You just had a child, whether you have a newborn, or your child is now a toddler, she’s tired. She’s tired of cleaning up after the kid, tired of taking the child places, and most likely tired of you complaining.
While for some guys it may be as simple as you are just wanting more physical intimacy, but for other it may just be that you want her to recognize that you are in the house. There may be an entire spectrum.
So I wanted to put together a few tips for guys to help them with their situation. As always, none of this advice has anything to do with my own personal experience. I got these from a friend 🙂
1) Stop complaining – Nobody wants to hear you complain. When someone complains to you, does it motivate you to act?
2) Don’t Try to Always Be Right – It is so not worth it. You need to learn quickly that arguing or more importantly being right, really doesn’t get you anything.
3) Be empathetic – You need to understand that being a mom is hard. It is often a thankless job and the demands are heavy. When she is complaining about something, listen. Really listen.
4) Positive re-inforcement – Many women after having kids begin to feel like they are not “good enough”, “sexy enough” or whatever enough is in their head. If we are making demands on them, this will only add to the fire. Providing them positive re-inforcement and showing appreciation will go a long way. A comment like “I really appreciate you being able to make dinner.
5) Lower or eliminate your expectations – Top putting expectations on the other person. She should be doing the same for you too. Sure there are elements in parenting that require expectations but for things like paying attention to you, you are going to have to back off. Offer her attention or affection with no expectations.
6) Figure out her love language – She may not care that you buy her a gift but really would love if you cleaned something. Figure out what which language she is and do that more.
7) Give her some R&R time – If she is with the children all the time, give her a break and allow her to sleep in, get a massage, or do nothing at all. Maybe even setup a regular schedule that allows her to re-charge at regular intervals.
If you are wanting more, I know it’s hard to not want more but that how it works. When it doesn’t become about you, that’s when you are more inclined to get the attention you deserve. You do deserve attention, you just need to be aware that your wife deserves the type of attention she wants too.