Benefit brain development - all of the sensations we experience through touch, sight, smell, etc.  Then you also have the brain expanding when you go and seek adventure.<br /> <br /> 5) Reduces stress - Most vacations are designed to help you relax and unwind.  they are supposed to reduce your stress.  If this isn't happening then you are probably choosing the wrong vacations. Some people reduce their stress by participating in activities while others prefer to read a good book in a quiet place. You do what works for you and your family.<br /> <br /> 6) Promotes happiness - not only is it proven that having something to look forward to can improve our happiness, but while you are on vacation you release happiness hormones during your experiences.  There is also a thing called "happiness anchor" which children can use<br /> <br /> The truth is for most people with young kids, they go where they want to go and the kids come along.  I think this is fine.  When kids are young, they will probably not remember the vacation.  So you are going to want to guarantee a place where you will have fun. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 15:38 Teaching Your Child Gratitude | Dad University Podcast Ep. 225 https://www.daduniversity.com/teaching-your-child-gratitude-dad-university-podcast-ep-225/ Tue, 02 Jul 2019 16:00:55 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=3347 We have spoken that gratitude helps with depression.  It's hard to be depressed and sad if you are really grateful.  Teaching our kids gratitude is valuable for that reason but it also is good manner Raising Grateful Children Project at THE UNIVERSITY of NORTH CAROLINA at CHAPEL HILL http://hussong.web.unc.edu/drrl/rgc/ What we NOTICE in our lives for which we can be grateful How we THINK about why we have been given those things How we FEEL about the things we have been given What we DO to express appreciation in turn Here are some tips: 1) You need to be grateful - You need to verbally express it, show it, and really mean it. 2) Teach them the value of Thank You - This means saying it, writing a thank you note, or even doing something for someone else as a thank you. 3) Give back - encourage generosity...donating time or effort to those less fortunate or even just helping someone who needs it.  They can help others at school...it can simply be being a friend to someone that may not have friends. 4) They participate in purchases - if they want something, they need to buy it or earn something to get it. 5) Start a gratitude journal - have them right it down daily 6) Travel - see places different than your own.  If you have the means to travel, showing them other places provides context for how much they have. 7) Have them help - they are part of the family and they need to help around the house. We have spoken that gratitude helps with depression.  It's hard to be depressed and sad if you are really grateful.  Teaching our kids gratitude is valuable for that reason but it also is good manner - Raising Grateful Children Project at THE UNIVERSI... We have spoken that gratitude helps with depression.  It's hard to be depressed and sad if you are really grateful.  Teaching our kids gratitude is valuable for that reason but it also is good manner<br /> <br /> Raising Grateful Children Project at THE UNIVERSITY of NORTH CAROLINA at CHAPEL HILL<br /> http://hussong.web.unc.edu/drrl/rgc/<br /> <br /> What we NOTICE in our lives for which we can be grateful<br /> How we THINK about why we have been given those things<br /> How we FEEL about the things we have been given<br /> What we DO to express appreciation in turn<br /> <br /> Here are some tips:<br /> <br /> 1) You need to be grateful - You need to verbally express it, show it, and really mean it.<br /> <br /> 2) Teach them the value of Thank You - This means saying it, writing a thank you note, or even doing something for someone else as a thank you.<br /> <br /> 3) Give back - encourage generosity...donating time or effort to those less fortunate or even just helping someone who needs it.  They can help others at school...it can simply be being a friend to someone that may not have friends.<br /> <br /> 4) They participate in purchases - if they want something, they need to buy it or earn something to get it.<br /> <br /> 5) Start a gratitude journal - have them right it down daily<br /> <br /> 6) Travel - see places different than your own.  If you have the means to travel, showing them other places provides context for how much they have.<br /> <br /> 7) Have them help - they are part of the family and they need to help around the house. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 20:14 How to Promote Creativity in Your Child | Dad University Podcast Ep. 224 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-promote-creativity-in-your-child-dad-university-podcast-ep-224/ Tue, 25 Jun 2019 16:00:52 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=3345 1) Allow them to be bored - stop entertaining them. This forces them to be creative. 2) Limit use of electronics - while some games are creative, watching television doesn't help their creativity 3) Don't solve their problems - ask them questions instead? How can you solve this? Force them to come up with solutions 4) Create an area of the house for play - if you can....whether garage or playroom...allow them a space in which they can call their own and take part in how it looks and what is there. 5) Spend time outdoors - encourage them to play outside. We had a huge forest growing up. We made forts, were forced to be creative. 6) Encourage dress up or costumes - Having super heroes and characters 7) Allow them to dress themselves and/or pick out their clothes - children will wear the same thing every day if they are allowed. 8) Encourage creative/art gifts - When relatives and friends ask what to get them - encourage creative gifts - paper, drawing, paints, crayons, Lego's, blocks, etc. 1) Allow them to be bored - stop entertaining them. This forces them to be creative. - 2) Limit use of electronics - while some games are creative, watching television doesn't help their creativity - 3) Don't solve their problems - ask them questions... 1) Allow them to be bored - stop entertaining them. This forces them to be creative.<br /> <br /> 2) Limit use of electronics - while some games are creative, watching television doesn't help their creativity<br /> <br /> 3) Don't solve their problems - ask them questions instead? How can you solve this? Force them to come up with solutions<br /> <br /> 4) Create an area of the house for play - if you can....whether garage or playroom...allow them a space in which they can call their own and take part in how it looks and what is there.<br /> <br /> 5) Spend time outdoors - encourage them to play outside. We had a huge forest growing up. We made forts, were forced to be creative.<br /> <br /> 6) Encourage dress up or costumes - Having super heroes and characters<br /> <br /> 7) Allow them to dress themselves and/or pick out their clothes - children will wear the same thing every day if they are allowed.<br /> <br /> 8) Encourage creative/art gifts - When relatives and friends ask what to get them - encourage creative gifts - paper, drawing, paints, crayons, Lego's, blocks, etc. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 19:34 Reducing Your Child’s Anxiety | Dad University Podcast Ep. 223 https://www.daduniversity.com/reducing-your-childs-anxiety-dad-university-podcast-ep-223/ Tue, 18 Jun 2019 16:00:29 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=3343 Nearly all kids experience some form of separation anxiety from 1-3 years old. This is when they get really upset when they see mom or dad leave. Not just upset but really upset. Alan, do you remember having any anxieties as a child? You said you were shy? Do you know why that is? But for some kids, it doesn't stop there. They begin to have additional anxieties. This can be from specific objects, bring around people, animals, sounds. We don't want to be the one eliminating all of the anxieties as we want our child to be able to manage themselves. But we can certainly coach and teach them to assist themselves. Here are a few tips: 1) Teach them breathing and/or meditation techniques to calm themselves - Even at a very young age, learning breathing techniques is valuable. The technique of smelling the air with your nose, then blowing out the candle with your mouth was one we used. 2) You remain calm - You getting worked up is not going to help the situation as they feed off of you. It is so important for you to remain calm. 3) Let them know it's ok to fail - This definitely applies as the child get's older. We want to be very clear with our child that it doesn't matter that they win or get to the top. An example of this is a climbing tower. The child may not want to do it because they think they have to get to the top. Instead you can say, try it, and you go how far you want to. 4) Encourage them but don't push too hard - In the tower example, I've seen parents push their kids when it's clear they don't want to do it. Come on, come on, and they don't stop. 5) Face fears - There is a fine line here but we sometimes need them to face their fear. You have to use good judgement. 6) Don't make it a big deal - Ok, that was fun. Maybe we can try next time. Talk about it - it's ok to be scare or anxious 7) Be empathetic - Don't say "Don;t worry" or "Relax" Instead be empathetic "I understand you are scared. It can be really scary to climb the wall. I think you are totally capable of it. How about you try? Just see how far you want to go?" 8) Explain the feelings they have as a positive - fight or flight - those feelings protect us. Help them understand it's totally normal to be scared. 9) Use positive re-inforcement - when they do something, make a huge deal about it. How did that feel? You just did it! You did that all on your own. Nearly all kids experience some form of separation anxiety from 1-3 years old. This is when they get really upset when they see mom or dad leave. Not just upset but really upset. - Alan, do you remember having any anxieties as a child? Nearly all kids experience some form of separation anxiety from 1-3 years old. This is when they get really upset when they see mom or dad leave. Not just upset but really upset.<br /> <br /> Alan, do you remember having any anxieties as a child? You said you were shy? Do you know why that is?<br /> <br /> But for some kids, it doesn't stop there. They begin to have additional anxieties. This can be from specific objects, bring around people, animals, sounds.<br /> <br /> We don't want to be the one eliminating all of the anxieties as we want our child to be able to manage themselves. But we can certainly coach and teach them to assist themselves. Here are a few tips:<br /> <br /> 1) Teach them breathing and/or meditation techniques to calm themselves - Even at a very young age, learning breathing techniques is valuable. The technique of smelling the air with your nose, then blowing out the candle with your mouth was one we used.<br /> <br /> 2) You remain calm - You getting worked up is not going to help the situation as they feed off of you. It is so important for you to remain calm.<br /> <br /> 3) Let them know it's ok to fail - This definitely applies as the child get's older. We want to be very clear with our child that it doesn't matter that they win or get to the top. An example of this is a climbing tower. The child may not want to do it because they think they have to get to the top. Instead you can say, try it, and you go how far you want to.<br /> <br /> 4) Encourage them but don't push too hard - In the tower example, I've seen parents push their kids when it's clear they don't want to do it. Come on, come on, and they don't stop.<br /> <br /> 5) Face fears - There is a fine line here but we sometimes need them to face their fear. You have to use good judgement.<br /> <br /> 6) Don't make it a big deal - Ok, that was fun. Maybe we can try next time.<br /> Talk about it - it's ok to be scare or anxious<br /> <br /> 7) Be empathetic - Don't say "Don;t worry" or "Relax" Instead be empathetic "I understand you are scared. It can be really scary to climb the wall. I think you are totally capable of it. How about you try? Just see how far you want to go?"<br /> <br /> 8) Explain the feelings they have as a positive - fight or flight - those feelings protect us. Help them understand it's totally normal to be scared.<br /> <br /> 9) Use positive re-inforcement - when they do something, make a huge deal about it. How did that feel? You just did it! You did that all on your own. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 22:47 Your Child Doesn’t Have to Go To College | Dad University Podcast Ep. 222 https://www.daduniversity.com/your-child-doesnt-have-to-go-to-college-dad-university-podcast-ep-222/ Tue, 11 Jun 2019 16:00:15 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=3335 I want to talk about college. When I was growing up, going to college was a given. It really wasn't an option. Both of my parents went to college and it was just what you did. While I didn't realize it at the time, college was something my parents were set on investing in. And sending 3 kids to school was an insane investment and risk. Were they going to get a return on investment? Fortunately they had the means to be able to send us to school. You apply to colleges during high school and you pick a school. My oldest sister went to an ivy league school and my other older sister went to college in Arizona. I applied to a few school and visited my sister in Arizona. She was part of a sorority so needless to say for a 17/18 year old boy, seeing the sorority girls help solidify my choice on where to go. But of course they had a great business program which was the most important. I can't speak for countries outside the US, but in a large part of the US, especially in more affluent areas, going to college is expected. The problem with this is that not everyone belongs in college. I can't speak for my sisters but I think college was a great experience for all 3 of us. I ended up going to graduate school to study business...specifically entrepreneurship so for me it was really valuable. I competed in business plan competitions and learned a lot that I was able to apply. I ended up going into business for myself. However, I enjoyed the structure. I think that for the kids that struggle in school, whether they simply weren't prepared or are just not made for it, parents need to back off. Find out what the child is good at and let them focus on that. Now this doesn't mean the parents are going to allow them to live at home and bum around. If they are not going to school, they need to do something....find a job and experience taking care of themselves. I think the hard part for parents is they feel its a reflection of them and they have to be ok with their social circle. For many this would be really hard to do. I think this is where there is a huge breakdown. Parents are forcing their kids to go to school when they really shouldn't be in it. I want to talk about college. When I was growing up, going to college was a given. It really wasn't an option. Both of my parents went to college and it was just what you did. - While I didn't realize it at the time, I want to talk about college. When I was growing up, going to college was a given. It really wasn't an option. Both of my parents went to college and it was just what you did.<br /> <br /> While I didn't realize it at the time, college was something my parents were set on investing in. And sending 3 kids to school was an insane investment and risk. Were they going to get a return on investment? Fortunately they had the means to be able to send us to school.<br /> <br /> You apply to colleges during high school and you pick a school. My oldest sister went to an ivy league school and my other older sister went to college in Arizona.<br /> <br /> I applied to a few school and visited my sister in Arizona. She was part of a sorority so needless to say for a 17/18 year old boy, seeing the sorority girls help solidify my choice on where to go.<br /> <br /> But of course they had a great business program which was the most important.<br /> <br /> I can't speak for countries outside the US, but in a large part of the US, especially in more affluent areas, going to college is expected. The problem with this is that not everyone belongs in college.<br /> <br /> I can't speak for my sisters but I think college was a great experience for all 3 of us. I ended up going to graduate school to study business...specifically entrepreneurship so for me it was really valuable. I competed in business plan competitions and learned a lot that I was able to apply. I ended up going into business for myself.<br /> <br /> However, I enjoyed the structure.<br /> <br /> I think that for the kids that struggle in school, whether they simply weren't prepared or are just not made for it, parents need to back off. Find out what the child is good at and let them focus on that.<br /> <br /> Now this doesn't mean the parents are going to allow them to live at home and bum around. If they are not going to school, they need to do something....find a job and experience taking care of themselves.<br /> <br /> I think the hard part for parents is they feel its a reflection of them and they have to be ok with their social circle. For many this would be really hard to do.<br /> <br /> I think this is where there is a huge breakdown. Parents are forcing their kids to go to school when they really shouldn't be in it. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 22:15 The Benefits of Kindness – How Being Nice Can Make Improve Your Health & Help Others | Dad University Podcast EP 221 https://www.daduniversity.com/the-benefits-of-kindness-how-being-nice-can-make-improve-your-health-help-others-dad-university-podcast-ep-221/ Tue, 04 Jun 2019 16:00:41 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2927 People often think being kind is altruistic...it's not.  It makes us feel good. Health Benefits Makes you feel good - Releases serotonin in the brain which improves our mood.  Being nice to someone makes us happy. Reduce depression and can calm you down. Spending money on someone else can make you more happy than spending it on yourself Reduces Stress - Get's you to focus on other things rather than worrying about yourself. Prevent illness - Oxycontin release happens when we help others.  Oxycontin reduces inflammation...lowers blood pressure. Live Longer - having people around you is associated with living longer.  Friendships and meaningful relationships are important for that.  It slows aging. Effects on Other People 1) It's contagious - when you are kind or help someone, they are inclined to help or be kind to someone else.  Pay it forward.  Butterfly effect. 2) Makes them feel good...impactful for someone. 3) Improves relationships - We are wired for kindness.  It can make a bond stronger among 2 people. Dalai Lama says "if you can’t be kind, avoid harming others." People often think being kind is altruistic...it's not.  It makes us feel good. - Health Benefits - Makes you feel good - Releases serotonin in the brain which improves our mood.  Being nice to someone makes us happy. People often think being kind is altruistic...it's not.  It makes us feel good.<br /> <br /> Health Benefits<br /> <br /> Makes you feel good - Releases serotonin in the brain which improves our mood.  Being nice to someone makes us happy. Reduce depression and can calm you down.<br /> <br /> Spending money on someone else can make you more happy than spending it on yourself<br /> <br /> Reduces Stress - Get's you to focus on other things rather than worrying about yourself.<br /> <br /> Prevent illness - Oxycontin release happens when we help others.  Oxycontin reduces inflammation...lowers blood pressure.<br /> <br /> Live Longer - having people around you is associated with living longer.  Friendships and meaningful relationships are important for that.  It slows aging.<br /> <br /> Effects on Other People<br /> <br /> 1) It's contagious - when you are kind or help someone, they are inclined to help or be kind to someone else.  Pay it forward.  Butterfly effect.<br /> <br /> 2) Makes them feel good...impactful for someone.<br /> <br /> 3) Improves relationships - We are wired for kindness.  It can make a bond stronger among 2 people.<br /> <br /> Dalai Lama says "if you can’t be kind, avoid harming others." Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 19:24 How to Get Your Child To Focus & Concentrate | Dad University Podcast EP 220 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-get-your-child-to-focus-concentrate-dad-university-podcast-ep-220/ Tue, 28 May 2019 16:00:27 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2930 Remove distractions - sounds, screens, etc.  This can also mean providing them a designated area. Move the body - Run them around - get energy out - moving stimulates the brain.  Running club in the mornings.  My children's school has rocking chairs for some kids Make a list of tasks - Write everything down. Keep tasks small - Tackle one thing at a time.  If you are teaching them to clean their room, start with just cleaning their bed, or focus on a toy bin.  Too many tasks can be overwhelming Make it a routine - Kids welcome routine.  Have them brush their teeth after pajamas every day.  don't switch the routine. Take breaks -  Every child is different but watch your child to see when they get squirmy.  For adults, I learned that 25 minutes is optimal for flow and focus.  It's called the Pomodoro Technique Healthy diet - sugar, caffeine may work in short bursts but it will cause crashing.  Then when you don't have it, you are out of luck.  Try to provide them a healthy balanced diet.  They should be eating all meals. Understand how they best learn - are they visual, auditory, or kin aesthetic Breathing techniques or meditation - allows them to practice focusing on their breath or sitting still.  Guided meditation can be great and fun for kids.  It builds that muscle for when they need it. Remove distractions - sounds, screens, etc.  This can also mean providing them a designated area. - Move the body - Run them around - get energy out - moving stimulates the brain.  Running club in the mornings. Remove distractions - sounds, screens, etc.  This can also mean providing them a designated area.<br /> <br /> Move the body - Run them around - get energy out - moving stimulates the brain.  Running club in the mornings.  My children's school has rocking chairs for some kids<br /> <br /> Make a list of tasks - Write everything down.<br /> <br /> Keep tasks small - Tackle one thing at a time.  If you are teaching them to clean their room, start with just cleaning their bed, or focus on a toy bin.  Too many tasks can be overwhelming<br /> <br /> Make it a routine - Kids welcome routine.  Have them brush their teeth after pajamas every day.  don't switch the routine.<br /> <br /> Take breaks -  Every child is different but watch your child to see when they get squirmy.  For adults, I learned that 25 minutes is optimal for flow and focus.  It's called the Pomodoro Technique<br /> <br /> Healthy diet - sugar, caffeine may work in short bursts but it will cause crashing.  Then when you don't have it, you are out of luck.  Try to provide them a healthy balanced diet.  They should be eating all meals.<br /> <br /> Understand how they best learn - are they visual, auditory, or kin aesthetic<br /> <br /> Breathing techniques or meditation - allows them to practice focusing on their breath or sitting still.  Guided meditation can be great and fun for kids.  It builds that muscle for when they need it. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 18:47 The Hardest Things About Parenting | Dad University Podcast EP 219 https://www.daduniversity.com/the-hardest-things-about-parenting-dad-university-podcast-ep-219/ Tue, 21 May 2019 19:28:57 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2932 In todays podcast we go over the hardest things about parenting. Keeping calm - You may have a stressful day or be in a bad mood and it's difficult to shut that and be happy and present for your kids.  Seems kids often get the brunt of the stress and anxiety we feel (at least for me) Balancing work/life - Spending time with kids yet working and/or doing other things that bring you value Knowing how to handle new situations - You are constantly faced with new things, especially as they get older and face new challenges Consistency / Repetition - Feeling like you say the same thing 1000 times before they get it...and then they slip up Defiance - Kids knowingly doing something you have told them not to do.  It's hard to not take it personally. Letting go - Them wanting to be with their friends instead of hanging out with you. In todays podcast we go over the hardest things about parenting. - Keeping calm - You may have a stressful day or be in a bad mood and it's difficult to shut that and be happy and present for your kids.  Seems kids often get the brunt of the stress an... In todays podcast we go over the hardest things about parenting.<br /> <br /> Keeping calm - You may have a stressful day or be in a bad mood and it's difficult to shut that and be happy and present for your kids.  Seems kids often get the brunt of the stress and anxiety we feel (at least for me)<br /> <br /> Balancing work/life - Spending time with kids yet working and/or doing other things that bring you value<br /> <br /> Knowing how to handle new situations - You are constantly faced with new things, especially as they get older and face new challenges<br /> <br /> Consistency / Repetition - Feeling like you say the same thing 1000 times before they get it...and then they slip up<br /> <br /> Defiance - Kids knowingly doing something you have told them not to do.  It's hard to not take it personally.<br /> <br /> Letting go - Them wanting to be with their friends instead of hanging out with you. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 25:14 6 Things You Aren’t Doing as a Parent But Your Kids Need to See it | Dad University Podcast EP 218 https://www.daduniversity.com/6-things-you-arent-doing-as-a-parent-but-your-kids-need-to-see-it-dad-university-podcast-ep-218/ Tue, 14 May 2019 16:00:03 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2935 1) Apologizing to them when you do something/say something wrong Let's say you get in an argument with your child.  You yell at them and tell them to go to their room.  It's really important to apologize for your own behavior and let them know that you could have handled it better.  Next time you shouldn't yell and should be more calm when discussing something with them. 2) Making up with your wife (argue and then make up)  -You may hide arguments from your kids but they also may not see you make up.  It's ok to see them argue as long as you argue fairly.  But if you do argue, they need to see you make up...apologizing, etc. 3) Eating healthy  - You tell your kids not to eat junk or want them to eat healthy and then you have ice cream or sugar when they go to bed. 4) Exercising - You don't have to run a triathlon or be a competitive bodybuilder, but showing them good habits is important.  Go for family walks, get outside.  Show them how being active is important. 5) Treating people with respect - We tell our kids to treat everyone equally and with respect yet we will make negative comments about other people or even just people as they walk by. 6) Putting your electronics down - We are telling our kids they watch too much TV or play too much video games yet we have our phones with us at all times.  We usually try to justify it by having it be "work related" 1) Apologizing to them when you do something/say something wrong - Let's say you get in an argument with your child.  You yell at them and tell them to go to their room.  It's really important to apologize for your own behavior and let them know that ... 1) Apologizing to them when you do something/say something wrong<br /> <br /> Let's say you get in an argument with your child.  You yell at them and tell them to go to their room.  It's really important to apologize for your own behavior and let them know that you could have handled it better.  Next time you shouldn't yell and should be more calm when discussing something with them.<br /> <br /> 2) Making up with your wife (argue and then make up)  -You may hide arguments from your kids but they also may not see you make up.  It's ok to see them argue as long as you argue fairly.  But if you do argue, they need to see you make up...apologizing, etc.<br /> <br /> 3) Eating healthy  - You tell your kids not to eat junk or want them to eat healthy and then you have ice cream or sugar when they go to bed.<br /> <br /> 4) Exercising - You don't have to run a triathlon or be a competitive bodybuilder, but showing them good habits is important.  Go for family walks, get outside.  Show them how being active is important.<br /> <br /> 5) Treating people with respect - We tell our kids to treat everyone equally and with respect yet we will make negative comments about other people or even just people as they walk by.<br /> <br /> 6) Putting your electronics down - We are telling our kids they watch too much TV or play too much video games yet we have our phones with us at all times.  We usually try to justify it by having it be "work related" Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 14:02 How Our Standards Shape Who We Are & What We Achieve | Dad University Podcast EP 217 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-our-standards-shape-who-we-are-what-we-achieve-dad-university-podcast-ep-217/ Tue, 07 May 2019 16:00:38 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2937 I was listening to a Tony Robbins lecture.  He says the #1 way to change your life is to raise your standards. Raise our standards and it will change your life long term.  Only thing that creates lasting change. There are bunch of things in life that we want.  But we don't get what we want, we get what we have to have. We get what we tolerate.  Difference in people is their standards. Should lose weight, should spend time with my kids.....mad at their shoulds When your should becomes a must.  When something that should happen becomes a must, that is when change occurs. Think about things in your life that you have made a significant change: your job - it's not a must if you aren't in the right job your income - it's not a must if you aren't making the certain level your health - it's not a must your physical appearance - it's not a must, your standard doesn't match your work ethic We set a standard based on our environment....who is around you. The people you hang out with.  What are the standards of people around you?  Your friends and /or co-workers.  This can have an effect on how Imagine how your life should shift if you change from should to a must.  If you must earn. I was listening to a Tony Robbins lecture.  He says the #1 way to change your life is to raise your standards. - Raise our standards and it will change your life long term.  Only thing that creates lasting change. - I was listening to a Tony Robbins lecture.  He says the #1 way to change your life is to raise your standards.<br /> <br /> Raise our standards and it will change your life long term.  Only thing that creates lasting change.<br /> <br /> There are bunch of things in life that we want.  But we don't get what we want, we get what we have to have.<br /> <br /> We get what we tolerate.  Difference in people is their standards.<br /> <br /> Should lose weight, should spend time with my kids.....mad at their shoulds<br /> <br /> When your should becomes a must.  When something that should happen becomes a must, that is when change occurs.<br /> <br /> Think about things in your life that you have made a significant change:<br /> <br /> your job - it's not a must if you aren't in the right job<br /> your income - it's not a must if you aren't making the certain level<br /> your health - it's not a must<br /> your physical appearance - it's not a must, your standard doesn't match your<br /> work ethic<br /> <br /> We set a standard based on our environment....who is around you. The people you hang out with.  What are the standards of people around you?  Your friends and /or co-workers.  This can have an effect on how<br /> <br /> Imagine how your life should shift if you change from should to a must.  If you must earn. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 20:52 The Best New Parent Advice – 5 Things Every Dad Needs to Know | Dad University Podcast EP 216 https://www.daduniversity.com/the-best-new-parent-advice-5-things-every-dad-needs-to-know-dad-university-podcast-ep-216/ Tue, 30 Apr 2019 16:00:08 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2940 I'm often asked "what's your best advice for new parents".  The truth is that there are so many new things happening as a brand new parent, it's hard to digest it all. Sure as a dad, the important parenting advice that you find valuable might be a little different than a mom's. But overall I think these 5 tips will be helpful advice for all new parents.  Let's do it. Before we get started I wanted to honestly thank all of you. Your support as a subscriber, comments and feedback, and then the sharing of our videos has really helped us grow....and for that I wanted to say thank you.   So back to the video.  You're might be getting new parent advice from your family or your friends.  Sometimes you get advice even when you aren't asking for it. Being a new parent can often feel overwhelming.  Hopefully you will be able to use this advice, and feel better. 1) Your involvement is critical -  This may seem obvious for some new parents, but involvement by dads can vary based on your culture, where you live, or how you were brought up. Whatever the excuse, do not leave taking care of the child up to the mom.  My advice is to do feedings, bath time, go on walks.  Spend one on one time with your child. Not only does your involvement give your spouse a break, it provides great bonding for you and your child.  The more you are involved, the greater the benefit to your child. 2) Don't take things personally - When I was a new parent, I thought for sure my first child was really trying to annoy me and test me.  But I can I assure you, your baby is not deliberately doing anything other than learning the ways of the world. When they cry, they are trying to communicate.  When they defy you, they are trying to understand boundaries.  There is not a secret plot to make new parents 3) Enjoy the present - I wish i received this advice when i was a new parent.  It wasn't until my second child (2 years later) that I realized I really needed to enjoy the what was happening now. Prior to that I would say things like "I can't wait until he can talk or it will be so much fun when he and i can throw the ball." Not that thinking of the future was wrong, but I think it brought me away from appreciating the present.  So my advice for new parents would be to enjoy the present. 4) Learn Patience - Your patience will be tested, I promise you.  My advice for new parents is that the more patient you can be, the easier time you will have. I happen to be one of those impatient types.  I'm always on time, or early. I need everything right now and most of the time I'm in a hurry. I can tell you this is a recipe for stress and anxiety when you are a new parent. I did a video on how to be more patient. I have used a few different techniques which are explained in the video.  My favorite is daily meditation. It helps a lot. 5) You are totally capable - At some point as a new parent, you will doubt your capabilities.  You may think you are not cut out for this parenting thing or that you can handle it. I'm here to tell you that you can handle it.  Sure being a new parent isn't easy, but it can be the most amazing thing in the world. I would love to hear from you.  What is the best advice for new parents that you have received? I'm often asked "what's your best advice for new parents".  The truth is that there are so many new things happening as a brand new parent, it's hard to digest it all. - Sure as a dad, the important parenting advice that you find valuable might be a l... I'm often asked "what's your best advice for new parents".  The truth is that there are so many new things happening as a brand new parent, it's hard to digest it all.<br /> <br /> Sure as a dad, the important parenting advice that you find valuable might be a little different than a mom's. But overall I think these 5 tips will be helpful advice for all new parents.  Let's do it.<br /> <br /> Before we get started I wanted to honestly thank all of you. Your support as a subscriber, comments and feedback, and then the sharing of our videos has really helped us grow....and for that I wanted to say thank you.  <br /> <br /> So back to the video.  You're might be getting new parent advice from your family or your friends.  Sometimes you get advice even when you aren't asking for it.<br /> <br /> Being a new parent can often feel overwhelming.  Hopefully you will be able to use this advice, and feel better.<br /> <br /> 1) Your involvement is critical -  This may seem obvious for some new parents, but involvement by dads can vary based on your culture, where you live, or how you were brought up.<br /> <br /> Whatever the excuse, do not leave taking care of the child up to the mom.  My advice is to do feedings, bath time, go on walks.  Spend one on one time with your child.<br /> <br /> Not only does your involvement give your spouse a break, it provides great bonding for you and your child.  The more you are involved, the greater the benefit to your child.<br /> <br /> 2) Don't take things personally - When I was a new parent, I thought for sure my first child was really trying to annoy me and test me.  But I can I assure you, your baby is not deliberately doing anything other than learning the ways of the world.<br /> <br /> When they cry, they are trying to communicate.  When they defy you, they are trying to understand boundaries.  There is not a secret plot to make new parents<br /> <br /> 3) Enjoy the present - I wish i received this advice when i was a new parent.  It wasn't until my second child (2 years later) that I realized I really needed to enjoy the what was happening now.<br /> <br /> Prior to that I would say things like "I can't wait until he can talk or it will be so much fun when he and i can throw the ball."<br /> <br /> Not that thinking of the future was wrong, but I think it brought me away from appreciating the present.  So my advice for new parents would be to enjoy the present.<br /> <br /> 4) Learn Patience - Your patience will be tested, I promise you.  My advice for new parents is that the more patient you can be, the easier time you will have.<br /> <br /> I happen to be one of those impatient types.  I'm always on time, or early. I need everything right now and most of the time I'm in a hurry.<br /> <br /> I can tell you this is a recipe for stress and anxiety when you are a new parent. I did a video on how to be more patient. I have used a few different techniques which are explained in the video.  My favorite is daily meditation. It helps a lot.<br /> <br /> 5) You are totally capable - At some point as a new parent, you will doubt your capabilities.  You may think you are not cut out for this parenting thing or that you can handle it.<br /> <br /> I'm here to tell you that you can handle it.  Sure being a new parent isn't easy, but it can be the most amazing thing in the world.<br /> <br /> I would love to hear from you.  What is the best advice for new parents that you have received? Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 17:23 Building Confidence in Your Child | Dad University Podcast EP 215 https://www.daduniversity.com/building-confidence-in-your-child-dad-university-podcast-ep-215/ Tue, 23 Apr 2019 16:00:10 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2942 We all want our kids to be have confidence.  It's an attractive quality that adults find valuable.  It's not something we are necessarily born with.  So how can we build confidence in our child? It's easier than you think.  But you might not realize that some of the things you are doing are inhibiting your child from becoming confident.  In this episode we look at 6 ways that you can help your child build confidence.  Confidence is like a muscle.  Maybe some people are born with a little bit more of it than others, but if you train it properly you can build it big. Let's go over some ways that you as a parent can help your child build their confidence. 1) Stop Doing Everything for Them - getting them dressed, carrying their backpack to school, tying their shoes, making their lunch.  You want to build a child's confidence?  Let them do things for themselves. While your intention in doing things for them may be good, you are hindering their growth.  Stop doing things for them. You may not even realize how much you are doing.  Let's say you are at a park and your child hands you their trash for you to go throw it away.  You can say, no you are capable of throwing it away, the trash is right over there. Sure it's nice to do things for each other, but be mindful to allow your child to do things for themselves so you can help build confidence 2) Let them fail - We just did episode 77 which is a complete video about why failing is good for your kids.  They need to learn how to get up after getting knocked down and understand that it is totally ok to fail. We are not abandoning them when they fail.  We are their for support, to help them learn, and encouragement.  How you handle them failing is important for them to build confidence and try again. 3) Give them unconditional love - feeling loved and accepted is a foundation for confidence.  Whether they fail or succeed they are loved. 14: Making mistakes is ok and they will be loved no matter what. Unconditional love is going to help a child build confidence. 4) Praise & Encouragement is Internally focused - Slide:  Instead of saying  "I'm so proud of you"  say "You should be really proud of yourself. Instead of saying "Great job" say "You did it" Instead of sating "I liked that you cleaned your room" say "You cleaned your room.  That probably feels good" We want them to feel good internally rather than looking for outside sources for praise.  What happens when you aren't there?  These positive feelings need to come from within them to build their confidence. 5) Give them age appropriate tasks - Feeling needed is valuable.  Whether you want to call them tasks, chores, or responsibilities is up to you.  I prefer calling them responsibilities. Children gain confidence by contributing and knowing that what they are doing is helping the family.  They may complain about the cleaning, doing dishes, or taking out the trash but it is actually helping them build confidence. 6) Let them make decisions - Even when kids are really young, giving them two options (and you are ok with either) is a good way to begin building confidence in your child. When you give them choices, they feel more in control which helps build their confidence.  This can be as simple as, do you want to go upstairs fast like a cheetah or slow like turtle?  or do you want turkey or ham for lunch? These small choices get bigger as they get old.  They become more confident with making decisions. Confidence is something we all want for our children.  These are all things you can do to help your child be more confident as they grow. We would love to hear from you.  Alan, if they have any feedback or questions, what should they do? We all want our kids to be have confidence.  It's an attractive quality that adults find valuable.  It's not something we are necessarily born with.  So how can we build confidence in our child? - It's easier than you think. We all want our kids to be have confidence.  It's an attractive quality that adults find valuable.  It's not something we are necessarily born with.  So how can we build confidence in our child?<br /> <br /> It's easier than you think.  But you might not realize that some of the things you are doing are inhibiting your child from becoming confident.  In this episode we look at 6 ways that you can help your child build confidence. <br /> <br /> Confidence is like a muscle.  Maybe some people are born with a little bit more of it than others, but if you train it properly you can build it big.<br /> <br /> Let's go over some ways that you as a parent can help your child build their confidence.<br /> <br /> 1) Stop Doing Everything for Them - getting them dressed, carrying their backpack to school, tying their shoes, making their lunch.  You want to build a child's confidence?  Let them do things for themselves.<br /> <br /> While your intention in doing things for them may be good, you are hindering their growth.  Stop doing things for them.<br /> <br /> You may not even realize how much you are doing.  Let's say you are at a park and your child hands you their trash for you to go throw it away.  You can say, no you are capable of throwing it away, the trash is right over there.<br /> <br /> Sure it's nice to do things for each other, but be mindful to allow your child to do things for themselves so you can help build confidence<br /> <br /> 2) Let them fail - We just did episode 77 which is a complete video about why failing is good for your kids.  They need to learn how to get up after getting knocked down and understand that it is totally ok to fail.<br /> <br /> We are not abandoning them when they fail.  We are their for support, to help them learn, and encouragement.  How you handle them failing is important for them to build confidence and try again.<br /> <br /> 3) Give them unconditional love - feeling loved and accepted is a foundation for confidence.  Whether they fail or succeed they are loved.<br /> <br /> 14: Making mistakes is ok and they will be loved no matter what. Unconditional love is going to help a child build confidence.<br /> <br /> 4) Praise & Encouragement is Internally focused -<br /> <br /> Slide:  Instead of saying  "I'm so proud of you"  say "You should be really proud of yourself.<br /> <br /> Instead of saying "Great job" say "You did it"<br /> <br /> Instead of sating "I liked that you cleaned your room" say "You cleaned your room.  That probably feels good"<br /> <br /> We want them to feel good internally rather than looking for outside sources for praise.  What happens when you aren't there?  These positive feelings need to come from within them to build their confidence.<br /> <br /> 5) Give them age appropriate tasks - Feeling needed is valuable.  Whether you want to call them tasks, chores, or responsibilities is up to you.  I prefer calling them responsibilities.<br /> <br /> Children gain confidence by contributing and knowing that what they are doing is helping the family.  They may complain about the cleaning, doing dishes, or taking out the trash but it is actually helping them build confidence.<br /> <br /> 6) Let them make decisions - Even when kids are really young, giving them two options (and you are ok with either) is a good way to begin building confidence in your child.<br /> <br /> When you give them choices, they feel more in control which helps build their confidence.  This can be as simple as, do you want to go upstairs fast like a cheetah or slow like turtle?  or do you want turkey or ham for lunch?<br /> <br /> These small choices get bigger as they get old.  They become more confident with making decisions.<br /> <br /> Confidence is something we all want for our children.  These are all things you can do to help your child be more confident as they grow.<br /> We would love to hear from you.  Alan, Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 16:54 The Importance of Men Showing Emotion | Dad University Podcast EP 214 https://www.daduniversity.com/the-importance-of-men-showing-emotion-dad-university-podcast-ep-214/ Tue, 16 Apr 2019 16:00:37 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2944 Have you ever hear any of these or said any of these to anyone? You big wussy suck it up cry baby You wonder why men have difficulty with emotions. Maybe you cried and were made fun of because of it.  or maybe you were scared and had to suppress those feelings in order to feel accepted. In this episode, we are going to understand a little more about why men don't show emotion and then talk about why showing emotion is actually really good for you. I saw a study that was done and it said there are 27 different emotions that we experience.  For the purpose of this video, let's stick with the 6 major ones: happiness sadness fear disgust anger surprise I think for men, 2 of these really stand out as us having difficulty with them: sadness and fear. For the most part, I don't think men have too much of a problem showing the other types of feelings.  So let's focus on sadness and fear.  Why Don't Men Show these Emotions?  1) They don't know how to show emotion - How can you show emotion if you if you were never taught.  If you grew up with a dad who never cried or showed emotion, it makes sense.  Let's just make sure your son doesn't get to use the same excuse.  2) Fear of Weakness -  Did you ever hear any of these as a kid: "boys don't cry"  "swallow those tears" "crying is for sissies" or how about: "what are you scared of?" "scaredy cat" All of these phrases have negative connotations with men and emotions.  Boys are taught from a very young age that having these emotions is a bad thing. 3) Fear of being judged - This sort of goes along with the weakness but men fear being judged for being an emotional man. You think you will be judged negatively.  It's a fear that people will think less of you.  Maybe people will look down at you. You may not want to show emotions in front of your wife because you think she will think negatively of you.  She may then think you are needy or have low self-esteem.  We keep the emotions inside for the fear of being seen this way. 4) Protecting Someone else - Whether it's our spouse, our kids, or anyone else, we will often refrain from showing emotion in order to protect someone else.  