Stop Shoulding On Your Kid – Love the Child You Have, Not the One You Want – Dudes To Dads Ep 132

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As fathers, we may have an idea of how things should be. We “should” all over everyone. We often have high expectations. This may be expectations for ourselves, our spouses, and yes, even our children.

But what happens when we think something should go a certain way and it doesn’t or our kid should be a certain way and they are not? What do we do? We love them unconditionally, regardless of what we think they should do or be.

For example:

My kid is not good at sports – Yes physical exercise is important, but the likelihood they are going to be a professional athlete is 0. Why is this so important to you? Maybe because you played sports?

My kid is not very smart – Do they simply need some extra help? Are there other things that are distracting them. When kids find things interesting, they are typically more eager to learn.

My kid is messy and can’t clean up – I think this is common as they learn behavior over time. But really look at your own behavior. Are you cleaning up after yourself as well?

My kid moves too slow – Very common once again. Their brains just don’t process the information as fast as adults. They may also be a “smell the roses” kind of personality that can be different from you.

My kid doesn’t seem to have common sense – They need to be taught the ways of the world. You OB1 can teach them things.

My kid doesn’t have any ambition – Why is success or ambition so important? Do you feel they will struggle? What if they are happy with where they are at? Ambition and success do not equal happiness

My kid doesn’t have a good work ethic – Similar to ambition. While most people will agree that hard work is important, what if they don’t want much? It’s one thing if they want something but aren’t willing to work for it. If so, they will quickly learn that on their own.

My kid doesn’t want to go to college – And what if they don’t? Does college mean success? or happiness? Back in the day, a “good education” meant getting a “good job” but it did not equal happiness. Not everyone is set up for college and more specifically college success.

You need to evaluate the pressure and expectations you are putting on your child. Are you allowing them to grow as an individual to be who they are instead of what you want them to be? Reflect back on your own childhood and see if you were ever made to feel that you were disappointing your parents because of what you did or decided to be. It doesn’t feel good.


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