Most people are pretty aware on whether they are a jealous person or not. For those that are, they may create scenarios in their head. Most of the time reality has nothing to do with it. But certainly there are times when something just feels off or quite not right.
Psychologists often point to deep insecurities or traits about your personality that may need some “work”.
But jealous feelings are different than jealous behaviors. If your actually confirm your wife does something you don’t agree with someone else, of course it’s ok to have some feelings about it. For example, she was texting an old boyfriend. But what do you do with those feelings.
Acting on it can have some ramifications in your relationship. How you handle it could be really important.
I think trust and values play a big part. If you don’t trust your partner than for sure you are more likely to have issues with jealousy.
Also when you value certain things: love, honesty, or even monogamy, you may feel those are in jeopardy when you feel jealous.
Let’s go over some ways to deal with jealousy:
1) Become aware – recognize you are jealous. Understand it is your problem, not someone else’s. Even if someone else is acting in a way that you don’t agree with, your have control over your state. Overcoming it is up to you.
2) Understand the reason for your jealousy – Is the situational real or is it in your head? What exactly is making your jealous? The fear of losing someone?
3) Review your assumptions – Do you expect that your partner can’t communicate with certain people? Are they not allowed to provide friendly affection? You have to understand what your assumptions are.
4) Understand the impact if you act – If you try to control the person or snoop around, do you risk losing them? Many people are willing to do that.
5) Try to solve it – You may want to communicate your issue but make it your issue. Do not blame the other person. How you approach it and how they react to itcan be important in telling how smooth the relationship will be. If your partner doesn’t seem to care about how you feel, there could be a problem. On the other hand, you may have two completely different assumptions on how things should be.
Jealousy is not an easy subject. Sometimes it is the result of beliefs we have about ourselves, our weaknesses….but it can also be a real feeling brought on by the actions of someone else. If you are feeling jealous, go over these ways to deal with it and see how it goes.