We don't want them to be effected by our emotions. When my mother passed away, I didn't want my kids to see me cry.  I felt like if I was upset in front of them, it would cause them to get upset too. Going through grief counseling allowed me to understand that it was ok to show the emotion and be authentic. In fact, it allowed my children to see how I felt about my mom.  I was sad, that was the reality. Now that we understand why men don't often show emotion, let's look at Why It's Important for Men to Show Emotions 1) It allows you to be authentic - Humans have emotions, it's the reality....and being authentic is important both for you and your child. In the example I provided about my mother and allowing my kids to see me cry, they were able to see the real me.  I actually felt a lot better when I did it because i didn't have to hide it anymore. 2) Improves mental health - Allowing yourself to feel and express your emotions is good for your mental well being.  Have you ever expressed some negative feelings and then afterward just felt better?  It can provide you that mental release. 3) Improves physical health - In addition to the mental release, you can also benefit physically.  Bottling up emotions can actually cause physical pain.  You may feel this in your chest, have back issues, neck problems, etc. Expressing emotions can make you actually feel better physically as well. Maybe like a weight has been lifted off of you. 4) Can improve connection with others - Having emotions is allowing yourself to be vulnerable.  Vulnerability can allow people to better understand you.  As a result, they will feel more connected to you. Men showing emotion is important.  It's important for you and your family. Have you ever hear any of these or said any of these to anyone? - You big wussy - suck it up - cry baby - You wonder why men have difficulty with emotions. - Maybe you cried and were made fun of because of it. Have you ever hear any of these or said any of these to anyone?<br /> <br /> You big wussy<br /> <br /> suck it up<br /> <br /> cry baby<br /> <br /> You wonder why men have difficulty with emotions.<br /> <br /> Maybe you cried and were made fun of because of it.  or maybe you were scared and had to suppress those feelings in order to feel accepted.<br /> <br /> In this episode, we are going to understand a little more about why men don't show emotion and then talk about why showing emotion is actually really good for you.<br /> <br /> I saw a study that was done and it said there are 27 different emotions that we experience.  For the purpose of this video, let's stick with the 6 major ones:<br /> <br /> happiness<br /> sadness<br /> fear<br /> disgust<br /> anger<br /> surprise<br /> <br /> I think for men, 2 of these really stand out as us having difficulty with them: sadness and fear.<br /> <br /> For the most part, I don't think men have too much of a problem showing the other types of feelings.  So let's focus on sadness and fear.  Why Don't Men Show these Emotions?<br /> <br />  1) They don't know how to show emotion - How can you show emotion if you if you were never taught.  If you grew up with a dad who never cried or showed emotion, it makes sense.  Let's just make sure your son doesn't get to use the same excuse.<br /> <br />  2) Fear of Weakness -  Did you ever hear any of these as a kid:<br /> <br /> "boys don't cry" <br /> "swallow those tears"<br /> "crying is for sissies"<br /> <br /> or how about:<br /> <br /> "what are you scared of?"<br /> "scaredy cat"<br /> <br /> All of these phrases have negative connotations with men and emotions.  Boys are taught from a very young age that having these emotions is a bad thing.<br /> <br /> 3) Fear of being judged - This sort of goes along with the weakness but men fear being judged for being an emotional man.<br /> <br /> You think you will be judged negatively.  It's a fear that people will think less of you.  Maybe people will look down at you.<br /> <br /> You may not want to show emotions in front of your wife because you think she will think negatively of you.  She may then think you are needy or have low self-esteem.  We keep the emotions inside for the fear of being seen this way.<br /> <br /> 4) Protecting Someone else - Whether it's our spouse, our kids, or anyone else, we will often refrain from showing emotion in order to protect someone else.  We don't want them to be effected by our emotions.<br /> <br /> When my mother passed away, I didn't want my kids to see me cry.  I felt like if I was upset in front of them, it would cause them to get upset too.<br /> <br /> Going through grief counseling allowed me to understand that it was ok to show the emotion and be authentic.<br /> <br /> In fact, it allowed my children to see how I felt about my mom.  I was sad, that was the reality.<br /> <br /> Now that we understand why men don't often show emotion, let's look at Why It's Important for Men to Show Emotions<br /> <br /> 1) It allows you to be authentic - Humans have emotions, it's the reality....and being authentic is important both for you and your child.<br /> <br /> In the example I provided about my mother and allowing my kids to see me cry, they were able to see the real me.  I actually felt a lot better when I did it because i didn't have to hide it anymore.<br /> <br /> 2) Improves mental health - Allowing yourself to feel and express your emotions is good for your mental well being.  Have you ever expressed some negative feelings and then afterward just felt better?  It can provide you that mental release.<br /> <br /> 3) Improves physical health - In addition to the mental release, you can also benefit physically.  Bottling up emotions can actually cause physical pain.  You may feel this in your chest, have back issues, neck problems, etc.<br /> <br /> Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 19:24 Dealing With Temper Tantrums – Dudes to Dads Podcast Ep 213 https://www.daduniversity.com/dealing-with-temper-tantrums-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-213/ Tue, 09 Apr 2019 16:00:54 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2880 You know why kids throw temper tantrums?  Because they work.  We hear the crying, whining, and acting up and we just want it to stop. So we buy them the toy, give them the lollipop, or let them do what they wanted to do before they threw the tantrum. Listen, we have all made these mistakes, but no more.  We are going to learn how to STOP (ok maybe just reduce) temper tantrums.  Let's do it! Temper tantrums are really common with toddlers... we are talking kids from about age 1-3 years old.  Certainly older kids can have them but if your older kids are having a temper tantrum, it probably means you haven't dealt with it properly. Let's first look at a few reasons why temper tantrums happen: #1) The child is hungry, tired, bored or overstimulated - These are all very common.  Hey, we as adults feel these too.  The hope is just you aren't crying, kicking, and screaming when you you are hungry #2) They don't understand emotions yet - Think about it, a 2 year old may get angry, just as a 45 year old does, but the 2 year old has no idea what that emotion is or how to deal with it.  (insert emotional video card) #3) They don't know how to communicate how they feel - Just like not understanding their emotions, they certainly don't know how to communicate what they are feeling.   A temper tantrum is often just them trying to communicate in the only way they know. #4) They don't know how to self-regulate - They don't know how to calm themselves down.  Heck it wasn't until my mid 30s until a learned about meditation or breathing techniques to calm myself down.   It's really up to us to begin teaching them how to manage this stuff. So how do we deal with a temper tantrum? #1) Keep calm - You have to remember that when a child is throwing a temper tantrum, you can't as well.  Getting anger or yelling is NOT going to solve it.  You need to remain calm.  Whether it's pretend or you are really able to, you must be calm in your approach.  Do not take it personally either. #2) Use empathy -  If they are old enough to understand you, acknowledge your child's feelings and understand where they are coming from, "I know you want that cookie and it makes you really upset when you don't get it." Empathy can often diffuse situations.  Of course if it work doesn't there are more things to try. #3) Do NOT give in - If your child is crying, kicking and screaming because they want a cookie, do NOT give them the cookie. Let me give you another example so you don't miss this one.  If your child wants to play on the swings longer, but you have already providing warnings that it was time to go, and they start crying and throwing a temper tantrum, do not stay longer. When you give in, you are re-enforcing their behavior.  You are letting them know that the temper tantrum works and they will get what they want. #4) Use the Distraction Technique - This work a lot better with young kids than older kids.  You also have to catch them typically before a full blown temper tantrum erupts.  If you get to that, getting their attention might be difficult. But if you can...say they want the cookie, grab a toy instead and begin playing with them. If you are at store and they want a toy, give them something else to hold instead.  Don't give them food but give them a toy, keys, or something else to play with. #5) Wait it out - The storm will pass.  If you remain calm and the child realizes they are not getting their way, the temper tantrum usually only lasts so long.  If you are using these techniques, it will pass quicker. #6) - Let them take a break - Don't call it time out, call it taking a break or cooling off.  Maybe it's in their room or you have a special location or furniture in the house.  It's important for them to begin learning how to self-regulate. It's not a punishment, it's having them take a break so they can get back into control. #7) Positive re-enforcement - catch them behaving good. You know why kids throw temper tantrums?  Because they work.  We hear the crying, whining, and acting up and we just want it to stop. - So we buy them the toy, give them the lollipop, or let them do what they wanted to do before they threw the tantrum... You know why kids throw temper tantrums?  Because they work.  We hear the crying, whining, and acting up and we just want it to stop.<br /> <br /> So we buy them the toy, give them the lollipop, or let them do what they wanted to do before they threw the tantrum.<br /> <br /> Listen, we have all made these mistakes, but no more.  We are going to learn how to STOP (ok maybe just reduce) temper tantrums.  Let's do it!<br /> <br /> Temper tantrums are really common with toddlers... we are talking kids from about age 1-3 years old.  Certainly older kids can have them but if your older kids are having a temper tantrum, it probably means you haven't dealt with it properly.<br /> <br /> Let's first look at a few reasons why temper tantrums happen:<br /> <br /> #1) The child is hungry, tired, bored or overstimulated - These are all very common.  Hey, we as adults feel these too.  The hope is just you aren't crying, kicking, and screaming when you you are hungry<br /> <br /> #2) They don't understand emotions yet - Think about it, a 2 year old may get angry, just as a 45 year old does, but the 2 year old has no idea what that emotion is or how to deal with it.  (insert emotional video card)<br /> <br /> #3) They don't know how to communicate how they feel - Just like not understanding their emotions, they certainly don't know how to communicate what they are feeling.   A temper tantrum is often just them trying to communicate in the only way they know.<br /> <br /> #4) They don't know how to self-regulate - They don't know how to calm themselves down.  Heck it wasn't until my mid 30s until a learned about meditation or breathing techniques to calm myself down.   It's really up to us to begin teaching them how to manage this stuff.<br /> <br /> So how do we deal with a temper tantrum?<br /> <br /> #1) Keep calm - You have to remember that when a child is throwing a temper tantrum, you can't as well.  Getting anger or yelling is NOT going to solve it.  You need to remain calm.  Whether it's pretend or you are really able to, you must be calm in your approach.  Do not take it personally either.<br /> <br /> #2) Use empathy -  If they are old enough to understand you, acknowledge your child's feelings and understand where they are coming from, "I know you want that cookie and it makes you really upset when you don't get it." Empathy can often diffuse situations.  Of course if it work doesn't there are more things to try.<br /> <br /> #3) Do NOT give in - If your child is crying, kicking and screaming because they want a cookie, do NOT give them the cookie.<br /> <br /> Let me give you another example so you don't miss this one.  If your child wants to play on the swings longer, but you have already providing warnings that it was time to go, and they start crying and throwing a temper tantrum, do not stay longer.<br /> <br /> When you give in, you are re-enforcing their behavior.  You are letting them know that the temper tantrum works and they will get what they want.<br /> <br /> #4) Use the Distraction Technique - This work a lot better with young kids than older kids.  You also have to catch them typically before a full blown temper tantrum erupts.  If you get to that, getting their attention might be difficult. But if you can...say they want the cookie, grab a toy instead and begin playing with them.<br /> <br /> If you are at store and they want a toy, give them something else to hold instead.  Don't give them food but give them a toy, keys, or something else to play with.<br /> <br /> #5) Wait it out - The storm will pass.  If you remain calm and the child realizes they are not getting their way, the temper tantrum usually only lasts so long.  If you are using these techniques, it will pass quicker.<br /> <br /> #6) - Let them take a break - Don't call it time out, call it taking a break or cooling off.  Maybe it's in their room or you have a special location or furniture in the house. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 17:37 6 Things I Wished I Didn’t Worry About as a New Father | Dudes to Dads Podcast Ep 212 https://www.daduniversity.com/6-things-i-wished-i-didnt-worry-about-as-a-new-father-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-212/ Tue, 02 Apr 2019 16:00:16 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2878 Being a new father is awesome, but along with the awesome, comes some stress and worrying. Granted, I was a little more uptight than most dads, but if If I look back on my own experience when i was a new father, there are definitely some things that I wish I wasn't as concerned with. So in this episode, I'm going to share with you 6 things that new fathers should't worry about. You have enough things to worry about as a new father.  Here are some things you should check off your list and not be concerned with: 1) Bonding with the baby - I had some pretty high expectations of how I would bond with the baby when I was a new father.  I was pretty worried because of my expectations. As it turns out, I didn't start to feel close for a few months after our child was born.   If the mother is spending a lot more time with the child than you and is breastfeeding, then new fathers may not bond with the baby for a little while. It's ok. 2) Perfect Photos - You will find yourself as a new father making funny faces, noises, and doing anything you can to get that perfect shot. When my son was about 2, we had a huge family photo shoot.  Grandparents, everyone.  My son just didn't want to cooperate.  We used a cup full of snacks to try and bribe him. Every time we took the snacks away, he cried and made a fuss.  I was so stressed out and upset that he wouldn't cooperate.  Finally my mother turns to me and says, don't worry about, just let him hold the snacks.  We can try to edit it out but if we can't who cares. I look back at those pictures now and realize how me getting upset was a waste of energy. 3) Saying No - Whether it's people wanting to come visit you, people asking you to come visit them, or events that you are invited to.  Don't worry about saying no as a new father. You can't please everyone.  You want to make sure you are taking care of yourself, along with you and your family. 4) Messing Up - You are going to mess up...a lot.  So just accept it and stop worrying about it. As a new father messing up is just part of the gig.  We all do it.  Just try to learn from your mistakes and not repeat them (too much). 5) Development Stages - Your wife may tell you that her friends baby rolled over at this age or sat up at that age.  Don't worry about it.  All children develop at different times. Of course if you see significant delays or problems, you may want to have the pediatrician check out the child just to be safe, but in most cases, the child is just developing at a different speed.  It's ok. 6) That You Are Good Enough - Here's the deal.  If you never were told this by your parents, friends, or spouse, I'm telling you now...you are good enough.  You can do this and know you will be an awesome father. Being a new father is awesome, but along with the awesome, comes some stress and worrying. - Granted, I was a little more uptight than most dads, but if If I look back on my own experience when i was a new father, Being a new father is awesome, but along with the awesome, comes some stress and worrying.<br /> <br /> Granted, I was a little more uptight than most dads, but if If I look back on my own experience when i was a new father, there are definitely some things that I wish I wasn't as concerned with.<br /> <br /> So in this episode, I'm going to share with you 6 things that new fathers should't worry about.<br /> <br /> You have enough things to worry about as a new father.  Here are some things you should check off your list and not be concerned with:<br /> <br /> 1) Bonding with the baby - I had some pretty high expectations of how I would bond with the baby when I was a new father.  I was pretty worried because of my expectations.<br /> <br /> As it turns out, I didn't start to feel close for a few months after our child was born.   If the mother is spending a lot more time with the child than you and is breastfeeding, then new fathers may not bond with the baby for a little while. It's ok.<br /> <br /> 2) Perfect Photos - You will find yourself as a new father making funny faces, noises, and doing anything you can to get that perfect shot.<br /> <br /> When my son was about 2, we had a huge family photo shoot.  Grandparents, everyone.  My son just didn't want to cooperate.  We used a cup full of snacks to try and bribe him.<br /> <br /> Every time we took the snacks away, he cried and made a fuss.  I was so stressed out and upset that he wouldn't cooperate.  Finally my mother turns to me and says, don't worry about, just let him hold the snacks.  We can try to edit it out but if we can't who cares.<br /> <br /> I look back at those pictures now and realize how me getting upset was a waste of energy.<br /> <br /> 3) Saying No - Whether it's people wanting to come visit you, people asking you to come visit them, or events that you are invited to.  Don't worry about saying no as a new father.<br /> <br /> You can't please everyone.  You want to make sure you are taking care of yourself, along with you and your family.<br /> <br /> 4) Messing Up - You are going to mess up...a lot.  So just accept it and stop worrying about it.<br /> <br /> As a new father messing up is just part of the gig.  We all do it.  Just try to learn from your mistakes and not repeat them (too much).<br /> <br /> 5) Development Stages - Your wife may tell you that her friends baby rolled over at this age or sat up at that age.  Don't worry about it.  All children develop at different times.<br /> <br /> Of course if you see significant delays or problems, you may want to have the pediatrician check out the child just to be safe, but in most cases, the child is just developing at a different speed.  It's ok.<br /> <br /> 6) That You Are Good Enough - Here's the deal.  If you never were told this by your parents, friends, or spouse, I'm telling you now...you are good enough.  You can do this and know you will be an awesome father. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 17:37 Why You Should Let Your Child Fail – Dudes to Dads Ep 211 https://www.daduniversity.com/why-you-should-let-your-child-fail-dudes-to-dads-ep-211/ Tue, 26 Mar 2019 16:00:29 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2876 As a parent you don't like to see your child fail.  Whether that's falling down when they first start to walk,  doing horrible on a test in school, or even getting fired from a job. We don't want them to go through pain and suffering that can come with failing.  We want our children to be happy and successful.  Unfortunately they way we often approach failure can keep them from being happy and successful. In this episode, we are looking at how letting your child fail is a good thing.  We'll go some of the myths around failure and some of the benefits that failing can bring.  We will also touch on some ways you can support your child when they do fail. Failure is a really powerful thing.  Sometimes the intention of the parent can be good, but the reality of protecting your child from failure is not.  Here are some common myths around children failing: Myth:  If I don't let my child fail, it means I love them Good examples of this is helicopter parenting or lawn mower parenting where parents do everything in their power to make sure their child is protected from everything. I'm not going to say you don't love your child, but if you want what is truly best for them, you allow them to fail.    You can be there to support them or coach them but keeping them from failing isn't the answer. Another Myth: If my child fails, it looks bad on me Parents will protect their child from failing because they think it makes themselves look bad. There is a huge college admissions scandal happening right now.  Parents illegally paid a lot of money to get their children into prestigious schools.   A lot of this revolves around these parents being very concerned with the specific school that their child goes to because they feel it's a reflection of them. As hard as it can be, we have to let our children live their own life and make their own choices. And Another Myth: If my child fails, they will never be successful Successful people fail, and they typically fail a lot.  The difference is that they have learned how to bounce back from failure.  They have built that muscle where failure doesn't knock them down for very long or at all. So how is failure considered a good thing?  Let's look at some of the benefits of our children failing: 1) They are more likely to take risks - If it's ok to fail, then it's ok to try.  We want our children to try new things and take some risks in life. This could be trying a new sport or instrument, pursuing a person they are interested in, or maybe going after a job they desire.  Taking risks can positively impact our lives. 2) They build resilience - You can't always control what happens to you in your life, but you can control how it effects you.  Resiliency helps you recover faster and get through difficult things. Each time your child fails and then recovers from it, they are building up their resiliency.  Negative things will eventually begin to effect them less. 3) They avoid making the mistake in the future -  It's important to learn from our mistakes. If a child is protected from failure, they won't learn anything. We ultimately want them to be able to take care of themselves and be self-sufficient. 4) They build self esteem - Bouncing back from failure is extremely powerful.  Like building resiliency, a child will build their self-esteem every time they recover.  Their confidence will increase. So great, you are allowing your child to fail.  But can what do you do to support them? Allowing them to fail doesn't mean you abandon them. You can still be there to coach them and encourage them.  Here are some suggestions on how you can support them: 1) Make it a teachable moment - You might ask them, "what do you think you could have done differently to have a different outcome?" There may be an opportunity to learn something from the experience. 2) Be empathetic - Instead of saying "hey it's ok, don't worry about."  Say "I can see you are upset by this. As a parent you don't like to see your child fail.  Whether that's falling down when they first start to walk,  doing horrible on a test in school, or even getting fired from a job. We don't want them to go through pain and suffering that can come with... As a parent you don't like to see your child fail.  Whether that's falling down when they first start to walk,  doing horrible on a test in school, or even getting fired from a job. We don't want them to go through pain and suffering that can come with failing.  We want our children to be happy and successful.  Unfortunately they way we often approach failure can keep them from being happy and successful.<br /> <br /> In this episode, we are looking at how letting your child fail is a good thing.  We'll go some of the myths around failure and some of the benefits that failing can bring.  We will also touch on some ways you can support your child when they do fail. Failure is a really powerful thing.  Sometimes the intention of the parent can be good, but the reality of protecting your child from failure is not.  Here are some common myths around children failing:<br /> <br /> Myth:  If I don't let my child fail, it means I love them<br /> <br /> Good examples of this is helicopter parenting or lawn mower parenting where parents do everything in their power to make sure their child is protected from everything. I'm not going to say you don't love your child, but if you want what is truly best for them, you allow them to fail.    You can be there to support them or coach them but keeping them from failing isn't the answer.<br /> <br /> Another Myth: If my child fails, it looks bad on me<br /> <br /> Parents will protect their child from failing because they think it makes themselves look bad. There is a huge college admissions scandal happening right now.  Parents illegally paid a lot of money to get their children into prestigious schools.   A lot of this revolves around these parents being very concerned with the specific school that their child goes to because they feel it's a reflection of them. As hard as it can be, we have to let our children live their own life and make their own choices.<br /> <br /> And Another Myth: If my child fails, they will never be successful<br /> <br /> Successful people fail, and they typically fail a lot.  The difference is that they have learned how to bounce back from failure.  They have built that muscle where failure doesn't knock them down for very long or at all.<br /> <br /> So how is failure considered a good thing?  Let's look at some of the benefits of our children failing:<br /> <br /> 1) They are more likely to take risks - If it's ok to fail, then it's ok to try.  We want our children to try new things and take some risks in life.<br /> <br /> This could be trying a new sport or instrument, pursuing a person they are interested in, or maybe going after a job they desire.  Taking risks can positively impact our lives.<br /> <br /> 2) They build resilience - You can't always control what happens to you in your life, but you can control how it effects you.  Resiliency helps you recover faster and get through difficult things.<br /> <br /> Each time your child fails and then recovers from it, they are building up their resiliency.  Negative things will eventually begin to effect them less.<br /> <br /> 3) They avoid making the mistake in the future -  It's important to learn from our mistakes. If a child is protected from failure, they won't learn anything. We ultimately want them to be able to take care of themselves and be self-sufficient.<br /> <br /> 4) They build self esteem - Bouncing back from failure is extremely powerful.  Like building resiliency, a child will build their self-esteem every time they recover.  Their confidence will increase.<br /> <br /> So great, you are allowing your child to fail.  But can what do you do to support them? Allowing them to fail doesn't mean you abandon them. You can still be there to coach them and encourage them.  Here are some suggestions on how you can support them:<br /> <br /> 1) Make it a teachable moment - You might ask them, "what do you think you could have done differently to have a different outc... Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 20:36 The Art of Good Sex – Interview with SpiresMen Co-founder Joe Zanotelli – Dudes to Dads Podcast Ep 210 https://www.daduniversity.com/the-art-of-good-sex-interview-with-spiresmen-co-founder-joe-zanotelli-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-210/ Tue, 19 Mar 2019 16:00:08 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2874 Joe and his wife Jeni recently co-founded the company SpiresMan, which offers courses to “Teach good men the art of good sex.”  Joe is a retired electrical engineer with 25 years of experience, he has an executive MBA From UCSD and holds five US patents.  Joe and Jeni have spent the last seven years exploring sexuality, spirituality, and consciousness.  He has taught classes and coached men around sexuality for the last three years and is a Certified Orgasmic Meditation Trainer and Coach. 1. How did you get into this area of work?  It seems to be a long way from Engineering?  What had you want to start SpiresMan? 2. Is it anything like Engineering for you?  They seem completely different?  Are there some similarities? 3. You say that most men didn’t learn enough about sex to be successful in the bedroom. a) Where do most men learn about sex? b) Can you elaborate on a few things you think most men never learned? 4. Some men my think its not them that’s the problem.  They would have sex every night.  They may even like it as a way to come down.  But their wife, on the other hand, not to say anything bad their wife’s, but she’s just not into it.  Don’t you think a class for her is a good idea? 5. What do you see as the biggest challenge as to why men don’t get the support they need around sex? 6. What’s one of the most important things a man needs to know about good sex? 7. A lot of men with kids are frustrated because they have so much to do, like work, and fix things around the house, and play with the kids, and handle things for their wife.  Especially if they are a good guy and are doing their best.  Do you have any advice for how they can add in another thing to their life, like take a course to learn about good sex, not to mention even just scheduling sex itself, into their full schedules? 8. After couples have kids, often the sex life just dies.  The wife might tell her husband she feels fat or gross or unattractive.   But no matter how much a man might tell her he think she’s hot, she just doesn’t see it herself.  What should he do? 9. Sometimes women seem tired and stressed because of all of the kids and running around they do.  A man might have the sense that she doesn’t want to be bothered.  How do you think a man should handle this? 10. You teach mean in groups.   I could see for some guys this could be intimidating or uncomfortable. What do you see as the benefit of men being in groups with other men?   Do you teach privately as well? 11. What kind of other programs are out there that are like SpiresMan? 12. What kind of courses do you offer? 13. What else does SpiresMan offer besides courses? 14. Why don’t you offer courses couples?  Can someone really improve their sex life all by themselves? 15. What’s the best way to learn more about SpiresMan?  or if someone wants to get a hold of you, what is the best way to do that? Joe and his wife Jeni recently co-founded the company SpiresMan, which offers courses to “Teach good men the art of good sex.”  Joe is a retired electrical engineer with 25 years of experience, he has an executive MBA From UCSD and holds five US patent... Joe and his wife Jeni recently co-founded the company SpiresMan, which offers courses to “Teach good men the art of good sex.”  Joe is a retired electrical engineer with 25 years of experience, he has an executive MBA From UCSD and holds five US patents.  Joe and Jeni have spent the last seven years exploring sexuality, spirituality, and consciousness.  He has taught classes and coached men around sexuality for the last three years and is a Certified Orgasmic Meditation Trainer and Coach.<br /> <br /> 1. How did you get into this area of work?  It seems to be a long way from Engineering?  What had you want to start SpiresMan?<br /> <br /> 2. Is it anything like Engineering for you?  They seem completely different?  Are there some similarities?<br /> <br /> 3. You say that most men didn’t learn enough about sex to be successful in the bedroom.<br /> <br /> a) Where do most men learn about sex?<br /> <br /> b) Can you elaborate on a few things you think most men never learned?<br /> <br /> 4. Some men my think its not them that’s the problem.  They would have sex every night.  They may even like it as a way to come down.  But their wife, on the other hand, not to say anything bad their wife’s, but she’s just not into it.  Don’t you think a class for her is a good idea?<br /> <br /> 5. What do you see as the biggest challenge as to why men don’t get the support they need around sex?<br /> <br /> 6. What’s one of the most important things a man needs to know about good sex?<br /> <br /> 7. A lot of men with kids are frustrated because they have so much to do, like work, and fix things around the house, and play with the kids, and handle things for their wife.  Especially if they are a good guy and are doing their best.  Do you have any advice for how they can add in another thing to their life, like take a course to learn about good sex, not to mention even just scheduling sex itself, into their full schedules?<br /> <br /> 8. After couples have kids, often the sex life just dies.  The wife might tell her husband she feels fat or gross or unattractive.   But no matter how much a man might tell her he think she’s hot, she just doesn’t see it herself.  What should he do?<br /> <br /> 9. Sometimes women seem tired and stressed because of all of the kids and running around they do.  A man might have the sense that she doesn’t want to be bothered.  How do you think a man should handle this?<br /> <br /> 10. You teach mean in groups.   I could see for some guys this could be intimidating or uncomfortable. What do you see as the benefit of men being in groups with other men?   Do you teach privately as well?<br /> <br /> 11. What kind of other programs are out there that are like SpiresMan?<br /> <br /> 12. What kind of courses do you offer?<br /> <br /> 13. What else does SpiresMan offer besides courses?<br /> <br /> 14. Why don’t you offer courses couples?  Can someone really improve their sex life all by themselves?<br /> <br /> 15. What’s the best way to learn more about SpiresMan?  or if someone wants to get a hold of you, what is the best way to do that? Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 41:35 Stop Complaining If You Want Your Kids To Listen – Dudes to Dads Podcast Ep 209 https://www.daduniversity.com/stop-complaining-if-you-want-your-kids-to-listen-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-209/ Tue, 12 Mar 2019 16:00:04 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2787 You room is always a mess You never listen to me You are so picky with your food.  You take so long to get ready  If you are human, you might recognize some of these.  They are common complaints that parents have.  We get frustrated with our children's behavior, so we complain thinking they are going to change. How's that working for you? As a recovering complainer, I'm going to help you stop complaining so you can actually get your kids or whoever you want to listen to you.  This works in relationships too. Let's go over some fundamentals about complaining: #1 - Everyone does it - That certainly doesn't make it right.  The average person complains about 30 times a day.  I don't think most people realize that they are complaining, but they do. #2 - Complaining effects our brain - so complaining actually rewires our brains for negativity.  It changes stuff in your brain.  I'm not a doctor but that can't be good. #3 - Complaining effects our health - It releases cortisol and consistent release of cortisol has a bunch of bad effects on your health. Can make your stress and anxiety worse and increase blood pressure. Even with the bad effects, the biggest issue we are talking about here is that 4) Complaining doesn't change behavior - complaining is not an effective strategy for change.  This has been proven. If you want your kids to listen to you or you want to change their behavior, complaining is not the answer.  One really effective way is to ask questions. Let's look the examples from the beginning of the video: Complaint - You room is always a mess Instead say - What do you need to do before you go out and play?  or:  Did you want to clean your room before or after you do your homework? Asking them questions is always a good strategy as you let them come up with the solution and they get to make the choice.  Here's another: Complaint - You never listen to me Instead ask:  Would you prefer to take a shower or bath? or What do we do with our dirty clothes when we take them off?  They learn better by having to think of the answer and answering the question. Try this one: Complaint - You are so picky with your food. Instead ask - Do you want your pasta with red sauce or no sauce? or Do you want carrots or celery with your dinner? Labeling them as picky is not going to help them be bolder with their food choices.  Work with them not against them. and finally: Complaint - I'm tired of you taking so long to get ready Instead ask: What could I do to help you get ready faster? or if you have a chart for them in the morning:  What time do you need to be done eating breakfast? In all of these scenarios we are asking questions to help them understand and solve the problem.  So here is a summary: 1) Complaining doesn't work - we got that one 2) Ask questions instead of complaining 3) a bonus tip:  Use positive re-enforcement -  When they do listen or do what you have asked, make a huge deal about it:  Thank you so much for cleaning your room.  I really appreciate it. If you stop complaining and use these techniques your children will be more likely to listen to you and you will have lower blood pressure. You room is always a mess - You never listen to me - You are so picky with your food.  - You take so long to get ready  - If you are human, you might recognize some of these.  They are common complaints that parents have. You room is always a mess<br /> <br /> You never listen to me<br /> <br /> You are so picky with your food. <br /> <br /> You take so long to get ready <br /> <br /> If you are human, you might recognize some of these.  They are common complaints that parents have.  We get frustrated with our children's behavior, so we complain thinking they are going to change.<br /> <br /> How's that working for you?<br /> <br /> As a recovering complainer, I'm going to help you stop complaining so you can actually get your kids or whoever you want to listen to you.  This works in relationships too.<br /> <br /> <br /> Let's go over some fundamentals about complaining:<br /> <br /> #1 - Everyone does it - That certainly doesn't make it right.  The average person complains about 30 times a day.  I don't think most people realize that they are complaining, but they do.<br /> <br /> #2 - Complaining effects our brain - so complaining actually rewires our brains for negativity.  It changes stuff in your brain.  I'm not a doctor but that can't be good.<br /> <br /> #3 - Complaining effects our health - It releases cortisol and consistent release of cortisol has a bunch of bad effects on your health. Can make your stress and anxiety worse and increase blood pressure.<br /> <br /> Even with the bad effects, the biggest issue we are talking about here is that<br /> <br /> 4) Complaining doesn't change behavior - complaining is not an effective strategy for change.  This has been proven.<br /> <br /> If you want your kids to listen to you or you want to change their behavior, complaining is not the answer.  One really effective way is to ask questions. Let's look the examples from the beginning of the video:<br /> <br /> Complaint - You room is always a mess<br /> Instead say - What do you need to do before you go out and play? <br /> or:  Did you want to clean your room before or after you do your homework?<br /> <br /> Asking them questions is always a good strategy as you let them come up with the solution and they get to make the choice.  Here's another:<br /> <br /> Complaint - You never listen to me<br /> Instead ask:  Would you prefer to take a shower or bath?<br /> or What do we do with our dirty clothes when we take them off? <br /> <br /> They learn better by having to think of the answer and answering the question. Try this one:<br /> <br /> Complaint - You are so picky with your food.<br /> Instead ask - Do you want your pasta with red sauce or no sauce?<br /> or Do you want carrots or celery with your dinner?<br /> <br /> Labeling them as picky is not going to help them be bolder with their food choices.  Work with them not against them. and finally:<br /> <br /> Complaint - I'm tired of you taking so long to get ready<br /> Instead ask: What could I do to help you get ready faster?<br /> or if you have a chart for them in the morning:  What time do you need to be done eating breakfast?<br /> <br /> In all of these scenarios we are asking questions to help them understand and solve the problem.  So here is a summary:<br /> <br /> 1) Complaining doesn't work - we got that one<br /> <br /> 2) Ask questions instead of complaining<br /> <br /> 3) a bonus tip:  Use positive re-enforcement -  When they do listen or do what you have asked, make a huge deal about it:  Thank you so much for cleaning your room.  I really appreciate it.<br /> <br /> If you stop complaining and use these techniques your children will be more likely to listen to you and you will have lower blood pressure. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 12:16 How Becoming a Father Changed Me – Dudes to Dads Podcast Ep 208 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-becoming-a-father-changed-me-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-208/ Tue, 05 Mar 2019 17:00:18 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2785 When you find out your going to become a father, one of the 5 thousand questions that will probably go through your head is "am I going to change?" I know I was concerned with how my life was going to be effected. Little did I know that the positive changes would greatly outweighed any negatives that I was worried about. So in this episode, I'm sharing with you how becoming a father changed me When you are going to be become a father, you know things are about to change.  You don't know exactly what, but you know your life is going to be different. For me, there are some very specific things that changed.  Overall I think becoming a father has forced me to be a better man.  Here are some ways that i have been impacted: #1 - I'm Less Selfish - You can't only think about yourself when you become a father.  You hope you are less selfish when you are in a relationship or you get married.  But having a child brings it to a whole other level. Decisions are made considering your family.  This can be everything from where you are going to dinner all the way down to a career choice. In the past, I could do what i want whenever I want.  Now you have to consider others when making decisions and that's ok. #2 - I value time more - I remember when I was young and single, having complete weekends with no plans and no obligations was a regular thing.  This doesn't happen very much anymore as a father. Your schedule is tight because if you don't have something planned, you want to spend the time with your family.  Also when your child is really young, having an hour of quiet and nothing to do seems like the most amazing thing in the world. But time just becomes more valuable and you don't want to waste it. #3 - I think about my Legacy - Before I had kids, I didn't give much thought to how I was impacting those around me, let alone the community or the even the world. I began to look at the world around my kids in a different way.  How could I impact people and leave a mark here after I am gone? Becoming a father had me look more at my ability to impact others.  This was my drive to start Dad University and help educate dads around the world. #4 - I've Become more Responsible - Good or bad, when you are a father you always have someone watching you.  That little one is watching the way you treat other people, how hard your work, or the food and drink you consume. The choices you make in your life, now have a direct impact on them because they are watching and learning from you. For me, making choices like eating less sugar, drinking less alcohol, and exercising regularly, are examples that I'm trying to set for my kids.  They see it. #5 - Better work-life balance -  Becoming a father has allowed me to have a better work-life balance. Sure, I work hard and i love what I do.  But it doesn't take priority over my family.  Whether it's having family dinners, or going on weekend camping trips with my kids, i have been able to find a better work-life balance since becoming a father. Remember: Nobody on their death bed ever said "I should have spent more time at the office". Alan, if anything has any comments or feedback, what should they do? When you find out your going to become a father, one of the 5 thousand questions that will probably go through your head is "am I going to change?" - I know I was concerned with how my life was going to be effected. When you find out your going to become a father, one of the 5 thousand questions that will probably go through your head is "am I going to change?"<br /> <br /> I know I was concerned with how my life was going to be effected. Little did I know that the positive changes would greatly outweighed any negatives that I was worried about.<br /> <br /> So in this episode, I'm sharing with you how becoming a father changed me<br /> <br /> <br /> When you are going to be become a father, you know things are about to change.  You don't know exactly what, but you know your life is going to be different.<br /> <br /> For me, there are some very specific things that changed.  Overall I think becoming a father has forced me to be a better man.  Here are some ways that i have been impacted:<br /> <br /> #1 - I'm Less Selfish - You can't only think about yourself when you become a father.  You hope you are less selfish when you are in a relationship or you get married.  But having a child brings it to a whole other level.<br /> <br /> Decisions are made considering your family.  This can be everything from where you are going to dinner all the way down to a career choice.<br /> <br /> In the past, I could do what i want whenever I want.  Now you have to consider others when making decisions and that's ok.<br /> <br /> #2 - I value time more - I remember when I was young and single, having complete weekends with no plans and no obligations was a regular thing.  This doesn't happen very much anymore as a father.<br /> <br /> Your schedule is tight because if you don't have something planned, you want to spend the time with your family.  Also when your child is really young, having an hour of quiet and nothing to do seems like the most amazing thing in the world.<br /> <br /> But time just becomes more valuable and you don't want to waste it.<br /> <br /> #3 - I think about my Legacy - Before I had kids, I didn't give much thought to how I was impacting those around me, let alone the community or the even the world.<br /> <br /> I began to look at the world around my kids in a different way.  How could I impact people and leave a mark here after I am gone?<br /> <br /> Becoming a father had me look more at my ability to impact others.  This was my drive to start Dad University and help educate dads around the world.<br /> <br /> #4 - I've Become more Responsible - Good or bad, when you are a father you always have someone watching you.  That little one is watching the way you treat other people, how hard your work, or the food and drink you consume.<br /> <br /> The choices you make in your life, now have a direct impact on them because they are watching and learning from you.<br /> <br /> For me, making choices like eating less sugar, drinking less alcohol, and exercising regularly, are examples that I'm trying to set for my kids.  They see it.<br /> <br /> #5 - Better work-life balance -  Becoming a father has allowed me to have a better work-life balance.<br /> <br /> Sure, I work hard and i love what I do.  But it doesn't take priority over my family.  Whether it's having family dinners, or going on weekend camping trips with my kids, i have been able to find a better work-life balance since becoming a father.<br /> <br /> Remember: Nobody on their death bed ever said "I should have spent more time at the office".<br /> <br /> Alan, if anything has any comments or feedback, what should they do? Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 16:58 Dad To Be Tips Nobody Tells You – Dudes to Dads Ep 207 https://www.daduniversity.com/dad-to-be-tips-nobody-tells-you-dudes-to-dads-ep-207/ Tue, 26 Feb 2019 17:00:09 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2783 When you are a dad to be everyone tells you that you will never get sleep again, you won't have a social life, and you better make some more money because kids are expensive. Well, those are all true.  But what about the secret dad to be advice?  The tips and tricks that only experienced fathers know.  