I have never made any mistakes in parenting……said no parent….ever. Parenting and mistakes go hand in hand. I’m going to provide you a little tough love in this podcast. You may not like some of the things what you are going to hear…but you need to hear them.
7 common Parenting mistakes we are all guilty of.
We all make parenting mistakes. So if you don’t want to contribute to messing up your kid, stop making these mistakes:
#1 – Telling them you are proud: Save your comments on this one. I won’t agree with you. Stop saying “I’m so proud of you” (Text on screen with big X through it). Instead say to them “You should be proud of yourself.” (put those words on screen)
It is 1000X more important that your child thinks positively of themselves versus you thinking positively of them. You do not want them relying on you or others for praise or acceptance. They should feel good about whatever they did and be reminded of that. “You should be proud of yourself. You did that!”
#2 – You do too much for them: Your child is much more capable than you are giving them credit for. When they are young, they can dressed on their own, clean up after them self, eat with their own hands.
If they are old enough to walk, they can walk to a trash can. If they are old enough to have a backpack, THEY need to carry it. We often do things for them as a way of showing them our love and we think we are helping. But you are actually doing them a disservice. Allowing them to do things them self is crucial for their own development.
#3: Do as I say, not as I do: In other words, you are telling your child not to yell at you, but you yell at them. Or you get upset at them using their electronic devices too much but you can’t put your’s down.
Monkey see, monkey do. Have you ever heard that? We are all guilty of not practicing what we preach. Don’t eat that candy, it’s horrible for you (as we sneak and eat the candy after the kids go to bed). Your children are watching your every move and listening to everything you say (even if you don’t think they ever listen to you).
#4: You are their friend instead of a parent: Our job as parents is to teach them and be their coach on the journey of life. We are not here to be their friend. I see parents that are afraid to say no. They don’t put boundaries or rules in place. My kid might get upset.
Listen, you can have an amazing relationship with your child and still be the parent. Kids needs structure and guidance. You don’t have to be a jail warden but striving to be their friend is not our role.
#5: You allow them to have poor nutrition: Refer back to #3 on this one. If you are allowing your kids to eat bad, it probably means you eat bad as well. It is so important to teach our children how to make good food and drink choices.
Stop allowing them to have so much sugar. While this can be a hard one for most people, in our family we try to go by the rule: “eat good food before bad” (put on screen). This means if you are going to have something “bad” for you, you need to eat something good first. Pretty simple.
#6: You solve their problems: It doesn’t matter if it’s two siblings arguing, or a child has an issue they are facing at school. Stop solving all of their problems. I know… you are trying to help them. but the way you can help them is by allowing them to figure out solutions.
For example, two siblings arguing over a game. Instead of solving argument,, you may ask the question, “It looks like you aren’t agreeing here. What do you think you could do to solve this problem”
Or your 8 year old forgot to do their homework. Don’t call the school and talk with the teacher to see if they can make it up. You ask your 8 year old what they can do? If they want to talk to the teacher that will be up to them. It’s not your problem to solve.
Sure, their could be some more serious situations in which you may step in. But we should always be mindful of allowing them to try and solve their problems on their own first. We can be there to guide them. I think you will be surprised what they are capable of…and it builds their confidence.
#7: Allowing their behavior to affect you: Alright this one is hard…I am still working on this one all the time. Imagine if our mood or emotional state was not effected by what others do or say. This would be magical.
I have been known that when my kids are arguing you could possibly hear me saying the same thing over and over to myself: “I will not allow them to break my serenity”. and it often works.
As parents we have to realize that we are going to mess up…….a lot. It’s important that we cut ourselves some slack. We need to learn from our mistakes. We love those darn kids and just don’t want to ruin them.