Unplanned Pregnancy – The Reality of For Men – Dudes to Dads Podcast Ep 204

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This episode is really for the men who find themselves in a situation in which they are part of an unwanted pregnancy or unexpected pregnancy and they are going to be a father.

Not so much a happily married many who thought about starting a family and it came a little sooner than expected or you already have a child and you find out a second one is on the way.

This is more about a situation in which you just found out a girlfriend or just someone you were intimate with is now pregnant.

So what do you do?

The first thing is you have to talk to her about the situation.  Disclaimer here, I’m talk about all of the situations or options, not making a judgement or putting my personal belief into the situation.

Obviously a lot of factors involved in that, your own beliefs, her beliefs.  For some people these may not be all options

1) Both together: you agree the pregnancy is terminated (abortion).  Done.

2) She does not want to have the baby and you do.

3) She wants to keep the baby and you don’t.

4) You both want to have the baby.

Here’s the thing, in scenario’s 2 or 3, you really don’t have much say.  She doesn’t need your consent to terminate a pregnancy and if she wants to keep it, she typically can do that too.

If you both want to have the baby, then great, that’s an easy one too.

We are not playing could have,  should have, or would have.  You are in this situation so you need to figure out what to do.

We are now dealing with situations 3 & 4 in which you are going to be a father. So what do you do now:

2) You mentally begin preparing.  You are probably going to be scared and that is totally normal.  I think it’s a good thing that you are scared.  It means you care.  you want to do the right thing and you want to make sure the baby is taken care.

You have many months to get used to it.  We have other podcasts and videos about dealing with pregnancy so we won’t go into detail about hormones, etc.

#3 – Step up.  You are 50% parent to that child and crucial to their well being.  Don’t let anyone (especially her) have you think that you shouldn’t be involved or don’t need to be involved.  The child will be so much better off with a good and involved father.

Even if you and the mom don’t work out, you need to be 50% of the parent to that child.

a) Improve your situation – Stepping up might be looking at your current situation and making advancements…do you need to finish school? do you need to get a better job?  Nothing will help speed up the process like a child on the way.  But remember, your involvement is crucial.  you are 50% parent, so act like it.

b) Be empathetic toward her – realizing she is going through some serious stuff herself.  Not only mentally, but she will be physically changing too.  It’a a lot harder than your situation.

c) Setup your network – Try to get support from friends and family.  Do this in advance so you have options and everyone has time to prepare.  Be sure not to expect anything but certainly take advantage of people willing to help.

4) Do it for the child – Whether this is getting along with the mom, partying, spending money on things you don’t need, etc.  Whatever you may be doing.  You have a baby on the way so get ready to be a father to that child.

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