It's the stuff that has never been revealed...at least I couldn't find it on the internet when I looked. We are pulling back the curtain and giving you dad to be tips that nobody tells you If you are a dad to be, you are probably worried about how to change a diaper or how to hold the baby.  Trust me on this, you only need to do those things a few times and you too can consider yourself an expert. I'm more concerned about your well being so these will absolutely help you on your fathering journey: #1 - Learn empathy - If you aren't familiar with empathy, start now.  It is the single most important thing in parenting. Empathy is putting yourself in someone else's place and seeing things from their perspective.  Being empathetic towards your baby will keep you calmer and make you a better parent. You will better understand why they are upset and relate to them better.  It will help you get along better with the baby's mother as well.  Learn to be empathetic. #2 - Emotions are OK - Nobody tells you that you will probably get really emotional.  You are going to discover emotions you didn't know you had. You will cry because you are so happy.  You will be sad because of something that has nothing to do with you.  I don't know the exact science behind it, but our hormones are definitely effected by the process of becoming a father. #3 - Stop Complaining - Complaining Doesn't work - I'm not sure who you are complaining to but nobody wants to hear it and it's not an effective strategy.  Also, she has it much harder than you do. Instead of complaining, find a solution.  Figure out what the problem is and do something about it.  Take action. #4:  You Don't Have to Know Everything -  sure we created Dad University to help you along your fatherhood journey with as many topics as possible, but we all fail...a lot. You are not going to know how to handle a situation, or know exactly what your baby needs.  The important thing is to learn what works for you and your child.  You will be ok. #5:  Enjoy the Present - you may find yourself saying "I can't wait until he can talk, or it is going to be amazing when she walks". Enjoy the present moment and stop worrying about what they are going to do.  If you do, you are going to miss it.  The time goes by really fast. #6: Your Involvement is Critical - This is a 50/50 deal.  You spending one on one time with your baby is so important for them (and you). Don't leave taking care of the child up to mom.  It doesn't matter if you work full time or aren't in a relationship with the mom.  Your involvement with the baby is crucial and you are 50% parent to that child. Being a dad has so many facets to it.  You are going to feel high and lows.  You are going to try things and fail.  But just know that you can do this and you are going to be awesome. If people have feedback, what should they do? When you are a dad to be everyone tells you that you will never get sleep again, you won't have a social life, and you better make some more money because kids are expensive. - Well, those are all true.  But what about the secret dad to be advice? When you are a dad to be everyone tells you that you will never get sleep again, you won't have a social life, and you better make some more money because kids are expensive.<br /> <br /> Well, those are all true.  But what about the secret dad to be advice?  The tips and tricks that only experienced fathers know.  It's the stuff that has never been revealed...at least I couldn't find it on the internet when I looked.<br /> <br /> We are pulling back the curtain and giving you dad to be tips that nobody tells you<br /> <br /> If you are a dad to be, you are probably worried about how to change a diaper or how to hold the baby.  Trust me on this, you only need to do those things a few times and you too can consider yourself an expert.<br /> <br /> I'm more concerned about your well being so these will absolutely help you on your fathering journey:<br /> <br /> #1 - Learn empathy - If you aren't familiar with empathy, start now.  It is the single most important thing in parenting.<br /> <br /> Empathy is putting yourself in someone else's place and seeing things from their perspective.  Being empathetic towards your baby will keep you calmer and make you a better parent.<br /> <br /> You will better understand why they are upset and relate to them better.  It will help you get along better with the baby's mother as well.  Learn to be empathetic.<br /> <br /> #2 - Emotions are OK - Nobody tells you that you will probably get really emotional.  You are going to discover emotions you didn't know you had.<br /> <br /> You will cry because you are so happy.  You will be sad because of something that has nothing to do with you.  I don't know the exact science behind it, but our hormones are definitely effected by the process of becoming a father.<br /> <br /> #3 - Stop Complaining - Complaining Doesn't work - I'm not sure who you are complaining to but nobody wants to hear it and it's not an effective strategy.  Also, she has it much harder than you do.<br /> <br /> Instead of complaining, find a solution.  Figure out what the problem is and do something about it.  Take action.<br /> <br /> #4:  You Don't Have to Know Everything -  sure we created Dad University to help you along your fatherhood journey with as many topics as possible, but we all fail...a lot.<br /> <br /> You are not going to know how to handle a situation, or know exactly what your baby needs.  The important thing is to learn what works for you and your child.  You will be ok.<br /> <br /> #5:  Enjoy the Present - you may find yourself saying "I can't wait until he can talk, or it is going to be amazing when she walks".<br /> <br /> Enjoy the present moment and stop worrying about what they are going to do.  If you do, you are going to miss it.  The time goes by really fast.<br /> <br /> #6: Your Involvement is Critical - This is a 50/50 deal.  You spending one on one time with your baby is so important for them (and you).<br /> Don't leave taking care of the child up to mom.  It doesn't matter if you work full time or aren't in a relationship with the mom.  Your involvement with the baby is crucial and you are 50% parent to that child.<br /> <br /> Being a dad has so many facets to it.  You are going to feel high and lows.  You are going to try things and fail.  But just know that you can do this and you are going to be awesome.<br /> If people have feedback, what should they do? Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 16:15 How To Be More Patient With Your Child – Dudes to Dads Ep 206 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-be-more-patient-with-your-child-dudes-to-dads-ep-206/ Tue, 19 Feb 2019 17:00:52 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2781 If you have listened to some of our other episodes, you have probably guessed that I operate at a fairly high energy level....I get excited about things....I'm what they would call a "Type A" personality. What often comes along with that personally is very low patience.  I hate to wait, I want things done immediately, and I am impatient. Having children sort of messes with that.  They seem like they have their own agenda and their own timeline.  They do things slowly. Alan, have you had some difficulty with patience? So I had to learn to be more patient.  In this episode, I'm going I'm going to share with you what worked for me so you can learn how to be more patient with your child. They say that patience is a virtue.  It's a skill that can help you battle anger and get along with others.  But most importantly, being patient can help you better deal with your kids. Here are some of the ways I am able to be more patient with my kids: #1 - Pause before Reacting - When your are about to react and you can feel your impatience, take a pause. This pause may be taking a few deep breaths It could be counting to 10 Or even leaving the room or taking a short walk if it's an option. The important thing is that you recognize yourself getting impatient and can slow yourself down. #2 - Don't take it personally - Your 3 year old is not trying to ruin your day.  They are actually not concerned with you at all.  They are just 3 years old. No?  really?  I've already asked you 4 times.  Obviously you don't want to listen to me) As dads, we take so much of our children's actions personally and that can effect our patience.  Our fuse gets shorter. We feel like they are out to get us or that they really want to make our life miserable.  They don't....at least not while they are young. #3 - Change expectations - Realize that your 4 year old being distracted by some flowers is perfectly normal for a 4 year old. (ahh that's right she is only 4, duh) When you have a better understanding that your child is probably just like most other children that age, your patience starts to improve. #4 - Repeat a mantra - When you feel your patience being tested, you can use a mantra or phrase to repeat. (I will not let them break my serenity) The mantra reminds you that it's important to watch your patience and be mindful that you need to slow down.  The mantra brings you back to that. #5 - Meditation - I'm not talking about meditating during the situation, I'm talking about practicing meditation in general when you can. Meditation has been extremely valuable for me. (show sitting and meditating) It's not something that happens overnight.  It's a muscle that you build over time.  But meditation has taught me to slow down and gives me more power to slow down in those moments when I need to. #6 - Think of yourself as a coach - When your mindset is as a coach rather than a parent, you approach the situation differently. (wearing hat..... Alright, let's go kids.  You can do this.) You go into teaching mode which immediately gives you more patience.  You are providing instruction and are more understanding that the little person you are dealing with may just not know what to do. #7 - Have Empathy - When you put yourself in someone else's place and see things from their eyes, you get a different perspective. (I can see you are upset because you can't find your shoes.  Do you want me to help you look for them?) Empathy will create more patience.  You will have a better understanding of what the other person is going through and possibly how your impatience is effecting them. Learning how to be more patient with your child is possible.  You got to work at it.  Remember these tips and you will improve your patience. If you have listened to some of our other episodes, you have probably guessed that I operate at a fairly high energy level....I get excited about things....I'm what they would call a "Type A" personality. - If you have listened to some of our other episodes, you have probably guessed that I operate at a fairly high energy level....I get excited about things....I'm what they would call a "Type A" personality.<br /> <br /> What often comes along with that personally is very low patience.  I hate to wait, I want things done immediately, and I am impatient.<br /> <br /> Having children sort of messes with that.  They seem like they have their own agenda and their own timeline.  They do things slowly.<br /> <br /> Alan, have you had some difficulty with patience?<br /> <br /> So I had to learn to be more patient.  In this episode, I'm going I'm going to share with you what worked for me so you can learn how to be more patient with your child.<br /> <br /> They say that patience is a virtue.  It's a skill that can help you battle anger and get along with others.  But most importantly, being patient can help you better deal with your kids.<br /> <br /> Here are some of the ways I am able to be more patient with my kids:<br /> <br /> #1 - Pause before Reacting - When your are about to react and you can feel your impatience, take a pause.<br /> <br /> This pause may be taking a few deep breaths<br /> <br /> It could be counting to 10<br /> Or even leaving the room or taking a short walk if it's an option.<br /> <br /> The important thing is that you recognize yourself getting impatient and can slow yourself down.<br /> <br /> #2 - Don't take it personally - Your 3 year old is not trying to ruin your day.  They are actually not concerned with you at all.  They are just 3 years old.<br /> <br /> No?  really?  I've already asked you 4 times.  Obviously you don't want to listen to me)<br /> <br /> As dads, we take so much of our children's actions personally and that can effect our patience.  Our fuse gets shorter.<br /> <br /> We feel like they are out to get us or that they really want to make our life miserable.  They don't....at least not while they are young.<br /> <br /> #3 - Change expectations - Realize that your 4 year old being distracted by some flowers is perfectly normal for a 4 year old.<br /> <br /> (ahh that's right she is only 4, duh)<br /> <br /> When you have a better understanding that your child is probably just like most other children that age, your patience starts to improve.<br /> <br /> #4 - Repeat a mantra - When you feel your patience being tested, you can use a mantra or phrase to repeat.<br /> <br /> (I will not let them break my serenity)<br /> <br /> The mantra reminds you that it's important to watch your patience and be mindful that you need to slow down.  The mantra brings you back to that.<br /> <br /> #5 - Meditation - I'm not talking about meditating during the situation, I'm talking about practicing meditation in general when you can. Meditation has been extremely valuable for me.<br /> <br /> (show sitting and meditating)<br /> <br /> It's not something that happens overnight.  It's a muscle that you build over time.  But meditation has taught me to slow down and gives me more power to slow down in those moments when I need to.<br /> <br /> #6 - Think of yourself as a coach - When your mindset is as a coach rather than a parent, you approach the situation differently.<br /> <br /> (wearing hat..... Alright, let's go kids.  You can do this.)<br /> <br /> You go into teaching mode which immediately gives you more patience.  You are providing instruction and are more understanding that the little person you are dealing with may just not know what to do.<br /> <br /> #7 - Have Empathy - When you put yourself in someone else's place and see things from their eyes, you get a different perspective.<br /> <br /> (I can see you are upset because you can't find your shoes.  Do you want me to help you look for them?)<br /> <br /> Empathy will create more patience.  You will have a better understanding of what the other person is going through and possib... Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 20:25 Postpartum Depression In Men – Dudes to Dads Podcast Ep 205 https://www.daduniversity.com/postpartum-depression-in-men-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-205/ Tue, 12 Feb 2019 17:00:54 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2779 Also know as Paternal Postnatal Depression It's a type of depression caused by the process of pregnancy and the birth of the child 25% (1 in 4) Factors that increase risk: - Stress - Financial, relationship - Lack of sleep - history of depression (can be triggered) - family history - Excessive alcohol consumption - Smoking - Poor diet How do you know if you or someone you know is suffering from it? The Center for Disease Control lists the following signs of depression: Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, depressed mood and/or Loss of interest or pleasure in activities that used to be enjoyable Change in weight or appetite (either increase or decrease) Change in activity: being more or less active than usual Insomnia (difficulty sleeping) or sleeping too much Feeling tired or not having any energy Feelings of guilt or worthlessness Difficulties concentrating and paying attention Thoughts of death or suicide Also, our guest in episode Dr Singley Irritable, agitated, or angry So what do you do?  I think it's more difficult for men because there is often a stigma attached to it. Take care of yourself - Body and mind: Get sleep - which can be hard Nutrition - be sure to be eating well Fill Your Mind with Positive Messages - Listen to the podcast, go to Dad University YouTube, listen to motivational speeches Practice Gratitude - can't be depressed if you are grateful Get support - Lean on family and friends Get professional help Also know as Paternal Postnatal Depression - It's a type of depression caused by the process of pregnancy and the birth of the child 25% (1 in 4) - Factors that increase risk: - Stress - Financial, relationship - Lack of sleep Also know as Paternal Postnatal Depression<br /> <br /> It's a type of depression caused by the process of pregnancy and the birth of the child<br /> 25% (1 in 4)<br /> <br /> Factors that increase risk:<br /> - Stress - Financial, relationship<br /> - Lack of sleep<br /> - history of depression (can be triggered)<br /> - family history<br /> - Excessive alcohol consumption<br /> - Smoking<br /> - Poor diet<br /> <br /> How do you know if you or someone you know is suffering from it?<br /> <br /> The Center for Disease Control lists the following signs of depression:<br /> <br /> Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, depressed mood and/or<br /> Loss of interest or pleasure in activities that used to be enjoyable<br /> Change in weight or appetite (either increase or decrease)<br /> Change in activity: being more or less active than usual<br /> Insomnia (difficulty sleeping) or sleeping too much<br /> Feeling tired or not having any energy<br /> Feelings of guilt or worthlessness<br /> Difficulties concentrating and paying attention<br /> Thoughts of death or suicide<br /> <br /> Also, our guest in episode Dr Singley Irritable, agitated, or angry<br /> <br /> So what do you do?  I think it's more difficult for men because there is often a stigma attached to it.<br /> <br /> Take care of yourself - Body and mind:<br /> Get sleep - which can be hard<br /> Nutrition - be sure to be eating well<br /> Fill Your Mind with Positive Messages - Listen to the podcast, go to Dad University YouTube, listen to motivational speeches<br /> Practice Gratitude - can't be depressed if you are grateful<br /> Get support - Lean on family and friends<br /> Get professional help Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 26:24 Unplanned Pregnancy – The Reality of For Men – Dudes to Dads Podcast Ep 204 https://www.daduniversity.com/unplanned-pregnancy-the-reality-of-for-men-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-204/ Tue, 05 Feb 2019 17:00:50 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2777 This episode is really for the men who find themselves in a situation in which they are part of an unwanted pregnancy or unexpected pregnancy and they are going to be a father. Not so much a happily married many who thought about starting a family and it came a little sooner than expected or you already have a child and you find out a second one is on the way. This is more about a situation in which you just found out a girlfriend or just someone you were intimate with is now pregnant. So what do you do? The first thing is you have to talk to her about the situation.  Disclaimer here, I'm talk about all of the situations or options, not making a judgement or putting my personal belief into the situation. Obviously a lot of factors involved in that, your own beliefs, her beliefs.  For some people these may not be all options 1) Both together: you agree the pregnancy is terminated (abortion).  Done. 2) She does not want to have the baby and you do. 3) She wants to keep the baby and you don't. 4) You both want to have the baby. Here's the thing, in scenario's 2 or 3, you really don't have much say.  She doesn't need your consent to terminate a pregnancy and if she wants to keep it, she typically can do that too. If you both want to have the baby, then great, that's an easy one too. We are not playing could have,  should have, or would have.  You are in this situation so you need to figure out what to do. We are now dealing with situations 3 & 4 in which you are going to be a father. So what do you do now: 2) You mentally begin preparing.  You are probably going to be scared and that is totally normal.  I think it's a good thing that you are scared.  It means you care.  you want to do the right thing and you want to make sure the baby is taken care. You have many months to get used to it.  We have other podcasts and videos about dealing with pregnancy so we won't go into detail about hormones, etc. #3 - Step up.  You are 50% parent to that child and crucial to their well being.  Don't let anyone (especially her) have you think that you shouldn't be involved or don't need to be involved.  The child will be so much better off with a good and involved father. Even if you and the mom don't work out, you need to be 50% of the parent to that child. a) Improve your situation - Stepping up might be looking at your current situation and making advancements...do you need to finish school? do you need to get a better job?  Nothing will help speed up the process like a child on the way.  But remember, your involvement is crucial.  you are 50% parent, so act like it. b) Be empathetic toward her - realizing she is going through some serious stuff herself.  Not only mentally, but she will be physically changing too.  It'a a lot harder than your situation. c) Setup your network - Try to get support from friends and family.  Do this in advance so you have options and everyone has time to prepare.  Be sure not to expect anything but certainly take advantage of people willing to help. 4) Do it for the child - Whether this is getting along with the mom, partying, spending money on things you don't need, etc.  Whatever you may be doing.  You have a baby on the way so get ready to be a father to that child. This episode is really for the men who find themselves in a situation in which they are part of an unwanted pregnancy or unexpected pregnancy and they are going to be a father. - Not so much a happily married many who thought about starting a family a... This episode is really for the men who find themselves in a situation in which they are part of an unwanted pregnancy or unexpected pregnancy and they are going to be a father.<br /> <br /> Not so much a happily married many who thought about starting a family and it came a little sooner than expected or you already have a child and you find out a second one is on the way.<br /> <br /> This is more about a situation in which you just found out a girlfriend or just someone you were intimate with is now pregnant.<br /> <br /> So what do you do?<br /> <br /> The first thing is you have to talk to her about the situation.  Disclaimer here, I'm talk about all of the situations or options, not making a judgement or putting my personal belief into the situation.<br /> <br /> Obviously a lot of factors involved in that, your own beliefs, her beliefs.  For some people these may not be all options<br /> <br /> 1) Both together: you agree the pregnancy is terminated (abortion).  Done.<br /> <br /> 2) She does not want to have the baby and you do.<br /> <br /> 3) She wants to keep the baby and you don't.<br /> <br /> 4) You both want to have the baby.<br /> <br /> Here's the thing, in scenario's 2 or 3, you really don't have much say.  She doesn't need your consent to terminate a pregnancy and if she wants to keep it, she typically can do that too.<br /> <br /> If you both want to have the baby, then great, that's an easy one too.<br /> <br /> We are not playing could have,  should have, or would have.  You are in this situation so you need to figure out what to do.<br /> <br /> We are now dealing with situations 3 & 4 in which you are going to be a father. So what do you do now:<br /> <br /> 2) You mentally begin preparing.  You are probably going to be scared and that is totally normal.  I think it's a good thing that you are scared.  It means you care.  you want to do the right thing and you want to make sure the baby is taken care.<br /> <br /> You have many months to get used to it.  We have other podcasts and videos about dealing with pregnancy so we won't go into detail about hormones, etc.<br /> <br /> #3 - Step up.  You are 50% parent to that child and crucial to their well being.  Don't let anyone (especially her) have you think that you shouldn't be involved or don't need to be involved.  The child will be so much better off with a good and involved father.<br /> <br /> Even if you and the mom don't work out, you need to be 50% of the parent to that child.<br /> <br /> a) Improve your situation - Stepping up might be looking at your current situation and making advancements...do you need to finish school? do you need to get a better job?  Nothing will help speed up the process like a child on the way.  But remember, your involvement is crucial.  you are 50% parent, so act like it.<br /> <br /> b) Be empathetic toward her - realizing she is going through some serious stuff herself.  Not only mentally, but she will be physically changing too.  It'a a lot harder than your situation.<br /> <br /> c) Setup your network - Try to get support from friends and family.  Do this in advance so you have options and everyone has time to prepare.  Be sure not to expect anything but certainly take advantage of people willing to help.<br /> <br /> 4) Do it for the child - Whether this is getting along with the mom, partying, spending money on things you don't need, etc.  Whatever you may be doing.  You have a baby on the way so get ready to be a father to that child. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 22:45 How to Get More Attention From Your Wife – Dudes to Dads Podcast Ep 203 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-get-more-attention-from-your-wife-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-203/ Tue, 29 Jan 2019 17:00:18 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2775 You probably fall into one of these two categories: 1) You are a soon to be dad or a new dad and you are concerned that your sex life is going to be different (and not as good) after the baby is born. 2)  and then the other group already has a child or multiple children and you are wanting to have sex more often with your wife than they you currently are. Either way, the good news is that we have some tips for you to get a little more attention at home We talk a lot on this podcast about really important topics like empathy, gratitude, & parenting techniques.  You know what I keep getting asked, "How can I get my wife to _____" and that usually revolves around having more sex or something involving sex. Here's the disclaimer:  Neither of us our sex therapists.  But realizing how important this topic is for you, I figured I would provide some insight as to what I have learned.  Some of this is through trial and error as well as having great communication with my wife.  In other words, I listened. #1 - Stop complaining - Nobody wants to hear you complain that your not having enough sex, especially your wife.  When someone complains to you about anything, does it motivate you to change? Complaining is not an effective strategy.  So let's get that out of the way first. Stop complaining to anyone. #2 - Realize we are different -  Men are X-rated, woman are PG - If you ask a man to define sensuality, it probably involves some kind of nudity or sex act. If you ask women the same question, it more likely involves, conversation, physical touch like holding hands, gazing into each other's eyes. Remember this one too: (words on screen or some kind of graphic representation) A man needs sexual fulfillment in order to respond to a woman emotionally While a woman needs emotional fulfillment in order to respond to a man sexually yes, We are very different. #3 - Understand her love language - Author Gary Chapman wrote a famous book called The 5 Love Languages.  In it, he talks about the different ways we express and receive love.  If your wife's love language is "acts of service" then you don't spend much time getting her gifts.  Its' not going to do much for her. If her love language is physical touch, then provide her affection instead of trying to woo her with words of affirmation.  Try to understand what her love language is. #4  Focus on her not you - Ask yourself the question "what can I do to make her day a little easier?  and do that.  If you don't know the answer then ask her that question directly.    "What can I do to help you?" In addition to helping her, focusing on her is not just outside the bedroom, it's important in the bedroom as well. #5 - Drop your expectations - Men think that anything that is romantic or even remotely sensual can be put into the sex category.  It's on! We just kissed, that means she wants to have sex. She was flirting with me so she definitely is open to having sex She said some pretty nice things to me earlier, so she must be thinking about sex. No, no, and no. What happens is that she will begin to pull away because you think everything is related to sex.  You need to get that out of your head.   Some things, or most things, or even almost everything, isn't necessarily related to sex for her. 6)  Show appreciation - After having kids, woman can often feel like they are not "good enough", "sexy enough" or whatever enough is in their head.  If we are putting demands on them or being critical, this is only going to make it worse. Provide her genuine compliments and positive re-enforcement showing appreciation when you can.  Compliment her on something non-sexual.  "I really appreciate that you made dinner."  or "I heard you dealing with the kids earlier.  you are so good at handling that stuff." The bottom line is that if you want to have success in the bedroom, you have to understand how to work outside the bedroom. Listen to her, You probably fall into one of these two categories: - 1) You are a soon to be dad or a new dad and you are concerned that your sex life is going to be different (and not as good) after the baby is born. - You probably fall into one of these two categories:<br /> <br /> 1) You are a soon to be dad or a new dad and you are concerned that your sex life is going to be different (and not as good) after the baby is born.<br /> <br /> 2)  and then the other group already has a child or multiple children and you are wanting to have sex more often with your wife than they you currently are.<br /> <br /> Either way, the good news is that we have some tips for you to get a little more attention at home<br /> <br /> We talk a lot on this podcast about really important topics like empathy, gratitude, & parenting techniques.  You know what I keep getting asked, "How can I get my wife to _____" and that usually revolves around having more sex or something involving sex.<br /> <br /> Here's the disclaimer:  Neither of us our sex therapists.  But realizing how important this topic is for you, I figured I would provide some insight as to what I have learned.  Some of this is through trial and error as well as having great communication with my wife.  In other words, I listened.<br /> <br /> #1 - Stop complaining - Nobody wants to hear you complain that your not having enough sex, especially your wife.  When someone complains to you about anything, does it motivate you to change? Complaining is not an effective strategy.  So let's get that out of the way first. Stop complaining to anyone.<br /> <br /> #2 - Realize we are different -  Men are X-rated, woman are PG - If you ask a man to define sensuality, it probably involves some kind of nudity or sex act. If you ask women the same question, it more likely involves, conversation, physical touch like holding hands, gazing into each other's eyes.<br /> <br /> Remember this one too: (words on screen or some kind of graphic representation)<br /> A man needs sexual fulfillment in order to respond to a woman emotionally<br /> <br /> While a woman needs emotional fulfillment in order to respond to a man sexually<br /> yes, We are very different.<br /> <br /> #3 - Understand her love language - Author Gary Chapman wrote a famous book called The 5 Love Languages.  In it, he talks about the different ways we express and receive love.  If your wife's love language is "acts of service" then you don't spend much time getting her gifts.  Its' not going to do much for her.<br /> <br /> If her love language is physical touch, then provide her affection instead of trying to woo her with words of affirmation.  Try to understand what her love language is.<br /> <br /> #4  Focus on her not you - Ask yourself the question "what can I do to make her day a little easier?  and do that.  If you don't know the answer then ask her that question directly.    "What can I do to help you?"<br /> <br /> In addition to helping her, focusing on her is not just outside the bedroom, it's important in the bedroom as well.<br /> <br /> #5 - Drop your expectations - Men think that anything that is romantic or even remotely sensual can be put into the sex category.  It's on!<br /> <br /> We just kissed, that means she wants to have sex.<br /> She was flirting with me so she definitely is open to having sex<br /> She said some pretty nice things to me earlier, so she must be thinking about sex.<br /> <br /> No, no, and no.<br /> <br /> What happens is that she will begin to pull away because you think everything is related to sex.  You need to get that out of your head.   Some things, or most things, or even almost everything, isn't necessarily related to sex for her.<br /> <br /> 6)  Show appreciation - After having kids, woman can often feel like they are not "good enough", "sexy enough" or whatever enough is in their head.  If we are putting demands on them or being critical, this is only going to make it worse.<br /> <br /> Provide her genuine compliments and positive re-enforcement showing appreciation when you can.  Compliment her on something non-sexual. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 23:38 Parenting Mistakes We All Make But Need To Stop – Dudes to Dads Podcast Ep 202 https://www.daduniversity.com/parenting-mistakes-we-all-make-but-need-to-stop-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-202/ Tue, 22 Jan 2019 17:00:27 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2789 I have never made any mistakes in parenting......said no parent....ever. Parenting and mistakes go hand in hand. I'm going to provide you a little tough love in this podcast. You may not like some of the things what you are going to hear...but you need to hear them. 7 common Parenting mistakes we are all guilty of. We all make parenting mistakes.  So if you don't want to contribute to messing up your kid, stop making these mistakes: #1 - Telling them you are proud: Save your comments on this one.  I won't agree with you.  Stop saying "I'm so proud of you" (Text on screen with big X through it).   Instead say to them "You should be proud of yourself."  (put those words on screen) It is 1000X more important that your child thinks positively of themselves versus you thinking positively of them.  You do not want them relying on you or others for praise or acceptance.  They should feel good about whatever they did and be reminded of that.  "You should be proud of yourself.  You did that!" #2 - You do too much for them: Your child is much more capable than you are giving them credit for.  When they are young, they can dressed on their own, clean up after them self, eat with their own hands. If they are old enough to walk, they can walk to a trash can.  If they are old enough to have a backpack, THEY need to carry it.  We often do things for them as a way of showing them our love and we think we are helping.  But you are actually doing them a disservice.  Allowing them to do things them self is crucial for their own development. #3:  Do as I say, not as I do: In other words, you are telling your child not to yell at you, but you yell at them.  Or you get upset at them using their electronic devices too much but you can't put your's down. Monkey see, monkey do.  Have you ever heard that?  We are all guilty of not practicing what we preach.  Don't eat that candy, it's horrible for you (as we sneak and eat the candy after the kids go to bed).   Your children are watching your every move and listening to everything you say (even if you don't think they ever listen to you). #4: You are their friend instead of a parent: Our job as parents is to teach them and be their coach on the journey of life.  We are not here to be their friend. I see parents that are afraid to say no.  They don't put boundaries or rules in place. My kid might get upset. Listen, you can have an amazing relationship with your child and still be the parent.  Kids needs structure and guidance.  You don't have to be a jail warden but striving to be their friend is not our role. #5: You allow them to have poor nutrition: Refer back to #3 on this one.  If you are allowing your kids to eat bad, it probably means you eat bad as well.  It is so important to teach our children how to make good food and drink choices. Stop allowing them to have so much sugar.  While this can be a hard one for most people,  in our family we try to go by the rule: "eat good food before bad" (put on screen).  This means if you are going to have something "bad" for you, you need to eat something good first. Pretty simple. #6:  You solve their problems: It doesn't matter if it's two siblings arguing, or a child has an issue they are facing at school.  Stop solving all of their problems.  I know... you are trying to help them. but the way you can help them is by allowing them to figure out solutions. For example, two siblings arguing over a game.  Instead of solving argument,, you may ask the question, "It looks like you aren't agreeing here.  What do you think you could do to solve this problem" Or your 8 year old forgot to do their homework.  Don't call the school and talk with the teacher to see if they can make it up.  You ask your 8 year old what they can do?  If they want to talk to the teacher that will be up to them.  It's not your problem to solve. Sure, their could be some more serious situations in which you may step in. I have never made any mistakes in parenting......said no parent....ever. Parenting and mistakes go hand in hand. I'm going to provide you a little tough love in this podcast. You may not like some of the things what you are going to hear... I have never made any mistakes in parenting......said no parent....ever. Parenting and mistakes go hand in hand. I'm going to provide you a little tough love in this podcast. You may not like some of the things what you are going to hear...but you need to hear them.<br /> <br /> 7 common Parenting mistakes we are all guilty of.<br /> <br /> We all make parenting mistakes.  So if you don't want to contribute to messing up your kid, stop making these mistakes:<br /> <br /> #1 - Telling them you are proud: Save your comments on this one.  I won't agree with you.  Stop saying "I'm so proud of you" (Text on screen with big X through it).   Instead say to them "You should be proud of yourself."  (put those words on screen)<br /> <br /> It is 1000X more important that your child thinks positively of themselves versus you thinking positively of them.  You do not want them relying on you or others for praise or acceptance.  They should feel good about whatever they did and be reminded of that.  "You should be proud of yourself.  You did that!"<br /> <br /> #2 - You do too much for them: Your child is much more capable than you are giving them credit for.  When they are young, they can dressed on their own, clean up after them self, eat with their own hands.<br /> <br /> If they are old enough to walk, they can walk to a trash can.  If they are old enough to have a backpack, THEY need to carry it.  We often do things for them as a way of showing them our love and we think we are helping.  But you are actually doing them a disservice.  Allowing them to do things them self is crucial for their own development.<br /> <br /> #3:  Do as I say, not as I do: In other words, you are telling your child not to yell at you, but you yell at them.  Or you get upset at them using their electronic devices too much but you can't put your's down.<br /> <br /> Monkey see, monkey do.  Have you ever heard that?  We are all guilty of not practicing what we preach.  Don't eat that candy, it's horrible for you (as we sneak and eat the candy after the kids go to bed).   Your children are watching your every move and listening to everything you say (even if you don't think they ever listen to you).<br /> <br /> #4: You are their friend instead of a parent: Our job as parents is to teach them and be their coach on the journey of life.  We are not here to be their friend. I see parents that are afraid to say no.  They don't put boundaries or rules in place. My kid might get upset.<br /> <br /> Listen, you can have an amazing relationship with your child and still be the parent.  Kids needs structure and guidance.  You don't have to be a jail warden but striving to be their friend is not our role.<br /> <br /> #5: You allow them to have poor nutrition: Refer back to #3 on this one.  If you are allowing your kids to eat bad, it probably means you eat bad as well.  It is so important to teach our children how to make good food and drink choices.<br /> <br /> Stop allowing them to have so much sugar.  While this can be a hard one for most people,  in our family we try to go by the rule: "eat good food before bad" (put on screen).  This means if you are going to have something "bad" for you, you need to eat something good first. Pretty simple.<br /> <br /> #6:  You solve their problems: It doesn't matter if it's two siblings arguing, or a child has an issue they are facing at school.  Stop solving all of their problems.  I know... you are trying to help them. but the way you can help them is by allowing them to figure out solutions.<br /> <br /> For example, two siblings arguing over a game.  Instead of solving argument,, you may ask the question, "It looks like you aren't agreeing here.  What do you think you could do to solve this problem"<br /> <br /> Or your 8 year old forgot to do their homework.  Don't call the school and talk with the teacher to see if they can make it up.  You ask your 8 year old what they can do? Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 32:20 Getting Through The Tough Times of Fatherhood – Dudes To Dads Ep 201 https://www.daduniversity.com/getting-through-the-tough-times-of-fatherhood-dudes-to-dads-ep-201/ Tue, 15 Jan 2019 17:00:34 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2621 As men, we are expected to be strong, to control our emotions, and handle whatever comes our way. Well the part society didn't seem to consider is that we are actually human. Humans get sad, angry, frustrated, and yes...depressed. While life is overall wonderful, we all experience ups and downs. In this podcast, I'm going to share with you some of the techniques & tips I have used to get through the tough times Every person experiences tough times so know that you are not alone. You may have financial hardship, difficulties with your career, relationship troubles, health issues, or something else effecting you in a big way. Just know there are things you can do to improve your situation. Now...change requires action. I'm going to repeat that: CHANGE REQUIRES ACTION. If you don't take action, you are not even giving yourself the opportunity for change. #1: Acknowledge It - You can't bury your head in the sand and expect something is going to go away. Acknowledging there is an issue is so important. Feel the anger, the pain, the loss, whatever it is you have inside. Let it out: cry, yell or even just talk about it. Be sure not to judge your feelings. Give yourself permission to have feelings and acknowledge the issue you are facing. #2: Seek Support - We men often have difficulty admitting we need help. While we might be able to often solve problems on our own, there are situations where it's just too much. But we are concerned we might be judged or think it's some kind of weakness to ask for help. If you have tried to solve the problem on your own and can't, it is absolutely ok to ask for help. Lean on your family and friends for support. If you feel you can't lean on family or friends, try a support group. Whether locally in person or an online support group, there may be resources and people dealing with the same things you are. #3 - Get Professional Help - There are experts in any kind of issue we face. My mother passed away years ago and it was so painful. I had never experienced such a loss. My heart literally hurt. Per the recommendation of my father, I ended up going to grief counseling. I learned so much from talking about my feelings with a professional. You may not think someone else can help you, but they can. I felt like it really helped me get through the hardest time in my life. #4: Be Good To Your Body - (show person sleeping, broccoli, lifting weights) If you are experiencing issues in your head (point to head), try taking care of your body). You need to make sure you are getting plenty of sleep, exercising, and eating healthy foods however don't go the other direction and do it too much. We can either neglect these things when we are going through something difficult or submerse ourselves in them and do it too much I can also say that for me, reducing my alcohol consumption had a big impact on me. In addition to simply feeling physically better overall, I noticed a big reduction in my mood swings. My lows are less frequent and when they do happen, they are much shorter in duration. #5: Practice Gratitude - When you are down it can be really hard to think of something positive. But remember, change requires action. It can be as simple as you were able to put your feet on the floor this morning. You are able to breathe, or you have clean water. Yes it can be that basic. Make a gratitude journal and write down 3 things you are grateful for and why right when you get up in the morning and right before you go to sleep at night. You begin to train your brain to focus on the positive things in your life rather than the negative. Here's the deal and I'm going to sum it up for you. We all experience troubles in our life. We need to acknowledge it, feel it, get support, and take action. When you do these things, you get through the down times much quicker. Also, if it's something you can change, you need to change it. If it's something you can't change, As men, we are expected to be strong, to control our emotions, and handle whatever comes our way. Well the part society didn't seem to consider is that we are actually human. - Humans get sad, angry, frustrated, and yes...depressed. As men, we are expected to be strong, to control our emotions, and handle whatever comes our way. Well the part society didn't seem to consider is that we are actually human.<br /> <br /> Humans get sad, angry, frustrated, and yes...depressed. While life is overall wonderful, we all experience ups and downs.<br /> <br /> In this podcast, I'm going to share with you some of the techniques & tips I have used to get through the tough times<br /> <br /> Every person experiences tough times so know that you are not alone. You may have financial hardship, difficulties with your career, relationship troubles, health issues, or something else effecting you in a big way.<br /> <br /> Just know there are things you can do to improve your situation. Now...change requires action. I'm going to repeat that: CHANGE REQUIRES ACTION. If you don't take action, you are not even giving yourself the opportunity for change.<br /> <br /> #1: Acknowledge It - You can't bury your head in the sand and expect something is going to go away.<br /> <br /> Acknowledging there is an issue is so important. Feel the anger, the pain, the loss, whatever it is you have inside. Let it out: cry, yell or even just talk about it. Be sure not to judge your feelings. Give yourself permission to have feelings and acknowledge the issue you are facing.<br /> <br /> #2: Seek Support - We men often have difficulty admitting we need help. While we might be able to often solve problems on our own, there are situations where it's just too much.<br /> <br /> But we are concerned we might be judged or think it's some kind of weakness to ask for help. If you have tried to solve the problem on your own and can't, it is absolutely ok to ask for help. Lean on your family and friends for support.<br /> <br /> If you feel you can't lean on family or friends, try a support group. Whether locally in person or an online support group, there may be resources and people dealing with the same things you are.<br /> <br /> #3 - Get Professional Help - There are experts in any kind of issue we face.<br /> <br /> My mother passed away years ago and it was so painful. I had never experienced such a loss. My heart literally hurt. Per the recommendation of my father, I ended up going to grief counseling.<br /> <br /> I learned so much from talking about my feelings with a professional. You may not think someone else can help you, but they can. I felt like it really helped me get through the hardest time in my life.<br /> <br /> #4: Be Good To Your Body - (show person sleeping, broccoli, lifting weights) If you are experiencing issues in your head (point to head), try taking care of your body).<br /> <br /> You need to make sure you are getting plenty of sleep, exercising, and eating healthy foods however don't go the other direction and do it too much. We can either neglect these things when we are going through something difficult or submerse ourselves in them and do it too much<br /> <br /> I can also say that for me, reducing my alcohol consumption had a big impact on me. In addition to simply feeling physically better overall, I noticed a big reduction in my mood swings. My lows are less frequent and when they do happen, they are much shorter in duration.<br /> <br /> #5: Practice Gratitude - When you are down it can be really hard to think of something positive.<br /> <br /> But remember, change requires action. It can be as simple as you were able to put your feet on the floor this morning. You are able to breathe, or you have clean water. Yes it can be that basic.