I hate to be the one to tell you, but if you have a child that is disrespectful, it’s your fault (& your wife’s too) so make her watch this video as well. The good news? This video covers how to teach your child to be respectful.
First: You need to create family rules – Your family should all be on the same page and aware of the family rules. I would suggest making a chart of the family rules and post it where everyone can see. Try to focus on what to do instead of what not to do. Be sure to include the child in the process.
You will want to deal with this issue while they are young – The longer you wait, the more difficult it is going to be to implement correct behavior.
Next, you need to set realistic expectations – It is easy to overreact when your child acts disrespectful but be careful not to. When your child does something that you feel is not respectful, call them out on it but be calm. There is no need to overreact.
You can start with manners. Teaching them to say please and thank you when they are very young is a good way to begin teaching respect.
Keep in mind you have to model respectful behavior. Always say please and thank you to them. When they are yelling, talk calmly. Be firm and respectful towards them. Reality is that you will get it wrong sometimes. It’s ok. Apologize when you mess up. This is really important that they see you recognize that you weren’t being respectful and have an opportunity to fix it.
Next, don’t take it personally – Us men have a tendency to take things so personally. Your child may just lack the skills they are not typically trying to “get at you”. Act calmly so they can see how it’s done properly. You do need to make sure you follow through with any consequence you set.
For example, if you are at a restaurant and you tell them that if they don’t behave, you will need to leave. You must follow through with what you say. You have to get up and walk out. This is really hard but has to be done. You can say “We can try this again another time when you are feeling better”.
Finally, reinforce the respectful behavior. When they are being respectful, be sure to make a big deal about it. “I am so appreciative that you said please when you asked for a drink”. Reinforcing positive behavior is really helpful if you want to see that behavior again.