In this episode we are going over some bad parenting styles and their effects on kids.
1) Helicopter Parents – First used in 1969 in the book Parents & Teenagers by Dr. Haim Ginott’s. Teens said their parents would hover over them like a helicopter;
This is when parents are over focused on their kids. It’s really over parenting. They are driven by fear, whether they think something bad will happen to their kid or they will feel embarassed themsevles.
The parent might make sure they get a certain teacher at the school, getting over involved in their homework, and even directing their social activity. This may be ok for really small children but as they get older, it’ doesn’t work.
But being faced with challenges and failing is necessary for growing and building resiliency. Sure we don’t like to see our kids struggle but we have to prepare them for the real world.
The consequences of helicopter parenting:
Low self esteem – Everything is handled for them so they don’t believe they can do anything themselves
Anxiety – mental control is not developed as well as their self-regulation
They feel entitled – They think they are the center of the universe
Coping skills are not developed – They don’t know how to handle situations because it was handled for them
2) Lawnmower Parents – They mow obstacles down in front of their kids so they don’t experience them. It’s so they don’t need to face failure, adversity, or struggles. While their intentions might be good, the practicality of it is really bad.
Most of the time lawnmower parents act the way they do because of their own issues in their life. They may have really struggled when they were young and don’t want their child to struggle.
or they felt abandoned by their parents when they really needed them. In any case they are wanting to help their child but it really doesn’t help, in fact it ruins them.
They simply won’t know what to do or how to handle struggles in their life.
So what are the consequences of lawnmover parenting:
Don’t know how to handle conflict – They havne’t experienced it so that muscle wasn’t developed
They blame other people – It couldn’t be their fault, nothing ever is. They don’t take responsibility for their own issues
Give up on things easily – It’s too hard, so it’s just better not to do it.
Call on others (like their parents) to help them. Someone else will handle it so
Stress and failure are really strong cryptonite to people who have been parented this way. They may find other ways of dealing with these kind of problems, like addiction.
This can also be called Bulldoze parenting, Snowplough Parenting. Basically anything that can push the obstacles out of the child’s way.
3) Tiger Parenting – This term was coined by Amy Chua in a 2011 memoir. It was originally a Chinese-American concept known for being strict and demanding. They parallelled it with strict households throughout parts of Asia. They put their children’s academics and careers before anything else. Their child’s only option is to succeed.
This is very similar to a stage mother in Hollywood who forces her child to act or perform.
Some of the consequences:
poor social skills
focus on the negative
The parents may think of success differently than the child but the child’s opinion doesn’t really matter. They are accomplishing things for their parents. It makes the parent feel good without recognition of how the child might feel.
I would imagine the relationships of these parents/child isn’t very admirable as they get older.
4) Honorable mention
The Outsourcer – get other people to parent your kids, like caretakers and nannys
Underparents – slackers or free range, they just too lazy to do anything
Narcissistic Parenting – Just feeding their own ego and driven by their own needs
Toxic Parenting – This covers any type that is negative but basically means neglect, abuse both physical and emotional. It’s just the worst. i don’t understand why these people have kids but it exists.