<br /> <br /> Make a gratitude journal and write down 3 things you are grateful for and why right when you get up in the morning and right before you go to sleep at night. You begin to train your brain to focus on the positive things in your life rather than the negative.<br /> <br /> Here's the deal and I'm going to sum it up for you. We all experience troubles in our life. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 23:27 What Did We Learn in the First 200 Episodes? Dudes To Dads Ep 200 https://www.daduniversity.com/what-did-we-learn-in-the-first-200-episodes-dudes-to-dads-ep-200/ Tue, 01 Jan 2019 23:35:31 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2619 So in celebrating our 200th episode, I thought it would be fun to review some of our most important topics. We have covered a lot but there are definitely topics that have stood out for me. Before we do that, I wanted to touch on how the podcast and videos have effected me personally. There is no question they have effected me as a parent, a husband, and just me as a person overall. Here's the thing, neither of us claimed to be experts at these topics. But we do have an interest in learning more and enhancing our lives. I feel like the podcasts (and the videos) essentially force me to learn new things. I set the goal that we do one of these per week and every week there is something I am learning. Even if its a topic I am familiar with, it still allows me to learn. Here are some topics that I think impacted me the most: Soon to be dads and new dads are really scared - There is a lot of need out there for men just realizing they are not alone. Getting support from us and other resources. Dad's care a lot - The typical stereotype is that dads are goofy and can't do anything. This podcast and our videos are proud to be working to change the narrative. There are dads that care and serious about parenting. It's ok to need help or ask for help - Guys have a tough time admitting they need help but I think it's important for us to continue to let men know that it's ok. Empathy is the most important parenting skill. Putting yourself in other person's shoes Gratitude wins - It can cure depression Judging / being critical - as you become happier with yourself, you realize the lack of desire to criticize other people. Affection - how important it is to provide your child affection as a father No praise/no punishment - Discipline is different than I thought Life is short - Nobody on their death bed ever said they should have spent more time at the office. I'm changing some thing in my own life to be able to dedicated more time to Dudes to Dads and Dad University. So in celebrating our 200th episode, I thought it would be fun to review some of our most important topics. We have covered a lot but there are definitely topics that have stood out for me. - Before we do that, So in celebrating our 200th episode, I thought it would be fun to review some of our most important topics. We have covered a lot but there are definitely topics that have stood out for me.<br /> <br /> Before we do that, I wanted to touch on how the podcast and videos have effected me personally. There is no question they have effected me as a parent, a husband, and just me as a person overall.<br /> <br /> Here's the thing, neither of us claimed to be experts at these topics. But we do have an interest in learning more and enhancing our lives.<br /> <br /> I feel like the podcasts (and the videos) essentially force me to learn new things. I set the goal that we do one of these per week and every week there is something I am learning. Even if its a topic I am familiar with, it still allows me to learn.<br /> <br /> Here are some topics that I think impacted me the most:<br /> <br /> Soon to be dads and new dads are really scared - There is a lot of need out there for men just realizing they are not alone. Getting support from us and other resources.<br /> <br /> Dad's care a lot - The typical stereotype is that dads are goofy and can't do anything. This podcast and our videos are proud to be working to change the narrative. There are dads that care and serious about parenting.<br /> <br /> It's ok to need help or ask for help - Guys have a tough time admitting they need help but I think it's important for us to continue to let men know that it's ok.<br /> <br /> Empathy is the most important parenting skill. Putting yourself in other person's shoes<br /> <br /> Gratitude wins - It can cure depression<br /> <br /> Judging / being critical - as you become happier with yourself, you realize the lack of desire to criticize other people.<br /> <br /> Affection - how important it is to provide your child affection as a father<br /> <br /> No praise/no punishment - Discipline is different than I thought<br /> <br /> Life is short - Nobody on their death bed ever said they should have spent more time at the office. I'm changing some thing in my own life to be able to dedicated more time to Dudes to Dads and Dad University. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 36:40 The Biggest Surprises About Fatherhood – Dudes To Dads Ep 199 https://www.daduniversity.com/the-biggest-surprises-about-fatherhood-dudes-to-dads-ep-199/ Tue, 25 Dec 2018 23:25:26 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2617 You are never going to get any sleep You aren't going to have time for anything You really think you can afford to have a child Your relationship is totally going to change I knew it, you are not the same that you used to be Whoa...chill....Those aren't surprises, those are called expectations. That's for a whole other episode. In this episode we are going over the 6 Biggest surprises about fatherhood. No doubt, fatherhood is full of surprises. While I sort of knew what I was getting into, I really wasn't prepared for everything. It's impossible to be. So I'm sharing with you the 6 Biggest surprises about Fatherhood. #1 - The relationship takes work - When our first child was born, I was a little worried because I didn't feel a strong bond right away. It wasn't until I did bath time, changings, and feedings, that i then began to feel close. I think this continues as they grow. There may be times when I feel a little distant from my kids. Maybe I have been working too much or they have chose to spend most of their free time with their friends. So when I notice this, I may provide them a little more affection to them or try to connect with them playing a game or spending some quality time together. It takes work. But it's work that I enjoy doing....but you can't neglect the relationship and think it's going to be strong. You need to make effort. It's like that with any relationship. #2 - That I could Love Something So Much - I knew I would like this thing that came into my world, but I didn't realize just how much I would love it. How much i would want to protect it. How much i want to help it grow. Having a child has taught me that my capacity to love is pretty big. When were going to have our second child, I was concerned I wouldn't have enough love in me to go around. Boy was I wrong. It's amazing how much love we have inside us. Children can bring out emotions like nothing else can. I used to not consider myself very emotional. But i can say that has shifted a bit after having kids. (but not too much) #3 - Time Goes By Really Fast - Yeah, yea, yea, everyone with older kids says it goes by so fast. I didn't believe them until i have now experienced it myself. While there are some moments that seem like they are lasting forever, it's insane how fast the time goes. My kids are now 8 and 10. I often often look at baby pictures and it honestly feels like it just happened. What this means is that we need to enjoy the present moment with ours kids. #4 - It's not all about me anymore - One of my biggest surprises of fatherhood was the shift in my decision making. You quickly realize that another human is dependent on you. As a result, your decision making shifts. From the littlest decisions like how to spend your Saturday to the big decisions like your career or financial planning. Like your spouse, your child becomes and influencer or factor in your decision making. #5 - How we act really effects our child - I don't think I realized how much of a mirror your child really is. I was driving the other day with my kids and my 8 year old daughter says, "oh no, traffic!!" I can't imagine where she got that from. They are listening to everything you say and watching everything you do. The good, the bad, and the ugly. So often we want to take credit for the good stuff but aren't willing to accept that the bad stuff is our fault too. It's important to be aware of how we act really does affect them. #6 - Good parenting is not from instincts - I used to think that because I had good parents, my gut & instincts would steer me well when parenting my kids. It wasn't until i began to studying parenting, that i realized how little I actually knew. Concepts like empathy, unconditional love, and positive re-inforcement weren't in my vocabulary. I started to seek answers for my frustrations and knew that other dads had to be facing the same issues that I was. You are never going to get any sleep You aren't going to have time for anything You really think you can afford to have a child Your relationship is totally going to change I knew it, you are not the same that you used to be - Whoa...chill.... You are never going to get any sleep<br /> You aren't going to have time for anything<br /> You really think you can afford to have a child<br /> Your relationship is totally going to change<br /> I knew it, you are not the same that you used to be<br /> <br /> Whoa...chill....Those aren't surprises, those are called expectations. That's for a whole other episode. In this episode we are going over the 6 Biggest surprises about fatherhood.<br /> <br /> No doubt, fatherhood is full of surprises. While I sort of knew what I was getting into, I really wasn't prepared for everything. It's impossible to be. So I'm sharing with you the 6 Biggest surprises about Fatherhood.<br /> <br /> #1 - The relationship takes work - When our first child was born, I was a little worried because I didn't feel a strong bond right away. It wasn't until I did bath time, changings, and feedings, that i then began to feel close.<br /> <br /> I think this continues as they grow. There may be times when I feel a little distant from my kids. Maybe I have been working too much or they have chose to spend most of their free time with their friends.<br /> <br /> So when I notice this, I may provide them a little more affection to them or try to connect with them playing a game or spending some quality time together.<br /> <br /> It takes work. But it's work that I enjoy doing....but you can't neglect the relationship and think it's going to be strong. You need to make effort. It's like that with any relationship.<br /> <br /> #2 - That I could Love Something So Much - I knew I would like this thing that came into my world, but I didn't realize just how much I would love it. How much i would want to protect it. How much i want to help it grow.<br /> <br /> Having a child has taught me that my capacity to love is pretty big. When were going to have our second child, I was concerned I wouldn't have enough love in me to go around.<br /> <br /> Boy was I wrong. It's amazing how much love we have inside us. Children can bring out emotions like nothing else can. I used to not consider myself very emotional. But i can say that has shifted a bit after having kids. (but not too much)<br /> <br /> #3 - Time Goes By Really Fast - Yeah, yea, yea, everyone with older kids says it goes by so fast. I didn't believe them until i have now experienced it myself. While there are some moments that seem like they are lasting forever, it's insane how fast the time goes.<br /> <br /> My kids are now 8 and 10. I often often look at baby pictures and it honestly feels like it just happened. What this means is that we need to enjoy the present moment with ours kids.<br /> <br /> #4 - It's not all about me anymore - One of my biggest surprises of fatherhood was the shift in my decision making. You quickly realize that another human is dependent on you. As a result, your decision making shifts.<br /> <br /> From the littlest decisions like how to spend your Saturday to the big decisions like your career or financial planning. Like your spouse, your child becomes and influencer or factor in your decision making.<br /> <br /> #5 - How we act really effects our child - I don't think I realized how much of a mirror your child really is. I was driving the other day with my kids and my 8 year old daughter says, "oh no, traffic!!" I can't imagine where she got that from.<br /> <br /> They are listening to everything you say and watching everything you do. The good, the bad, and the ugly. So often we want to take credit for the good stuff but aren't willing to accept that the bad stuff is our fault too. It's important to be aware of how we act really does affect them.<br /> <br /> #6 - Good parenting is not from instincts - I used to think that because I had good parents, my gut & instincts would steer me well when parenting my kids.<br /> <br /> It wasn't until i began to studying parenting, that i realized how little I actually knew. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 23:12 Is Work Life Balance Achievable as a Parent? Dudes To Dads Ep 198 https://www.daduniversity.com/is-work-life-balance-achievable-as-a-parent-dudes-to-dads-ep-198/ Tue, 18 Dec 2018 19:13:51 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2615 No doubt that when you become a father, life gets a little more complicated. You were already trying to balance your work, relationship, and friends. Now you have a child. You may even have a couple of them. So how do you balance it all? How do you make it all work. In this episode we are going over some tips to help you achieve work life balance. As a man, you could have many roles: - Your a father - Your a husband or boyfriend - You a son to your parents - You could be a brother - You are an employee or business owner - You are a friend - and the list goes on and on You have all of these roles and you want to be great at all of them. But here's the reality check: You can't be great at all of them all the time. You can't, it's impossible. You might be a really good father one day, but you didn't pay attention to your wife. or you killed it at work that week, but you ended up not spending much time with your family. You have been taking care of your aging parent, but your work has suffered. But I want to be great at all of these things, all the time. This is a problem called WANTITALL I know this .....because I suffer from it WANTITALL is a huge epidemic. If you suffer from this, let us know. What about you Alan, do you suffer from WANTITALL? I do have a couple of tips I want to share with you to help you achieve work life balance. #1: Be very clear about what you want. You have to have an honest conversation with yourself. Where do you want to achieve "success"? Do you want a really strong family? or Is your career your #1 priority? It's all ok and there is no judgement, you just have to be clear about it. Once you are clear then we have the second tip: #2 Match your actions with what you want. For example, if your family really is your priority, are your actions matching that? or do you tell yourself and everyone else that family is so important, yet you spend time doing a lot of things that don't involve building the family relationship. #3 - Reduce wasted time: For anyone who says they don't have time...are you watching television? do you spend time on social media? You might be surprised how much time you can gain by dropping those activities. But I have to watch my shows or play my games? Well then you might have to go back to tip #1 again and start over. Instead of saying "I don't have time". Why don't you change it to "It's just not a priority for me". #4 - Improve your scheduling - If you feel like you need to step up your game in an area of your life, put it on the calendar. That could be a date with your wife, or some one on one time with your child. We put appointments in our work calendar, we can do the same with our personal calendar, It all depends on what your priorities are. #5 - Change your perspective - Instead of calling it work life balance, let's call it work life harmony. Balance feels like you have to give something up in order to get something else. I think the word harmony is better because it means that everything has to work together. You can work hard and still make time for your family. You can be a good son and take care of your parents, while also making some plans with your friends. As I said in the beginning, you just can't be perfect at all of them all the time. Cut yourself some slack and be careful of how much expectations you are putting on yourself. Your WANTITALL problem is your issue and only you can fix it. We would love to hear from you. Do you struggle with WANTITALL? No doubt that when you become a father, life gets a little more complicated. You were already trying to balance your work, relationship, and friends. Now you have a child. You may even have a couple of them. - So how do you balance it all? No doubt that when you become a father, life gets a little more complicated. You were already trying to balance your work, relationship, and friends. Now you have a child. You may even have a couple of them.<br /> <br /> So how do you balance it all? How do you make it all work. In this episode we are going over some tips to help you achieve work life balance.<br /> <br /> As a man, you could have many roles:<br /> - Your a father<br /> - Your a husband or boyfriend<br /> - You a son to your parents<br /> - You could be a brother<br /> - You are an employee or business owner<br /> - You are a friend<br /> - and the list goes on and on<br /> <br /> You have all of these roles and you want to be great at all of them. But here's the reality check: You can't be great at all of them all the time. You can't, it's impossible.<br /> <br /> You might be a really good father one day, but you didn't pay attention to your wife. or you killed it at work that week, but you ended up not spending much time with your family. You have been taking care of your aging parent, but your work has suffered.<br /> <br /> But I want to be great at all of these things, all the time. This is a problem called WANTITALL I know this .....because I suffer from it<br /> <br /> WANTITALL is a huge epidemic. If you suffer from this, let us know.<br /> <br /> What about you Alan, do you suffer from WANTITALL?<br /> <br /> I do have a couple of tips I want to share with you to help you achieve work life balance.<br /> <br /> #1: Be very clear about what you want. You have to have an honest conversation with yourself. Where do you want to achieve "success"? Do you want a really strong family? or Is your career your #1 priority? It's all ok and there is no judgement, you just have to be clear about it.<br /> <br /> Once you are clear then we have the second tip: #2 Match your actions with what you want. For example, if your family really is your priority, are your actions matching that? or do you tell yourself and everyone else that family is so important, yet you spend time doing a lot of things that don't involve building the family relationship.<br /> <br /> #3 - Reduce wasted time: For anyone who says they don't have time...are you watching television? do you spend time on social media? You might be surprised how much time you can gain by dropping those activities. But I have to watch my shows or play my games? Well then you might have to go back to tip #1 again and start over.<br /> <br /> Instead of saying "I don't have time". Why don't you change it to "It's just not a priority for me".<br /> <br /> #4 - Improve your scheduling - If you feel like you need to step up your game in an area of your life, put it on the calendar. That could be a date with your wife, or some one on one time with your child. We put appointments in our work calendar, we can do the same with our personal calendar, It all depends on what your priorities are.<br /> <br /> #5 - Change your perspective - Instead of calling it work life balance, let's call it work life harmony. Balance feels like you have to give something up in order to get something else. I think the word harmony is better because it means that everything has to work together.<br /> <br /> You can work hard and still make time for your family. You can be a good son and take care of your parents, while also making some plans with your friends. As I said in the beginning, you just can't be perfect at all of them all the time.<br /> <br /> Cut yourself some slack and be careful of how much expectations you are putting on yourself. Your WANTITALL problem is your issue and only you can fix it.<br /> <br /> We would love to hear from you. Do you struggle with WANTITALL? Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 22:41 7 New Dad Parenting Mistakes to Avoid – Dudes To Dads Ep 197 https://www.daduniversity.com/7-new-dad-parenting-mistakes-to-avoid-dudes-to-dads-ep-197/ Wed, 12 Dec 2018 02:16:09 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2582 We all have good intentions when the baby is born. But realize you are going to make mistakes. We all make them. Of course there are tactical mistakes like not having enough diapers, not buckling car seats correctly, or not bringing enough change of clothes for the baby when you go somewhere. But the mistakes I want to review involve more of your thought process , emotions, and your overall well being. 1. Taking the baby's crying personally - Your newborn is not trying to ruin your life. Although sometimes it might feel like it. They are either hungry, tired, have gas, or need a diaper change. There aren't a lot of reasons. It's not your poor parenting skills that are the cause. All babies do it. 2. Not paying enough attention to your wife - Get a babysitter or family member to watch the baby and take your wife out on a date. Know her love language and either get her flowers or do some act of service she appreciates (cleaning, washing her car, something without her asking for it). 3. Putting too much pressure on yourself - You want to be the perfect parent, a great husband, and great in business. But it's pretty impossible to excel at everything at the same time. The cool part is you get to start your day over every day. One day you can be a great parent, the other a great husband, and then the next day a great business person or employee. Don't expect you will be able to do everything well all at the same time. 4. Underestimating your time - Everything will take a lot longer than you think. You will make plans and will be late. It takes longer to get out of the house, pack bags, or anything else that involved the child. 5. Not taking care of themselves - This means getting some sleep, eating well, and exercising. If you don't care about any of those, then at least make some time for yourself to have fun. Hang out with friends Comparing your baby to others 6. Comparing your baby to others - When they rolled over, when they first talked, when they first ate solid foods, etc. Don't do it. Every child is different and it has no bearing on their future. 7. Not enjoying the moment - I recall saying "I can't wait until my son can talk to me". or once he walks it's going to be so fun. Enjoy the present moment as it goes by really fast. It doesn't seem like it is going fast in the beginning but you will look back and think it. Having a new baby is awesome, but reality is that it can be stressful if you allow it to be. A lot of that stress comes from making sure the baby is ok as you just want to protect it and make sure you are doing everything you can to give it the best opportunity. Just remember not to be too hard on yourself. Millions of people have raised children before you. You are going to make mistakes, but learn from your mistakes and just make sure you are providing love an affection to your baby. Love and affection will cancel out a lot of other potential problems. We all have good intentions when the baby is born. But realize you are going to make mistakes. We all make them. Of course there are tactical mistakes like not having enough diapers, not buckling car seats correctly, We all have good intentions when the baby is born. But realize you are going to make mistakes. We all make them. Of course there are tactical mistakes like not having enough diapers, not buckling car seats correctly, or not bringing enough change of clothes for the baby when you go somewhere.<br /> <br /> But the mistakes I want to review involve more of your thought process , emotions, and your overall well being.<br /> <br /> 1. Taking the baby's crying personally - Your newborn is not trying to ruin your life. Although sometimes it might feel like it. They are either hungry, tired, have gas, or need a diaper change. There aren't a lot of reasons. It's not your poor parenting skills that are the cause. All babies do it.<br /> <br /> 2. Not paying enough attention to your wife - Get a babysitter or family member to watch the baby and take your wife out on a date. Know her love language and either get her flowers or do some act of service she appreciates (cleaning, washing her car, something without her asking for it).<br /> <br /> 3. Putting too much pressure on yourself - You want to be the perfect parent, a great husband, and great in business. But it's pretty impossible to excel at everything at the same time. The cool part is you get to start your day over every day. One day you can be a great parent, the other a great husband, and then the next day a great business person or employee. Don't expect you will be able to do everything well all at the same time.<br /> <br /> 4. Underestimating your time - Everything will take a lot longer than you think. You will make plans and will be late. It takes longer to get out of the house, pack bags, or anything else that involved the child.<br /> <br /> 5. Not taking care of themselves - This means getting some sleep, eating well, and exercising. If you don't care about any of those, then at least make some time for yourself to have fun. Hang out with friends<br /> Comparing your baby to others<br /> <br /> 6. Comparing your baby to others - When they rolled over, when they first talked, when they first ate solid foods, etc. Don't do it. Every child is different and it has no bearing on their future.<br /> <br /> 7. Not enjoying the moment - I recall saying "I can't wait until my son can talk to me". or once he walks it's going to be so fun. Enjoy the present moment as it goes by really fast. It doesn't seem like it is going fast in the beginning but you will look back and think it.<br /> <br /> Having a new baby is awesome, but reality is that it can be stressful if you allow it to be. A lot of that stress comes from making sure the baby is ok as you just want to protect it and make sure you are doing everything you can to give it the best opportunity.<br /> <br /> Just remember not to be too hard on yourself. Millions of people have raised children before you. You are going to make mistakes, but learn from your mistakes and just make sure you are providing love an affection to your baby. Love and affection will cancel out a lot of other potential problems. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 13:47 The Differences of Parenting in the 1980s vs Now – How Did We Survive – Dudes To Dads Ep 196 https://www.daduniversity.com/the-differences-of-parenting-in-the-1980s-vs-now-how-did-we-survive-dudes-to-dads-ep-196/ Wed, 05 Dec 2018 02:07:46 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2580 I was born in the mid 70s and grew up in the early 80s. Times were different and parenting was definitely different. There was a huge difference in what people thought was safe and what kids were aloud to do. I thought it would be fun to go over some of the things we did as kids and see how times are quite different now. Helmets - I'm not sure how many concussions it took for people to realize that it's probably a good idea to wear a helmet. Bicycles helmets weren't required until about 1987 and even then we really didn't wear them. I grew up skate boarding and unless you were going on a large ramp or doing something crazy, we didn't wear helmets. Same goes for snow skiing. Riding in the back of a truck - We were just camping this past weekend and about 10 of us piled into the back of a truck just to take us down a dirt road for bit. I was remembering how we used to be able to ride in the back of a truck without issue. At least in most parts of the US, parents wouldn't think of that now. Seat belts - My seat belt was my dads arm. Now the restraints and belts, cart seats with specific requirements. The laws are very strict now. All states have a law by 1985. But even in 1987 only 80% of children used a car seat. Sunscreen - I grew up in sunny southern california and the only sunblock we put on was maybe a little on our nose if we were going to the beach. My kids now are putting sunblock on almost daily before going to school. Granted my wife is a nurse working in skincare but I see so many kids being lathered up with sunscreen before school. Grounding - I think there are still parents that do it but it was really prevelant when I was a kid. Kids were getting grounded left and right for everything. Now you see parents either being much softer of their kids or the approach I prefer which is talking to my kids about right and wrong and allowing more natural consequences to happen. Playing outside - We simply needed to be back when the street lights came on. I don't think my parents knew where we were half of the time. Nor did they seem to care. We would ride our bikes miles away, playing in forests. Now parents need to know exactly where their child is and/or be able to see them and keep them close. Smoking - It was not uncommon for parents to smoke in the car or in the house. I recalled going over to my friends house. His dad smoked and it always smelled so bad to me. So many more people smoked cigarettes back then that it was common. Dad's Role - In the 80s, less moms worked. At least where we lived, most of the moms stayed at home or maybe had part time jobs. As we got a little older, my mom began teaching her courses at night. The roles of dads is different now. i think dad spend more times with their kids and being involved in their activities. I was born in the mid 70s and grew up in the early 80s. Times were different and parenting was definitely different. There was a huge difference in what people thought was safe and what kids were aloud to do. I was born in the mid 70s and grew up in the early 80s. Times were different and parenting was definitely different. There was a huge difference in what people thought was safe and what kids were aloud to do. I thought it would be fun to go over some of the things we did as kids and see how times are quite different now.<br /> <br /> Helmets - I'm not sure how many concussions it took for people to realize that it's probably a good idea to wear a helmet. Bicycles helmets weren't required until about 1987 and even then we really didn't wear them. I grew up skate boarding and unless you were going on a large ramp or doing something crazy, we didn't wear helmets. Same goes for snow skiing.<br /> <br /> Riding in the back of a truck - We were just camping this past weekend and about 10 of us piled into the back of a truck just to take us down a dirt road for bit. I was remembering how we used to be able to ride in the back of a truck without issue. At least in most parts of the US, parents wouldn't think of that now.<br /> <br /> Seat belts - My seat belt was my dads arm. Now the restraints and belts, cart seats with specific requirements. The laws are very strict now.<br /> <br /> All states have a law by 1985. But even in 1987 only 80% of children used a car seat.<br /> <br /> Sunscreen - I grew up in sunny southern california and the only sunblock we put on was maybe a little on our nose if we were going to the beach. My kids now are putting sunblock on almost daily before going to school. Granted my wife is a nurse working in skincare but I see so many kids being lathered up with sunscreen before school.<br /> <br /> Grounding - I think there are still parents that do it but it was really prevelant when I was a kid. Kids were getting grounded left and right for everything.<br /> <br /> Now you see parents either being much softer of their kids or the approach I prefer which is talking to my kids about right and wrong and allowing more natural consequences to happen.<br /> <br /> Playing outside - We simply needed to be back when the street lights came on. I don't think my parents knew where we were half of the time. Nor did they seem to care. We would ride our bikes miles away, playing in forests. Now parents need to know exactly where their child is and/or be able to see them and keep them close.<br /> <br /> Smoking - It was not uncommon for parents to smoke in the car or in the house. I recalled going over to my friends house. His dad smoked and it always smelled so bad to me. So many more people smoked cigarettes back then that it was common.<br /> <br /> Dad's Role - In the 80s, less moms worked. At least where we lived, most of the moms stayed at home or maybe had part time jobs. As we got a little older, my mom began teaching her courses at night. The roles of dads is different now. i think dad spend more times with their kids and being involved in their activities. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 21:49 The 14 Biggest Lies Parents Tell Their Kids – Dudes To Dads Ep 195 https://www.daduniversity.com/the-14-biggest-lies-parents-tell-their-kids-dudes-to-dads-ep-195/ Wed, 28 Nov 2018 01:44:58 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2578 Since the beginning of time, children have relied on their parents to pass down wisdom and knowledge about the world. Unfortunately, parents have taken advantage of this and have told their kids some lies. We are not always sure of the motive for the lie, but it happens all the time. 1. Sitting too close too the TV will ruin your eyes - in the 50s they were worried about radiation. This is no longer a concern. You might get some temporary eye strain bu their is no long term effects. 2. Carrots will help you see better - Vitamin A is good for your eye health but doesn't make you see better 3. If you eat watermelon seeds, they will grow in your stomach - The digestive system isn't a good place for them to grow, they will come through the system just fine. 4. Swallowing your gum takes 7 years to digest - it will pass through the digestive system just fine 5. Storks deliver babies - It's just a lot easier than explaining the truth but for some parents, they just aren't ready to explain it. 6. Wait 30 minutes after you have eaten to go in the pool or you will cramp up - your food needs to digest - no merit to this 7. If you keep making that face, your face will get stuck - There are multiple muscles in your face and they won't get stuck 8. If you pee in the pool, it will turn red - This was used as a detterent to keep kids peeing in the pool. It's not true and not sure how good it works. 9. Chocolate milk comes from brown cows - more than 17 million adults still believe that. The color of the cow doesn't matter 10. Ice cream trucks play music when they are out of ice cream - I never had this one but boy is that a good one. 11. Cracking your knuckles will give you arthritis - doesn't cause weakness to joints or damage 12. Reading in the dark ruins your eyes - it can strain your eyes or give you a headache but it's not going to ruin them 13. Your nose will grow if you lie - Unlike Pinocchio your nose doesn't grow. However researchers have found that the nose can become flush or heat up as a result of a lie 14. The car can't start unless you buckle your seat belt. - You might hear an annoying beep but the car will still start. It might be a decent idea for safety though. Do you guys have any lies your parents told you? Contact us Since the beginning of time, children have relied on their parents to pass down wisdom and knowledge about the world. Unfortunately, parents have taken advantage of this and have told their kids some lies. We are not always sure of the motive for the l... Since the beginning of time, children have relied on their parents to pass down wisdom and knowledge about the world. Unfortunately, parents have taken advantage of this and have told their kids some lies. We are not always sure of the motive for the lie, but it happens all the time.<br /> <br /> 1. Sitting too close too the TV will ruin your eyes - in the 50s they were worried about radiation. This is no longer a concern. You might get some temporary eye strain bu their is no long term effects.<br /> <br /> 2. Carrots will help you see better - Vitamin A is good for your eye health but doesn't make you see better<br /> <br /> 3. If you eat watermelon seeds, they will grow in your stomach - The digestive system isn't a good place for them to grow, they will come through the system just fine.<br /> <br /> 4. Swallowing your gum takes 7 years to digest - it will pass through the digestive system just fine<br /> <br /> 5. Storks deliver babies - It's just a lot easier than explaining the truth but for some parents, they just aren't ready to explain it.<br /> <br /> 6. Wait 30 minutes after you have eaten to go in the pool or you will cramp up - your food needs to digest - no merit to this<br /> <br /> 7. If you keep making that face, your face will get stuck - There are multiple muscles in your face and they won't get stuck<br /> <br /> 8. If you pee in the pool, it will turn red - This was used as a detterent to keep kids peeing in the pool. It's not true and not sure how good it works.<br /> <br /> 9. Chocolate milk comes from brown cows - more than 17 million adults still believe that. The color of the cow doesn't matter<br /> <br /> 10. Ice cream trucks play music when they are out of ice cream - I never had this one but boy is that a good one.<br /> <br /> 11. Cracking your knuckles will give you arthritis - doesn't cause weakness to joints or damage<br /> <br /> 12. Reading in the dark ruins your eyes - it can strain your eyes or give you a headache but it's not going to ruin them<br /> <br /> 13. Your nose will grow if you lie - Unlike Pinocchio your nose doesn't grow. However researchers have found that the nose can become flush or heat up as a result of a lie<br /> <br /> 14. The car can't start unless you buckle your seat belt. - You might hear an annoying beep but the car will still start. It might be a decent idea for safety though.<br /> <br /> Do you guys have any lies your parents told you? Contact us Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 13:37 Important Skills Every New Dad Should Know – Dudes To Dads Ep 194 https://www.daduniversity.com/important-skills-every-new-dad-should-know-dudes-to-dads-ep-194/ Wed, 21 Nov 2018 00:33:22 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2576 I'm sure when you found out you were going to be a father, you said to yourself: I got this. I know everything there is to know about being a dad. It's easy. Dealing with a baby, my wife, work, family, I got it all handled. Ok, reality is that being a new dad is awesome but most likely you are trying to figure out what you need to know. So in this episode we are going over some skills every new dad needs to master. I came up with 6 really important ones. Most dads think they need to learn skills like how to change the baby's diaper or how to hold a baby. While sure it's important to know those things, does it really matter if you have the best wiping technique or you hold your baby in that special position. I can tell you from experience, it doesn't. The skills I'm talking about are ones that will impact your life and your child's life. These are the essentials skills for new dads: #1 Managing Expectations - We all come up with scenarios and things in our head. Be careful of this. When you are a new dad, you may have expectations of how your child should be, what they should do, or even how you should feel. Really you are just shoulding all over yourself. Manage the expectations you have for those around you and for yourself. Ideally it's best to not have expectations because then you will not be disappointed. #2 Patience - Being a new parent requires patience. One example is that everything you do takes longer when you have a baby. So if you are someone who likes to be on time, give yourself a lot more cushion to get ready. Your patience will be tested. Whether it's the baby crying for an extended period of time, or you changing a dirty diaper and immediately upon changing the diaper, your child goes to the bathroom again. For some people those kind of things won't make them lose your patience, but something will, I promise. #3 Gratitude - It is impossible to feel down and depressed if you are feeling grateful. We have a previous video somewhere up here (point to upper corner) in which i explain that the secret to happiness is being grateful. You can actually practice gratitude as a new dad and I would highly suggested it. There are tons of reasons to be grateful. Our other video talks about a gratitude journal and other ways you can develop your gratitude muscle. The 4th Skill - Being Present - A lot of people talk about being present but what does it mean as a new father? To me it is two things: 1) not being distracted while I'm trying to experience something with my child. That can be as simple as putting your phone away when you are engaging with your child. The second part of being present is to notice things while they are happening. For example, if you are sitting down holding your child, notice their face, look at it. Notice the surroundings you are in. The colors you see. The sounds you hear. It's the idea of us not being on autopilot. That is being present #5 Unconditional Love - Parenting if often filled with situations of conditional love. You don't want that. What you need to do is love your child regardless of what they do, how they act, what they achieve, or who they become. Every child deserves to be loved unconditionally. If you can master the skill of loving unconditionally, your child will be better off and your relationship with them will be stronger. and finally #6 - Empathy - The grand daddy of all new father skills. Learning empathy is the single most important thing as a new dad. Empathy is being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. It's being able to see things from someone else's perspective. Imagine seeing a situation from your newborn's perspective....it totally changes the way you handle things. All 6 of these skills are so important for new dads. When you are a new father and you are in the middle of it, sometimes it can be hard to keep perspective on what is really important. We get lost in the small details and the daily grind of... I'm sure when you found out you were going to be a father, you said to yourself: I got this. I know everything there is to know about being a dad. It's easy. Dealing with a baby, my wife, work, family, I got it all handled. - Ok, I'm sure when you found out you were going to be a father, you said to yourself: I got this. I know everything there is to know about being a dad. It's easy. Dealing with a baby, my wife, work, family, I got it all handled.<br /> <br /> Ok, reality is that being a new dad is awesome but most likely you are trying to figure out what you need to know. So in this episode we are going over some skills every new dad needs to master. I came up with 6 really important ones.<br /> <br /> Most dads think they need to learn skills like how to change the baby's diaper or how to hold a baby.<br /> <br /> While sure it's important to know those things, does it really matter if you have the best wiping technique or you hold your baby in that special position. I can tell you from experience, it doesn't. The skills I'm talking about are ones that will impact your life and your child's life. These are the essentials skills for new dads:<br /> <br /> #1 Managing Expectations - We all come up with scenarios and things in our head. Be careful of this.<br /> <br /> When you are a new dad, you may have expectations of how your child should be, what they should do, or even how you should feel. Really you are just shoulding all over yourself.<br /> <br /> Manage the expectations you have for those around you and for yourself. Ideally it's best to not have expectations because then you will not be disappointed.<br /> <br /> #2 Patience - Being a new parent requires patience. One example is that everything you do takes longer when you have a baby. So if you are someone who likes to be on time, give yourself a lot more cushion to get ready.<br /> <br /> Your patience will be tested. Whether it's the baby crying for an extended period of time, or you changing a dirty diaper and immediately upon changing the diaper, your child goes to the bathroom again. For some people those kind of things won't make them lose your patience, but something will, I promise.<br /> <br /> #3 Gratitude - It is impossible to feel down and depressed if you are feeling grateful. We have a previous video somewhere up here (point to upper corner) in which i explain that the secret to happiness is being grateful.<br /> <br /> You can actually practice gratitude as a new dad and I would highly suggested it. There are tons of reasons to be grateful. Our other video talks about a gratitude journal and other ways you can develop your gratitude muscle.<br /> <br /> The 4th Skill - Being Present - A lot of people talk about being present but what does it mean as a new father? To me it is two things: 1) not being distracted while I'm trying to experience something with my child. That can be as simple as putting your phone away when you are engaging with your child.<br /> <br /> The second part of being present is to notice things while they are happening. For example, if you are sitting down holding your child, notice their face, look at it. Notice the surroundings you are in. The colors you see. The sounds you hear. It's the idea of us not being on autopilot. That is being present<br /> <br /> #5 Unconditional Love - Parenting if often filled with situations of conditional love. You don't want that. What you need to do is love your child regardless of what they do, how they act, what they achieve, or who they become.<br /> <br /> Every child deserves to be loved unconditionally. If you can master the skill of loving unconditionally, your child will be better off and your relationship with them will be stronger.<br /> <br /> and finally #6 - Empathy - The grand daddy of all new father skills. Learning empathy is the single most important thing as a new dad.<br /> <br /> Empathy is being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. It's being able to see things from someone else's perspective. Imagine seeing a situation from your newborn's perspective....it totally changes the way you handle things.<br /> <br /> Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 20:45 How to Stop Being Defensive – Dudes To Dads Ep 193 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-stop-being-defensive-dudes-to-dads-ep-193/ Wed, 14 Nov 2018 02:00:10 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2533 We are guilty of being defensive in some aspect of our lives. In happens in our personal relationships and our work. Being defensive typically involves us justifying our actions or words or trying to protect ourselves from either looking bad or being wrong. We certainly don't want to admit responsibility. So why would we want to stop being defensive? It's not constructive, and usually eats away at the relationship. It can make you look insecure, overly emotional, and close minded. How do you know if you are being defensive: 1) Do you respond to criticism by criticizing the person saying it to you? 2) You stop listening in the middle of someone talking to you? 3) Do you justify your behavior or actions when someone doesn't like it? There are many ways we are defensive. But how do we stop it? 1) Admit you act defensive - always the first step is acknowledgement. It's the hardest but once you can get past this, it's much easier. 2) Notice the feelings coming on - do you feel a different way physically? I notice my heart starts to pump harder, my voice may raise a little louder 3) Pause and breathe - This is so important. Our guy reaction is often fast and aggressive. Pausing and breathing forces us to take a step back. After you feel those triggers, take a second and pause. Whether someone is attacking you verbally or criticizing you. Take a breathe so that you are recognizing what is going on. 4) Acknowledge the person's perspective - You don't need to agree with it but you can be empathetic or validate someone's feelings. Listen to them and say something like "I can see this is really hard for you". or "I can see you got really upset at that. " you are not agreeing with them, only acknowledging their side. 5) Look for the truth in the criticism - It may only be a small part, but is there any truth to what they are saying. There certainly could be. We usually don't want to look inside as it is very hard to often do. Taking responsibility for our own actions is not easy either. 6) If appropriate, apologize - If you don't agree you can apologize with "I'm sorry that what I did effected you that way". That's not a real apology for many but can be better than nothing. If you really did do wrong or they are correct, then apologize for it. 7) Tell them how the information could have been conveyed - If they are criticizing you and you care about the relationship, you can tell them how you would have liked them to say it. "Instead of saying the dinner I cooked was horrible" maybe you could have said "Thank you so much for cooking. It's really appreciated but maybe we could consider something different next time? We are all guilty of being defensive at some point. It can be hard not to be when you insecurities come out or you feel someone is pointing out something negative about you or something you did. Try to remember these tips so you can come out on top. We are guilty of being defensive in some aspect of our lives. In happens in our personal relationships and our work. Being defensive typically involves us justifying our actions or words or trying to protect ourselves from either looking bad or being w... We are guilty of being defensive in some aspect of our lives. In happens in our personal relationships and our work. Being defensive typically involves us justifying our actions or words or trying to protect ourselves from either looking bad or being wrong. We certainly don't want to admit responsibility.