I am not sure how it evolved, I’m sure the product of my childhood, but I grew up thinking everything was supposed to be perfect. If it wasn’t, then something is wrong. Still as an adult, I struggle with this. I must be a perfect husband. I have to be a perfect father, etc. While striving for positivity and growth is good, it can also be a no-win situation. If you don’t have self-acceptance, you are screwed.
I also fellt like those around me should be perfect as well. When we create these kind of expectations, we will never be happy, satisfied, and we certainly won’t create value and support for those around us. You are setting everyone up to fail.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. When we mess up or our kids mess up, we really don’t want to be corrected. We more than likely want empathy, maybe some re-assurance, and some love. Recently my 8 year old son was doing an activity he really enjoys. Something he is really good at. However he made a mistake and the outcome was not what he wanted. He was really upset at himself. I totally saw myself in him at that moment. I am really hard on myself as well. My parents never really needed to say anything about my grades or sports. I was really hard on myself. Certainly as a parent, I did not need to correct him and point out his mistake. I did not intervene and instead saw him work to recover himself from the situation.
I thought for quite a while what I would want someone to say to me when this happens. I would want to know that making mistakes are ok.
After the situation was done, I said to him, …