There is a very popular book called “The 5 Love Languages” The author is Dr. Gary Chapman.
The major concept is that there are 5 different love languages and we all have preferences on how we prefer to receive love (and also give love could be different).
So let’s go over what the 5 love languages are:
Words of Affirmation – Use words to affirm other people. In it’s simplicity, your spouse saying “I love you” or when you they tell you how wonderful you are, that really resonates with you. For others, it may not mean much. For example, with me, words don’t mean much. I have to quote “see it to believe it”.
Acts of Service – People of this language love when someone does something for them. This one is really big with my wife. She often makes an omelette and I saw the ingredients out but she was upstairs with the kids. I went ahead and made the omelette for her. I then went upstairs and she said “Oh I need to make my omelette” She walked downstairs and was so surprised. She expressed so much gratitude for me doing that.
Receiving Gifts – There are people who really like presents. They love being showered with gifts and when you give them a gift, they attach a lot of meaning behind it. My wife for example, isn’t really into gifts. So me buying her gifts is not as powerful as acts of service.
Quality Time – For these people, spending time with others is crucial. But the time needs to be good as well. For example, if someone is on their phone while you are talking with them or they are not paying attention to you, this will not work. This is definitely one of my love languages.
Physical Touch – Hugs, kisses, and affection are important in this love langauge. You feel loved by physical touch.
We all have a primary love language and often we may have more than one. For example I have two which are pretty equal which is quality time and physical touch.
There is a free quiz on www.5lovelanguages.com You can take a quiz for yourself or for your child.
The purpose of me sharing this is to help you maximize your efficiency of effort. If you learn what your wife’s love language is, then you don’t have to waste effort on the stuff that doesn’t matter. Put more focus on the the languages that do matter.
This goes for your kids as well. You can take the test for your kids to understand their love language. i think overall it’s a really valuable tool for relationships.