<br /> <br /> So why would we want to stop being defensive? It's not constructive, and usually eats away at the relationship. It can make you look insecure, overly emotional, and close minded.<br /> <br /> How do you know if you are being defensive:<br /> <br /> 1) Do you respond to criticism by criticizing the person saying it to you?<br /> <br /> 2) You stop listening in the middle of someone talking to you?<br /> <br /> 3) Do you justify your behavior or actions when someone doesn't like it?<br /> <br /> There are many ways we are defensive. But how do we stop it?<br /> <br /> 1) Admit you act defensive - always the first step is acknowledgement. It's the hardest but once you can get past this, it's much easier.<br /> <br /> 2) Notice the feelings coming on - do you feel a different way physically? I notice my heart starts to pump harder, my voice may raise a little louder<br /> <br /> 3) Pause and breathe - This is so important. Our guy reaction is often fast and aggressive. Pausing and breathing forces us to take a step back. After you feel those triggers, take a second and pause. Whether someone is attacking you verbally or criticizing you. Take a breathe so that you are recognizing what is going on.<br /> <br /> 4) Acknowledge the person's perspective - You don't need to agree with it but you can be empathetic or validate someone's feelings. Listen to them and say something like "I can see this is really hard for you". or "I can see you got really upset at that. " you are not agreeing with them, only acknowledging their side.<br /> <br /> 5) Look for the truth in the criticism - It may only be a small part, but is there any truth to what they are saying. There certainly could be. We usually don't want to look inside as it is very hard to often do. Taking responsibility for our own actions is not easy either.<br /> <br /> 6) If appropriate, apologize - If you don't agree you can apologize with "I'm sorry that what I did effected you that way". That's not a real apology for many but can be better than nothing. If you really did do wrong or they are correct, then apologize for it.<br /> <br /> 7) Tell them how the information could have been conveyed - If they are criticizing you and you care about the relationship, you can tell them how you would have liked them to say it. "Instead of saying the dinner I cooked was horrible" maybe you could have said "Thank you so much for cooking. It's really appreciated but maybe we could consider something different next time?<br /> <br /> We are all guilty of being defensive at some point. It can be hard not to be when you insecurities come out or you feel someone is pointing out something negative about you or something you did. Try to remember these tips so you can come out on top. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 19:04 How To Get Your Child To Listen Without Yelling – Dudes To Dads Ep 192 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-get-your-child-to-listen-without-yelling-dudes-to-dads-ep-192/ Wed, 07 Nov 2018 00:53:48 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2531 I know it can't just be my house, but getting your child to listen to what your saying can be frustrating. This is why I have a podcast....so i can pretend that at least someone is listening to me. When children are really young, it just seems like they are never listening. We offered some tips in Episode 168 if listening is a topic of interest. It turns out if you have a toddler (2-3 years old), it's said they only respond 50% of the time..... There are a few suggestions for kids this age, primarily: lowering your expectations as they are still learning about the world. They simply don't know as many words either. so for that, use a small amount of words Let them know what they can do instead of always saying no - "you can hold this" rather than "You can't hold that" It's when the child is at 3-4 that things get more interesting. These tips can be used at this age but also work as children get older. It takes a lot of practice by us for us (and them) to get it right. 1) The reality it that is actually takes longer for kids to respond than adults. Give them an additional 5-7 seconds to respond. This is difficult as we typically want them to respond right away. Their brain sometimes takes a little longer to process things. 2) Use less words - just like the toddler, less words mean less processing: brush teeth, upstairs. You don't need long sentences to explain what needs to be done. 3) Ask questions - get them interacting by asking questions? What is it that you do after you put on your pajamas? Sometimes this make it like a game. 4) Offering them choices - this is a big one. An example may be, do you want to run up the stairs like a cheetah or a turtle? You are fine with either answer but they get to choose. We had a lot of turtle nights walking up our stairs. I should have chose 2 different fast animals. 5) Display or show the behavior - So when you say "pick up your clothes" you are helping them pick up their clothes and showing them how it's done. Children learn by watching and doing. So they made need instructions for the first 478 times so you'll need to show them over and over. Let's face it, listening is a problem everyone faces. As kids grow older, even if they are "good" listeners, their attention goes elsewhere. They begin to focus on different things. But here is the reality: If you have to yell in order to get your kids to do something, it means you have taught them that it's only when you yell do they need to do it. So we have to take responsibility as parents and learn the proper ways to communicate to them. Yelling certainly isn't the answer. Again so if you are yelling it's not your child's fault, it's yours. I know it can't just be my house, but getting your child to listen to what your saying can be frustrating. This is why I have a podcast....so i can pretend that at least someone is listening to me. - When children are really young, I know it can't just be my house, but getting your child to listen to what your saying can be frustrating. This is why I have a podcast....so i can pretend that at least someone is listening to me.<br /> <br /> When children are really young, it just seems like they are never listening. We offered some tips in Episode 168 if listening is a topic of interest.<br /> <br /> It turns out if you have a toddler (2-3 years old), it's said they only respond 50% of the time.....<br /> <br /> There are a few suggestions for kids this age, primarily:<br /> <br /> lowering your expectations as they are still learning about the world. They simply don't know as many words either.<br /> <br /> so for that, use a small amount of words<br /> <br /> Let them know what they can do instead of always saying no - "you can hold this" rather than "You can't hold that"<br /> <br /> It's when the child is at 3-4 that things get more interesting. These tips can be used at this age but also work as children get older. It takes a lot of practice by us for us (and them) to get it right.<br /> <br /> 1) The reality it that is actually takes longer for kids to respond than adults. Give them an additional 5-7 seconds to respond. This is difficult as we typically want them to respond right away. Their brain sometimes takes a little longer to process things.<br /> <br /> 2) Use less words - just like the toddler, less words mean less processing: brush teeth, upstairs. You don't need long sentences to explain what needs to be done.<br /> <br /> 3) Ask questions - get them interacting by asking questions? What is it that you do after you put on your pajamas? Sometimes this make it like a game.<br /> <br /> 4) Offering them choices - this is a big one. An example may be, do you want to run up the stairs like a cheetah or a turtle? You are fine with either answer but they get to choose. We had a lot of turtle nights walking up our stairs. I should have chose 2 different fast animals.<br /> <br /> 5) Display or show the behavior - So when you say "pick up your clothes" you are helping them pick up their clothes and showing them how it's done. Children learn by watching and doing. So they made need instructions for the first 478 times so you'll need to show them over and over.<br /> <br /> Let's face it, listening is a problem everyone faces. As kids grow older, even if they are "good" listeners, their attention goes elsewhere. They begin to focus on different things. But here is the reality:<br /> <br /> If you have to yell in order to get your kids to do something, it means you have taught them that it's only when you yell do they need to do it. So we have to take responsibility as parents and learn the proper ways to communicate to them. Yelling certainly isn't the answer.<br /> <br /> Again so if you are yelling it's not your child's fault, it's yours. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 14:58 What Soon To Be Dads Need to Know – Dudes To Dads Ep 191 https://www.daduniversity.com/what-soon-to-be-dads-need-to-know-dudes-to-dads-ep-191/ Tue, 30 Oct 2018 21:05:31 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2529 I'm thinking back when my wife was pregnant and I had this combination of feelings....being really excited but also really nervous. I knew nothing about babies. I was never really around kids. I didn't know how to change a diaper, feed a baby, or even hold it. I was pretty clueless. Well my kids are now 8 & 10 so i have been through quite a bit. In this video, I'm giving you 4 crucial things that soon to be dads need to know. There is only 4 so this will be easy. Being an expectant father can be stressful. If you are a first time dad, you don't really know what's going on. You are learning as you go. Sorry but I think the learning as you go thing continues for the rest of your life. But hey, that's what we are here for. To help you soon to be dads learn what you need to know. I've got 4 essential things to know: #1 - You won't be a perfect parent. You are going to mess up, a lot. You are going to get angry, frustrated, and often not have a clue how to handle a situation. It's ok. Give yourself permission that not everything needs to be perfect nor do you need to know everything. Do your best and don't beat yourself up over it. #2 - Focus on the big picture. The big picture is loving and caring for your child. I recall worrying so much about little things that i later realize didn't really matter. Where was the baby going to sleep? It's own room or in our room What kind of diapers were the best? Was the stroller the perfect one for us? Do we need a baby monitor? Is the house baby proofed? How long should she breastfeed? Is it ok to wake a sleeping baby? I think you understand what I'm trying to say. The big picture is what is important. Focusing too much on all of the little things will drive you crazy. #3 - Your involvement is critical. The more you are involved, the better off your child will be. This is a 50/50 deal with mom. Sure I get it, we can't breastfeed and they have 9 months with the kid before us, but don't think mom's are the ones to take care of the child. Dad's role used to be to discipline and making money. That ain't it anymore. It's been proven that dad's involvement helps their brains, their development, and their overall emotional well-being. So understand this, the child will thrive and do better, the more you are involved. #4 - You can do this. At some point and it may happen many times, you are going to doubt yourself. You will think you are not good enough or capable enough....and you are wrong. You are totally capable of giving and receiving love. Whether you had a bad childhood or a wonderful one doesn't matter. Your past does not equal your future. Let me repeat that: "Your Past Does Not Equal Your Future" - Tony Robbins You are listening to this podcast for a reason. Give yourself credit and know you can do this. I'm thinking back when my wife was pregnant and I had this combination of feelings....being really excited but also really nervous. - I knew nothing about babies. I was never really around kids. I didn't know how to change a diaper, feed a baby, I'm thinking back when my wife was pregnant and I had this combination of feelings....being really excited but also really nervous.<br /> <br /> I knew nothing about babies. I was never really around kids. I didn't know how to change a diaper, feed a baby, or even hold it. I was pretty clueless.<br /> <br /> Well my kids are now 8 & 10 so i have been through quite a bit. In this video, I'm giving you 4 crucial things that soon to be dads need to know. There is only 4 so this will be easy.<br /> <br /> Being an expectant father can be stressful. If you are a first time dad, you don't really know what's going on. You are learning as you go.<br /> <br /> Sorry but I think the learning as you go thing continues for the rest of your life.<br /> <br /> But hey, that's what we are here for. To help you soon to be dads learn what you need to know.<br /> <br /> I've got 4 essential things to know:<br /> <br /> #1 - You won't be a perfect parent. You are going to mess up, a lot. You are going to get angry, frustrated, and often not have a clue how to handle a situation. It's ok.<br /> <br /> Give yourself permission that not everything needs to be perfect nor do you need to know everything. Do your best and don't beat yourself up over it.<br /> <br /> #2 - Focus on the big picture. The big picture is loving and caring for your child.<br /> <br /> I recall worrying so much about little things that i later realize didn't really matter.<br /> <br /> Where was the baby going to sleep? It's own room or in our room<br /> <br /> What kind of diapers were the best?<br /> <br /> Was the stroller the perfect one for us?<br /> <br /> Do we need a baby monitor?<br /> <br /> Is the house baby proofed?<br /> <br /> How long should she breastfeed?<br /> <br /> Is it ok to wake a sleeping baby?<br /> <br /> I think you understand what I'm trying to say. The big picture is what is important. Focusing too much on all of the little things will drive you crazy.<br /> <br /> #3 - Your involvement is critical. The more you are involved, the better off your child will be. This is a 50/50 deal with mom. Sure I get it, we can't breastfeed and they have 9 months with the kid before us, but don't think mom's are the ones to take care of the child.<br /> <br /> Dad's role used to be to discipline and making money. That ain't it anymore. It's been proven that dad's involvement helps their brains, their development, and their overall emotional well-being.<br /> <br /> So understand this, the child will thrive and do better, the more you are involved.<br /> <br /> #4 - You can do this. At some point and it may happen many times, you are going to doubt yourself. You will think you are not good enough or capable enough....and you are wrong.<br /> <br /> You are totally capable of giving and receiving love. Whether you had a bad childhood or a wonderful one doesn't matter. Your past does not equal your future. Let me repeat that: "Your Past Does Not Equal Your Future" - Tony Robbins<br /> <br /> You are listening to this podcast for a reason. Give yourself credit and know you can do this. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 11:34 Helping Your Elderly Parents – Dudes To Dads Ep 190 https://www.daduniversity.com/helping-your-elderly-parents-dudes-to-dads-ep-190/ Tue, 23 Oct 2018 19:01:15 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2527 One of the things I think we don't prepare for very well (at least in America), is our aging parents and how we deal with that. Kind of like parenting, you aren't given an instruction manual but even worse, it's not really talked about. Dealing with aging parents can be difficult. Whether it's physical, financial, or emotional issues, we just aren't prepared for these changes. So in this episode, I thought we would cover some of the things that you may experience as your parents get older. I think it's important to have some awareness that you may face some of these issues. My hope is that you will realize you are not alone and they are actually quite common. Then we'll get into some things you can do to make the situation less difficult for you and them. Let's first go over some things you might experience as your parents are aging: #1 - You may feel angry or scared - It's not easy to deal with seeing them physically change, roles changing, and dealing with the different relationship dynamic. They may not be able to do the same things as they used to and and we can sometimes get upset at that. #2 - There could be financial stress - Depending if they have done their own financial planning, insurance, or long term care, you may want to seek the advice of a professional here. There are experts who specialize in helping older people with finances. You want to make sure it's not going to be a financial burden on you as they age. #3 - They may be in denial - They may not want to admit that they need help or that they are getting older. It's often hard to admit you can't do things you once did. #4 - Understand they are just going to forget things - Even if they aren't diagnosed with dementia or a disease, our memories are effected by age. You may find yourself repeating things over and over. Try your best to be patient with them. #5 - You may feel guilty- This usually has to do with two things (how much time you spend and how you treat them). If you live far away this may especially ring true. You might feel guilty for not spending enough time with them. You may also get upset or frustrated with them for some reason and then will feel guilty about that. But here's the thing, if you feel guilty, you probably are. So what can you do to make the situation a little less difficult on yourself and them? Here are some tips: #1 - Takes things slow - You must have patience and know that things are going to take you a lot longer than you planned. They may move pretty slow or talk pretty slow. You need to be considerate of that. #2 - Have a plan - Do they have medical directives? Has any estate planning or wills been done? It's best to do these earlier rather than later. It may be uncomfortable to talk about these things but it's going to save a lot of hassle. #3 - Be empathetic that change is hard - Whether they need to downsize where they live or go into a home or senior center, change is not easy. Instead of trying to convince them that the new place is so much better and fun, be empathetic to them that you understand it is a difficult transition. #4 - Ask for help - Don't try to do everything yourself. Call on family members, friends, and even caregivers to assist when they can. If someone needs to be hired or they need more permanent assistance and financially that is an option, it could be worth considering. #5 - Help them Be Social - Include them in social activities. Whether it's for one of your child's events or just going to hangout. Let them know you would like for them to be present and assist them in participating. #6 - Focus on the present - Try to focus on the moments that you have and enjoy the time you are able to spend with them. Don't spend your time worrying about what is going to happen. While it's easier said than done, you want to focus on the present moment One of the things I think we don't prepare for very well (at least in America), is our aging parents and how we deal with that. - Kind of like parenting, you aren't given an instruction manual but even worse, it's not really talked about. One of the things I think we don't prepare for very well (at least in America), is our aging parents and how we deal with that.<br /> <br /> Kind of like parenting, you aren't given an instruction manual but even worse, it's not really talked about. Dealing with aging parents can be difficult.<br /> <br /> Whether it's physical, financial, or emotional issues, we just aren't prepared for these changes.<br /> <br /> So in this episode, I thought we would cover some of the things that you may experience as your parents get older. I think it's important to have some awareness that you may face some of these issues.<br /> <br /> My hope is that you will realize you are not alone and they are actually quite common. Then we'll get into some things you can do to make the situation less difficult for you and them.<br /> <br /> Let's first go over some things you might experience as your parents are aging:<br /> <br /> #1 - You may feel angry or scared - It's not easy to deal with seeing them physically change, roles changing, and dealing with the different relationship dynamic. They may not be able to do the same things as they used to and and we can sometimes get upset at that.<br /> <br /> #2 - There could be financial stress - Depending if they have done their own financial planning, insurance, or long term care, you may want to seek the advice of a professional here. There are experts who specialize in helping older people with finances. You want to make sure it's not going to be a financial burden on you as they age.<br /> <br /> #3 - They may be in denial - They may not want to admit that they need help or that they are getting older. It's often hard to admit you can't do things you once did.<br /> <br /> #4 - Understand they are just going to forget things - Even if they aren't diagnosed with dementia or a disease, our memories are effected by age. You may find yourself repeating things over and over. Try your best to be patient with them.<br /> <br /> #5 - You may feel guilty- This usually has to do with two things (how much time you spend and how you treat them). If you live far away this may especially ring true.<br /> <br /> You might feel guilty for not spending enough time with them. You may also get upset or frustrated with them for some reason and then will feel guilty about that. But here's the thing, if you feel guilty, you probably are.<br /> <br /> So what can you do to make the situation a little less difficult on yourself and them? Here are some tips:<br /> <br /> #1 - Takes things slow - You must have patience and know that things are going to take you a lot longer than you planned. They may move pretty slow or talk pretty slow. You need to be considerate of that.<br /> <br /> #2 - Have a plan - Do they have medical directives? Has any estate planning or wills been done? It's best to do these earlier rather than later. It may be uncomfortable to talk about these things but it's going to save a lot of hassle.<br /> <br /> #3 - Be empathetic that change is hard - Whether they need to downsize where they live or go into a home or senior center, change is not easy. Instead of trying to convince them that the new place is so much better and fun, be empathetic to them that you understand it is a difficult transition.<br /> <br /> #4 - Ask for help - Don't try to do everything yourself. Call on family members, friends, and even caregivers to assist when they can. If someone needs to be hired or they need more permanent assistance and financially that is an option, it could be worth considering.<br /> <br /> #5 - Help them Be Social - Include them in social activities. Whether it's for one of your child's events or just going to hangout. Let them know you would like for them to be present and assist them in participating.<br /> <br /> #6 - Focus on the present - Try to focus on the moments that you have and enjoy the time you are able to spend with them. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 22:51 Distracted Parenting is Hurting Your Child – Dudes To Dads Ep 189 https://www.daduniversity.com/distracted-parenting-is-hurting-your-child-dudes-to-dads-ep-189/ Wed, 17 Oct 2018 04:01:33 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2503 Here are some examples that you might identify with: 1) You are at the playground and instead of participating with your child (or let's say even watching your child), you are on your phone. Your child asks you to come on the monkey bars and you are on Facebook. 2) Your are eating dinner and you are responding to email instead of interacting with the people around you. 3) You are at your child's sporting event and instead of watching the game, you are shopping on Amazon. These 3 scenarios are examples of distracted parenting. Distracted parenting is the overuse of electronic devices, primarily phones, in the presence of your children. We often think that these types of situations don't matter, but they do. You will see a child look over at their parents, only to see that their face is buried in their phone. In previous days before phones this would have been reading a newspaper at the breakfast table or while your child is in the same room and wanting to play a game. Sure we don't have to be their entertainment 24/7, but they do deserve having us interact with them. We can't always be their entertainment as they need to learn to entertain themselves. We often justify the distraction because it's work or something we deem as "really important". The truth is that we make the decision that the screen interaction is more important than the interaction with the child or watching the child. We need to set the example for our kids in that the device is not a priority. It certainly is not more important than the relationship with your child. So if there are good opportunities to watch your child or even better participate, take them. So what are some ways you can stop being a distracted parent: 1) First and foremost you have to want to stop. If you don't want to, you can't go to the next item on the list. 2) Become aware of your use. Are you using it in place on interacting with your child? 3) Turn off notifications. If the phone doesn't beep or vibrate, you will be less inclined to pick it up. 4) Don't bring it. Leave it in the car so you can be present. 5) At night when you come home from work, put your phone in "phone jail". You can't get it from jail until your kids go to bed. 6) If you "have to use it" maybe setup boundaries with the child. For example, I need to make this call for 10 minutes and then will put my phone away. Be sure to do what you say as your child learns that your word means something. You don't have to be focused on your child 100% of the time, but showing your child how important they are goes a long way. Here are some examples that you might identify with: - 1) You are at the playground and instead of participating with your child (or let's say even watching your child), you are on your phone. Your child asks you to come on the monkey bars and you are... Here are some examples that you might identify with:<br /> <br /> 1) You are at the playground and instead of participating with your child (or let's say even watching your child), you are on your phone. Your child asks you to come on the monkey bars and you are on Facebook.<br /> <br /> 2) Your are eating dinner and you are responding to email instead of interacting with the people around you.<br /> <br /> 3) You are at your child's sporting event and instead of watching the game, you are shopping on Amazon.<br /> <br /> These 3 scenarios are examples of distracted parenting. Distracted parenting is the overuse of electronic devices, primarily phones, in the presence of your children.<br /> <br /> We often think that these types of situations don't matter, but they do. You will see a child look over at their parents, only to see that their face is buried in their phone.<br /> <br /> In previous days before phones this would have been reading a newspaper at the breakfast table or while your child is in the same room and wanting to play a game.<br /> <br /> Sure we don't have to be their entertainment 24/7, but they do deserve having us interact with them.<br /> <br /> We can't always be their entertainment as they need to learn to entertain themselves.<br /> <br /> We often justify the distraction because it's work or something we deem as "really important". The truth is that we make the decision that the screen interaction is more important than the interaction with the child or watching the child.<br /> <br /> We need to set the example for our kids in that the device is not a priority. It certainly is not more important than the relationship with your child. So if there are good opportunities to watch your child or even better participate, take them.<br /> <br /> So what are some ways you can stop being a distracted parent:<br /> <br /> 1) First and foremost you have to want to stop. If you don't want to, you can't go to the next item on the list.<br /> <br /> 2) Become aware of your use. Are you using it in place on interacting with your child?<br /> <br /> 3) Turn off notifications. If the phone doesn't beep or vibrate, you will be less inclined to pick it up.<br /> <br /> 4) Don't bring it. Leave it in the car so you can be present.<br /> <br /> 5) At night when you come home from work, put your phone in "phone jail". You can't get it from jail until your kids go to bed.<br /> <br /> 6) If you "have to use it" maybe setup boundaries with the child. For example, I need to make this call for 10 minutes and then will put my phone away. Be sure to do what you say as your child learns that your word means something.<br /> <br /> You don't have to be focused on your child 100% of the time, but showing your child how important they are goes a long way. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 14:21 6 Reasons Why Being a Dad is Awesome – Dudes To Dads Ep 188 https://www.daduniversity.com/6-reasons-why-being-a-dad-is-awesome-dudes-to-dads-ep-188/ Wed, 10 Oct 2018 03:54:42 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2501 If you are new dad or soon to be dad, you hear a lot about the challenges that come with fatherhood: "Oh man you are never going to get any sleep" or how about this one: "forget about going out with your friends anymore." and the ever so positive....."whoa kids are so expensive. You just wait." Well I'm here to tell you that being a dad is incredible. There are many reasons why the journey is awesome, but I have narrowed it down to my 6 favorites things about being a dad. There is enough negativity going on in this world, let's focus on some good stuff. Like fatherhood. There just is nothing else like it. I wanted to share with you 6 of the best things about being a dad. #1 - Your child thinks you're superhero – well maybe not literally but pretty darn close. The way they look up to you, it's an incredible feeling to have someone think you are that great. It's a little bit of pressure sometimes but an amazing nonetheless. #2 - Their hugs and kisses - When you come home from work and they run to see you and give you a big hug...there isn't much that can top that. Parents are typically initiating affection more often than the child, but when they do, it is really pure. #3 - The feeling you get when something you have been trying to teach them finally clicks - This can be from teaching them good manners and they actually say please and thank you on their own to them learning how to ride a bike and you letting go for the first time. These kind of moments are special and give you that warm and fuzzy feeling. #4 - It teaches you to focus on what really is important - Sure my sports car and business were really important when my first child was born but you begin to realize that nobody on their death bed ever says "I should have spent more time at the office". Learning to have multiple facets of your life in harmony became the goal for me. Things didn't necessarily get eliminated, it's just my priorities begin to shift when I became a dad. That's the choice I want to make. #5 - It teaches you to slow down. No matter how fast you want to go, when you are dealing with a baby or toddler, it is at their pace. You can't hurry the process. Just the other day, I saw a toddler outside the gym. He was maybe the age where he had only been walking for a short bit. There were flowers out front and he stopped to smell the flowers. His mom, who obviously had to get to a class, was in a hurry but saw he was really enjoying the flowers. She let him smell them for for a bit and then grabbed his hand to go in. But I will say she let him stand there a lot longer than I would have thought. #6 - It makes you want to be a better man - when you start realizing that another human really depends on you, you want to step up your game. You start thinking about things like your legacy and how you can positively impact those around you. As I said in the beginning, being a dad is incredible. It's also what you make of it. Be sure to enjoy the journey and know that your role as a father is so important. We are very grateful that you are part of Dad University. If you are new dad or soon to be dad, you hear a lot about the challenges that come with fatherhood: - "Oh man you are never going to get any sleep" - or how about this one: "forget about going out with your friends anymore." - If you are new dad or soon to be dad, you hear a lot about the challenges that come with fatherhood:<br /> <br /> "Oh man you are never going to get any sleep"<br /> <br /> or how about this one: "forget about going out with your friends anymore."<br /> <br /> and the ever so positive....."whoa kids are so expensive. You just wait."<br /> <br /> Well I'm here to tell you that being a dad is incredible. There are many reasons why the journey is awesome, but I have narrowed it down to my 6 favorites things about being a dad.<br /> <br /> There is enough negativity going on in this world, let's focus on some good stuff. Like fatherhood. There just is nothing else like it. I wanted to share with you 6 of the best things about being a dad.<br /> <br /> #1 - Your child thinks you're superhero – well maybe not literally but pretty darn close. The way they look up to you, it's an incredible feeling to have someone think you are that great. It's a little bit of pressure sometimes but an amazing nonetheless.<br /> <br /> #2 - Their hugs and kisses - When you come home from work and they run to see you and give you a big hug...there isn't much that can top that. Parents are typically initiating affection more often than the child, but when they do, it is really pure.<br /> <br /> #3 - The feeling you get when something you have been trying to teach them finally clicks - This can be from teaching them good manners and they actually say please and thank you on their own to them learning how to ride a bike and you letting go for the first time. These kind of moments are special and give you that warm and fuzzy feeling.<br /> <br /> #4 - It teaches you to focus on what really is important - Sure my sports car and business were really important when my first child was born but you begin to realize that nobody on their death bed ever says "I should have spent more time at the office".<br /> <br /> Learning to have multiple facets of your life in harmony became the goal for me. Things didn't necessarily get eliminated, it's just my priorities begin to shift when I became a dad. That's the choice I want to make.<br /> <br /> #5 - It teaches you to slow down. No matter how fast you want to go, when you are dealing with a baby or toddler, it is at their pace. You can't hurry the process. Just the other day, I saw a toddler outside the gym. He was maybe the age where he had only been walking for a short bit. There were flowers out front and he stopped to smell the flowers. His mom, who obviously had to get to a class, was in a hurry but saw he was really enjoying the flowers. She let him smell them for for a bit and then grabbed his hand to go in. But I will say she let him stand there a lot longer than I would have thought.<br /> <br /> #6 - It makes you want to be a better man - when you start realizing that another human really depends on you, you want to step up your game. You start thinking about things like your legacy and how you can positively impact those around you.<br /> <br /> As I said in the beginning, being a dad is incredible. It's also what you make of it. Be sure to enjoy the journey and know that your role as a father is so important. We are very grateful that you are part of Dad University. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 14:46 Boys Will Be Boys is BS – Dudes To Dads Ep 187 https://www.daduniversity.com/boys-will-be-boys-is-bs-dudes-to-dads-ep-187/ Wed, 03 Oct 2018 03:46:13 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2499 You may have hear the term before "Boys Will be Boys". When someone says this, what does this mean to you? It's a term used to express the view that mischievous or childish behavior is typical of boys or young men and should not cause surprise when it occurs. Today we are going to talk about why that phrase is total BS. There are numerous areas where the term Boys Will Be Boys could be applied: 2 young boys wrestling aggressively, a boy with an extremely messy room and lack of hygeine, or a teenage boy playing pranks on unsuspecting strangers. It's often about recklessness and rowdiness. When people say it, they are attempting to justify the reason why boys or young men act in these ways. But for today, I want to focus on the specific topic of male behavior towards women. There is a lot of attention on this topic right now: lawsuits, people going to jail, political wars, and more. It is crucial as a man and as a father, to teach your son how to treat other people in a positive way. [Lean in] If you don't have this one down yourself, you need to do some work. Let's look at a couple of scenarios: You are driving in the car with your 10 year old son and you are at a stop light. 3 young women walk across the street and you see your son staring with interest at them. You then make a comment about how they look. While you may think you didn't say anything inappropriate, you just taught your son that it is ok to judge a girl's appearance. If you want to think it, that's up to you, but don't say it. Here's another scenario: Your teenage son is hanging out upstairs in his room on a weekend night. You go into his room and say "why are you hanging out here. Why don't you go out and get yourself some." This totally objectifies women as if they are something to conquer for yourself. Teenage boys have raging hormones but maybe a talk about how to strike up a conversation with someone would be more valuable. What your hearing in these examples is that we can say things to our sons without really thinking of the impact it can have on their perception and ultimately the treatment, of women. You are also going to experience situations in which your son will say or do something that is not ok. It's important you point out that what they say or did is not ok and discuss how they could have handled it better. You letting it go is saying that it is acceptable. Even when they are young and before any sex talk, you should be having ongoing dialogue about appropriate behavior, communicating properly with others, and even sexual harassment. Of course there are going to be large variances in what people feel is appropriate. But if we start our sons off right from a young age, we can drastically reduce the negative impact we are seeing in society from these situations. You may have hear the term before "Boys Will be Boys". When someone says this, what does this mean to you? - It's a term used to express the view that mischievous or childish behavior is typical of boys or young men and should not cause surprise when ... You may have hear the term before "Boys Will be Boys". When someone says this, what does this mean to you?<br /> <br /> It's a term used to express the view that mischievous or childish behavior is typical of boys or young men and should not cause surprise when it occurs.<br /> <br /> Today we are going to talk about why that phrase is total BS.<br /> <br /> There are numerous areas where the term Boys Will Be Boys could be applied: 2 young boys wrestling aggressively, a boy with an extremely messy room and lack of hygeine, or a teenage boy playing pranks on unsuspecting strangers. It's often about recklessness and rowdiness.<br /> <br /> When people say it, they are attempting to justify the reason why boys or young men act in these ways.<br /> <br /> But for today, I want to focus on the specific topic of male behavior towards women. There is a lot of attention on this topic right now: lawsuits, people going to jail, political wars, and more.<br /> <br /> It is crucial as a man and as a father, to teach your son how to treat other people in a positive way. [Lean in] If you don't have this one down yourself, you need to do some work.<br /> <br /> Let's look at a couple of scenarios:<br /> <br /> You are driving in the car with your 10 year old son and you are at a stop light. 3 young women walk across the street and you see your son staring with interest at them. You then make a comment about how they look.<br /> <br /> While you may think you didn't say anything inappropriate, you just taught your son that it is ok to judge a girl's appearance. If you want to think it, that's up to you, but don't say it.<br /> <br /> Here's another scenario: Your teenage son is hanging out upstairs in his room on a weekend night. You go into his room and say "why are you hanging out here. Why don't you go out and get yourself some."<br /> <br /> This totally objectifies women as if they are something to conquer for yourself. Teenage boys have raging hormones but maybe a talk about how to strike up a conversation with someone would be more valuable.<br /> <br /> What your hearing in these examples is that we can say things to our sons without really thinking of the impact it can have on their perception and ultimately the treatment, of women.<br /> <br /> You are also going to experience situations in which your son will say or do something that is not ok. It's important you point out that what they say or did is not ok and discuss how they could have handled it better. You letting it go is saying that it is acceptable.<br /> <br /> Even when they are young and before any sex talk, you should be having ongoing dialogue about appropriate behavior, communicating properly with others, and even sexual harassment.<br /> <br /> Of course there are going to be large variances in what people feel is appropriate. But if we start our sons off right from a young age, we can drastically reduce the negative impact we are seeing in society from these situations. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 13:59 Stop Over Posting Your Kids on Social Media? No More Sharenting! Dudes To Dads Ep 186 https://www.daduniversity.com/stop-over-posting-your-kids-on-social-media-no-more-sharenting-dudes-to-dads-ep-186/ Wed, 26 Sep 2018 03:37:54 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2497 I'm not really a controversial guy, but boy do people have strong feelings about this one. It is true that moms have a tendency to post much more about their kids than dads do, but dads are guilty as well. The topic for today's episode is sharenting The topic of sharenting has become pretty serious. There are some issues that come along with sharenting. Let's look at some of these issues: 1) Legal issues - an 18 year old girl is suing her parents for posting a baby picture she didn't like. She didn't consent to it being posted. There could be all kinds of legal issues in the future with parents not getting the consent of their children before posting. 2) Body Image Issues - Starting kids off young with the idea that likes and views matter is not good. Social media will judge anything, even a young child's appearance. 3) Digital Narcissism - The posting of accomplishments or something great your kid did actually makes you think you are great. This isn't good for you or them. Your self worth should not come from the accomplishments of your child. 4) Security Issues - Children's identities are being stolen or their safety is at greater risk because their identity is known. People think "That would never happen to my child". I only post pictures of whatever". The reality is that it is happening more and more. So how do we navigate this as parents? What is ok to post and what is not? Parents are now making money off of content of their kids. It has become a business in itself with content creators having their children as a big part of their content. Personally, I think the negatives drastically outweigh the positives when it comes to posting content about kids. If you are going to post, maybe you considering asking yourself some questions before doing it: 1) Did I get the consent of my child to post? If they are too young to make that decision, then you'll need to ask some additional questions to yourself. 2) Why am I posting? Am I doing this to feel better about myself? Because most of the time, there is zero value to the child for you posting. 3) Will my child ever be upset or embarrassed of the post? Are you talking about something negative they did or how much they frustrated you? Think about how they may feel. 4) Do you want this to be part of your children's digital archive? Posts are digital tattoos. They are permanent. You need to be mindful of how the content could affect their life in any way in the future. We all think our children are the cutest, smartest, most talented people in the world. We want people like, share, and provide positive comments about what we post. Unfortunately it really only does something for you and not the child. Let's agree to stop sharenting. I'm not really a controversial guy, but boy do people have strong feelings about this one. It is true that moms have a tendency to post much more about their kids than dads do, but dads are guilty as well. The topic for today's episode is sharenting I'm not really a controversial guy, but boy do people have strong feelings about this one. It is true that moms have a tendency to post much more about their kids than dads do, but dads are guilty as well. The topic for today's episode is sharenting<br /> <br /> The topic of sharenting has become pretty serious. There are some issues that come along with sharenting. Let's look at some of these issues:<br /> <br /> 1) Legal issues - an 18 year old girl is suing her parents for posting a baby picture she didn't like. She didn't consent to it being posted.<br /> <br /> There could be all kinds of legal issues in the future with parents not getting the consent of their children before posting.<br /> <br /> 2) Body Image Issues - Starting kids off young with the idea that likes and views matter is not good. Social media will judge anything, even a young child's appearance.<br /> <br /> 3) Digital Narcissism - The posting of accomplishments or something great your kid did actually makes you think you are great.<br /> <br /> This isn't good for you or them. Your self worth should not come from the accomplishments of your child.<br /> <br /> 4) Security Issues - Children's identities are being stolen or their safety is at greater risk because their identity is known.<br /> <br /> People think "That would never happen to my child". I only post pictures of whatever". The reality is that it is happening more and more.<br /> <br /> So how do we navigate this as parents? What is ok to post and what is not? Parents are now making money off of content of their kids. It has become a business in itself with content creators having their children as a big part of their content.<br /> <br /> Personally, I think the negatives drastically outweigh the positives when it comes to posting content about kids. If you are going to post, maybe you considering asking yourself some questions before doing it:<br /> <br /> 1) Did I get the consent of my child to post? If they are too young to make that decision, then you'll need to ask some additional questions to yourself.<br /> <br /> 2) Why am I posting? Am I doing this to feel better about myself? Because most of the time, there is zero value to the child for you posting.<br /> <br /> 3) Will my child ever be upset or embarrassed of the post? Are you talking about something negative they did or how much they frustrated you? Think about how they may feel.<br /> <br /> 4) Do you want this to be part of your children's digital archive? Posts are digital tattoos. They are permanent. You need to be mindful of how the content could affect their life in any way in the future.<br /> <br /> We all think our children are the cutest, smartest, most talented people in the world. We want people like, share, and provide positive comments about what we post.<br /> <br /> Unfortunately it really only does something for you and not the child. Let's agree to stop sharenting. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 23:19 Pushing Yourself Beyond Limits – Interview with Ultramarathon Runner Dad Alex Nemet – Dudes To Dads Ep 185 https://www.daduniversity.com/pushing-yourself-beyond-limits-interview-with-ultramarathon-runner-dad-alex-nemet-dudes-to-dads-ep-185/ Tue, 18 Sep 2018 22:22:29 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2470 In this episode we talk with Alex Nemet, an ultramarathon runner who has learned to push himself beyond his limits.  Here are some of his stats: - He has been doing these races for over 15 years - He is approaching 50 - 100 mile + races - He has climbed the highest peaks on 5 of the 7 continents - One of his races included 352 miles across the arctic - pulling a 60 pound sled, not by dogs, he was the dog - At the time of this interview, he is in the middle of going after the triple crown of 200 mile races - he's done 2 of 3 in the span 4 weeks. Here are some of the questions  Alex answers: When did you do your first race? How ling was it? How did you decide to build up the amount? What was the reason you did your first race? How do you become mentally strong to overcome your own limiting beliefs. How did your first race go? In addition to races you have also gone on expeditions? What have those been like? How did you prepare? Food, your body, clothing, What do you feel like right before a race? How many people start vs how many people finish? What about sleep or lack of it? How much do you sleep during the race? What does it feel like during the race? You talked about hallucinations. What brings that on? What about night time? You run in the middle of the night? How do you do that with no or little instruction on where to go? Is this fun for you? What do you think is the driving force behind your desire to do this? As a dad, what do your kids think of it? Are they simply like "ok dad, we'll see you in a few days?" In this episode we talk with Alex Nemet, an ultramarathon runner who has learned to push himself beyond his limits.  Here are some of his stats: - - He has been doing these races for over 15 years - He is approaching 50 - 100 mile + races In this episode we talk with Alex Nemet, an ultramarathon runner who has learned to push himself beyond his limits.  Here are some of his stats:<br /> <br /> - He has been doing these races for over 15 years<br /> - He is approaching 50 - 100 mile + races<br /> - He has climbed the highest peaks on 5 of the 7 continents<br /> - One of his races included 352 miles across the arctic - pulling a 60 pound sled, not by dogs, he was the dog<br /> - At the time of this interview, he is in the middle of going after the triple crown of 200 mile races - he's done 2 of 3 in the span 4 weeks.<br /> <br /> Here are some of the questions  Alex answers:<br /> When did you do your first race? How ling was it?<br /> How did you decide to build up the amount?<br /> What was the reason you did your first race?<br /> How do you become mentally strong to overcome your own limiting beliefs.<br /> How did your first race go?<br /> In addition to races you have also gone on expeditions? What have those been like?<br /> How did you prepare? Food, your body, clothing,<br /> What do you feel like right before a race?<br /> How many people start vs how many people finish?<br /> What about sleep or lack of it? How much do you sleep during the race?<br /> What does it feel like during the race? You talked about hallucinations. What brings that on?<br /> What about night time? You run in the middle of the night? How do you do that with no or little instruction on where to go?<br /> Is this fun for you? What do you think is the driving force behind your desire to do this?<br /> As a dad, what do your kids think of it? Are they simply like "ok dad, we'll see you in a few days?" Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 47:39 Stop Being Needy and You Will Get What You Need – Dudes To Dads Ep 184 https://www.daduniversity.com/stop-being-needy-and-you-will-get-what-you-need-dudes-to-dads-ep-184/ Tue, 11 Sep 2018 22:14:48 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2468 I think stereotypically in the beginning of relationships, women are typically considered more needy than men. However I think there is a shift for married men and especially when the kids come into the picture.....we become more needy. Our expectations may increase this can manifest with various needs: We need everything to be clean We need more attention from our wife We need our kids to listen to us We need our free time We need more sex We need this, we need that Let me make a disclaimer, if you are not complaining or thinking you need anything, then you are on the right track and this episode isn't for you. But if you have thought things you need in your life, you might want to listen. What we need to do is to reduce our need to need and instead look at the reality of need versus want. A need is something you can't live without: food, water, clothing, shelter....maybe then there are some things you would categorize as needs because you really feel like you couldn't live without them: music, exercise, etc. But many of the things we state as needs are really called wants. Let's review the list and substitute with want: I want everything to be clean I want more attention from our wife I want my kids to listen to me I want free time I want more sex You get the idea Wanting more of something isn't necessarily bad, but when you are requiring the action or participation of another person, you are more than likely going to fail at getting what you want by complaining about it. Let's take cleaning as an example. If you really want things to be clean and your spouse just isn't doing as good of a job as you feel they should, you have 3 options: - Clean it yourself - Hire someone to clean it - Lower your expectations Requiring your wife to clean more isn't going to work (in the long run). These kind of expectations build up resentment. You can end up in multiple parts of your life driving yourself crazy and those around you because of the "needs" you have. You have to realize that these are usually wants. Break each "want" down and understand what are the options for you to solve this need (which is actually a want) When you start removing the expectations of others and realize that your needs and wants are your own responsibility, it's amazing how others around you will respond. You'll get what you need. I think stereotypically in the beginning of relationships, women are typically considered more needy than men. However I think there is a shift for married men and especially when the kids come into the picture.....we become more needy. - I think stereotypically in the beginning of relationships, women are typically considered more needy than men. However I think there is a shift for married men and especially when the kids come into the picture.....we become more needy.<br /> <br /> Our expectations may increase this can manifest with various needs:<br /> <br /> We need everything to be clean<br /> We need more attention from our wife<br /> We need our kids to listen to us<br /> We need our free time<br /> We need more sex<br /> We need this, we need that<br /> <br /> Let me make a disclaimer, if you are not complaining or thinking you need anything, then you are on the right track and this episode isn't for you.<br /> <br /> But if you have thought things you need in your life, you might want to listen.<br /> <br /> What we need to do is to reduce our need to need and instead look at the reality of need versus want.<br /> <br /> A need is something you can't live without: food, water, clothing, shelter....maybe then there are some things you would categorize as needs because you really feel like you couldn't live without them: music, exercise, etc.<br /> <br /> But many of the things we state as needs are really called wants. Let's review the list and substitute with want:<br /> <br /> I want everything to be clean<br /> I want more attention from our wife<br /> I want my kids to listen to me<br /> I want free time<br /> I want more sex<br /> <br /> You get the idea<br /> <br /> Wanting more of something isn't necessarily bad, but when you are requiring the action or participation of another person, you are more than likely going to fail at getting what you want by complaining about it.<br /> <br /> Let's take cleaning as an example. If you really want things to be clean and your spouse just isn't doing as good of a job as you feel they should, you have 3 options:<br /> <br /> - Clean it yourself<br /> - Hire someone to clean it<br /> - Lower your expectations<br /> <br /> Requiring your wife to clean more isn't going to work (in the long run). These kind of expectations build up resentment.<br /> <br /> You can end up in multiple parts of your life driving yourself crazy and those around you because of the "needs" you have. You have to realize that these are usually wants.<br /> <br /> Break each "want" down and understand what are the options for you to solve this need (which is actually a want)<br /> <br /> When you start removing the expectations of others and realize that your needs and wants are your own responsibility, it's amazing how others around you will respond. You'll get what you need. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 14:54 Horrible Parenting Styles – The Helicopter, The Lawnmower, The Tiger, & More – Dudes To Dads Ep 183 https://www.daduniversity.com/horrible-parenting-styles-the-helicopter-the-lawnmower-the-tiger-more-dudes-to-dads-ep-183/ Tue, 04 Sep 2018 22:06:36 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2466 In this episode we are going over some bad parenting styles and their effects on kids. 1) Helicopter Parents - First used in 1969 in the book Parents & Teenagers by Dr. Haim Ginott's. Teens said their parents would hover over them like a helicopter; This is when parents are over focused on their kids. It's really over parenting. They are driven by fear, whether they think something bad will happen to their kid or they will feel embarassed themsevles. The parent might make sure they get a certain teacher at the school, getting over involved in their homework, and even directing their social activity. This may be ok for really small children but as they get older, it' doesn't work. But being faced with challenges and failing is necessary for growing and building resiliency. Sure we don't like to see our kids struggle but we have to prepare them for the real world. The consequences of helicopter parenting: Low self esteem - Everything is handled for them so they don't believe they can do anything themselves Anxiety - mental control is not developed as well as their self-regulation They feel entitled - They think they are the center of the universe Coping skills are not developed - They don't know how to handle situations because it was handled for them 2) Lawnmower Parents - They mow obstacles down in front of their kids so they don't experience them. It's so they don't need to face failure, adversity, or struggles. While their intentions might be good, the practicality of it is really bad. Most of the time lawnmower parents act the way they do because of their own issues in their life. They may have really struggled when they were young and don't want their child to struggle. or they felt abandoned by their parents when they really needed them. In any case they are wanting to help their child but it really doesn't help, in fact it ruins them. They simply won't know what to do or how to handle struggles in their life. So what are the consequences of lawnmover parenting: Don't know how to handle conflict - They havne't experienced it so that muscle wasn't developed They blame other people - It couldn't be their fault, nothing ever is. They don't take responsibility for their own issues Give up on things easily - It's too hard, so it's just better not to do it. Call on others (like their parents) to help them. Someone else will handle it so Stress and failure are really strong cryptonite to people who have been parented this way. They may find other ways of dealing with these kind of problems, like addiction. This can also be called Bulldoze parenting, Snowplough Parenting. Basically anything that can push the obstacles out of the child's way. 3) Tiger Parenting - This term was coined by Amy Chua in a 2011 memoir. It was originally a Chinese-American concept known for being strict and demanding. They parallelled it with strict households throughout parts of Asia. They put their children's academics and careers before anything else. Their child's only option is to succeed. This is very similar to a stage mother in Hollywood who forces her child to act or perform. Some of the consequences: depression anxiety poor social skills focus on the negative The parents may think of success differently than the child but the child's opinion doesn't really matter. They are accomplishing things for their parents. It makes the parent feel good without recognition of how the child might feel. I would imagine the relationships of these parents/child isn't very admirable as they get older. 4) Honorable mention The Outsourcer - get other people to parent your kids, like caretakers and nannys Underparents - slackers or free range, they just too lazy to do anything Narcissistic Parenting - Just feeding their own ego and driven by their own needs Toxic Parenting - This covers any type that is negative but basically means neglect, abuse both physical and emotional. In this episode we are going over some bad parenting styles and their effects on kids. - 1) Helicopter Parents - First used in 1969 in the book Parents & Teenagers by Dr. Haim Ginott's. Teens said their parents would hover over them like a helicopter;... In this episode we are going over some bad parenting styles and their effects on kids.<br /> <br /> 1) Helicopter Parents - First used in 1969 in the book Parents & Teenagers by Dr. Haim Ginott's. Teens said their parents would hover over them like a helicopter;<br /> <br /> This is when parents are over focused on their kids. It's really over parenting. They are driven by fear, whether they think something bad will happen to their kid or they will feel embarassed themsevles.<br /> <br /> The parent might make sure they get a certain teacher at the school, getting over involved in their homework, and even directing their social activity. This may be ok for really small children but as they get older, it' doesn't work.<br /> <br /> But being faced with challenges and failing is necessary for growing and building resiliency. Sure we don't like to see our kids struggle but we have to prepare them for the real world.<br /> <br /> The consequences of helicopter parenting:<br /> <br /> Low self esteem - Everything is handled for them so they don't believe they can do anything themselves<br /> Anxiety - mental control is not developed as well as their self-regulation<br /> They feel entitled - They think they are the center of the universe<br /> Coping skills are not developed - They don't know how to handle situations because it was handled for them<br /> <br /> 2) Lawnmower Parents - They mow obstacles down in front of their kids so they don't experience them. It's so they don't need to face failure, adversity, or struggles. While their intentions might be good, the practicality of it is really bad.<br /> <br /> Most of the time lawnmower parents act the way they do because of their own issues in their life. They may have really struggled when they were young and don't want their child to struggle.<br /> <br /> or they felt abandoned by their parents when they really needed them. In any case they are wanting to help their child but it really doesn't help, in fact it ruins them.<br /> <br /> They simply won't know what to do or how to handle struggles in their life.<br /> <br /> So what are the consequences of lawnmover parenting:<br /> <br /> Don't know how to handle conflict - They havne't experienced it so that muscle wasn't developed<br /> They blame other people - It couldn't be their fault, nothing ever is. They don't take responsibility for their own issues<br /> Give up on things easily - It's too hard, so it's just better not to do it.<br /> Call on others (like their parents) to help them. Someone else will handle it so<br /> <br /> Stress and failure are really strong cryptonite to people who have been parented this way. They may find other ways of dealing with these kind of problems, like addiction.<br /> <br /> This can also be called Bulldoze parenting, Snowplough Parenting. Basically anything that can push the obstacles out of the child's way.<br /> <br /> 3) Tiger Parenting - This term was coined by Amy Chua in a 2011 memoir. It was originally a Chinese-American concept known for being strict and demanding. They parallelled it with strict households throughout parts of Asia. They put their children's academics and careers before anything else. Their child's only option is to succeed.<br /> <br /> This is very similar to a stage mother in Hollywood who forces her child to act or perform.<br /> <br /> Some of the consequences:<br /> <br /> depression<br /> anxiety<br /> poor social skills<br /> focus on the negative<br /> <br /> The parents may think of success differently than the child but the child's opinion doesn't really matter. They are accomplishing things for their parents. It makes the parent feel good without recognition of how the child might feel.<br /> <br /> I would imagine the relationships of these parents/child isn't very admirable as they get older.<br /> <br /> 4) Honorable mention<br /> <br /> The Outsourcer - get other people to parent your ki... Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 19:41 Does Grounding Your Kid Work? – Dudes to Dads Ep 182 https://www.daduniversity.com/does-grounding-your-kid-work-dudes-to-dads-ep-182/ Tue, 28 Aug 2018 21:53:35 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2464 In episode 105 we talked about how punishing your kids doesn't work. We discussed why people punish their kids and then provided some tips on what to do. One of the things I wanted to expand on was talking about specific scenarios that happen with your kids and how we can handle them. Parents often solve the problem with grounding their child. Grounding is probably one of the biggest parenting traps because we think that it works but the reality is that it doesn't. Let's look at even a more crazy situation: prison. Did you know that around 77% of prisoners who are released, get arrested again. Certainly there are other factors but we certainly have to look at the fact that prison is not "fixing" people so they won't do bad things anymore. Punishment doesn't work. Just like prison, grounding doesn't work. When I was growing up, I noticed i was disciplined differently than many of my friends. I would knock on my friends door and find out they were grounded. They were confined to their room or something like that and on "house arrest". They weren't able to play, use the phone, etc. My parents took a different approach. When I did something wrong, my parents (especially my mom) would explain what I did wrong and we would figure out ways to fix the issue and talk about it. I do recall when I was probably about 10 years old, my mom got really upset at something I did and told me to go to my room and that I was grounded. She then came back about 15-20 minutes later and said "forget what I said, grounding you is stupid" or something like that. But they way it was handled for me, allowed me to learn right from wrong and make the decisions that were good for me. This is not giving myself credit, this is giving my parents credit. So I want discuss some scenarios where your child might do something wrong and normally a parent my ground them. I'd like to discuss how it could be handled without grounding....and so that your child learns something: 1) What if your kid got in trouble at school for making out with their boyfriend/girlfriend behind the bleechers? //If you ground them, they are just going to sneak around 2) What do you do if your kid hit another kid and got in trouble at school and went to the principals's office? Your child wasn't defending themself. They got angry and hit them. //Grounding them doesn't relate to the problem. I would talk to my child about how hitting is not ok. It is not the way to solve problems. I would require my child to apologize to the other child as well as do something nice for them and have them come up with a solution. r 3) Your kid steals something from the store. Doesn't get caught from the store but you find it in their room? //Grounding just makes them be better at avoiding getting caught. It's a common thing with young kids as they learn about ownership. They may not really even understand money. You make them take it back to the store and apologize to the manager or store owner. You also discuss how stealing is not ok, and they can ultimately go to jail. 4) Your child talked back to the teacher and got detention. //detention is the punishment. Ask what they can do to make it up to the teacher. Of course they need to apologize, but possibly right them a letter, or offer to help the teacher in class. Discuss being respectful and how if you want to be respected, you have to provide respect. How it's not fair to other students for you to disrupt. In all of these scenarios, punishment doesn't really teach about what is right. The child just learn how to better avoid punishment. Many argue they will just do it again because there isn't consequences. Many of them do have consequences: detention for school, and/or jail if its outside school. Jail is not a place you want to be. We are all trying to raise ethical and moral children. Punishing them just isn't the best way to get them there. In episode 105 we talked about how punishing your kids doesn't work. We discussed why people punish their kids and then provided some tips on what to do. - One of the things I wanted to expand on was talking about specific scenarios that happen with y... In episode 105 we talked about how punishing your kids doesn't work. We discussed why people punish their kids and then provided some tips on what to do.<br /> <br /> One of the things I wanted to expand on was talking about specific scenarios that happen with your kids and how we can handle them.<br /> <br /> Parents often solve the problem with grounding their child. Grounding is probably one of the biggest parenting traps because we think that it works but the reality is that it doesn't.<br /> <br /> Let's look at even a more crazy situation: prison. Did you know that around 77% of prisoners who are released, get arrested again. Certainly there are other factors but we certainly have to look at the fact that prison is not "fixing" people so they won't do bad things anymore. Punishment doesn't work.<br /> <br /> Just like prison, grounding doesn't work. When I was growing up, I noticed i was disciplined differently than many of my friends. I would knock on my friends door and find out they were grounded.<br /> <br /> They were confined to their room or something like that and on "house arrest". They weren't able to play, use the phone, etc.<br /> <br /> My parents took a different approach. When I did something wrong, my parents (especially my mom) would explain what I did wrong and we would figure out ways to fix the issue and talk about it.<br /> <br /> I do recall when I was probably about 10 years old, my mom got really upset at something I did and told me to go to my room and that I was grounded. She then came back about 15-20 minutes later and said "forget what I said, grounding you is stupid" or something like that.<br /> <br /> But they way it was handled for me, allowed me to learn right from wrong and make the decisions that were good for me. This is not giving myself credit, this is giving my parents credit.<br /> <br /> So I want discuss some scenarios where your child might do something wrong and normally a parent my ground them. I'd like to discuss how it could be handled without grounding....and so that your child learns something:<br /> <br /> 1) What if your kid got in trouble at school for making out with their boyfriend/girlfriend behind the bleechers?<br /> <br /> //If you ground them, they are just going to sneak around<br /> <br /> 2) What do you do if your kid hit another kid and got in trouble at school and went to the principals's office? Your child wasn't defending themself. They got angry and hit them.<br /> <br /> //Grounding them doesn't relate to the problem. I would talk to my child about how hitting is not ok. It is not the way to solve problems. I would require my child to apologize to the other child as well as do something nice for them and have them come up with a solution. r<br /> <br /> 3) Your kid steals something from the store. Doesn't get caught from the store but you find it in their room?<br /> <br /> //Grounding just makes them be better at avoiding getting caught. It's a common thing with young kids as they learn about ownership. They may not really even understand money. You make them take it back to the store and apologize to the manager or store owner. You also discuss how stealing is not ok, and they can ultimately go to jail.<br /> <br /> 4) Your child talked back to the teacher and got detention.<br /> <br /> //detention is the punishment. Ask what they can do to make it up to the teacher. Of course they need to apologize, but possibly right them a letter, or offer to help the teacher in class. Discuss being respectful and how if you want to be respected, you have to provide respect. How it's not fair to other students for you to disrupt.<br /> <br /> In all of these scenarios, punishment doesn't really teach about what is right. The child just learn how to better avoid punishment. Many argue they will just do it again because there isn't consequences. Many of them do have consequences: detention for school, Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 24:02 Social Anxiety and How to Overcome It – Dudes To Dads Ep 181 https://www.daduniversity.com/social-anxiety-and-how-to-overcome-it-dudes-to-dads-ep-181/ Tue, 21 Aug 2018 22:21:07 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2306 I have heard this topic come up more and more lately. I know a few people that suffer from this. I have seen some discussions in the Dad Facebook groups about it. And then I recently saw a brief clip of Henry Rollins on the Joe Rogan podcast in which after Henry got done saying all of these things about himself, Joe says, well it sounds like you have social anxiety. On a tangent, if you know of Henry Rollins, it's a really interesting interview. He has no friends (or very few, no family, no wife, etc and prefers to be alone. He gets on stage and has no problem performing in front of thousands of people but doesn't want to be "with" people...only performing, it's much easier. Social anxiety is a disorder, it's social phobia. And some say it is the most common mental disorder. In other words, a lot of people have it and have to deal with it. It's not just being a little uncomfortable, it's being really uncomfortable. Here are a few common situations that can trigger it: Speaking in public Making eye contact Public Restrooms Eating in front of others Dating Talking to People Some people might have difficulty with one issue or many. I have been lucky that for my entire life, I have been pretty outgoing. However I can see how this could be extremely difficult. So I started learning about it a little more and wanted to offer some help if there is anyone in our audience that suffers from this. There seems to be a few common fears with people who suffer from this: Worried about offending someone Concerned about being humiliated or embarrassed Being judged by others It may show itself similar to a panick attack: Stomach issues or running to the bathroom Out of breath Dizziness Tightening of muscles Rapid heartbeat They say it can start as early as 13. Often history of being teased, bullied, or even abuse. Shy kids are more likely to have it but also controlling or overbearing parents. The end result can be Low self esteen Depression Negative thoughts Poor social skills Very sensitive to criticism So here are some ways you can begin to deal with social anxiety: 1) Tell others - It might be hard but open up to your family or close friends about it. This will help get rid of or reduce any shame associated with it. 2) Meditation or Breathing Exercises - Both of these can help you relax in situations as your heartrate increases or your muscles get more tense. It becomes a cycle that you will need to break 3) Think of Worse Case Scenarios - My mom taught me this one. When I was nervous about something, she would ask, "What is the worst thing that can happen". For a speech it might be "I forget my words and look stupid". She would then say something like "that is why you have it written down in front of you". There is usually a way to hedge the situation. I'm scared to go to the party. What is the worst thing? I won't know anyone and will feel stupid. As you can see, a lot of these have the same theme. 4) Change Your Focus - Instead of focusing on yourself, focus on the other person, or the location, or something else that is going on. People in these situations are so focused on how they appear or are acting. 5) Feel the fear and do it anyway - Facing your feels can be incredibly difficult, but it can also build your confidence. Start with baby steps and you may begin to realize that you can overcome it. The anxiety doesn't have to control you, you can control it. 6) Accept Yourself - This sounds easy and I understand it can be hard....but stop trying to be perfect. Nobody is. Accepting yourself is so crucial in overcoming this. I hope those of you listening that deal with this have gotten something out of it. We would love to hear from you. I have heard this topic come up more and more lately. I know a few people that suffer from this. I have seen some discussions in the Dad Facebook groups about it. And then I recently saw a brief clip of Henry Rollins on the Joe Rogan podcast in which a... I have heard this topic come up more and more lately. I know a few people that suffer from this. I have seen some discussions in the Dad Facebook groups about it. And then I recently saw a brief clip of Henry Rollins on the Joe Rogan podcast in which after Henry got done saying all of these things about himself, Joe says, well it sounds like you have social anxiety.<br /> <br /> On a tangent, if you know of Henry Rollins, it's a really interesting interview. He has no friends (or very few, no family, no wife, etc and prefers to be alone. He gets on stage and has no problem performing in front of thousands of people but doesn't want to be "with" people...only performing, it's much easier.<br /> <br /> Social anxiety is a disorder, it's social phobia. And some say it is the most common mental disorder. In other words, a lot of people have it and have to deal with it. It's not just being a little uncomfortable, it's being really uncomfortable.<br /> <br /> Here are a few common situations that can trigger it:<br /> <br /> Speaking in public<br /> Making eye contact<br /> Public Restrooms<br /> Eating in front of others<br /> Dating<br /> Talking to People<br /> <br /> Some people might have difficulty with one issue or many.<br /> <br /> I have been lucky that for my entire life, I have been pretty outgoing. However I can see how this could be extremely difficult. So I started learning about it a little more and wanted to offer some help if there is anyone in our audience that suffers from this.<br /> <br /> There seems to be a few common fears with people who suffer from this:<br /> <br /> Worried about offending someone<br /> Concerned about being humiliated or embarrassed<br /> Being judged by others<br /> <br /> It may show itself similar to a panick attack:<br /> <br /> Stomach issues or running to the bathroom<br /> Out of breath<br /> Dizziness<br /> Tightening of muscles<br /> Rapid heartbeat<br /> <br /> They say it can start as early as 13. Often history of being teased, bullied, or even abuse. Shy kids are more likely to have it but also controlling or overbearing parents. The end result can be<br /> <br /> Low self esteen<br /> Depression<br /> Negative thoughts<br /> Poor social skills<br /> Very sensitive to criticism<br /> <br /> So here are some ways you can begin to deal with social anxiety:<br /> <br /> 1) Tell others - It might be hard but open up to your family or close friends about it. This will help get rid of or reduce any shame associated with it.<br /> <br /> 2) Meditation or Breathing Exercises - Both of these can help you relax in situations as your heartrate increases or your muscles get more tense. It becomes a cycle that you will need to break<br /> <br /> 3) Think of Worse Case Scenarios - My mom taught me this one. When I was nervous about something, she would ask, "What is the worst thing that can happen". For a speech it might be "I forget my words and look stupid". She would then say something like "that is why you have it written down in front of you". There is usually a way to hedge the situation. I'm scared to go to the party. What is the worst thing? I won't know anyone and will feel stupid. As you can see, a lot of these have the same theme.<br /> <br /> 4) Change Your Focus - Instead of focusing on yourself, focus on the other person, or the location, or something else that is going on. People in these situations are so focused on how they appear or are acting.<br /> <br /> 5) Feel the fear and do it anyway - Facing your feels can be incredibly difficult, but it can also build your confidence. Start with baby steps and you may begin to realize that you can overcome it. The anxiety doesn't have to control you, you can control it.<br /> <br /> 6) Accept Yourself - This sounds easy and I understand it can be hard....but stop trying to be perfect. Nobody is. Accepting yourself is so crucial in overcoming t... Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 24:05 Tips for Overcoming Jealousy in a Relationship – Dudes To Dads Ep 180 https://www.daduniversity.com/tips-for-overcoming-jealousy-in-a-relationship-dudes-to-dads-ep-180/ Tue, 14 Aug 2018 22:19:00 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2303 Most people are pretty aware on whether they are a jealous person or not. For those that are, they may create scenarios in their head. Most of the time reality has nothing to do with it. But certainly there are times when something just feels off or quite not right. Psychologists often point to deep insecurities or traits about your personality that may need some "work". But jealous feelings are different than jealous behaviors. If your actually confirm your wife does something you don't agree with someone else, of course it's ok to have some feelings about it. For example, she was texting an old boyfriend. But what do you do with those feelings. Acting on it can have some ramifications in your relationship. How you handle it could be really important. I think trust and values play a big part. If you don't trust your partner than for sure you are more likely to have issues with jealousy. Also when you value certain things: love, honesty, or even monogamy, you may feel those are in jeopardy when you feel jealous. Let's go over some ways to deal with jealousy: 1) Become aware - recognize you are jealous. Understand it is your problem, not someone else's. Even if someone else is acting in a way that you don't agree with, your have control over your state. Overcoming it is up to you. 2) Understand the reason for your jealousy - Is the situational real or is it in your head? What exactly is making your jealous? The fear of losing someone? 3) Review your assumptions - Do you expect that your partner can't communicate with certain people? Are they not allowed to provide friendly affection? You have to understand what your assumptions are. 4) Understand the impact if you act - If you try to control the person or snoop around, do you risk losing them? Many people are willing to do that. 5) Try to solve it - You may want to communicate your issue but make it your issue. Do not blame the other person. How you approach it and how they react to itcan be important in telling how smooth the relationship will be. If your partner doesn't seem to care about how you feel, there could be a problem. On the other hand, you may have two completely different assumptions on how things should be. Jealousy is not an easy subject. Sometimes it is the result of beliefs we have about ourselves, our weaknesses....but it can also be a real feeling brought on by the actions of someone else. If you are feeling jealous, go over these ways to deal with it and see how it goes. Most people are pretty aware on whether they are a jealous person or not. For those that are, they may create scenarios in their head. Most of the time reality has nothing to do with it. But certainly there are times when something just feels off or qu... Most people are pretty aware on whether they are a jealous person or not. For those that are, they may create scenarios in their head. Most of the time reality has nothing to do with it. But certainly there are times when something just feels off or quite not right.<br /> <br /> Psychologists often point to deep insecurities or traits about your personality that may need some "work".<br /> <br /> But jealous feelings are different than jealous behaviors. If your actually confirm your wife does something you don't agree with someone else, of course it's ok to have some feelings about it. For example, she was texting an old boyfriend. But what do you do with those feelings.<br /> <br /> Acting on it can have some ramifications in your relationship. How you handle it could be really important.<br /> <br /> I think trust and values play a big part. If you don't trust your partner than for sure you are more likely to have issues with jealousy.<br /> <br /> Also when you value certain things: love, honesty, or even monogamy, you may feel those are in jeopardy when you feel jealous.<br /> <br /> Let's go over some ways to deal with jealousy:<br /> <br /> 1) Become aware - recognize you are jealous. Understand it is your problem, not someone else's. Even if someone else is acting in a way that you don't agree with, your have control over your state. Overcoming it is up to you.<br /> <br /> 2) Understand the reason for your jealousy - Is the situational real or is it in your head? What exactly is making your jealous? The fear of losing someone?<br /> <br /> 3) Review your assumptions - Do you expect that your partner can't communicate with certain people? Are they not allowed to provide friendly affection? You have to understand what your assumptions are.<br /> <br /> 4) Understand the impact if you act - If you try to control the person or snoop around, do you risk losing them? Many people are willing to do that.<br /> <br /> 5) Try to solve it - You may want to communicate your issue but make it your issue. Do not blame the other person. How you approach it and how they react to itcan be important in telling how smooth the relationship will be. If your partner doesn't seem to care about how you feel, there could be a problem. On the other hand, you may have two completely different assumptions on how things should be.<br /> <br /> Jealousy is not an easy subject. Sometimes it is the result of beliefs we have about ourselves, our weaknesses....but it can also be a real feeling brought on by the actions of someone else. If you are feeling jealous, go over these ways to deal with it and see how it goes. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 28:45 Interview with Alan Bush, Co-host of Dudes To Dads Ep 179 https://www.daduniversity.com/interview-with-alan-bush-co-host-of-dudes-to-dads-ep-179/ Tue, 07 Aug 2018 22:17:01 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2300 In this episode Jason interviews Alan, the co-host of the podcast.  We learn about Alan's childhood, his personal and professional journey, and a little about his current interests.  Sit back, relax, and enjoy the hearing the man with the really deep voice!! In this episode Jason interviews Alan, the co-host of the podcast.  We learn about Alan's childhood, his personal and professional journey, and a little about his current interests.  Sit back, relax, and enjoy the hearing the man with the really deep v... In this episode Jason interviews Alan, the co-host of the podcast.  We learn about Alan's childhood, his personal and professional journey, and a little about his current interests.  Sit back, relax, and enjoy the hearing the man with the really deep voice!! Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 35:54 Reducing Mealtime Battles with Toddlers – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 178 https://www.daduniversity.com/reducing-mealtime-battles-with-toddlers-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-178/ Tue, 31 Jul 2018 22:15:13 +0000 https://www.daduniversity.com/?p=2297 Mealtime can be frustrating, especially with toddlers. Whether they refuse to eat or act just like a crazy child, it can really get to you as a parent. We are primarily talking about dinner, but certainly it can apply to other meals.  I can't tell you that I have this one totally figured out and my children are now 8 and 10. Granted things are much easier and smoother now but I do think it was many years of battles. Here are a few things that seemed to have help us with reducing the mealtime battles. I didn't say eliminate but it can reduce them: 1) Get the kids involved in the cooking - It seems when they helped cook it, they were more interested to eat it. 2) Don't force the food - If they are not hungry, allow them to skip it. But when they do get hungry, they should be eating what was there before. Don't get soft or forget and give them snacks. They will use this technique if they know they can then get a snack later. 3) Be sure not to ruin the meal beforehand - Make sure they come to table hungry. If you give them drink or food too close to meal that you really want to have, you might ruin it yourself. 4) Expect that a child 2-6 is probably going to have some difficulty sitting still for a meal. They should still eat in a designated place every time so it become routine, ideally the dinner table 5) You are not a short order cook - You can say "This is what's for dinner". If it's possible try to eliminate substitutes so they get used to eating what is expected. Each family member doesn't get a separate meal. 6) Pressure and yelling won't work - You don't want you child to have anxiety around food. 7) Don't take it personally - Your child is not battling you to get at you. They are arguing because they are a toddler. 8) Turn off all screens and distractions - No computers or TV during mealtime. Mealtime can be frustrating, especially with toddlers. Whether they refuse to eat or act just like a crazy child, it can really get to you as a parent. We are primarily talking about dinner, but certainly it can apply to other meals. Mealtime can be frustrating, especially with toddlers. Whether they refuse to eat or act just like a crazy child, it can really get to you as a parent. We are primarily talking about dinner, but certainly it can apply to other meals.  I can't tell you that I have this one totally figured out and my children are now 8 and 10. Granted things are much easier and smoother now but I do think it was many years of battles.<br /> <br /> Here are a few things that seemed to have help us with reducing the mealtime battles. I didn't say eliminate but it can reduce them:<br /> <br /> 1) Get the kids involved in the cooking - It seems when they helped cook it, they were more interested to eat it.<br /> <br /> 2) Don't force the food - If they are not hungry, allow them to skip it. But when they do get hungry, they should be eating what was there before. Don't get soft or forget and give them snacks. They will use this technique if they know they can then get a snack later.<br /> <br /> 3) Be sure not to ruin the meal beforehand - Make sure they come to table hungry. If you give them drink or food too close to meal that you really want to have, you might ruin it yourself.<br /> <br /> 4) Expect that a child 2-6 is probably going to have some difficulty sitting still for a meal. They should still eat in a designated place every time so it become routine, ideally the dinner table<br /> <br /> 5) You are not a short order cook - You can say "This is what's for dinner". If it's possible try to eliminate substitutes so they get used to eating what is expected. Each family member doesn't get a separate meal.<br /> <br /> 6) Pressure and yelling won't work - You don't want you child to have anxiety around food.<br /> <br /> 7) Don't take it personally - Your child is not battling you to get at you. They are arguing because they are a toddler.<br /> <br /> 8) Turn off all screens and distractions - No computers or TV during mealtime. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 19:54 How to Get Closer and Bond With Your New Baby – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 177 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-get-closer-and-bond-with-your-new-baby-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-177/ Tue, 24 Jul 2018 23:51:38 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1998 hen a baby is first born, men often indicate that they don't feel very close to the baby.  Although mom's carry the child for 9 months, feel it kicking and turning inside of them so the relationship foundation begins much earlier.  I know with my first child I struggled to feel that bond right away. I certainly loved my child, but the deep emotional connection was not as strong as my wife's.  I think this is a common issue with men. So for this podcast, we are providing some tips on how dads can increase their bond with the baby.  As you can probably imagine, all of the tips pretty much have to do with spending more time with the child. Here are 9 tips for you to get closer and bond with your baby: 1) Skin to Skin Contact - take your shirt off and lay the baby down on your chest 2) Feed the child - take the feedings in the middle or anytime you can. If your wife is breastfeeding and you have a pump, you can then do the feeding from the bottle. 3) Bath the child - most babies love bath time. I know both of my kids did. Splashing in water and playing with toys was a good time from the beginning. 4) Read to the child - Whether it's some random time or part of the bedtime routine, them hearing your voice is important. It's ok even if they are clueless and have no idea what you are saying. There are books that allow children to squeeze, bite, and pull on them and they don't rip. 5) Change diapers - I once had a guy tell me that he had 4 grown kids and was proud that he never changed a single diaper. I personally wouldn't be proud of that. 6) Baby massage - Touch is really good for a baby. There skin is so soft too. My children to this day still love getting any massage they can get. 7) Make silly faces and noises - Men are tpyically good at voices and doing silly things. There is nothing better than a baby's laugh. Heck, billions of YouTube views are dedicated to babies laughing. 8) Pick the baby up with it cries. Even if the baby prefers mommy, continue to do so 9) Spend alone time without your wife - If your wife is the primary caregiver, tell her to go somewhere and you spend the time alone with the child. It gives her a break but also allows you to spend quality time with your child one-one-one. There is no mommy in the distance that the baby can see. hen a baby is first born, men often indicate that they don't feel very close to the baby.  Although mom's carry the child for 9 months, feel it kicking and turning inside of them so the relationship foundation begins much earlier. hen a baby is first born, men often indicate that they don't feel very close to the baby.  Although mom's carry the child for 9 months, feel it kicking and turning inside of them so the relationship foundation begins much earlier.  I know with my first child I struggled to feel that bond right away. I certainly loved my child, but the deep emotional connection was not as strong as my wife's.  I think this is a common issue with men. So for this podcast, we are providing some tips on how dads can increase their bond with the baby.  As you can probably imagine, all of the tips pretty much have to do with spending more time with the child.<br /> <br /> Here are 9 tips for you to get closer and bond with your baby:<br /> <br /> 1) Skin to Skin Contact - take your shirt off and lay the baby down on your chest<br /> <br /> 2) Feed the child - take the feedings in the middle or anytime you can. If your wife is breastfeeding and you have a pump, you can then do the feeding from the bottle.<br /> <br /> 3) Bath the child - most babies love bath time. I know both of my kids did. Splashing in water and playing with toys was a good time from the beginning.<br /> <br /> 4) Read to the child - Whether it's some random time or part of the bedtime routine, them hearing your voice is important. It's ok even if they are clueless and have no idea what you are saying. There are books that allow children to squeeze, bite, and pull on them and they don't rip.<br /> <br /> 5) Change diapers - I once had a guy tell me that he had 4 grown kids and was proud that he never changed a single diaper. I personally wouldn't be proud of that.<br /> <br /> 6) Baby massage - Touch is really good for a baby. There skin is so soft too. My children to this day still love getting any massage they can get.<br /> <br /> 7) Make silly faces and noises - Men are tpyically good at voices and doing silly things. There is nothing better than a baby's laugh. Heck, billions of YouTube views are dedicated to babies laughing.<br /> <br /> 8) Pick the baby up with it cries. Even if the baby prefers mommy, continue to do so<br /> <br /> 9) Spend alone time without your wife - If your wife is the primary caregiver, tell her to go somewhere and you spend the time alone with the child. It gives her a break but also allows you to spend quality time with your child one-one-one. There is no mommy in the distance that the baby can see. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 13:09 Why Are So Many Men Not Taking Paternity Leave? – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 176 https://www.daduniversity.com/why-are-so-many-men-not-taking-paternity-leave-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-176/ Tue, 17 Jul 2018 21:09:27 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1996 For years many women in the workplace have been concerned that taking time off when having a baby could negatively affect their career. Would the perception of them at the company change? Would there be too much of an impact on the company? Well a new problem is emerging. Companies are offering paternity leave for men and they are not taking it. First, let's make sure we understand what paternity leave is. It is the period of time when a father stops working because he is going to have or just had a baby. It can also cover adoption. Many companies are using the term parental leave or family leave to cover mothers, fathers, or domestic partners. In the US, there is a federal law called the "Family and Medical Leave Act" that protects your job for 12 weeks after a birth or adoption. According to diversitydatakids.org, only 38% of the workforce in the US can benefit from this. The family and medical leave act doesn't mean your employer will pay you during that time, but you do have the right to take the time off without penalty in pay or position. Recently there has been more activity around the topic of parental or family leave. Out of 185 countries surveyed by the United Nations, the US stood out as one of only two countries that did not mandate paid maternity leave. Last week there was a senate panel hearing on the topic and many companies are changing their policies to offer more paid time off. As an example, Facebook offers 4 months of paid parental leave and American Express offers 5 months. Then you have Netflix which leads the way offering up to 1 year of paid parental leave. They basically say take as much time as you need during the first year. While every employer is different, be sure to check with yours to see what the paternity policy is. So for those that are offered paid paternity leave, why are they not taking it? According to a recent Deloitte Survey, 57% of men felt that exercising their parental leave right would be perceived as a lack of commitment to their jobs. In a study done by Promundo & Dove Men Care, 21% of male respondents stated they were afraid of losing their jobs if they took the full amount of paternity leave offered. Fortunately that is only perception and not reality. In a 2012 US Department of Labor brief, they discussed how important paternity leave is. They indicated it promoted parent-child bonding, improves father engagement, and even increases the gender equity at home and at the workplace. In other words, if dads are more involved from birth, not only does it help the child, but it is helping improve employment equality and pay for mothers. Business are also finding that it can be good for the bottom line when fathers take time off and can be involved with their families. These employees are happier, more productive, and focused. Here is the bottom line: Nobody on their death bed ever said they should have spent more time at the office. If your company has a paid paternity leave policy, use it to the max. If your company doesn't provide paid time off for paternity, see if you can use vacation days or just take some non-paid days if you can afford to do so. If neither of those are an option, then you make your best effort to spend your off time with the baby. It's a magical time when your child is introduced into the world. Take advantage of the time to enjoy every minute you can. They say it goes by fast and I can tell you it does. For years many women in the workplace have been concerned that taking time off when having a baby could negatively affect their career. Would the perception of them at the company change? Would there be too much of an impact on the company? For years many women in the workplace have been concerned that taking time off when having a baby could negatively affect their career. Would the perception of them at the company change? Would there be too much of an impact on the company? Well a new problem is emerging. Companies are offering paternity leave for men and they are not taking it.<br /> <br /> First, let's make sure we understand what paternity leave is. It is the period of time when a father stops working because he is going to have or just had a baby. It can also cover adoption. Many companies are using the term parental leave or family leave to cover mothers, fathers, or domestic partners. In the US, there is a federal law called the "Family and Medical Leave Act" that protects your job for 12 weeks after a birth or adoption. According to diversitydatakids.org, only 38% of the workforce in the US can benefit from this. The family and medical leave act doesn't mean your employer will pay you during that time, but you do have the right to take the time off without penalty in pay or position.<br /> <br /> Recently there has been more activity around the topic of parental or family leave. Out of 185 countries surveyed by the United Nations, the US stood out as one of only two countries that did not mandate paid maternity leave. Last week there was a senate panel hearing on the topic and many companies are changing their policies to offer more paid time off. As an example, Facebook offers 4 months of paid parental leave and American Express offers 5 months. Then you have Netflix which leads the way offering up to 1 year of paid parental leave. They basically say take as much time as you need during the first year. While every employer is different, be sure to check with yours to see what the paternity policy is.<br /> <br /> So for those that are offered paid paternity leave, why are they not taking it? According to a recent Deloitte Survey, 57% of men felt that exercising their parental leave right would be perceived as a lack of commitment to their jobs.<br /> <br /> In a study done by Promundo & Dove Men Care, 21% of male respondents stated they were afraid of losing their jobs if they took the full amount of paternity leave offered. Fortunately that is only perception and not reality. In a 2012 US Department of Labor brief, they discussed how important paternity leave is. They indicated it promoted parent-child bonding, improves father engagement, and even increases the gender equity at home and at the workplace. In other words, if dads are more involved from birth, not only does it help the child, but it is helping improve employment equality and pay for mothers.<br /> <br /> Business are also finding that it can be good for the bottom line when fathers take time off and can be involved with their families. These employees are happier, more productive, and focused. Here is the bottom line: Nobody on their death bed ever said they should have spent more time at the office. If your company has a paid paternity leave policy, use it to the max. If your company doesn't provide paid time off for paternity, see if you can use vacation days or just take some non-paid days if you can afford to do so. If neither of those are an option, then you make your best effort to spend your off time with the baby.<br /> <br /> It's a magical time when your child is introduced into the world. Take advantage of the time to enjoy every minute you can. They say it goes by fast and I can tell you it does. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 17:33 Is it OK to Drink Alcohol Around Your Kids? – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 175 https://www.daduniversity.com/is-it-ok-to-drink-alcohol-around-your-kids-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-175/ Tue, 10 Jul 2018 20:47:25 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1994 In America, like many countries, alcohol is a big part of our society. It's part of celebrations, parties, holidays, and even relaxation. Alcohol beverage sales in the US in 2016 were appox. $223 billion It's also the 3rd largest preventable cause of death in the US with aprox 88000 people per year dying of alcohol related deaths. This episode isn't about the dangers of alcohol or even whether you should drink or not. It's really about whether or not it's ok to drink around your kids. From the research I have looked at, it seems that the attitude toward the alcohol is probably the most important factor on how your child perceives it. Let me give you a few scenarious: 1) You come home from work and you say "man, what a day. I could really use a drink right now." or 2) you are having a party at your house and your child sees you drinking numerous drinks. By the end of the night, your drunk. The association of alcohol used as a reward or used in celebration runs pretty deep. Teaching our children a healthier association with alcohol is going to take some effort. I've created a few tips to follow: 1) Don't get drunk in front of your children. Maybe wait until you have that vacation with your buddies or you wait for the times when your kids aren't going to be around. 2) Never get behind the wheel of a car when drinking or be a passenger with someone who has been drinking Be sure your kids see that. Communicate those rules with them. 3) Don't make it a requirement for fun. If you require drinks for every event, maybe you can try creating fun activities that don't involve alcohol. 4) Make it no big deal. If you are using alcohol to relax or some other reason keep it to yourself. Don't say "I could really use a drink right now". Our kids are sponges. They see and hear everything. I'll assume you don't want your child to have a problem with alcohol. While how you deal with alcohol isn't the only factor that determines the fate of your child's relationship with alcohol, it is big factor. We owe it to our children to be responsible and teach responsibility. In America, like many countries, alcohol is a big part of our society. It's part of celebrations, parties, holidays, and even relaxation. - Alcohol beverage sales in the US in 2016 were appox. $223 billion - In America, like many countries, alcohol is a big part of our society. It's part of celebrations, parties, holidays, and even relaxation.<br /> <br /> Alcohol beverage sales in the US in 2016 were appox. $223 billion<br /> <br /> It's also the 3rd largest preventable cause of death in the US with aprox 88000 people per year dying of alcohol related deaths.<br /> <br /> This episode isn't about the dangers of alcohol or even whether you should drink or not. It's really about whether or not it's ok to drink around your kids.<br /> <br /> From the research I have looked at, it seems that the attitude toward the alcohol is probably the most important factor on how your child perceives it.<br /> <br /> Let me give you a few scenarious:<br /> <br /> 1) You come home from work and you say "man, what a day. I could really use a drink right now."<br /> <br /> or<br /> <br /> 2) you are having a party at your house and your child sees you drinking numerous drinks. By the end of the night, your drunk.<br /> <br /> The association of alcohol used as a reward or used in celebration runs pretty deep. Teaching our children a healthier association with alcohol is going to take some effort.<br /> <br /> I've created a few tips to follow:<br /> <br /> 1) Don't get drunk in front of your children. Maybe wait until you have that vacation with your buddies or you wait for the times when your kids aren't going to be around.<br /> <br /> 2) Never get behind the wheel of a car when drinking or be a passenger with someone who has been drinking Be sure your kids see that. Communicate those rules with them.<br /> <br /> 3) Don't make it a requirement for fun. If you require drinks for every event, maybe you can try creating fun activities that don't involve alcohol.<br /> <br /> 4) Make it no big deal. If you are using alcohol to relax or some other reason keep it to yourself. Don't say "I could really use a drink right now".<br /> <br /> Our kids are sponges. They see and hear everything.<br /> <br /> I'll assume you don't want your child to have a problem with alcohol. While how you deal with alcohol isn't the only factor that determines the fate of your child's relationship with alcohol, it is big factor.<br /> <br /> We owe it to our children to be responsible and teach responsibility. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 15:38 Quality of Time vs Quantity Time Spent With Your Child – Which is Better? Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 174 https://www.daduniversity.com/quality-of-time-vs-quantity-time-spent-with-your-child-which-is-better-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-174/ Tue, 03 Jul 2018 15:49:55 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1977 We have had discussions on work/life balance. Is it better to spend a short amount of quality time versus a larger amount of time that is not as high of quality? I don't think we do this in other parts of our lives? If you were learning to read and only spent a short amount of time focusing on it, would you learn it? Probably not, you have to have good quality over a long period of time. It's actually both that is needed. How about a marriage? Can a marriage be built and survive by only seeing each other every once in a while? Can it survive on just living in the same place and seeing each other a lot but never really spending quality time together? We hear about marriages falling apart because they were too busy or didn't have enough time for each other or the opposite that they didn't have any quality time together. Either one is not enough. What if we have to pick one? If it's one for one, my opinion would be that a shorter amount of quality time is better. When we are focused and attentive, you would think the child feels more fulfilled and connected. If we have a longer time with them but are distracted, on the phone, talking to someone else, etc I would think they aren't going to feel connected. There are a few studies that support this. A study by University of Toronto sociologist Melissa Milkie was in the Journal of Marriage and Family published in 2015, found that the amount of time parents spend with their kids between the ages of 3 and 11 has virtually no relationship to how the child turns out. This included the children’s academic achievement, behavior and emotional well-being. However they did find that the more time a teen spends engaged with their mother, the fewer instances of delinquent behavior. Drs Brazelton and Greenspan, who are child development experts state, “Nurturing emotional relationships are the most primary foundation for both intellectual and social growth . . . The most important learning in the early years is provided by human interaction. Objects and learning devices do not compare.” The child who plays internet games, or who is engaged in play activities with non-human devices, will have a differently wired brain than the child who is hugged, listened to, shown delight, and provided with more warm interaction than is demanded. While children’s brain architect is basically similar, how the structures get wired (integrated together) is the result of the child’s experiences with the important people in their lives. Are we asking the question of quality versus quantity because of guilt? As parents we often feel guilty that we are not spending enough time with our kids. A study at the University of Oxford found a father’s positive emotional response to parenting during the child’s early years matters more than how much time they spent with them. The children of fathers who felt good about being a parent and confident in their role during this period were 28 percent less likely to have behavioral problems later on. So overall we know that the quality of the time is important but so is quantity. Why do we have to have an argument of which is better? We don't do that with other parts of our lives so why should we do it with kids? . Can we have a balance of both? That's the question for each of us to ponder. The bottom line is that you and your child are going to benefit from spending more connected time together. How much of that that happens depends on your individual situation. Make the most of the time you do have, stop beating yourself up and feeling guilty. We have had discussions on work/life balance. Is it better to spend a short amount of quality time versus a larger amount of time that is not as high of quality? - I don't think we do this in other parts of our lives? - We have had discussions on work/life balance. Is it better to spend a short amount of quality time versus a larger amount of time that is not as high of quality?<br /> <br /> I don't think we do this in other parts of our lives?<br /> <br /> If you were learning to read and only spent a short amount of time focusing on it, would you learn it? Probably not, you have to have good quality over a long period of time. It's actually both that is needed.<br /> <br /> How about a marriage? Can a marriage be built and survive by only seeing each other every once in a while?<br /> Can it survive on just living in the same place and seeing each other a lot but never really spending quality time together?<br /> <br /> We hear about marriages falling apart because they were too busy or didn't have enough time for each other or the opposite that they didn't have any quality time together. Either one is not enough.<br /> <br /> What if we have to pick one?<br /> <br /> If it's one for one, my opinion would be that a shorter amount of quality time is better. When we are focused and attentive, you would think the child feels more fulfilled and connected.<br /> <br /> If we have a longer time with them but are distracted, on the phone, talking to someone else, etc I would think they aren't going to feel connected.<br /> <br /> There are a few studies that support this. A study by University of Toronto sociologist Melissa Milkie was in the Journal of Marriage and Family published in 2015, found that the amount of time parents spend with their kids between the ages of 3 and 11 has virtually no relationship to how the child turns out. This included the children’s academic achievement, behavior and emotional well-being.<br /> <br /> However they did find that the more time a teen spends engaged with their mother, the fewer instances of delinquent behavior.<br /> <br /> Drs Brazelton and Greenspan, who are child development experts state,<br /> <br /> “Nurturing emotional relationships are the most primary foundation for both intellectual and social growth . . . The most important learning in the early years is provided by human interaction. Objects and learning devices do not compare.”<br /> <br /> The child who plays internet games, or who is engaged in play activities with non-human devices, will have a differently wired brain than the child who is hugged, listened to, shown delight, and provided with more warm interaction than is demanded. While children’s brain architect is basically similar, how the structures get wired (integrated together) is the result of the child’s experiences with the important people in their lives.<br /> <br /> Are we asking the question of quality versus quantity because of guilt? As parents we often feel guilty that we are not spending enough time with our kids.<br /> <br /> A study at the University of Oxford found a father’s positive emotional response to parenting during the child’s early years matters more than how much time they spent with them.<br /> <br /> The children of fathers who felt good about being a parent and confident in their role during this period were 28 percent less likely to have behavioral problems later on.<br /> <br /> So overall we know that the quality of the time is important but so is quantity.<br /> <br /> Why do we have to have an argument of which is better? We don't do that with other parts of our lives so why should we do it with kids? . Can we have a balance of both? That's the question for each of us to ponder.<br /> <br /> The bottom line is that you and your child are going to benefit from spending more connected time together. How much of that that happens depends on your individual situation. Make the most of the time you do have, stop beating yourself up and feeling guilty. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 16:56 8 Life Lessons Every Dad Should Teach Their Sons – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 173 https://www.daduniversity.com/8-life-lessons-every-dad-should-teach-their-sons-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-173/ Tue, 26 Jun 2018 19:42:39 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1975 In episode 171 we talk about 8 lessons to teach your daughter.  In this episode we touch on some important life lessons to teach our sons. #1 - Men can have emotions - It's ok to be vulnerable, it's ok to cry #2 - Treat people with respect - Treat others how you want to be treated. #3 - Chivalry is Alive - Be a gentleman. hold the door open, say please and thank you. #4 - Stand up for yourself - defend yourself and those you love. Don't let other people push you around. #5 - Make your own decisions - don't be influenced by others. 2 boys have half a brain, 3 boys have no brain, #6 - Choose Your Battles - There are times to walk away. When it comes to family and friends, it's usually not worth battling. #7 - Don't criticize other people - It's unattractive and typically means there is something going on within you. Don't comment on other people's shortcomings, appearances, or anything else that means negativity coming from your mouth. #8 - It's not just about you - This goes for a lot of things but primarily meant for relationships. A girls is not going to want the same things you want. Learn what she wants and what she likes. In episode 171 we talk about 8 lessons to teach your daughter.  In this episode we touch on some important life lessons to teach our sons. - #1 - Men can have emotions - It's ok to be vulnerable, it's ok to cry - In episode 171 we talk about 8 lessons to teach your daughter.  In this episode we touch on some important life lessons to teach our sons.<br /> <br /> #1 - Men can have emotions - It's ok to be vulnerable, it's ok to cry<br /> <br /> #2 - Treat people with respect - Treat others how you want to be treated.<br /> <br /> #3 - Chivalry is Alive - Be a gentleman. hold the door open, say please and thank you.<br /> <br /> #4 - Stand up for yourself - defend yourself and those you love. Don't let other people push you around.<br /> <br /> #5 - Make your own decisions - don't be influenced by others. 2 boys have half a brain, 3 boys have no brain,<br /> <br /> #6 - Choose Your Battles - There are times to walk away. When it comes to family and friends, it's usually not worth battling.<br /> <br /> #7 - Don't criticize other people - It's unattractive and typically means there is something going on within you. Don't comment on other people's shortcomings, appearances, or anything else that means negativity coming from your mouth.<br /> <br /> #8 - It's not just about you - This goes for a lot of things but primarily meant for relationships. A girls is not going to want the same things you want. Learn what she wants and what she likes. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 16:11 9 Things You Should NEVER Say To a Child – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 172 https://www.daduniversity.com/9-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-child-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-172/ Tue, 19 Jun 2018 17:22:19 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1973 We all want our kids to thrive and do well. Unfortunately, some of the things we say to our kids are doing more harm than good. Here are 9 things you should NEVER say to your child and what you should say instead: #1 What not to say: "I'm So Proud of You" Instead say "You should be proud of yourself" our child should not be looking to someone else for approval. We want to teach them to have that feeling from within...for themselves. #2 What not to say: "You are bad" Instead say "You made a bad choice" or "your behavior right now is not acceptable" When you say "you are bad" they hear that they are a bad person. This is not what we want them to hear. #3 What not to say: "Stop Crying" Instead say: "I can see you are really upset. Why are you crying? Let them have emotion and be empathetic towards them. If you need some help with empathy, watch our video episode 18 (The secret to parenting). #4 What not to say: "We can't afford that" Instead say: "We choose not to spend our money on that" Always coming from a place of scarcity is not good. Instead we want to teach them that we make choices on how we spend our money. #5 What not to say: "Why can't you be more like your brother?" Instead say: I really appreciate the way you treat other people. Pick out something positive that they do and re-enforce that. Never compare them to siblings or other people. #6 What not to say: "You're okay" Instead say: That looks like it really hurts you. Can I get you some ice? If they fall or get hurt, don't negate their feelings. If you got hurt, does someone saying "don't worry about it, your ok make you feel any better? No. #7 What not to say: "Great job" Instead say: "You worked really hard at this. You should be proud of yourself." Again this is praise that we want to avoid them requiring from the outside. #8 What not to say: "Because I said so" Instead say: "I know you really wanted to play but it's time for dinner." The famous because i said so. Be specific of your request and then offer them a solution: Do you want to maybe play with him tomorrow? #9: What not to say: "You Make Me So Mad" Instead say: I'm feeling frustrated right now and need to handle this better. Your child is not responsible for your emotions. Yes they know how to find the right buttons to push. But you need to show them that someone else doesn't determine how you feel. You get to decide how you feel. Hopefully you learned a few new ways to talk with your child. We want to hear from you. Do you agree or disagree with this list? We all want our kids to thrive and do well. Unfortunately, some of the things we say to our kids are doing more harm than good. - Here are 9 things you should NEVER say to your child and what you should say instead: - We all want our kids to thrive and do well. Unfortunately, some of the things we say to our kids are doing more harm than good.<br /> <br /> Here are 9 things you should NEVER say to your child and what you should say instead:<br /> <br /> #1 What not to say: "I'm So Proud of You"<br /> <br /> Instead say "You should be proud of yourself"<br /> <br /> our child should not be looking to someone else for approval. We want to teach them to have that feeling from within...for themselves.<br /> <br /> #2 What not to say: "You are bad"<br /> <br /> Instead say "You made a bad choice" or "your behavior right now is not acceptable"<br /> <br /> When you say "you are bad" they hear that they are a bad person. This is not what we want them to hear.<br /> <br /> #3 What not to say: "Stop Crying"<br /> <br /> Instead say: "I can see you are really upset. Why are you crying?<br /> <br /> Let them have emotion and be empathetic towards them. If you need some help with empathy, watch our video episode 18 (The secret to parenting).<br /> <br /> #4 What not to say: "We can't afford that"<br /> <br /> Instead say: "We choose not to spend our money on that" Always coming from a place of scarcity is not good. Instead we want to teach them that we make choices on how we spend our money.<br /> <br /> #5 What not to say: "Why can't you be more like your brother?"<br /> <br /> Instead say: I really appreciate the way you treat other people. Pick out something positive that they do and re-enforce that. Never compare them to siblings or other people.<br /> <br /> #6 What not to say: "You're okay"<br /> <br /> Instead say: That looks like it really hurts you. Can I get you some ice?<br /> <br /> If they fall or get hurt, don't negate their feelings. If you got hurt, does someone saying "don't worry about it, your ok make you feel any better? No.<br /> <br /> #7 What not to say: "Great job"<br /> <br /> Instead say: "You worked really hard at this. You should be proud of yourself." Again this is praise that we want to avoid them requiring from the outside.<br /> <br /> #8 What not to say: "Because I said so"<br /> <br /> Instead say: "I know you really wanted to play but it's time for dinner." The famous because i said so. Be specific of your request and then offer them a solution: Do you want to maybe play with him tomorrow?<br /> <br /> #9: What not to say: "You Make Me So Mad"<br /> <br /> Instead say: I'm feeling frustrated right now and need to handle this better.<br /> <br /> Your child is not responsible for your emotions. Yes they know how to find the right buttons to push. But you need to show them that someone else doesn't determine how you feel. You get to decide how you feel.<br /> <br /> Hopefully you learned a few new ways to talk with your child.<br /> <br /> We want to hear from you. Do you agree or disagree with this list? Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 23:37 8 Life Lessons Every Dad Should Teach His Daughter – Dudes To Dads Ep 171 https://www.daduniversity.com/8-life-lessons-every-dad-should-teach-his-daughter-dudes-to-dads-ep-171/ Tue, 12 Jun 2018 16:31:59 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1971 I wanted to create an episode that I thought would be really important for my young daughter to listen to. This episode is from the perspective of me talking to her. If you are able to communicate and teach these lessons to your own daughter, that is awesome. However, you can also listen to this podcast with her and use it as reference to talk about the different points. We will cover 8 life lessons every dad can teach his daughter: #1 - You are capable of solving problems yourself - You don't need to depend on anyone, especially a boy. Whether it's for emotional, financial, or any other support, you are totally capable of being self-sufficient and taking care of yourself.. #2 - You are perfect the way you are - Every person is unique and perfect in their own way. Nobody (including friends, family, the media, or anyone else) gets to dictate what perfection is. You are perfect the way you are. #3 - You can do anything boys can do - Now, I do think celebrating the differences between boys and girls (men and women) is good. We are different and that makes us each great. But you will not hear me say "that's for boys". You can work on cars, learn martial arts, or shoot a basketball. I will not limit you and don't let anyone else do it either. #4 - Stand your ground - You have a right to believe what you want. Protect and defend yourself as well as those you love. Your views are just as valuable as anyone else's. #5 - Your affection is yours to give - You have control over your body and get to choose who you want to give affection to. You should never feel obligated (even with family) to have to hug or kiss anyone. You affection is yours to give #6 - Be empathetic - Learn to put yourself in other people's shoes. This may include helping people or simply understanding someone else's perspective. Empathy is powerful. #7 - Respect Yourself and Others - Know your worth and learn how to say no. For others, you may not always agree with someone, but allow them to express their views. #8 - You are in charge of your emotions - You are the one who decides what something means. You get to choose your story and how things effect you. Just a tip, choosing happiness is a lot better but it's totally up to you. Well, we want to hear from you. Are there some other life lessons you think are valuable? Leave your feedback in the comments section below. I wanted to create an episode that I thought would be really important for my young daughter to listen to. - This episode is from the perspective of me talking to her. - If you are able to communicate and teach these lessons to your own daughter, I wanted to create an episode that I thought would be really important for my young daughter to listen to.<br /> <br /> This episode is from the perspective of me talking to her.<br /> <br /> If you are able to communicate and teach these lessons to your own daughter, that is awesome. However, you can also listen to this podcast with her and use it as reference to talk about the different points.<br /> <br /> We will cover 8 life lessons every dad can teach his daughter:<br /> <br /> #1 - You are capable of solving problems yourself - You don't need to depend on anyone, especially a boy.<br /> <br /> Whether it's for emotional, financial, or any other support, you are totally capable of being self-sufficient and taking care of yourself..<br /> <br /> #2 - You are perfect the way you are - Every person is unique and perfect in their own way.<br /> <br /> Nobody (including friends, family, the media, or anyone else) gets to dictate what perfection is. You are perfect the way you are.<br /> <br /> #3 - You can do anything boys can do - Now, I do think celebrating the differences between boys and girls (men and women) is good. We are different and that makes us each great.<br /> <br /> But you will not hear me say "that's for boys". You can work on cars, learn martial arts, or shoot a basketball. I will not limit you and don't let anyone else do it either.<br /> <br /> #4 - Stand your ground - You have a right to believe what you want. Protect and defend yourself as well as those you love.<br /> <br /> Your views are just as valuable as anyone else's.<br /> <br /> #5 - Your affection is yours to give - You have control over your body and get to choose who you want to give affection to.<br /> <br /> You should never feel obligated (even with family) to have to hug or kiss anyone. You affection is yours to give<br /> <br /> #6 - Be empathetic - Learn to put yourself in other people's shoes. This may include helping people or simply understanding someone else's perspective.<br /> <br /> Empathy is powerful.<br /> <br /> #7 - Respect Yourself and Others - Know your worth and learn how to say no.<br /> <br /> For others, you may not always agree with someone, but allow them to express their views.<br /> <br /> #8 - You are in charge of your emotions - You are the one who decides what something means. You get to choose your story and how things effect you.<br /> <br /> Just a tip, choosing happiness is a lot better but it's totally up to you.<br /> <br /> Well, we want to hear from you. Are there some other life lessons you think are valuable? Leave your feedback in the comments section below. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush clean 15:53 Why Your Wife Isn’t Paying Attention To You After Having a Child – Get Some More Attention – Dudes To Dads Ep 170 https://www.daduniversity.com/why-your-wife-isnt-paying-attention-to-you-after-having-a-child-get-some-more-attention-dudes-to-dads-ep-170/ Tue, 05 Jun 2018 22:27:20 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1955 You just had a child, whether you have a newborn, or your child is now a toddler, she's tired. She's tired of cleaning up after the kid, tired of taking the child places, and most likely tired of you complaining. While for some guys it may be as simple as you are just wanting more physical intimacy, but for other it may just be that you want her to recognize that you are in the house. There may be an entire spectrum. So I wanted to put together a few tips for guys to help them with their situation. As always, none of this advice has anything to do with my own personal experience. I got these from a friend :) 1) Stop complaining - Nobody wants to hear you complain. When someone complains to you, does it motivate you to act? 2) Don't Try to Always Be Right - It is so not worth it. You need to learn quickly that arguing or more importantly being right, really doesn't get you anything. 3) Be empathetic - You need to understand that being a mom is hard. It is often a thankless job and the demands are heavy. When she is complaining about something, listen. Really listen. 4) Positive re-inforcement - Many women after having kids begin to feel like they are not "good enough", "sexy enough" or whatever enough is in their head. If we are making demands on them, this will only add to the fire. Providing them positive re-inforcement and showing appreciation will go a long way. A comment like "I really appreciate you being able to make dinner. 5) Lower or eliminate your expectations - Top putting expectations on the other person. She should be doing the same for you too. Sure there are elements in parenting that require expectations but for things like paying attention to you, you are going to have to back off. Offer her attention or affection with no expectations. 6) Figure out her love language - She may not care that you buy her a gift but really would love if you cleaned something. Figure out what which language she is and do that more. 7) Give her some R&R time - If she is with the children all the time, give her a break and allow her to sleep in, get a massage, or do nothing at all. Maybe even setup a regular schedule that allows her to re-charge at regular intervals. If you are wanting more, I know it's hard to not want more but that how it works. When it doesn't become about you, that's when you are more inclined to get the attention you deserve. You do deserve attention, you just need to be aware that your wife deserves the type of attention she wants too. You just had a child, whether you have a newborn, or your child is now a toddler, she's tired. She's tired of cleaning up after the kid, tired of taking the child places, and most likely tired of you complaining. You just had a child, whether you have a newborn, or your child is now a toddler, she's tired. She's tired of cleaning up after the kid, tired of taking the child places, and most likely tired of you complaining.<br /> <br /> While for some guys it may be as simple as you are just wanting more physical intimacy, but for other it may just be that you want her to recognize that you are in the house. There may be an entire spectrum.<br /> <br /> So I wanted to put together a few tips for guys to help them with their situation. As always, none of this advice has anything to do with my own personal experience. I got these from a friend :)<br /> <br /> 1) Stop complaining - Nobody wants to hear you complain. When someone complains to you, does it motivate you to act?<br /> <br /> 2) Don't Try to Always Be Right - It is so not worth it. You need to learn quickly that arguing or more importantly being right, really doesn't get you anything.<br /> <br /> 3) Be empathetic - You need to understand that being a mom is hard. It is often a thankless job and the demands are heavy. When she is complaining about something, listen. Really listen.<br /> <br /> 4) Positive re-inforcement - Many women after having kids begin to feel like they are not "good enough", "sexy enough" or whatever enough is in their head. If we are making demands on them, this will only add to the fire. Providing them positive re-inforcement and showing appreciation will go a long way. A comment like "I really appreciate you being able to make dinner.<br /> <br /> 5) Lower or eliminate your expectations - Top putting expectations on the other person. She should be doing the same for you too. Sure there are elements in parenting that require expectations but for things like paying attention to you, you are going to have to back off. Offer her attention or affection with no expectations.<br /> <br /> 6) Figure out her love language - She may not care that you buy her a gift but really would love if you cleaned something. Figure out what which language she is and do that more.<br /> <br /> 7) Give her some R&R time - If she is with the children all the time, give her a break and allow her to sleep in, get a massage, or do nothing at all. Maybe even setup a regular schedule that allows her to re-charge at regular intervals.<br /> <br /> If you are wanting more, I know it's hard to not want more but that how it works. When it doesn't become about you, that's when you are more inclined to get the attention you deserve. You do deserve attention, you just need to be aware that your wife deserves the type of attention she wants too. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 19:23 Traveling with a Toddler – Long Car Rides & Flights – Dudesto Dads Ep 169 https://www.daduniversity.com/traveling-with-a-toddler-long-car-rides-flights-dudesto-dads-ep-169/ Tue, 29 May 2018 22:21:34 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1953 I recalled having a lot of anxiety before any traveling we did when our kids were toddlers. A long car ride or a long flight can be a nightmare if you are not well prepared. I figured I would offer some tips to surviving the trip: For car rides: 1) Schedule the ride around nap time if you can. Kids will sleep in the car. If you have a long car ride ahead, know if your child is more cranky before or after their nap and time the ride accordingly. 2) Pack snacks - Then pack more snacks. Nothing generates hunger like boredom. But use them when you absolutely need it. Bring water, fruit, crackers (of course any that don't make too much of a mess). 3) Plan to stop - Even if nobody requests to stop, do it anyway. Take a bathroom break. Even if it's 5 or 10 minutes. Get them to walk around, stretch, etc. Ok this one may be even more for me but it's important for them too. 4) Play seeing or verbal games - We used to play alphabet all of the time as kids and still play with ours. If they are old enough, you look for signs that contain the letter and go through the alphabet. 5) Bring entertainment - Books to read coloring books, stuffed animal or action figured. While I'm not a big fan of occupying a child's time with electronics, a long road trip may be the one time where rules go out the window. For short rides I don't think it's a good idea as they then don't have the ability to entertain themselves. But for long trips, it may be an ipad or a movie that can pass some of the time. You will still want to limit too much screen time. Audio stories - Instead of a movie, I really liked the idea of an audio book or story. This may they get to use more of their imagination. You can use a phone or even an mp3 player to find stories. 6) Rotate Seats - If you have more than one child, put them in different places halfway through the trip. A plane requires primarily the same things with a few small differences 1) Schedule when they are their happiest. Unlike the car ride which is best scheduled around naps, I have found they don't sleep on the plane. It's too exciting. So we scheduled the trips in the early morning because my kids were always at their best in the mornings. 2) Give yourself some extra time - Airlines already require you to be there so early but with kids, it makes sense. Everything just takes a little longer. 3) While you can't stop the plane, do still get up and walk around. You may even want to schedule this once an hour so you don't get to the point when you have to do it. 4) Go nonstop - The least amount of travel time is preferred and their is only one takeoff for hurting ears. You'll get to know your child. If you have to break it up into stops, then ok, but it was never my preference. 5) Bring lollipops or gum - They usually have problems with their ears so bring them something to suck on which will help their ears pop. This can be painful. 6) Have them sit near the window - The aisle can be a little dangerous with carts and people walking by. 7) Bring snacks that last - Raisins, goldfish, pretzels, grapes. Anything that can be eating one at a time and can take a long time to eat. For you, meditate and get a good night's sleep if you can/ Traveling with a toddler is not easy. You'll want to be refreshed and ready to take it on so you are not stressed. I recalled having a lot of anxiety before any traveling we did when our kids were toddlers. A long car ride or a long flight can be a nightmare if you are not well prepared. I figured I would offer some tips to surviving the trip: For car rides: I recalled having a lot of anxiety before any traveling we did when our kids were toddlers. A long car ride or a long flight can be a nightmare if you are not well prepared. I figured I would offer some tips to surviving the trip:<br /> <br /> For car rides:<br /> 1) Schedule the ride around nap time if you can. Kids will sleep in the car. If you have a long car ride ahead, know if your child is more cranky before or after their nap and time the ride accordingly.<br /> <br /> 2) Pack snacks - Then pack more snacks. Nothing generates hunger like boredom. But use them when you absolutely need it. Bring water, fruit, crackers (of course any that don't make too much of a mess).<br /> <br /> 3) Plan to stop - Even if nobody requests to stop, do it anyway. Take a bathroom break. Even if it's 5 or 10 minutes. Get them to walk around, stretch, etc. Ok this one may be even more for me but it's important for them too.<br /> <br /> 4) Play seeing or verbal games - We used to play alphabet all of the time as kids and still play with ours. If they are old enough, you look for signs that contain the letter and go through the alphabet.<br /> <br /> 5) Bring entertainment - Books to read coloring books, stuffed animal or action figured. While I'm not a big fan of occupying a child's time with electronics, a long road trip may be the one time where rules go out the window. For short rides I don't think it's a good idea as they then don't have the ability to entertain themselves. But for long trips, it may be an ipad or a movie that can pass some of the time. You will still want to limit too much screen time.<br /> <br /> Audio stories - Instead of a movie, I really liked the idea of an audio book or story. This may they get to use more of their imagination. You can use a phone or even an mp3 player to find stories.<br /> <br /> 6) Rotate Seats - If you have more than one child, put them in different places halfway through the trip.<br /> <br /> A plane requires primarily the same things with a few small differences<br /> 1) Schedule when they are their happiest. Unlike the car ride which is best scheduled around naps, I have found they don't sleep on the plane. It's too exciting. So we scheduled the trips in the early morning because my kids were always at their best in the mornings.<br /> <br /> 2) Give yourself some extra time - Airlines already require you to be there so early but with kids, it makes sense. Everything just takes a little longer.<br /> <br /> 3) While you can't stop the plane, do still get up and walk around. You may even want to schedule this once an hour so you don't get to the point when you have to do it.<br /> <br /> 4) Go nonstop - The least amount of travel time is preferred and their is only one takeoff for hurting ears. You'll get to know your child. If you have to break it up into stops, then ok, but it was never my preference.<br /> <br /> 5) Bring lollipops or gum - They usually have problems with their ears so bring them something to suck on which will help their ears pop. This can be painful.<br /> <br /> 6) Have them sit near the window - The aisle can be a little dangerous with carts and people walking by.<br /> <br /> 7) Bring snacks that last - Raisins, goldfish, pretzels, grapes. Anything that can be eating one at a time and can take a long time to eat.<br /> <br /> For you, meditate and get a good night's sleep if you can/ Traveling with a toddler is not easy. You'll want to be refreshed and ready to take it on so you are not stressed. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 21:32 How to Get Your Child To Listen – Raising a Good Listener – Dudes To Dads Ep 168 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-get-your-child-to-listen-raising-a-good-listener-dudes-to-dads-ep-168/ Tue, 22 May 2018 22:11:20 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1951 I said I was going to write a book called 1000 times because that is how many times it feels that we need to say something as parents before our child gets it. In Episode 144 - we talked about 11 ways to improve your listening skills. But this is for us as adults. what about getting our kids to listen to us? It is a big problem. Like so many parenting issues, the problem might not be so much the child's fault as it is our fault for not doing the right things. Usually listening means we want them to do something they are supposed to do anyway. We resort to repeating oursevles, nagging, or even ignoring it. If we are to do the opposite it means we don't repeat ourselves, we take action quickly, and we allow natural consequences to happen. This starts when they are toddlers and doesn't happen overnight. Ifn fact for many it is a really long, drawn out process of pain. Once they get into teen years, you hope you have trained them to take care of themselves. Either way, here are some ways to improve their listening: 1) Monkey see monkey do - check yourself and make sure you are listening to your kids when they ask you something 2) Use less words - In fact use one word if you can. "upstairs" "eat" . We often confuse our kids with too many words and have too many commands. 3) Create a routine - Make a morning and evening schedule. This does help but begins to crumble quickly if you don't refer and stick to the schedule or are the cause of the schedule to not be followed. 4) Ask questions - What do we do next? What do we do after we take a bath? 5) Positive re-inforcement - When they do it right, make a big deal about it!! You were so helpful getting into the car on time this morning. It is really appreciated. 6) Be Direct - Don't say "Maybe you should clean up your room" or "I think it would be a good idea if you put your dishes away" and instead say "Please clean your room" and "Your dishes need to be put away after dinner" Of course it would be better to ask questions here but if you don't, be direct. 7) Make sure you have their attention - If they are in the middle of a video game, they are not going to hear you. Usually eye contact is also going to indicate at least you have some attention. Yelling upstairs or down the hall can also be a little difficult to get their full attention. If it's important, go to them and say it directly. 8) Natural consequences - Let the consequences happen if they don't listen. For example, if they are consistently late for school, if you have other children (and a spouse who will be home) then let them know the car is leaving at whatever time with our without them. And do it. If they are the only one going to school, then you indicate the leaving time and say if they are not ready, you are not taking them and stay home. We just want our kids to be compliant. I know I personally struggle with my kids listening but it really can come down to not approaching the situation correctly. These are all activities that we need to consider doing to get our kids listening to us. I said I was going to write a book called 1000 times because that is how many times it feels that we need to say something as parents before our child gets it. In Episode 144 - we talked about 11 ways to improve your listening skills. I said I was going to write a book called 1000 times because that is how many times it feels that we need to say something as parents before our child gets it.<br /> <br /> In Episode 144 - we talked about 11 ways to improve your listening skills. But this is for us as adults. what about getting our kids to listen to us? It is a big problem. Like so many parenting issues, the problem might not be so much the child's fault as it is our fault for not doing the right things.<br /> <br /> Usually listening means we want them to do something they are supposed to do anyway. We resort to repeating oursevles, nagging, or even ignoring it.<br /> <br /> If we are to do the opposite it means we don't repeat ourselves, we take action quickly, and we allow natural consequences to happen.<br /> <br /> This starts when they are toddlers and doesn't happen overnight. Ifn fact for many it is a really long, drawn out process of pain.<br /> <br /> Once they get into teen years, you hope you have trained them to take care of themselves.<br /> <br /> Either way, here are some ways to improve their listening:<br /> <br /> 1) Monkey see monkey do - check yourself and make sure you are listening to your kids when they ask you something<br /> <br /> 2) Use less words - In fact use one word if you can. "upstairs" "eat" . We often confuse our kids with too many words and have too many commands.<br /> <br /> 3) Create a routine - Make a morning and evening schedule. This does help but begins to crumble quickly if you don't refer and stick to the schedule or are the cause of the schedule to not be followed.<br /> <br /> 4) Ask questions - What do we do next? What do we do after we take a bath?<br /> <br /> 5) Positive re-inforcement - When they do it right, make a big deal about it!! You were so helpful getting into the car on time this morning. It is really appreciated.<br /> <br /> 6) Be Direct - Don't say "Maybe you should clean up your room" or "I think it would be a good idea if you put your dishes away" and instead say "Please clean your room" and "Your dishes need to be put away after dinner" Of course it would be better to ask questions here but if you don't, be direct.<br /> <br /> 7) Make sure you have their attention - If they are in the middle of a video game, they are not going to hear you. Usually eye contact is also going to indicate at least you have some attention. Yelling upstairs or down the hall can also be a little difficult to get their full attention. If it's important, go to them and say it directly.<br /> <br /> 8) Natural consequences - Let the consequences happen if they don't listen. For example, if they are consistently late for school, if you have other children (and a spouse who will be home) then let them know the car is leaving at whatever time with our without them. And do it. If they are the only one going to school, then you indicate the leaving time and say if they are not ready, you are not taking them and stay home.<br /> <br /> We just want our kids to be compliant. I know I personally struggle with my kids listening but it really can come down to not approaching the situation correctly. These are all activities that we need to consider doing to get our kids listening to us. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 20:55 Achieving Self Acceptance – Your Emotional Well-being Is at Stake – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 167 https://www.daduniversity.com/achieving-self-acceptance-your-emotional-well-being-is-at-stake-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-167/ Tue, 15 May 2018 16:20:48 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1937 Self-esteem is a popular word that is used in self-improvement. People strive to have self-esteem (feeling good about yourself). Having confidence in our own abilities or worth. The key is that we evaluate our worth. This is not a great concept to help people. Self-acceptance on the other hand allows you to be aware of both strengths and weaknesses. But allows you to accept all of them. It allowing your to not have to wish you were different than you actually are. So how can we increase our self-acceptance: 1) Practice gratitude - This forces you to focus on the positive things in your life. Be grateful for what you have. you then begin to ignore the negative. 2) Celebrate your strengths - Think about the things you are good at and focus on them. Do not spend time on the things you are not good at. 3) Help others - Being unselfish can help you feel good. When we help others, there is actually chemical reactions that happens in the body. We can also feel better about ourselves when we help other people. Sometimes it just feels good to help others. 4) Don't Take Things Personally - It's not all about you. When people are critical, they are the one with the issue. When someone is mean, they are the one with the anger problem. It's not your issue. 5) Lower Your Expectations - Are your expectations too high? The answer is yes if you are not accepting yourself. It's ok to have goals but when your expectations are too high, you will never meet them. If you require yourself to meet your own expectations in order to be happy, it's a losing proposition. 6) Surround yourself with positive people - You should take inventory of those around you. If the people around you are not supportive or are negative, consider not being around them or reduce how much time you do spend with them. Self-esteem is a popular word that is used in self-improvement. People strive to have self-esteem (feeling good about yourself). Having confidence in our own abilities or worth. The key is that we evaluate our worth. Self-esteem is a popular word that is used in self-improvement. People strive to have self-esteem (feeling good about yourself). Having confidence in our own abilities or worth. The key is that we evaluate our worth. This is not a great concept to help people.<br /> <br /> Self-acceptance on the other hand allows you to be aware of both strengths and weaknesses. But allows you to accept all of them. It allowing your to not have to wish you were different than you actually are.<br /> <br /> So how can we increase our self-acceptance:<br /> <br /> 1) Practice gratitude - This forces you to focus on the positive things in your life. Be grateful for what you have. you then begin to ignore the negative.<br /> <br /> 2) Celebrate your strengths - Think about the things you are good at and focus on them. Do not spend time on the things you are not good at.<br /> <br /> 3) Help others - Being unselfish can help you feel good. When we help others, there is actually chemical reactions that happens in the body. We can also feel better about ourselves when we help other people. Sometimes it just feels good to help others.<br /> <br /> 4) Don't Take Things Personally - It's not all about you. When people are critical, they are the one with the issue. When someone is mean, they are the one with the anger problem. It's not your issue.<br /> <br /> 5) Lower Your Expectations - Are your expectations too high? The answer is yes if you are not accepting yourself. It's ok to have goals but when your expectations are too high, you will never meet them. If you require yourself to meet your own expectations in order to be happy, it's a losing proposition.<br /> <br /> 6) Surround yourself with positive people - You should take inventory of those around you. If the people around you are not supportive or are negative, consider not being around them or reduce how much time you do spend with them. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 19:39 Unconditional Love vs Conditional Love – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 166 https://www.daduniversity.com/unconditional-love-vs-conditional-love-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-166/ Wed, 09 May 2018 00:55:47 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1935 I wanted to discuss the topic of love. Specifically the differences of unconditional love versus conditional love and how important it is for our kids. Unconditional love means you love someone regardless of what they do. This can mean what they do for you, how they act, etc Conditional love typically means we require someone to be a certain way or do certain things in order for us to love them. However there are still circumstances I recall (and I'm sure tons of kids do) where you feel like you need to make a specific choice or your parents will get mad, or even worse, you feel like they won't love you. I recall the conversation many many times in which my parents made the statement, "we will love you regardless of anything". This may have applied to a situation in which I was in trouble, not wanting to tell the truth , or just something had happened. Children need to feel that your love is unconditional! Often time we mix up love with approval: Here are some things to never (or very rarely do): 1) Withhold affection because they didn't do something right 2) Let their accomplishments effect your mood. When they win you are happy and when they lose you are sad/mad. 3) Expect them to be a way they are not. For example if your child is not good at sports and you are getting really frustrated and upset that they are not good at it, that's conditional love. Here are a few ways to do it: Say it clearly and repeatedly - let them know that no matter what, you will love them. If they fail a test, it has nothing to do with your love. If they lose a game in sports, it doesn't effect your love. Even when they lie, it doesn't effect how you love them. Focus on the positive - If your child is bossy, you can say "You really like to take charge of the situation. This is going to help you be a good leader." You will then need to teach them about cooperation and working with others. Listen & Notice them - Be sure to let them see and feel that you are listening. Be empathetic. Also regularly point out things about them that you love: inside and out. Accept their Faults & Mistakes - In the last episode we talked about what to do when they make a mistake. This is crucial. You are not punishing them, you are trying to teach them how to do things correctly and take care of themselves. Be sure to forgive them when they do make mistakes. They need to know your love is not conditioned based on them behaving correctly. I wanted to discuss the topic of love. Specifically the differences of unconditional love versus conditional love and how important it is for our kids. Unconditional love means you love someone regardless of what they do. I wanted to discuss the topic of love. Specifically the differences of unconditional love versus conditional love and how important it is for our kids.<br /> <br /> Unconditional love means you love someone regardless of what they do. This can mean what they do for you, how they act, etc<br /> <br /> Conditional love typically means we require someone to be a certain way or do certain things in order for us to love them.<br /> <br /> However there are still circumstances I recall (and I'm sure tons of kids do) where you feel like you need to make a specific choice or your parents will get mad, or even worse, you feel like they won't love you.<br /> <br /> I recall the conversation many many times in which my parents made the statement, "we will love you regardless of anything". This may have applied to a situation in which I was in trouble, not wanting to tell the truth , or just something had happened.<br /> <br /> Children need to feel that your love is unconditional!<br /> <br /> Often time we mix up love with approval:<br /> <br /> Here are some things to never (or very rarely do):<br /> <br /> 1) Withhold affection because they didn't do something right<br /> <br /> 2) Let their accomplishments effect your mood. When they win you are happy and when they lose you are sad/mad.<br /> <br /> 3) Expect them to be a way they are not. For example if your child is not good at sports and you are getting really frustrated and upset that they are not good at it, that's conditional love.<br /> <br /> Here are a few ways to do it:<br /> <br /> Say it clearly and repeatedly - let them know that no matter what, you will love them. If they fail a test, it has nothing to do with your love. If they lose a game in sports, it doesn't effect your love. Even when they lie, it doesn't effect how you love them.<br /> <br /> Focus on the positive - If your child is bossy, you can say "You really like to take charge of the situation. This is going to help you be a good leader." You will then need to teach them about cooperation and working with others.<br /> <br /> Listen & Notice them - Be sure to let them see and feel that you are listening. Be empathetic. Also regularly point out things about them that you love: inside and out.<br /> <br /> Accept their Faults & Mistakes - In the last episode we talked about what to do when they make a mistake. This is crucial. You are not punishing them, you are trying to teach them how to do things correctly and take care of themselves. Be sure to forgive them when they do make mistakes. They need to know your love is not conditioned based on them behaving correctly. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 19:07 How to React When Kids Make Mistakes – Dudes To Dads Ep 165 https://www.daduniversity.com/how-to-react-when-kids-make-mistakes-dudes-to-dads-ep-165/ Wed, 02 May 2018 00:14:59 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1933 Our job as parents is to teach. I have talked about looking at yourself as a coach in your child's life.  How we react and respond to them begins to shape their behavior. It will also shape the relationship we build with them. Let's start with a discussion about how we typically react to something unpleasant when dealing with adults. Alan, as an example. I don't know whether you share a checking account or not, but if you did and your girlfriend spend what you both would consider a lot of money on an outfit...what would your reaction be? I can tell you what mine used to be: "YOUR KIDDING! HOW COULD YOU SPEND THAT MUCH. WE CAN'T AFFORD IT." or another example: Your wife says: "I was at the store and this guy asked me out." I would have probably responded with "you told him you were married, right? What were you doing that he thought it was ok to do that?" If you don't want to know these things, then certainly you can say that. But if you wanted to keep communication lines with your wife open and you don't want lies or things being done behind your back, how you react is important. This is how children learn to lie. They quickly figure out that if they tell the truth, they get in trouble. So they think they are avoiding getting in trouble by lying. So let's go over a few situations that could happen with kids and how I would suggest to react to it. 1) Lying - Whether you catch your child in the lie or they come clean, both of them offer the opportunity to teach. In our house for example we have always said: "If you tell the truth, you won't get in trouble," Although my children quickly learned in our house we really don't do punishment (as we also don't do rewards). If your child comes clean from a lie, the best way to respond is to say "Thank you for telling me. I really appreciate it. How do you think you could have handled that differently? If there is a natural consequence from the lie, then ok. But there really isn't a good reason to punish them. They will only learn to be better liers. It's not going to keep them from lying next time. 2) Bad Grades - Another common scenario is a child coming home with grades that you are not happy with. The normal response is they either get grounded for bad grades or parents try to reward their kids for good grades. I am against this. The grades are for them not you. If your child is not doing well in school, (talking about younger children), they either have learning challenges or they need to be parented differently. You may need to spend more time with them, talk to their teacher, and figure out what is going on. As they get older, the theme that "it is for them" needs to be re-inforced. Offer help instead of punishment. 3) Got in trouble at school. Sometimes you have to let natural consequences happen. They get detention or some other punishment from school. But punishing them at home as well isn't going to help. You want to first understand why it's happening and then provide support on how it can be fixed or avoided the next time. 4) Drinking or smoking. Here is a scenario: your 16 or 17 year old child comes to you and says, "Dad I was at a party last night and I tried alcohol". Most dads fly off the handle and explain how this doesn't happen in their house and how they are underaged, etc. Usually followed by some yelling. The best way to handle this is to first say, "I really appreciate you coming to me and trusting me". Then it's an honest discussion about first them knowing you don't agree with it or approve it, but they make their own decisions." Something to the effect of, "my job as a parent is to help you learn how to make decisions for yourself. You are going to be faced with some really difficult challenges. People are going to be offering you drinks, drugs, and other things. You then have to make the decision for yourself and your health. If you are ever in a scenario you want to get out of, feel unsafe, Our job as parents is to teach. I have talked about looking at yourself as a coach in your child's life.  How we react and respond to them begins to shape their behavior. It will also shape the relationship we build with them. - Our job as parents is to teach. I have talked about looking at yourself as a coach in your child's life.  How we react and respond to them begins to shape their behavior. It will also shape the relationship we build with them.<br /> <br /> Let's start with a discussion about how we typically react to something unpleasant when dealing with adults.<br /> <br /> Alan, as an example. I don't know whether you share a checking account or not, but if you did and your girlfriend spend what you both would consider a lot of money on an outfit...what would your reaction be?<br /> <br /> I can tell you what mine used to be: "YOUR KIDDING! HOW COULD YOU SPEND THAT MUCH. WE CAN'T AFFORD IT."<br /> <br /> or another example: Your wife says: "I was at the store and this guy asked me out."<br /> <br /> I would have probably responded with "you told him you were married, right? What were you doing that he thought it was ok to do that?"<br /> <br /> If you don't want to know these things, then certainly you can say that. But if you wanted to keep communication lines with your wife open and you don't want lies or things being done behind your back, how you react is important.<br /> <br /> This is how children learn to lie. They quickly figure out that if they tell the truth, they get in trouble. So they think they are avoiding getting in trouble by lying.<br /> <br /> So let's go over a few situations that could happen with kids and how I would suggest to react to it.<br /> <br /> 1) Lying - Whether you catch your child in the lie or they come clean, both of them offer the opportunity to teach. In our house for example we have always said: "If you tell the truth, you won't get in trouble," Although my children quickly learned in our house we really don't do punishment (as we also don't do rewards).<br /> <br /> If your child comes clean from a lie, the best way to respond is to say "Thank you for telling me. I really appreciate it. How do you think you could have handled that differently?<br /> <br /> If there is a natural consequence from the lie, then ok. But there really isn't a good reason to punish them. They will only learn to be better liers. It's not going to keep them from lying next time.<br /> <br /> 2) Bad Grades - Another common scenario is a child coming home with grades that you are not happy with. The normal response is they either get grounded for bad grades or parents try to reward their kids for good grades. I am against this.<br /> <br /> The grades are for them not you. If your child is not doing well in school, (talking about younger children), they either have learning challenges or they need to be parented differently. You may need to spend more time with them, talk to their teacher, and figure out what is going on.<br /> <br /> As they get older, the theme that "it is for them" needs to be re-inforced. Offer help instead of punishment.<br /> <br /> 3) Got in trouble at school. Sometimes you have to let natural consequences happen. They get detention or some other punishment from school. But punishing them at home as well isn't going to help. You want to first understand why it's happening and then provide support on how it can be fixed or avoided the next time.<br /> <br /> 4) Drinking or smoking. Here is a scenario: your 16 or 17 year old child comes to you and says, "Dad I was at a party last night and I tried alcohol". Most dads fly off the handle and explain how this doesn't happen in their house and how they are underaged, etc. Usually followed by some yelling.<br /> <br /> The best way to handle this is to first say, "I really appreciate you coming to me and trusting me". Then it's an honest discussion about first them knowing you don't agree with it or approve it, but they make their own decisions."<br /> <br /> Something to the effect of, "my job as a parent is to help you learn how to make decisions for yourself. You are going to be faced with some really difficult challenge... Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 28:51 Signs You Are Judgmental and What To Do About It – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 164 https://www.daduniversity.com/signs-you-are-judgmental-and-what-to-do-about-it-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-164/ Tue, 24 Apr 2018 19:41:14 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1915 We have so many areas of our life when being judgmental can show up. It happens inside families, at work, with your friends, or even strangers on the street. For many, the opportunity to judge is abundant. But why do we do it and how do we know if we are judgmental? There are some good things related to the why. It may help keep us safe, avoid bad situations. Others say we usually judge others in the areas we feel the weakest. Think about it: "Look at that overweight person" - translation is that I don't feel great about my own appearance but it makes me feel better to make fun of someone else who looks worse than me" "Look at that snob in his fancy car" - translation - I am upset I can't afford that nice of a car" "That guy can't control his kids" - Translation - I'm not confident in my own parenting but it makes me feel better to see someone struggling more than me" How do we know if we are judgmental? If you have to ask, you probably are. Are you judgmental? See if any of these seem familiar 1) You are intolerant of people different from yourself 2) Your first impression is seeing someone's flaws 3) You judge people on appearance 4) You think everyone is out to get you 5) You do not trust others 6) You gossip about others 7) You have low self-acceptance 8) You judge yourself 9) You have a pessimistic or negative outlook Let's discuss how not to be judgmental: 1) Identify and admit you are judgmental. Recognize that you often think negatively of people, maybe even verbalizing it. Also, are you being judgmental and critical of yourself. Acknowledging it is the first step. 2) Practice self-acceptance - Being judgmental starts from within. Is is very clear that we have our own issues which cause us to then be critical of other people. This is the most important step in recovering from judgmentalism. We often have such high expectations of ourselves. It is not easy, but the first thing is to begin embracing who you are. It's ok to want to get "better" but it doesn't mean you can't appreciate your current state. The next episode we will dedicate to becoming more self-accepting 3) Look deeper - We jump to conclusions about people all the time. Someone shows up late and you judge them. Someone is mean and you judge them. What if something much deeper is going on with them. The person who showed up late, had received a phone call and was crying before they arrived. They didn't want anyone to see their tears. The person who was mean has someone who is mean to them all the time. We jump to conclusions all the time without really understanding what could be going on with someone. 4) Show empathy - Putting yourself in someone else's shoes allows us to show compassion. Being judgmental is really being selfish and thinking it's all about you. When you are empathetic, you are sending the messages that you care and it's not about you. 5) Practice mindfulness - Meditation, breathing exercises, are all about paying attention to the present moment. When you feel yourself about to judge, take in the surroundings. Focus on other things around you that are positive. Switch your focus and think good thoughts instead. We are all guilty of being judgmental. It is something that can be worked on to be improved. Of course remember, that it first starts with working on yourself. We have so many areas of our life when being judgmental can show up. It happens inside families, at work, with your friends, or even strangers on the street. For many, the opportunity to judge is abundant. - We have so many areas of our life when being judgmental can show up. It happens inside families, at work, with your friends, or even strangers on the street. For many, the opportunity to judge is abundant.<br /> <br /> But why do we do it and how do we know if we are judgmental?<br /> <br /> There are some good things related to the why. It may help keep us safe, avoid bad situations.<br /> <br /> Others say we usually judge others in the areas we feel the weakest. Think about it:<br /> <br /> "Look at that overweight person" - translation is that I don't feel great about my own appearance but it makes me feel better to make fun of someone else who looks worse than me"<br /> <br /> "Look at that snob in his fancy car" - translation - I am upset I can't afford that nice of a car"<br /> <br /> "That guy can't control his kids" - Translation - I'm not confident in my own parenting but it makes me feel better to see someone struggling more than me"<br /> <br /> How do we know if we are judgmental? If you have to ask, you probably are.<br /> Are you judgmental? See if any of these seem familiar<br /> <br /> 1) You are intolerant of people different from yourself<br /> 2) Your first impression is seeing someone's flaws<br /> 3) You judge people on appearance<br /> 4) You think everyone is out to get you<br /> 5) You do not trust others<br /> 6) You gossip about others<br /> 7) You have low self-acceptance<br /> 8) You judge yourself<br /> 9) You have a pessimistic or negative outlook<br /> <br /> Let's discuss how not to be judgmental:<br /> <br /> 1) Identify and admit you are judgmental. Recognize that you often think negatively of people, maybe even verbalizing it. Also, are you being judgmental and critical of yourself. Acknowledging it is the first step.<br /> <br /> 2) Practice self-acceptance - Being judgmental starts from within. Is is very clear that we have our own issues which cause us to then be critical of other people. This is the most important step in recovering from judgmentalism. We often have such high expectations of ourselves. It is not easy, but the first thing is to begin embracing who you are. It's ok to want to get "better" but it doesn't mean you can't appreciate your current state.<br /> <br /> The next episode we will dedicate to becoming more self-accepting<br /> <br /> 3) Look deeper - We jump to conclusions about people all the time. Someone shows up late and you judge them. Someone is mean and you judge them.<br /> <br /> What if something much deeper is going on with them. The person who showed up late, had received a phone call and was crying before they arrived. They didn't want anyone to see their tears.<br /> <br /> The person who was mean has someone who is mean to them all the time.<br /> <br /> We jump to conclusions all the time without really understanding what could be going on with someone.<br /> <br /> 4) Show empathy - Putting yourself in someone else's shoes allows us to show compassion. Being judgmental is really being selfish and thinking it's all about you. When you are empathetic, you are sending the messages that you care and it's not about you.<br /> <br /> 5) Practice mindfulness - Meditation, breathing exercises, are all about paying attention to the present moment. When you feel yourself about to judge, take in the surroundings. Focus on other things around you that are positive. Switch your focus and think good thoughts instead.<br /> <br /> We are all guilty of being judgmental. It is something that can be worked on to be improved. Of course remember, that it first starts with working on yourself. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 15:42 Anger Management for Kids – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 163 https://www.daduniversity.com/anger-management-for-kids-dudes-to-dads-ep-163/ Tue, 17 Apr 2018 21:44:28 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1913 As kids develop their emotions develop as well. You may experience this yourself as a parent or have seen other kids......hitting their parents, being disrespectful. I recall as a kid getting really angry a lot. I don't remember why other than it was something to use in order to get people to leave me alone....either my sisters to stop teasing me and something else. I think it's important to help kids deal with anger. Given the tools when they are young can hopefully help them as they get older and avoid problems in their later years. First we need to identify anger issues in kids: - Trouble calming down - Isn't considerate of other people's feelings - Consistently needs reminders about controlling temper - Being aggressive towards others So what are some ways we can help our kids manage their anger: 1) Monkey See, Monkey do - Take some inventory of yourself. Do you yell too much, get angry more than you need to. are you providing a good example on how to deal with anger? You can't rightfully teach it if you are not practicing it yourself. 2) Talk about feelings - Emotional intelligence and learning about what the different emotions are is crucial. Teach your child all about the different emotions. I want to be very clear. It is totally acceptable to feel emotion, in fact it is encouraged. We want our kids to feel emotions. We just want them to be able to manage them. 3) Teach Coping Skills - Twist a towel - Use a punching bag or pillow - Create a control spot - Self-talk - Use breathing techniques 4) Establish anger rules - Do this when they are not angry...no slamming doors, no physically touching someone else, no throwing things, etc. 5) Minimize talking - They aren't going to be taking in information very well when they are angry. Use few if any words. If you do speak, be very calm and neutral. When we yell back it doesn't help the situation. 6) Use empathy - Say words such as "You are really mad, I understand". "I know you are really upset. I love you. 7) Makeup - They need to apologize to whoever they got angry towards. If their behavior is bad, they need to know their behavior may have been bad but they are not a bad person. We just need to learn to manage the anger better. 8) Get Professional help - If things don't seem to be getting better, seek a professional. There could be other things going on that you are either not aware of or could be some of the cause of it. I know we never want to believe we are causing something negative like that but it can happen. As kids develop their emotions develop as well. You may experience this yourself as a parent or have seen other kids......hitting their parents, being disrespectful. - I recall as a kid getting really angry a lot. As kids develop their emotions develop as well. You may experience this yourself as a parent or have seen other kids......hitting their parents, being disrespectful.<br /> <br /> I recall as a kid getting really angry a lot. I don't remember why other than it was something to use in order to get people to leave me alone....either my sisters to stop teasing me and something else.<br /> <br /> I think it's important to help kids deal with anger. Given the tools when they are young can hopefully help them as they get older and avoid problems in their later years.<br /> <br /> First we need to identify anger issues in kids:<br /> - Trouble calming down<br /> - Isn't considerate of other people's feelings<br /> - Consistently needs reminders about controlling temper<br /> - Being aggressive towards others<br /> <br /> So what are some ways we can help our kids manage their anger:<br /> <br /> 1) Monkey See, Monkey do - Take some inventory of yourself. Do you yell too much, get angry more than you need to. are you providing a good example on how to deal with anger? You can't rightfully teach it if you are not practicing it yourself.<br /> <br /> 2) Talk about feelings - Emotional intelligence and learning about what the different emotions are is crucial. Teach your child all about the different emotions. I want to be very clear. It is totally acceptable to feel emotion, in fact it is encouraged. We want our kids to feel emotions. We just want them to be able to manage them.<br /> <br /> 3) Teach Coping Skills<br /> - Twist a towel<br /> - Use a punching bag or pillow<br /> - Create a control spot<br /> - Self-talk<br /> - Use breathing techniques<br /> <br /> 4) Establish anger rules - Do this when they are not angry...no slamming doors, no physically touching someone else, no throwing things, etc.<br /> <br /> 5) Minimize talking - They aren't going to be taking in information very well when they are angry. Use few if any words. If you do speak, be very calm and neutral. When we yell back it doesn't help the situation.<br /> <br /> 6) Use empathy - Say words such as "You are really mad, I understand". "I know you are really upset. I love you.<br /> <br /> 7) Makeup - They need to apologize to whoever they got angry towards. If their behavior is bad, they need to know their behavior may have been bad but they are not a bad person. We just need to learn to manage the anger better.<br /> <br /> 8) Get Professional help - If things don't seem to be getting better, seek a professional. There could be other things going on that you are either not aware of or could be some of the cause of it. I know we never want to believe we are causing something negative like that but it can happen. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 18:07 6 Life Lessons I Learned As a Father – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 162 https://www.daduniversity.com/6-life-lessons-i-learned-as-a-father-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-162/ Tue, 10 Apr 2018 20:46:51 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1911 The problem is that most of that advice doesn't really help you deal with the serious stuff you face as a new dad. I am going over 6 very valuable lessons that I learned as a new dad. I'm hoping these help you along your journey. #1. It's not all about me - So reality kicks in and you are forced to realize that another human being is dependent on you.....and if you are in relationship, that dependency gets compounded. The decisions and choices you make, now effect other people. I learned it can actually be enjoyable to focus on helping other people. #2. Enjoy the present - I remember thinking: I can't wait until she can talk or it will be so much fun when he and I can play catch. Sure it's ok to think about the future, but try to live in the moment as it relates to your child. You don't realize how fast it goes by until you live through it and have the chance to look back. Don't miss the opportunities to be present. #3. Focus on the positive - You are going to be faced with some seriously rough times. These may be difficult times with the child, your spouse, or even within yourself. Think about the things your child is doing well. Think about the elements of your relationship that work. and think about the elements within yourself that are positive. Here's a hint: express gratitude whenever you can. #4. Nothing is forever - As I just mentioned, you are going to be faced with difficult times. The good news: they don't last forever. This too shall pass. Remembering this can help get you through difficult times. It can also help you be more present, as the positive things don't last forever either. #5. They watch every thing you do - If you want them to be nice, YOU better be nice. From the great things you do, all the way down to the bad habits you have, the little one is watching. If you need a reason to keep yourself in check, having a child can do it. Monkey see, monkey do. #6. Empathy solves many problems - If you have watched some of my other videos, you've probably heard me talk about empathy before. Learn to put yourself in their shoes. Truly look at the world from a 3 year old's perspective. Heck, you may even open up to look at things from your wife's perspective. Having empathy is life changing....both for you and those around you. The problem is that most of that advice doesn't really help you deal with the serious stuff you face as a new dad. - I am going over 6 very valuable lessons that I learned as a new dad. I'm hoping these help you along your journey. - #1. The problem is that most of that advice doesn't really help you deal with the serious stuff you face as a new dad.<br /> <br /> I am going over 6 very valuable lessons that I learned as a new dad. I'm hoping these help you along your journey.<br /> <br /> #1. It's not all about me - So reality kicks in and you are forced to realize that another human being is dependent on you.....and if you are in relationship, that dependency gets compounded.<br /> <br /> The decisions and choices you make, now effect other people. I learned it can actually be enjoyable to focus on helping other people.<br /> <br /> #2. Enjoy the present - I remember thinking: I can't wait until she can talk or it will be so much fun when he and I can play catch. Sure it's ok to think about the future, but try to live in the moment as it relates to your child.<br /> <br /> You don't realize how fast it goes by until you live through it and have the chance to look back.<br /> <br /> Don't miss the opportunities to be present.<br /> <br /> #3. Focus on the positive - You are going to be faced with some seriously rough times. These may be difficult times with the child, your spouse, or even within yourself.<br /> <br /> Think about the things your child is doing well. Think about the elements of your relationship that work. and think about the elements within yourself that are positive. Here's a hint: express gratitude whenever you can.<br /> <br /> #4. Nothing is forever - As I just mentioned, you are going to be faced with difficult times. The good news: they don't last forever. This too shall pass.<br /> <br /> Remembering this can help get you through difficult times. It can also help you be more present, as the positive things don't last forever either.<br /> <br /> #5. They watch every thing you do - If you want them to be nice, YOU better be nice.<br /> <br /> From the great things you do, all the way down to the bad habits you have, the little one is watching.<br /> <br /> If you need a reason to keep yourself in check, having a child can do it. Monkey see, monkey do.<br /> <br /> #6. Empathy solves many problems - If you have watched some of my other videos, you've probably heard me talk about empathy before.<br /> <br /> Learn to put yourself in their shoes. Truly look at the world from a 3 year old's perspective.<br /> <br /> Heck, you may even open up to look at things from your wife's perspective.<br /> <br /> Having empathy is life changing....both for you and those around you. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 17:09 Using the Scale of 1 to 10 in Your Life – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 161 https://www.daduniversity.com/using-the-scale-of-1-to-10-in-your-life-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-161/ Wed, 04 Apr 2018 00:11:38 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1896 I wanted to talk about a technique my mother used to use on so many things. It was a really simple way she would measure things. It could be how bad a cut hurt when I fell off my bike, to judging the taste of a meal at a restaurant. I'm talking about using the Scale of 1 to 10. What you assign the numbers depends on the context but it became a common way in our family to measure things. It help teach kids measurement and analysis. Here are a few examples: Your 7 year old gets hit in the back by a ball and starts crying. You can say, from a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being doesn't hurt at all and 10 you have to go to the hospital immediately, how bad does it hurt. It then forces them to evaluate the seriousness of a situation. Here is another example in your own life: You got invited to an office party that your not sure you want to go to. You can assign a number to it. 1 is a horrible, boring party and 10 is the best time of your life. You can have a measurement for yourself that says when things are under 5, I will choose not to go, unless there is a really good reason. But it does help you evaluate situations and assign value to them. This works in business all the time. You see customer surveys or evaluations that include scales like this. Why not include it in our own lives. Alan, have you ever used a scale like this in your own life? Of course people have used the scale for evaluating how someone looks. The truth is you can apply this to so many things in your children's life. You can teach them how to evaluate things. Here are some examples: From a scale of 1 to 10: How much do you like soccer? 1 you hate it and 10 you love it. We have a few different choices of what to do on Saturday. How badly do you want to go to the park? 1 you don't want to versus 10 you can't live without going to the park. Then follow up with evaluating the alternative When they get hurt, it's a great tool. From a scale of 1 to 10, how bad does your finger hurt? You get the idea. Teach your kids the 1 to 10 scale it really helps measure the things around you. Thanks mom. I wanted to talk about a technique my mother used to use on so many things. It was a really simple way she would measure things. It could be how bad a cut hurt when I fell off my bike, to judging the taste of a meal at a restaurant. - I wanted to talk about a technique my mother used to use on so many things. It was a really simple way she would measure things. It could be how bad a cut hurt when I fell off my bike, to judging the taste of a meal at a restaurant.<br /> <br /> I'm talking about using the Scale of 1 to 10. What you assign the numbers depends on the context but it became a common way in our family to measure things. It help teach kids measurement and analysis. Here are a few examples:<br /> <br /> Your 7 year old gets hit in the back by a ball and starts crying. You can say, from a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being doesn't hurt at all and 10 you have to go to the hospital immediately, how bad does it hurt. It then forces them to evaluate the seriousness of a situation.<br /> <br /> Here is another example in your own life:<br /> <br /> You got invited to an office party that your not sure you want to go to. You can assign a number to it. 1 is a horrible, boring party and 10 is the best time of your life. You can have a measurement for yourself that says when things are under 5, I will choose not to go, unless there is a really good reason.<br /> <br /> But it does help you evaluate situations and assign value to them.<br /> <br /> This works in business all the time. You see customer surveys or evaluations that include scales like this. Why not include it in our own lives.<br /> <br /> Alan, have you ever used a scale like this in your own life?<br /> <br /> Of course people have used the scale for evaluating how someone looks. The truth is you can apply this to so many things in your children's life. You can teach them how to evaluate things. Here are some examples:<br /> <br /> From a scale of 1 to 10:<br /> <br /> How much do you like soccer? 1 you hate it and 10 you love it.<br /> <br /> We have a few different choices of what to do on Saturday. How badly do you want to go to the park? 1 you don't want to versus 10 you can't live without going to the park. Then follow up with evaluating the alternative<br /> <br /> When they get hurt, it's a great tool. From a scale of 1 to 10, how bad does your finger hurt?<br /> <br /> You get the idea. Teach your kids the 1 to 10 scale it really helps measure the things around you. Thanks mom. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 13:18 Why Love Languages Are So Important – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 160 https://www.daduniversity.com/why-love-languages-are-so-important-dudes-to-dads-podcast-ep-160/ Tue, 27 Mar 2018 22:34:42 +0000 http://www.dudestodads.com/?p=1894 There is a very popular book called "The 5 Love Languages" The author is Dr. Gary Chapman. The major concept is that there are 5 different love languages and we all have preferences on how we prefer to receive love (and also give love could be different). So let's go over what the 5 love languages are: Words of Affirmation - Use words to affirm other people. In it's simplicity, your spouse saying "I love you" or when you they tell you how wonderful you are, that really resonates with you. For others, it may not mean much. For example, with me, words don't mean much. I have to quote "see it to believe it". Acts of Service - People of this language love when someone does something for them. This one is really big with my wife. She often makes an omelette and I saw the ingredients out but she was upstairs with the kids. I went ahead and made the omelette for her. I then went upstairs and she said "Oh I need to make my omelette" She walked downstairs and was so surprised. She expressed so much gratitude for me doing that. Receiving Gifts - There are people who really like presents. They love being showered with gifts and when you give them a gift, they attach a lot of meaning behind it. My wife for example, isn't really into gifts. So me buying her gifts is not as powerful as acts of service. Quality Time - For these people, spending time with others is crucial. But the time needs to be good as well. For example, if someone is on their phone while you are talking with them or they are not paying attention to you, this will not work. This is definitely one of my love languages. Physical Touch - Hugs, kisses, and affection are important in this love langauge. You feel loved by physical touch. We all have a primary love language and often we may have more than one. For example I have two which are pretty equal which is quality time and physical touch. There is a free quiz on www.5lovelanguages.com You can take a quiz for yourself or for your child. The purpose of me sharing this is to help you maximize your efficiency of effort. If you learn what your wife's love language is, then you don't have to waste effort on the stuff that doesn't matter. Put more focus on the the languages that do matter. This goes for your kids as well. You can take the test for your kids to understand their love language. i think overall it's a really valuable tool for relationships. There is a very popular book called "The 5 Love Languages" The author is Dr. Gary Chapman. - The major concept is that there are 5 different love languages and we all have preferences on how we prefer to receive love (and also give love could be diffe... There is a very popular book called "The 5 Love Languages" The author is Dr. Gary Chapman.<br /> <br /> The major concept is that there are 5 different love languages and we all have preferences on how we prefer to receive love (and also give love could be different).<br /> <br /> So let's go over what the 5 love languages are:<br /> <br /> Words of Affirmation - Use words to affirm other people. In it's simplicity, your spouse saying "I love you" or when you they tell you how wonderful you are, that really resonates with you. For others, it may not mean much. For example, with me, words don't mean much. I have to quote "see it to believe it".<br /> <br /> Acts of Service - People of this language love when someone does something for them. This one is really big with my wife. She often makes an omelette and I saw the ingredients out but she was upstairs with the kids. I went ahead and made the omelette for her. I then went upstairs and she said "Oh I need to make my omelette" She walked downstairs and was so surprised. She expressed so much gratitude for me doing that.<br /> <br /> Receiving Gifts - There are people who really like presents. They love being showered with gifts and when you give them a gift, they attach a lot of meaning behind it. My wife for example, isn't really into gifts. So me buying her gifts is not as powerful as acts of service.<br /> <br /> Quality Time - For these people, spending time with others is crucial. But the time needs to be good as well. For example, if someone is on their phone while you are talking with them or they are not paying attention to you, this will not work. This is definitely one of my love languages.<br /> <br /> Physical Touch - Hugs, kisses, and affection are important in this love langauge. You feel loved by physical touch.<br /> <br /> We all have a primary love language and often we may have more than one. For example I have two which are pretty equal which is quality time and physical touch.<br /> <br /> There is a free quiz on www.5lovelanguages.com You can take a quiz for yourself or for your child.<br /> <br /> The purpose of me sharing this is to help you maximize your efficiency of effort. If you learn what your wife's love language is, then you don't have to waste effort on the stuff that doesn't matter. Put more focus on the the languages that do matter.<br /> <br /> This goes for your kids as well. You can take the test for your kids to understand their love language. i think overall it's a really valuable tool for relationships. Jason Kreidman, Alan Bush, Dad Podcast, Family Advice clean 20:18